youbettermerc

[youbettermerc]

😭😭😭 BUT ITS PERFECT!!!!

An anniversary gift for me friend over at @youbettermerc!

Wade is covering the text ‘runner-up for’. 8)

[youbettermerc]

‘Do something funny, Jester.’ - Grayson

A furious jingling sounded as the three bells beading the ends of a gaudy fool's cap Wade (begrudgingly) wore were jostled. He'd snapped his head around so sharply and severely to look at the other mercenary the tingling ache of tendons knitting back together flared faintly at the base of his skull.

The other was set with the narrowed stitching of his mask for a moment longer, index finger poised just as sharply on the keypad. Debating if he could kebab Grayson right then and there for the added smarm. He decided against it. "I'll remind you I'm only wearing this because I'm a man of high integrity. And always keep my promises."

Okay, and because he'd lost a bet against Grayson pretty badly. But that was neither here nor there.

Another discordantly cheerful cacophony from the bells as he turned back to safe cracking, hunched like a gargoyle in front of it. As if the weight of the cap also contained his unusually sour mood. "... and so birds know when I'm coming."

[youbettermerc]

Would it be Gwen-Stefani-shit-banana-bonkers to return to this blog after a nearly three year hiatus, yes. Yes, it would. But here we are! 

[youbettermerc]

[youbettermerc]

When I was a little kid - maybe nine or ten - I was a complete asshole. I would run around the neighborhood on Halloween throwing firecrackers in people’s mailboxes, at their houses, and things like that. We were just these little hell raisers. I’m sure I have a lot to atone for, if there is a judgment day. It’s gonna be a long list for me. It goes right up until I was about 18 and then I sort of straightened out.

[youbettermerc]

@bowmansprungfromahero

[youbettermerc]

[youbettermerc]

an illustration for a fanfic of a friend <3

ps. the fic is in russian

[youbettermerc]

@moxicillin

[youbettermerc]

but mom these tears moisturise my face

[youbettermerc]

dwayne johnson, paper, scissors

[youbettermerc]

When someone sends you an anon ask but you can still tell who it is.

[youbettermerc]

“I think you might be my soulmate.” [ bowmansprungfromahero ]

( @bowmansprungfromahero )

“That’s a weird way to say ‘tax deduction.’“ 

Wade turns over onto his side and scoots over in bed so he’s pressed up against Archer. His arm slips under his own head so it’s propped up. This way he can look at the other undisturbed. 

He cares so deeply for the other man it’s unbelievable sometimes. How they had gotten here from absolutely abhorring one another to two kids and a domestic, albeit unconventional bounty hunter lifestyle he’d never begin to know. And he didn’t feel the need to; some things just worked out for the best. 

“You, uh, wanna repeat that into the microphone for everyone in the back?” 

[youbettermerc]

‘ hey can i ask a question: what this is? ‘

( @lethallittlespiderx )

“Oh, this little thing right here in my hand? Nothing much, just a little, uh, a deterrent for when I’m in a bind... It would be a real shame if it was a... FLASH BANG!” Throw, run, dive behind the closest cover, in this case, a parked Range Rover. He covered his ears and waited, tucking his knees up for effect. 

Nothing. 

“I said it would be a real shame if it was a FLASH BANG.” Wade waited, ears straining and body braced against the vehicle door. “Shit.” Cheap, Amazon bundle deals... 

He leaned his head out from behind the car, motioning to Natasha. “Hey, this is really awkward, but... can I have that back? I think I’m still within the thirty day return policy window. ” 

[youbettermerc]

Sentence Starters

“I’ve never seen one of these completely to my taste so i decided to make my own!

ANGST

“I can’t do anything right.”

“Please don’t cry.”

“Why are you awake right now?”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“Wake up! Please wake up.”

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

“Don’t you ever do that again!”

“Is that blood?” “…..No?”

“Please don’t lie to me again, I can’t take it.”

“Do you even still love me?”

“Nobody’s seen you in days.”

“Why are you awake?”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Can you shut up for once in your life?”

“Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know.”

“Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?”

“If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”

“Leave! Me! Alone!”

FLUFF

“Go with me?” “As long as you hold my hand.”

“Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” 

“Have you seen my hoodie?” “Nooo.” “You’re wearing it, aren’t you?”

“Have you always been this beautiful?”

“OH you’re jealous!”

“Can we stay like this forever?”

“Please just kiss me already.”

“I think you might be my soulmate.”

“Sleep over? Please?”

“Are we on a date right now?”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“He’s so pretty I think I’m gonna faint.”

“Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”

“Am I your lockscreen?” “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“I missed you so much.”

“Do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?”

“I’m here for you.”

“I wish we could live together already.”

MISC

“All I do is drink coffee and say bad words.”

“Quit touching me, your feet are cold!”

“I think I just ripped my pants.”

“Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!”

“Can I pet your dog?” “Do I know you?”

“Did you seriously just get your foot stuck in a toilet?” “Maybe.”

“If I die, I’m haunting you first.”

“But I’ve never told you that before.” 

“Stop being grumpy, it’s lame.”

“So, uh, I locked the keys in the car.”

“Is the cat in a onesie?” “Uh, no?

“Can we please stop running? I think I’m dying.”

“You come here often?” “Well, I work here. So I think I’d have to say ‘yes’.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be working?”

“Give me attention.”

“YOU SAID TO BE HONEST STOP HITTING ME!”

“Okay, so maybe I didn’t see that coming.”

“I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.”

[youbettermerc]

covered in blood for sexy reasons

[youbettermerc]

Me looking at my empty bank account: me too