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Another Mother’s Day Passes
Some years this is just another day and I pass through this day without a second thought. Too busy with work, too busy with life. My child, now an adult, doesn’t even acknowledge me. And that is ok with me. Other years, I cling to this title like a right of passage. I think the thing that resonates with me is that I will always be mom. Always be a parent. Even after my little bird has flown the…
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Saying Goodbye: To Phil
I. Dearly Departed It’s been a while since I written. Me, the recovering poet. My weapon of choice are words and thoughts. I am touched and I am grateful. I’m sorry but not. Life happens. You are still there and I am in the here and now. You stay constant while I continue down life path. I do not grieve for you. You six feet under. Should I? In life, you were mean and cruel. I wondered…
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Making Bread - The Art of Giving
I recently took up baking again. This happens usually around Thanksgiving through Christmas time and then the frenzied activity dies down and I go back to my usual schedule. This time, it didn’t. Post Christmas, I felt a resurgence of self accomplishment with a twist of determination. I learned my love of baking from my mom. She is an accomplished cook and baker and we would spend countless…
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Being More than Ok - Accepting Yourself and Your Inner Unicorn
Being More Than Ok
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Being More Than Ok
A few months ago, I gave a presentation at an IT Leadership conference. I stood in front of my IT colleagues and talked about how I transformed a tech phobic company towards one that was digitally curious and hungry to change outdated business habits. This change did not happen overnight. Rather, through consistent perseverance and successfully creating modern business solutions and thoughtful…
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Post Seizure Thoughts
The brain is a marvelous thing. Everything in between the two cortex. The connections, the synapses. Everything in between. I’m coming up to 2 years post seizure. My life,back to normal. As normal as one could hope and want after experiening a seizure from drug interactions. This entire experience, is like being an innocent bystander caught up in the cross-fire of a inner city gang warfare.…
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Mother Song
The last time I heard that song on the radio, You had slammed the car door and left in anger, Your anger was justified, Anger at the world, The changes around you, Your body betraying you – adolescent girl to woman, And the sadness that follows, That hole in your stomach, The nothingness when you close your eyes, That is you. This is you now, Adult but still a child, Reliving and…
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When the Shoe Drops - Dealing with the new normal
When the Shoe Drops – Dealing with the new normal
I’m 6 month post seizure event and overall things are back to normal. The new normal. That is, the seizure event seems like a dream that keeps lingering in the back of your mind. You keep wondering, did that really happen to me? Why can’t I remember things from that day. The thing is, that event, is missing a few gigabytes of memory and you are not going to get that back, no matter how many times…
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Searching for Lisa Choi
Searching for Lisa Choi
3 weeks ago, I had a seizure and had to be flown to Harborview hospital (we just recently moved to Bainbridge Island and this is what happens when you live on an island and need emergency help). 3 weeks ago my brain decided to shut down and the only logical conclusion the ER docs came up with is that the antidepressant Wellburtin I was on was the culprit. I am now off of that drug and feeling the…
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No
I’m coming home from another successful bike ride. It’s Monday night and I’m on the 9:30 pm Sound Transit going South. The muscles in my inner thighs are aching from the last hill ride we all took. Exhilerating to have the rush of something stiff and cold between your legs and commanding your legs to charge up the hill. I end up scrolling cat pictures on my way home. Then I notice him. The…
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Second Chances
I need to remember that I got a second chance. The SCAD heart attack I had in January was a wake up call for me and I got a do over. This time, player number 2 may not get so lucky so I’m going to have to think this one through. Looking back, I can see all the warning signs. The continous drive in my life thinking that I could do it all with what I have, as long as I work hard and play hard.…
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Reminders - For Sarah L.
Reminders – For Sarah L.
I thought I saw you tonight, The impish turn of your smile, The twinkle of mischief in your eyes, Your punkish haircut, But it’s been over a year and you are gone, Friend, Sister, Fellow cyclist, Wasn’t it just yesterday that we laughed riding home? You drunk and insisting that alcohol makes you ride faster, I laughed at your inability to steer straight and faked being too tired to…
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Heart Attack
The thing is, When you have a death dream, You wake up, You are yanked from the exact moment when The car hits the water, The split second before Metal arms wrap themselves neatly In a tight cocoon Where you are grasping for air And you know, Well shit, This is it. I didn’t get to say good bye to you, I didn’t get to say I love you, One last time, The thing is, The moment when You wake up and…

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The silent killer - SCAD
The silent killer – SCAD
Last week I was diagnosed with a condition called SCAD. Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection. I had all the classic symptoms of a heart attack. The shortness of breath, fatigue, dizziness, the swooshing in my head, rapid heartbeat, and the crushing pain in my chest. Except I wasn’t your typical heart attack victim. I’m in my early 50s. Active and healthy. Yes, my blood pressure may have been a…

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Valentines Day 2021
I am reminded of a kiss captured on film, Some obscure black and white film that your parents lived through, I am reminded of black and white pictures, Faded memories, Old jazz songs, Long felt wishes, I close my eyes, Listen to the snow falling around me, Dizzying, The absence of. I open my eyes and You are smiling, Eyes glittering in the firelight, Holding a pair of icicles you snapped off a…
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The Gods Must Be Crazy
I remember our brief time together,
Sharing yet another bike adventures,
Whooping glorious to the sun,
The sky,
To Mother Earth,
And to the magic of avocados.
Your go to food,
I forgot to ask you,
Did you ever watch that movie?
You know, the obscure reference of the Coca Cola bottle dropping to Earth and
Changing everything we know as true and beautiful,
We are weaving and…
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Dreams About Houses
I’ve had these dreams about houses,
You and me lived in them,
Not your traditional house with 4 walls and a door but rather a warehouse space with a solid steel door in the middle of Pioneer Square,
You went on a bike ride and left me to lock the gate,
See, there are some things you don’t know about me,
My little kept secrets about things that go bump in the night,
The reason…
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