40ism - Tumblr blog

[40ism]

Hi! Happy birthday Ian! I bet you thought I was kidding when I promised to include UB40 somehow for your 40th birthday but you should know I never kid about the dulcet tones of UB40. 

This is your birthday gift from me and 150+ other folks who love and like you so much: a mix but also a multimedia extravaganza and just so much more. Believe me when I say I’ve read all of the thoughts of these people and I don’t think anyone has ever gotten this much love for any birthday.

The songs aren’t in an aesthetic order, they’re just ordered as they came in to me. What is there to tell you about this mix?

Word clouds are hard sometimes but as expected: Los Campesinos!, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Hot Chip, Mogwai, Low are all here so a big Ian vibe.

What are you waiting for? Check out the About page for more info and the tags to get around a bit easier!

[40ism]

I appreciate all 150+ people who submitted to this birthday project for Ian and I’m so grateful for your time and effort and thoughtfulness! That being said, some memes were made to encourage y’all to get with it and turn stuff in by the deadline and in this case, bullying works!

[40ism]

i sorta knew it was forever

I hate summer. I’m from an ever worsening climate disaster of a tropical paradise but you could call it what it is: a swamp. You and I always talk about how summers aren’t like they were when we were kids—both of us spending hours in different bodies of water and avoiding our moms with the sunscreen. Now it’s hot. It’s humid. It’s disgusting. We call ourselves indoors kids with a sense of pride. Wake us up when the air is crisp, when you can wear clothing without sweating through it.

Yet that’s exactly where you came from, the heart of summer, an August Leo if I ever saw one. The summer before we met, I saw the movie Beginners (2011) in theatres one afternoon on my own, a revelation for many kinds of people but especially for me: a lonely only child who wasn’t sure what I was looking for. The movie put into words something I understood deep down: I wouldn’t settle for a giraffe or anything at all except a lion. I had no idea what a lion was then but I’d know it when I saw it. Pretty soon, there you were. 

Falling in love is easy, especially with you. I’ve fallen in love with you more times than I can count. You are kind and generous and funny and brilliant. You’re silly and gentle, you’re thoughtful and creative. We’ve spent almost 18 months constantly together and we’ve had our testy moments but I’ve fallen in love with you for some reason or other every single day, in small mundane ways that feel altogether important, like the vegetables and fiber of our relationship. Putting together this mix, this project, this overwhelming behemoth of a birthday gift, has had me falling in love with you again every single time I heard from yet another person who loves and likes and respects and admires you. Seeing you not just from the perspective of being your wife or the person who sees you every day reminded me how special and incredible you are. 

Like I said, falling in love with you was easy, the most wonderful surprise of destiny; letting you know and love me every day was and is the most terrifying decision of my life.

you must decide to risk your heart for love to find you

I pushed all of my feelings down for years and smashed into other people without letting my walls down. It was huge and risky to even think about being vulnerable, asking for what I needed, opening up in ways where you’re not in control. Everyone jokes about the mortifying ordeal of being known but it’s Ari Aster levels of horror for so many of us. I let you love me right away but did I let you fully know me in my messy and damaged and traumatized ways all the time? No. Do I even struggle with this now, with the fear that something will be the final straw that pushes you away? Absolutely. It’s a risk but it’s worth it every single day—you are worth every risk, this is worth any risk. 

I’ve known you for all of your 30s. I’ve seen you become you but who am I kidding? You’ve always been you. You’re just getting better, you’re getting more comfortable, you’re showing off as you run circles around the rest of us. We are not where we thought we’d be a decade ago but somehow this is even better. It feels like a gift to face the completely unexpected again and again with you and not just get through it together but grow and become better together in the same direction, in ways that complement each other. I know it’s because we’re lucky but I also know it’s because we face whatever comes our way—we take the risk together, hand in hand. You are my destiny but we are a decision we make every single day. 

I was a girl when we met. Maybe not technically but emotionally that’s where I was. A lot of loss, a lot of tough stuff, but still in a reactionary, defensive place about everything; it’s something I occasionally struggle with still. You and I are not the people who say that one of us saved the other or even saved each other—we aren’t those people. But you are the person who told me I could save myself, who stood next to me as I figured out who I was and what I wanted. I don’t think I become who I am without you or at least not with this much love and this quickly. Thank you for loving me unconditionally; thank you for showing me what it’s like to be loved unconditionally. 

You put this song on one of the first mixes you made me and I loved it. You’ve gifted me with so much perfect music over the years that this slipped into a pocket of my brain for a few years where I forgot about it. When it turned up in this month’s People’s Pop poll, it swam back to me and I remembered the very specific feeling of falling in love with you despite my past, my fears, my absolute terror of being hurt or harmed or just actually known. More than that, I remembered how lucky I am to even know you let alone go through life with you. The world’s on fire, a pandemic rages on, capitalism is destroying us all, but my life, our life, makes sense every single day I wake up with you. You’re my summer, the one we used to have and love; now we’re together in the water, sun warm on our shoulders, avoiding the terror of being alive at this moment in history just for a little bit, just for a little longer. 

when you’re with me it’s always summer

[40ism]

Happy Birthday! Remember when we sat down to watch Solaris all those years ago? We were a pretty subdued bunch that night, but I often think of it fondly.

