0ancy

[0ancy]

Woody in Jville seeks tenant

Johnsonville, 1 bedroom

$295 per week

◼️◼️◼️◼️◼️, Johnsonville, Wellington, New Zealand

Details

Attribute Value Bedrooms 1 bedroom Bathrooms 1 bathroom Available ◼️◼◼ May 2020 Furnishings 2 desks, a desk chair, single bed, fridge, stove, washing machine, heat-pump In the area walking distance to central Johnsonville, train and bus Parking off street parking Ideal Tenants reliable people with one or no cars Maximum Tenants Suitable for up to 2 tenants. Pets and Smokers Pets negotiable, no smokers. Smoke alarm Yes

Broadband

Fibre, ADSL, Cable, VDSL, Wireless

Description

This basement flat has 2 large wood-panelled rooms, one with a kitchen attached and one with a bathroom.

There are many inbuilt cupboards, 2 desks, one of them inbuilt. There is a single bed and a heat pump.

There are 80 steps down from the road.

no dogs

0ancy Reviews

First Impressions

First of all, this is very woody. Very, very woody. 70s-theme fondu-party woody. Enid Blyton's "The Faraway Tree" levels of interior wood. It's a basement too, which is always nice, in a pondering-the-life-choices-that-got-you-here kind of way.

We can't confirm this, but this strikes us as a property where the landlord lives upstairs. Such a treat! Especially when you hear them, their family and all their visitors through your ceiling, knowing, with certainty, this is your life now.

But don't you worry about it being dark, because there are fluorescent strip lights! They sure do brighten up a place, and that gentle buzz, well, that's just soothing. And, as the following photos illustrate, this woody interior, it's shiny, so very shiny.

From the Details

1 Bedroom, quite so, and some delightful curtains to help you pretend that this isn't a studio apartment. We don't hate studio apartments, but we do hate cognitive dissonance, and the solution to the dissonance? Antipsychotic medication: to make the agitation go away.

A bit of furniture thrown in for good measure, and I don't know an adult human (of any gender) who doesn't love a nice single bed to snuggle into in the evening. Total selling point right there. Two desks, one desk chair, is an interesting decision on their part. But not as interesting as their capital-letters and punctuation-optional listing details. It is a sad reality that those who become landlords often do so through good luck, rather than good brains.

Suitable for up to two tenants, which is when that dividing curtain will really shine, I'm sure it will cut down noise.

Pet's negotiable, but no dogs. So once assumes that only attractive people should apply? Who can blame the landlord? No once wants to look out the back window to see the ugly dogs cavorting in the shared garden.

From the Photos

I don't know about you, but a crooked and out of focus photo really helps focus my mind on the decision to apply for a property. Noting, the brighter than the sun, but lacking in the warmth, fluorescent strip lighting. Will it be your responsibility to replace them should they fail? Where does one obtain a fluorescent strip bulb? Maybe there are some in the stationary cupboard at work. (Not that 0ancy encourages theft mind).

That's the heat pump. We don't know what the significance of the blue strip is on the housing. Perhaps it indicates that the unit is rated for operations in the Russian tundra during the long winter. Although they don't say it, it seems likely that the windows are all single glazed and the whole place is drafty. It's nothing that a little increase in your antidepressant prescription wont fix!

This delightful vignette is of the kitchen. Is that a breakfast nook? No, it's the entire preparation area. The commitment to wood is breathtaking. One assumes that coat hook is standing in for a towel rail, who no one has seen since last winter, when it told the sliding cupboards it was stepping out to buy smokes.

Behold! The wood! The shine! The lack of focus!

In Conclusion

Rent as percentage of net weekly wage in Wellington

35%

Additional medication required:

Antidepressants: 💊

Antipsychotics: 💊

Why wait! Get in touch now, opportunities like this don't come along every day.