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While I'm not participating in Vargas-tober, last month I did this piece as itself.

I had a thought about sitting at the edge of color and life, and the inverse of identities, this was what came of it. Like he's sitting at an inconceivable hole in his personal universe from the outside somewhere, legs dangling over the edge- into it. After he got his own body, I'd imagine his identity would become a constant ".. I can't do that anymore" and maybe while passing a mirror or two - reflective surfaces in public, he'd see his wings, but not as they were, and he'd grieve. (Is it blood again or is it the illumination of the wings across his arms, who knows!)

Metaphor and whatnot aside, my favorite part about this one is the composition of the wings :> found a picture to use as a reference, Tumblr refreshed and I lost it waa.

( @zarla-s )

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"Don't touch that dial now, we're just getting started."

From sketch to finished piece, Mr. Jack Delroy from the indie movie Late Night With The Devil! Loved it lots and I wanted to do some art for it. I feel like this would have been more cohesive color-wise if the skin was done digitally but traditional is what I got right now ^^;

this is the first time drawing David's face so I'm not entirely happy with the mouth but I'll doodle him some more and I know I'll fix that process eventually

I made a blog dedicated to this movie, so most of my ravings about it will be on @nightowlswithjackdelroy and I'm going to try making my own screen caps! So that's exciting :>

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A commonly overlooked symptom of depression is anhedonia, the inability to feel joy or pleasure. The reason that it's easy to overlook is that it's easier to miss the absence of something that's not around all the time than it is to miss a symptom that causes active distress, such as feeling tired and miserable all the time.

Anhedonia is good at being a persistent undercurrent to your life. My aunt, who has major depressive disorder, related to me that she figured out that something was wrong when she looked at the daffodils she had planted blooming, and couldn't recognize the emotion that she felt when she looked at them. It had been long enough since she had felt happy that she lost the ability to recognize the emotion.

It's a particularly dangerous depressive symptom, because it robs you of the ability to feel those little spots of joy that keep a lot of people going, while not doing anything to impair your ability to function. If you don't know that this is a treatable symptom of depression, it's easy to assume that your ability to feel good is permanently broken, and decide to commit suicide because you don't want to live like that. It's not an irrational conclusion, but it is an uninformed one, and everyone deserves to have all the information when making a major decision.

This is what a lot of questionnaires are trying to look for when they ask about "loss of enjoyment". If you can't remember a loss of enjoyment because you can't remember enjoyment, then you probably have anhedonia. If you struggle to define how it is to feel "happy", "content", or "good", or how it feels when you feel those emotions, you probably have anhedonia. If you can't remember feeling any of those emotions for a week or more, you probably have anhedonia.

Symptoms commonly co-occurring with anhedonia are fatigue (often the cause), clear and thoughtful consideration of suicide, loss of desire to socialize or do activities that used to make you happy, and weight loss (due to lack of enjoyment of food).

This section is anecdotal. In what I have observed, anhedonia due to fatigue rarely responds well to depression treatment unless depression was causing the fatigue. If fatigue and anhedonia are co-occurring and are not both alleviated by depression treatment, consider other causes for the fatigue.

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Silent Hill 4: The Room (2004)

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next time you post misinformation credit the ass you pulled it out of. But like fr source is so important in cases like these. there is so much fearmongering around transition and the effects it can have on the body we really need to cite better

While I understand the sentiment to say this, and I agree that there should be things credited as a rule of thumb, and I'm just a stranger on the internet, but! This is something I've been told by many doctors over the years. I know the post has the tone of "trust me bro" but I'm not lying. Depending on how you phrase your question to Google or Bing or whatever, you won't get the same answer about nicotine and hrt. I also acknowledge the phrasing of the original post makes it sound more definite than passive, but I didn't realize that until I read it back to a friend.

Point being: I have sources, I have a few, but they aren't trans specific, they're cis specific, and I was cautioned by my doctor about trans specific issues when being on hrt, that I thought was actually more common knowledge given the amount of trans people I've talked to who confirmed to me that their doctors told them they have increased risk of blood clotting from nicotine because of the hrt.

It's not misinformation just because there aren't specific articles available yet. Chronic illness didn't stop being a thing in the 70's just because they didn't have a name for it yet, same principle. I have asked many doctors across the board about smoking while on T because my family are smokers and I frequent bars that allow indoor smoking, and some of my headmates (since I'm a system) have nicotine addictions. I made sure I knew what I was asking about and the extent of the answer was "it can hurt you more if you smoke on hrt please don't pick it up."

