0durin0

[0durin0]

Mini Durin sleeping on a cloud, thanks to @ragebecameher for the idea! :3

I saw a picture of him from the game where he seems to be sleeping with his wings up, but I feel like If I was him I'd like to hug myself with the wings? So I made two versions :3c

[0durin0]

Hey!! i really like your banner and the colors you chose for your blog :3

Thanks!! Have a cookie 🍪!

[0durin0]

Is there anything you'd like to see Durin doing? Maybe answering questions? Reacting to something? :3

I'm going through a little depression downhill and don't know what to post > ~< So I was wondering, since I like doing both cosplay and drawing stuff, do you have any ideas for Durin cosplays to do? Like the cyber Durin I'm preparing, or do you have any ideas for Durin-themed drawings I could do?

Sending a little imaginary cookie to anyone reading this 🍪 :3c

[0durin0]

Durin

I used to feel I was nothing. I used to stop feeling my limbs, stop knowing what was above or bellow me, and sometimes I would even wonder, why am I still seeing? Who's eyes are seeing? And I would stop to see. I would fade into nothingness.

Meanwhile, even now, people talk about me. Build "mes" that don't exist. They built identities of "me" when I couldn't find myself.

Durin remembers the fight with Dvalin as a strange dream. People built an identity of Durin being a terrible scary dragon that had to be slain, but in the meantime, Durin was rotting alive. Durin rot without being able to move anymore, without understanding what happened or why.

What scares me is how much I understand that feeling. Because I don't feel I belong anywhere, at least I feel this fictional character understands.

But I don't know what Durin will become. It must sound so silly, to worry about a fictional character changing, but that's about it. It's the only thing that mirrors me and it's not even real, and even that may fade away.

When I think of that. It feels painful. Like this is a safe space I found, but it may only be temporary.

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My brain: see you're so so alone, you're not your kins you're just disabled pasta

- Chongyun literally being sickly and having some physical condition. But my brain says that's not enough

- Durin literally, all that happened to first Durin. Brain saying it's not the same and Durin may change in the future and then I won't kin them anymore so doing anything rn has no point

- Finds a character that is literally disabled. Brain says they're a girl and I'm not

- I decide I'll genderbend them????? Brain says that's not fair and incorrect

Why is my braincito like this and how do I convince braincito I'm correct and I should do what I want and draw Durin and etc?

[0durin0]

I think this is what a dead end looks like. Vent

I don't have any ideas to keep going left in me.

I am physically not too far gone, just gone enough. I can't do the exercises I have to, not even the basic ones, not even with help of a physiotherapist. I don't have enough muscle to even sit down without feeling pain. The nurse who came to take me blood (since I can't go outside, barely out of bed anyway) said I must be getting worse because my veins are now hard to see. Is that even a thing?

I'm only better physically when my boyfriend is here and that is only few days a month.

Psychologically talking doesn't help anymore. Not even chatgpt lol. My psychologist insists I just shouldn't remember the past anymore, and I agree, but my body keeps remembering it. I was told I need mdr or hypnosis and the like, but the people we asked to said they don't feel I'm in their area of experertise.

I guess I should just do it alone. But I'm scared of remembering anything else.

I can't think clearly anymore. I'm just a bag of impulses. I don't know who fronts and who doesn't. I just feel we are a lot of ghosts, voices inside a box.

I cannot keep drawing in my usual style. I asked help to do a game, my last resort, but that too seems grey right now. I don't think the new members understand the situation. I am beyond my limit.

I used to think there's never a bottom, just different pains. Yeah I can't give up I'm just being silly too sillly. I just don't know what to do. Other than keep holding onto cuteness, I need to hold onto a concept that scary things can be pretty too.

I want to throw up.

[0durin0]

Finally received the purple blanket and pajamas (though they look greyer in pictures) to feel a bit more comfortable being in bed all day. Since I associate purple with Durin so I feel a bit more real. The dragon is called Zephyr and he's been here for a long time :3

[0durin0]

Updated outfit with some leg things I found! Lighting affecting color a bit, if I buy some purple shoelaces and put them on black sport shoes it should match all together!

I'm happy I decided to make this coord before I knew about Durin because it will come in handy for a cyber Durin coord :3 but I will need a better wig and horns (and wings???)

[0durin0]

Tiny

[0durin0]

I guess this counts as a vent so as per rules there's a read more

Yesterday I had several panic attacks thinking my cat friend needed to see the vet (he's ok) because I couldn't call the vet by myself or bring him to the vet by myself due to my disability and it made me feel like I always feel, looking through a window, unable to do anything. My caretaker called the vet and he's fine and they said they can come home if anything happens next time. I'm so glad. But also still sad. I know people say I'm not useless because I care about things and I give love to my friend (the cat) but the feeling that if something happens to him I can't solve it destroys me.

[0durin0]

Durin fanart, translation and explanation bellow, tw death

Life is like a fever dream

When it rots completely what will happen?

--

Japanese is what I learnt as a child. In times like this it is more fitting to go back to the roots. Now that the drawing is out of my chest, back to something everyone can understand.

Existential crisis time while remembering the corpses I've seen through my life. I tried to draw that but as expected it was too much, so I put it as through Durin's thoughts.

The feeling of your own shape vanishing.

The feeling of seeing them stop moving, like a doll that had something inside that is then gone.

It hurts. It scares me.

It's ok to be afraid. It will be ok. They are there, somewhere. I will be there, somewhere. We will be together again eventually.

[0durin0]

[0durin0]

Durin based avatar made with customizable model by no1shyv!

[0durin0]

morning light 2025/04/26

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[0durin0]

Mini Durin

[0durin0]