wonderingforest

[wonderingforest]

I'm not good enough. Maybe you are not good enough to love me.

1:28

[wonderingforest]

I remember when I met you my heart would skip a beat every moment I was in your presence. My soul would melt by the slightest touch. The late night we spent together did not seem late because when I'm with you hours seem like seconds. I craved you in the deepest way possible ••• When I'm with you seconds feel like hours. My smile does not feel real, it's rare my face hurts from smile anymore. When you touch me I feel an instant rage pour out of me. I don't wish it to be this way. But we untangled, grew until we were no longer connected. Minutes feel like hours. We try to love each other. I try to crave you. I just don't know if it's possible any more.

This might be the end; or the new beginning to a second part of us.

[wonderingforest]

I don't want you to chase me. I want you to let me leave in peace and with love still in my heart for you. I fear of one day resenting you for making me the person I am today. Right now I love you but I do not know if I will love you forever. When I want to leave, let me go in peace. Do not beg me to stay because I will and in the end I will hate you for it.

[wonderingforest]

I don't know if I love you enough to forgive you. I don't know if the lingering thoughts can disappear. I don't know when we'll be okay.

[wonderingforest]

I see my future with you. I think that's what is getting me through all of this madness. Knowing one day everything will fall into place, I'll wake up in the morning and be where I want to be. In your arms and seeing all my hard work paid off

[wonderingforest]

I know we probably won’t be together forever. I’ve come to terms with this thought. Whether it be because of death or a lost connection , one day we will part ways. All I want you to remember is how happy we were. Remember the time we danced in that gazebo like we wanted to on our wedding day. Remember the time we sat in my back yard in that drunken state just talking. Remember the nights we held each other without asking. Remember the ‘I love you’s’ we whispered at 3 am while rolling over. Remember you always have held a part in me and that will never die. One day we will no longer be in each others presence, but as long as you want me to be I will always be in your memories.

020916

[wonderingforest]

And just like that, I didn't care about our bad times. All the arguments didn't matter anymore. For the first time ever, I let go of the past. I let the grudges I once held go so I could make room for more love for you. I didn't overthink, 'this probably won't work' was no longer a phrase I constantly murmured to myself. ••• Relationships are based on good and bad, and what's going to fuck you up is thinking you need to be good all the time. Arguments are healthy, and to work you must allow it to happen sometimes and stop insisting on perfection.

Late night thoughts during the first night in our apartment. 10-29-15

[wonderingforest]

After you left I shoved all the feelings I had for you away into a little box, I put the so deep down in my body I convinced myself the love I held no longer existed. But it was more like a disappearing act, once second they were there and the next, poof. I can feel you trying to claw your way out, slowly my soul is becoming weaker to your games and I am sinking so deep into your eyes.

[wonderingforest]

Year One: It's so weird thinking how quickly you become attached to someone. One second you were just another face I passed in the hall and the next I fell so deeply in love with you. Everything happened so quick. I'm so glad I've found you. Year Two: If you were to leave me I think I'd lose it, go madly insane. You are my world, I plan to spend the rest of my life admiring you. I just, the feelings I feel just by looking at you are astonishing. We could be temporary, even with that being said I don't believe I could bring myself to feel this again with another. Year Three: If you were to leave I think I'd be okay, actually I know I'd be okay. It was so easy for you to leave me in the dark, I strongly believe I'd make it. When I look at you I still feel love but covered with a bit of hate. I hate what you've done to my idea of love, I hate what you've turned me into. A spiteful, cruel, heartless soul.

Through out the years. volumes one two and three.

[wonderingforest]

I miss being in love, I miss having that connection that was so unbeatable. If you've been in love you know what connection I'm talking about, where you feel everything that they feel just as hard, when you end your day and rush to tell them every little detail. I just miss the excitement. I will forever be such a hopeless romantic.

[wonderingforest]

It finally got me, I was nothing but anxious bones. The wind took me away while trying to put me together. I can barely stand on my own two feet while the rest of the world could easily do it on one. The time has come to put the bottle down and realize what's become.

[wonderingforest]

I guess all I was hoping for was an I love you back, maybe right now the world isn't ready for us, maybe we aren't ready for us. But I'll be waiting here day in and day out for the exact moment that everything falls in place All of these problems will somehow untangle, I'll be at one end and you at the other.

4:06 am and I'm really tired

[wonderingforest]

After much time of letting someone hurt you, you realize you're just done. The light no longer just shines down on them, you see color still without him crossing your mind, everything still just as clear with or without. that love was way past due, stop wasting time and live happily. You both deserve it.

[wonderingforest]

Everyone is replaceable in one way or another, but they never completely fit the person trying to be replaced. Kind of like when you try to force a piece of a puzzle in the wrong spot, it somehow mimics it but not completely. One piece is straight when it needs to be curved, there are just parts that as much as you push, it just doesn’t look right. You still have a puzzle despite a couple missing pieces, but it’s not the same.

[wonderingforest]

I often spend my nights thinking about love. I would most definitely consider myself a hopeless romantic, there’s just something about the idea of falling in love that’s so extremely enchanting to me. Can you believe that one day you will know every little thing there is to know about one person ? you will be their safe place, their home. You will hold the key to their entire heart and as they will for you. Maybe it’s just because I write poetry, or because I’ve had a glimpse into love, but I can not wait till the day I find that person.

4:23 am

[wonderingforest]

The rain somehow always calmed me down, on a bad night when my thoughts are eating away at me, I find comfort in the rain hitting the roof of my house. Laying down with the window cracked enough so the smell of the earth can linger it’s way through. Or what’s even better is the flashes of lightning mixed oh so gently in. It just, I don’t know, makes me feel alive.

[wonderingforest]

I know one day I will no longer feel the pain of you leaving. I know a year so from now I will hear your name and only feel but a slight discomfort. That's the only thing that gets me through the retched nights (like tonight) when I lie awake in a pile of my own tears over you. I know I will some how pick myself up.

august 4th 4:05 am