—Aaron Jacklin

[40ism]

Happy Birthday Ian!!! I always think about the Clinic concert and how you're the only person who appreciates Free Reign II as much as I do. Seriously why don't more artists just rework an album...brilliant. I chose this song from the album because I felt like it was less obvious to choose than some others. Anyways it was our first time going to a concert together just us and I really do look back on it as one of the funnest nights I've had out in TO. I think I was in grad school at the time and super stressed out, so I appreciated your company.  Even if you were high as balls LOL. Someday when this shit is over let's go to some weird ass concert nobody else wants to go to, hahaha. Ps: hope your birthday surprise does not turn out like this comic.

—Alison Brydges

[40ism]

Not because I think you've ever expressed liking Lily Wood & The Prick or because I think we've ever spoken about it but mostly cus somehow it was the song I settled on wanting to send; it's got a lot of good pop qualities, which is obviously all great but also has a melancholic bent to it that nearly folds the whole thing in half. From the steady, stepping forward-motion of the verses to this sudden haul on the reins, like stopping in the kitchen, poleaxed by a memory, that we'll never go back to california. Like, we're getting on with it, aren't we but also oh yeah, getting over this is what we were getting on with. Which isn't to say I think that's especially a set of emotions I associate with you; but a good pop song that can absolutely blast someone's emotional tits clean off to expose the bloodied heart beneath certainly is. It made me think of the kind of thing Kieron would've put on a Young Avengers playlist and I probably would've been terribly wanky about ten years ago and you would've indulged me in it because who are we all but people looking for the incredibly specific content we need that day. The thing I've always admired is the breadth of that that you consume and your depth of understanding and sympathy for people's interpretations. We're all just consuming, you're understanding it and that's one of the most admirable qualities of anyone who likes stuff - which I think we should all do more of. Also, you Anaîs and Nuggy are fambly goals.

—Hazel Southwell

[40ism]

Happy birthday Ian! Before I went off to Scotland a few lifetimes ago, you made me a mix tape of Scottish artists and this was the first track. Whenever I hear it, it always transports me back to that crazy, wonderful, pivotal moment in my life. Cheers to you, good sir! It's not quite The Pot Still in Glasgow, but I'll raise a glass of a fine malt to you all the same!

—James Feenstra

[40ism]

Ian has very good taste in music and I have found him very thoughtful about music whether writing or just talking about it. Our taste overlaps a fair amount and I think he would enjoy this song if he already isn’t familiar with it. I dug it the first time I heard it and I hope it has the same impact on him. I hope some day to have a nice long chat about music whether Steely Dan or another group we both like. Ian is a really swell guy and I have enjoyed getting to know him via social media and Zoom game nights. The photo is just for fun. I was delighted when I saw it because I never pictured those two cooking together. It looks like that would have a been a fun day. 

—Andrew Crowley

[40ism]

We bonded over Phonogram and have been to like 3 LC! shows together I should just embrace reality even though I know so many LC! songs have been chosen for this. Well, since every WAB, WAD track I would’ve picked is claimed already, let’s go for ‘As Lucerne / The Low’ because I’m an emo bitch and it has the best melodramatic opening couplet and a nice guitar solo. Happy birthday Ian!

—Alex Ostroff

[40ism]

Ian!! Ok, before I explain the song (which has an explanation, don't worry), I just want to say a few things about you that I think are very important to say (and I apologize for not saying them sooner). I consider Anais my family, my sister to be exact, which technically makes you my brother-in-law. As you know from experience, it is always a bit nerve-wracking and difficult when people become part of or marry into your family. You're immediately hit with barrage of questions about not only who the hell this person is but also about who they will be to YOU. When Anais first told me about you, I admit, I was a little a little skeptical about your greatness, about your kindness, about what exactly you wanted...not because I didn't believe you, just because I didn't know you and I'm protective of the ones I love. It didn't take very long to see that you truly cared about Anais and treated her with the respect and love she deserves, but that question of "What role does this person play in my life now?" was something that took a little longer to answer. As I got to know you and as I got to witness y'all's relationship, I not only started to hold you in high regard as a human being but you also became my friend and an essential part of this bizarro chosen family unit that means so much to me and is one of the most meaningful parts of my life. You easily (and quickly) earned one of the very limited and coveted spots among my small Pantheon of Good Cishet Men. Over the years, you've simply just proved this over and over again. You and Anais have gone through so much together, and I've learned a lot about being a kind and compassionate partner from watching you and hearing about what you do. You are strong when you need to be, you're not afraid to be vulnerable when the situation calls for it, you make us all laugh, and you put up with our dumb, childlike senses of humor and the ideas our corrupted minds think up out of nowhere. And beyond that, in the back of my mind, I know that when I share my secrets with Anais there is the potential that they might make it back to you, and honestly, there aren't many other people who make me feel as comfortable with that reality as you do. You're truly one of the smartest, most interesting, and most thoughtful human beings I've ever had the privilege to know. And I'm so glad you've become part of my family! 

