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todays tracker - feb 22 2022

(posting for yesterday bc i was slumped from work)

limit: 594

wake up: 8:30 am (no school)

breakfast:

- activia blueberry yogurt (100kcal)

- green tea (0kcal)

total: 100kcal

lunch:

- spinach and ricotta ravioli 5pcs (107kcal)

- alfredo sauce (75kcal)

total: 182kcal

10 min walk to work -33kcal

dinner:

on my break at work i went to go pick up some safe foods to eat on my break

- rice chips 15 pcs (112kcal)

- cereal bar (70kcal)

-apple crumble oat bar (100kcal)

total: 282kcal

todays total: 564kcal - 33kcal = 521kcal

:D

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went from 127 to 123 in under 2 days omg <3

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my go to meals/foods

- celery and peanut butter

6kcal for 10 pieces and 1 tbsp of peanut butter is 94kcal !!! the whole thing is 100kcal and keeps me energized when i workout :)

- bean sprouts and hoisin sauce

40kcal for 2 cups of beans and 35kcal for 1 tbsp of hoisin sauce (tbh this one isn't even a meal more of like what i bring to school or work so i have something to eat when i'm around people)

- yogurt

100kcal which isn't the lowest but yogurt will always have a special place in my heart

- fruit

you can't go wrong with fruit tbh. it has vitamins and fibre which are important for when ur constantly trying to self sabotage ;) my go to fruits are apples and oranges

- konjac jelly drinks

hard to get in some places and kinda pricey but omfg. less than 90kcal in one bottle and it keeps u full - my fav flavour is the peach one

- tea/black coffee

essentials and zero calories 🤝

things i try to avoid

- unnecessary sugars/aspartame

i just don't like the feeling i get when i swallow diet sodas or candy - i feel like my teeth are rotting

- dairy

i know yogurt is one of my go to's but other dairy products like cheese or butter make me feel like a pig

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today's tracker - feb 21, 2022

calorie limit: 601

woke up - 10:30 am (family day)

breakfast

- activia blueberry yogurt (100kcal)

- peppermint tea 1 cup (0kcal)

total: 100kcal

lunch

mom cooked lunch for all of us :'))))

- oliveri spinach and ricotta pasta (8-10 pieces?(240kcal))

- alfredo sauce 3 tablespoons (76kcal)

- parmesan 2 teaspoons (20kcal)

- glass of water (0kcal)

total: 336kcal

workout - cardio

treadmill: 20 minutes -70kcal

elliptical: 20 minutes -154kcal

total: -224kcal

dinner (we went out for dinner 😃😃🔫)

- miso soup (70kcal)

- yam roll 3pcs (150kcal)

- shrimp tempura 1pc (48kcal)

-white rice 1 cup (242kcal)

total: 510kcal

todays total: 945kcal - 224kcal = 721kcal today!

120kcal over budget 😍🔫

tomorrow is a new day.

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I rlly want to be boney and I just want a flat stomach

the thing is all my childhood I was skinny then when I hit puberty I started gaining some fat and my belly fat is my main problem as I suck I’m literally all the time it’s now a habit as I’ve been doing it for over 2 years

so no one will notice if I just get skinny and everyone will think that’s what I was always like but I want to be unhealthy

I want my hands to be cold

I want my hair to fall out

I want showers to hurt

I want to faint

I want my vision to go black when I stand

I want people to be worried

I want to be able to see my ribs

I want to have not fat on my thighs when I’m sit

I want to be dainty and fragile

To be beautiful

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how to deal with conficting thoughts ?

i keep bouncing back n forth between “500CAL PER DAY U CAN DO IT” and “bro if i dont get enough calories im gonna fuck up my body”

like how do i deal with these thoughts.. when i was younger i didnt know that much abt health so eating 300cals a day was fine for me and i was never worried but now I’m actually a bit educated so ARGH. i hate having conflicting thougths

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omg.

(not my video)

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Reblog if you genuinely feel fat. Not just once in a while "oh I look fat today" but a deep hatred for your body image every day.

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ok so i was on hiatus for a bit and a lot has happened so here we go:

1. after my last post abt the cleaner i met the worst person in my life

2. i ended up getting ab*ses both mentally and physically by my now ex boyfriend while i was on hiatus

3. i relapsed into doing dr*gs again

4. i work at a gym now so thank FUCK free membership wkkwmsmekw

5. i tried getting healthy properly

6. i'm back in therapy lmao

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hey besties guess who's back 😍😹

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I relate w/ this so much <3

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i dont want to sound ungrateful but my mom hired a cleaner to help me organize my room while i was at work because of my depressive episode but the cleaner threw away all of my letters from my penpal and i had to go through the garbage to retrieve them and my mom told me that she would've thrown them away too.

this is why i hate people interfering with my shit, i get that my room looks tidier and nicer but i can't find anything i don't recognize my own room anymore

she didn't even tell me that they were doing this

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day 14: what is your ugw? when do u expect to reach it?

Hopefully by the time i graduate so i can wear my prom dress at the smallest size 😭❤️

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day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy way or unhealthy way?

i run an ED blog what do u think 🥸

jk i've been trying to do it in a more healthy way like working out and eating healthy food instead of the old b and p 🏃🏻‍♀️