theweirdofromthenextdoor

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

no matter how hard I try.

no matter what I do.

It's always wrong.

Going to a "work-dinner" despite social anxiety and depression. Not wanting to disrespect.

Yet it's still wrong because "I left so early" and "didn't have anything else to do"

It's my own fault for being tired all the time.

It's my own fault for having no energy for friends or even to work out anymore.

It's my own fault that I have passive-suicidal thoughts while driving.

It's my own fault for suffering from depression.

I guess it's my own fault for not wanting to talk to anyone about it anymore when I have to listen to how everything is my own fault all the time.

I am sick and tired of living even if I am not really living anymore, just barely breathing.

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

I keep on having to realize how much "emotions" have an impact on your mood.

how easily your mood can drop because you listened to a song that reminds you of someone you deeply miss.

how heavy it gets to breathe and how equally heavy your heart suddenly feels.

all the motivation you had before? -gone. you've just fallen into the exhaustion and depression of your own emotions.

wonder how easy life is to people who don't have to deal with negative thoughts, missing someone, depression/mental illnesses, etc...

I wish I would know. and I wish I could trade, especially to have some non-understanding people realize how hard depression actually is and how exhausting life is when you suffer.

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

life obviously keeps on surprising me. and I've come to the conclusion that nothing in it makes sense or makes it worth keeping on to suffer in this hell.

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

Wer dir nicht zuhören will, tut es auch nicht, wenn du schreist. Und wer dich verstehen will, tut es auch, wenn du nicht sprichst.

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

Ich hoffe du weißt das du mir gerade unendlich fehlst

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

Ich hoffe du weißt das du mir gerade unendlich fehlst

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

Ich hoffe du weißt das du mir gerade unendlich fehlst

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

I can’t do it anymore, fr I‘m so tired

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

“Sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.”

— William C. Hannan

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

and yet.. sometimes I wish suicide was an easier desicion..

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

I can’t do it anymore, fr I‘m so tired

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

“I feel like I’m waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.”

— Unknown

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

“why are you tired? you haven’t done anything all day” the simple fact that i exist drains me. hope this helps

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

healing my own heart

i sing, loudly and in every beautiful place that i can find

i dance, freely to nurture the space between my heart and my mind

i write and then i write some more and somewhere in the mess of it all, i find myself on the bathroom floor

and so i cry and then i cry some more, i let myself feel it and then feel some more

but somewhere in me, i am still alive with it all.

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

[theweirdofromthenextdoor]

I want to crawl in a hollow log and just rot