undead-furbies

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Trauma Holder is now a pet regressor because brain decided that it will cure our burnout from working the entire summer (turning into a werewolf wasn't enough apparently)🫠

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Things I remembered to mention in today's therapy session:

- I bought new Bratz curtains secondhand

Things I did not remember to mention in the therapy session:

- Trauma Holder turned into a werewolf recently

- We have gotten more memory issues lately

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Our friend is growing out his hair and his dad told him to cut it and he replied that he can't because his friends (including me) want to be able to braid it so now his dad is cool with it😂

Idk what his dad is thinking, probably something like "No my son cannot have long hair or he'll look like a woman! Oh... actually there are multiple girls who like his hair... oh nevermind then"

💀💀💀

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So our gatekeeper just left. Wrote a letter and went to the Pit where all our inactive alters go to sleep.

The hell are we supposed to do now? She has like 90% of our memories and magical ability to stop dissociation. And she's the only one who has the enitre map of our inner world and who can travel anywhere at will.

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Hello its me, traumaholder of our system and the owner of this blog and I actually turned into a werewolf lately💀💀💀

So now every time I'm too stressed I grow fangs and claws and thats cool but it wasn't on my 2025 bingo card

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Today I fronted in front of our friend for the first time, I've never been able to directly talk with anybody before and it was awesome!!!

It's because he's been so understanding of our dissociative disorder and said multiple times that he doesn't think we are crazy or weird or scary and he just loves us all so much😭❤️

So it started with me just ugly crying in his arms and then I was telling him that I hate him for being so kind and then I wanted to hit him but not really and the next thing I know I was rambling about my favorite song and crying some more and then laughing (cant remember why??) oh god. That was a terrible first impression but he was so kind and loving and understanding and not weirded out at all??? He was just happy he got to meet me for real😭

I still can't fully comperend that people like my friend really exist. He doesn't feel real. Nobody is that patient and loving. But still I'm so happy he is real because nobody outside our system has ever seen me. And it feels good to be finally seen❤️

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I've been lying on my bed for almost 2 hours because too tired to wash my teeth and go to sleep. And now I finally got the energy to do that BUT OH WAIT THERE'S TOO MUCH ENERGY NOW

So instead we gonna clean our entire room now BUT OH WAIT ITS TOO HOT HERE TO DO THAT

SO WHAT WE ACTUALLY DOING IS

cleaning our room in the middle of the night half naked😎

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Noooo I just ended a discord call with my friend and they said goodbye individually to every alter in our system😭 Got the whole squad CRYING😭😭❤️

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Today we did the most embarassing thing😭😭

So yesterday we came out to my (Host's) friend as a system and you need to know 2 things about this friend:

1. He gives me sometimes forehead kisses because we both really enjoy that kind of affection

2. We are just friends and neither of us have a crush on each other and both of us are happy being friends who can show affection to each other openly

So today when he was about to leave he gave me another forehead kiss and after it happened trauma holder was like "wait I wasn't cofronting when that happened but I want a forehead kiss too😭😭" so I ACTUALLY TOLD MY FRIEND THAT THE TRAUMA HOLDER WOULD ALSO LIKE A FOREHEAD KISS AND MY FRIEND JUST SAID "okay that's fine😊" AND GAVE US ANOTHER😭🙈💀

I told them I was so embarassed to even ask that but he just thought it was funny and sweet

(And it is especially because trauma holder tries to come off as a big baddie and not as a touch starved and emotionally neglected child she really is🥲❤️)

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(Host here) Today I finally came out as a system to "the king of aces"-friend and he was so supportive and understanding I still cannot believe it😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

I'm so lucky because this is now the 4th time I tell someone about our system and every single time people have been so understanding and kind😭

We were so scared that he would think the Host has simply gone insane but instead he said that he understands how difficult this is for us and that he is here for us and wants to talk with all of our alters❤️❤️❤️

This was so important to our trauma holder (the owner of this blog) because she has never been this close friends with a man before and has plenty of trauma with men and this friendship has helped with that trauma A LOT❤️

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My sibling: "Why can I never hang out with my friend, with just the two of us?? I just want to have them for myself for once without anyone interrupting. WHY IS THE UNIVERSE AGAINST ME ???

Our dissociative system listening, knowing we can never truly be alone with anyone because all the alters are always there:

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So today someone asked me if my friend (straight man) and I (aroace woman) are dating and I was so annoyed and anxious because the fuck do I look like a straight woman ?? How dare you ?? Why you shipping us anyway you creep ??

But then our other friend told me that she added me to the list of girls who have been mistaken as that man's girlfriends (WE HAVE A LIST ???)

Anyways happy pride month everybody🏳️‍🌈

(And yes that man is the king of aces from my previous post)

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When someone apologises for bumping into me or stepping on my toes how do I say "It's okay I am so separated from my body that I did not feel any of that" or "That actually helped with my dissociaton, thanks!" without like saying that

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Host: Why am I swearing so much?

Me. (Anger & trauma holder): Nobody fucking knows🤷‍♀️

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I saw that friend today and asked how he feels about the situation and he thinks it's funny af and said that he's "an ace magnet and the king of aces" 😭😭

Some guys pull girls

Some guys pull guys

And my friend who's a straight man now has a loyal army of asexual girlie besties😂 We are so lucky to have him tho❤️

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Host: "Gatekeeper can you help me with school work😭"

Gatekeeper: "Sorry, I'm on a vacation"

Host: "THE FUCK YOU MEAN VACATION ??"

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Some guys pull girls

Some guys pull guys

And my friend who's a straight man now has a loyal army of asexual girlie besties😂 We are so lucky to have him tho❤️