This might be something just emerging in the medical field, I live on the west coast, so who knows, maybe this hasn't reached the rest of the us yet.

As for the follow up ask you sent after this about being influenced by the rock wrestling and your response being influenced by it, maybe you should calm yourself down before trying to share your opinion, especially if you're going to send an apology trying to explain yourself. If you have the awareness to state an apology, you have the awarenes to calm yourself. I didn't pull this out of my fucking ass, I was warned by other trans people and many health professionals.

And, just as a quick aside, maybe come off anon if you're going to be a dick in the first place, say that shit with your whole chest friend, go ahead.

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@mypersonalgoblincave : I don't know how to rb tags directly so I'm going to respond here; yes! It can. The general consensus is that the nicotine in cigarettes can raise the risk for blood clots somewhat higher with people who use hrt (I've been told especially for testosterone) than not. While, yes, smoking kills you regardless, undergoing transition while smoking can raise your risk of blood clots, and if not treated right, can kill you. I've been told by my own hormone doctor, my primary care doctor, even the lady who did my std screening when I asked her about it, said the same thing and she's treated trans patients. Like, that's why the levels have to be monitored so closely with your blood, anything that causes shit like that to happen can more likely hurt you than if not. Not trying to jump down your throat about this, honest, but I've asked, and I even tried to find like, an actual source on this to add here but all I got was for cis people doing their agab hormones and not trans people doing their opposite. I did, though, get some articles about trans women more likely to stop smoking because of the blood clot issue, so this isn't a "take" It's a somewhat (at least orally) documented medical stance (that's even been included in consent forms, that smoking raises the risk)

Just a thought for fandom when writing/drawing trans people who smoke cigarettes/vape

They literally won't be able to smoke while on hrt, masc or femme

I actually thought I could smoke while on t for the longest time because I kept seeing trans headcanons of cis characters whose whole thing is smoking. It wasn't until I actually looked it up when I came out and! Lo and behold, smoking while on hrt can kill you! Actually kill you (for some reason at the time I looked it up, it was really hard to find a solid answer online, so some years later when I did my consult, I asked, and I was told flat out that if I smoked it would cause shit like blood clots!)

Now I'm not saying to stop putting trans hcs for cis smokers, because obviously it's a fucking drawing or whatever, but there really needs to be more awareness from the community (trans and general fandom) about how normalized it is to just slap trans centric surgery scars on a cis character whose lifestyle and addictions wouldn't allow them to look cis and be on hrt for any length of time without killing them before they got to transition

I don't know if this is a thing, it's just something that I've thought about on and off when interacting with trans people who turn cis smokers into trans smokers. I dunno, just something to think about when doing your hcs

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GET! THEIR! ASSES!!!

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Just a thought for fandom when writing/drawing trans people who smoke cigarettes/vape

They literally won't be able to smoke while on hrt, masc or femme

I actually thought I could smoke while on t for the longest time because I kept seeing trans headcanons of cis characters whose whole thing is smoking. It wasn't until I actually looked it up when I came out and! Lo and behold, smoking while on hrt can kill you! Actually kill you (for some reason at the time I looked it up, it was really hard to find a solid answer online, so some years later when I did my consult, I asked, and I was told flat out that if I smoked it would cause shit like blood clots!)

Now I'm not saying to stop putting trans hcs for cis smokers, because obviously it's a fucking drawing or whatever, but there really needs to be more awareness from the community (trans and general fandom) about how normalized it is to just slap trans centric surgery scars on a cis character whose lifestyle and addictions wouldn't allow them to look cis and be on hrt for any length of time without killing them before they got to transition

I don't know if this is a thing, it's just something that I've thought about on and off when interacting with trans people who turn cis smokers into trans smokers. I dunno, just something to think about when doing your hcs

Edit: just read the notes for whatever answer you want to accept. One person from medblr put their thoughts in, and so did another trans person who was told what I was. Take whatever evidence you want from either of those responses and agree with me or don't.

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Some Hawk's for practice because he has The Face Ever :>>

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Yippie another Beej :>

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...you do know nobody is seriously going to use er/ihm/sein for you right? at this point you're just making a mockery of actual trans struggles.

er/ihm/sein is german for he/him/his dumbass

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Very first Beej to start off the new sketch book :>

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Eye contact

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Something about having an universal translator, and learning to understand without it

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Jimmy for the Tumblr friends 💙

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Coat fixing with protegeshipping :>