All right, not to make a hard pivot but I do feel like I have to explain the song because it's probably not obvious at all. When I was thinking about song to include for you here, I wanted to give you something fun that was kind of connected to Anais and me but that also had some kind of significant substance that would mean something to you, as well. I don't know if you know, but one of the major radio stations in South Florida during our childhoods was called Power 96, and one of the most important DJs on Power 96 was DJ Laz. Laz was also one of the key pioneers of the sound of Miami Bass (which I know you are familiar with), and although I don't think he's the best Miami Bass artist, I do think he's most representative of the fact that Miami Bass was largely created by and influenced by the various Caribbean communities of South Florida (of which Anais is apart of). In my opinion, this fact is often overshadowed by critics and music historians who really want to situate Miami Bass directly within hip hop, an attempt that kind of ignores the sonic complexities and diversity of the sound. "Esa Morena" is probably the most beloved DJ Laz song out of all of them, and if you were the one who had immigrated here, it is a song you would hear at nearly every outing to a bar, party, major sports game, or in between sets at shows. It is simply just such an inescapable part of being in South Florida, and I wanted to make sure you heard it, too. I hope you enjoy it! 

In all seriousness...Happy Birthday to one of the absolute realest ones to ever do it!! I love you a lot!!!

(Ed. note: babe I’m so sorry about the baby alligator)

[40ism]

Happy birthday Ian! I almost chose something from Sam Amidon's 2008 album All Is Well, since I love that record (especially those gorgeous Nico Muhly string arrangements) and likely never would have heard it if you hadn’t raved about it so much. But we talked about a *lot* of music back in the day: on the Stylus message board, over Gchat, and when we first met IRL, in Los Angeles in 2011. When I was searching my email archive for ideas, I found a brief chat from 2006 (15 years ago!) in which you thanked me for a YouSendIt link (15 years ago!) to an mp3 of New Order’s “Krafty.” I mentioned that I hadn’t actually heard the whole album (Waiting for the Sirens’ Call), and you replied that you hadn’t either but loved the single. That was basically the entire chat, a few minutes before noon on a random Monday in June. And though I can’t remember any other discussions we may have had about the song, or even about New Order, that quick back-and-forth feels emblematic of a friendship that emerged through an ongoing conversation about whatever music we happened to be into at the time. Hope we get to pick it up in person again someday.

---John Cunningham

[40ism]

I'd like you to imagine that I managed to combine this Hamm's commercial with Good Intentions Paving Co., and I want you to imagine that Anaïs and I are driving around in that little jeep with you, our sweet bear passenger, and we're blasting JNew. It's the natural order of things. Happiest of birthdays to you, Ian. You are such a bright light in this world, and even though we haven't kept in touch recently, it is a huge source of comfort knowing that you exist out there in the world! I'm so glad that we have connected in this life, and I look forward to a time when we can finally meet. I know it will happen eventually. Until then, I will think of you every time I follow a bear through a neighborhood because it's so cute that I can't resist (I'm not sure if you saw, but that's something I did a few weeks ago) 🐻💙

---Beverley Floyd

(Ed. note: FINALLY! Joanna!!!! Fun fact: this is the song on the very first mix I ever made for Ian that made him realize that I liked liked him as he was listening to it on headphone as he walked home on a snowy night from the bar.)

[40ism]

The sun has fallen down on another year And the birthday candles are all leering And the balloons are all dead at the top of their poles I said “retweet me, you’re beautiful” These are truly the last days of your 30s

---Siobhan Özege

[40ism]

Considering our friendship first sprouted out of discussing music on the internet (in those halcyon early days of Tumblr) it's been plenty tough to decide on one track to single out. I finally landed on this Talk Talk track because 1) they are the band we've discussed most recently (and, as Ian keeps reminding me, he has a book about them I must read) and 2) the track title stood out to me as relevant because Ian has always been so supportive of me as a musician. The very first time we met in-person was when he came to see me play a show, and I think the number of times I've looked out and seen him from the stage is easily in the double digits now. A generous spirit and steadfast friend like no other. Happy birthday to you Ian, we're all lucky to know you!

---Alex Hamlyn

[40ism]

I was a fan of Ian's before I was his friend - it's true! I was a dedicated reader of Stylus magazine back when it was the only place on the internet to read about music that didn't make me feel like a quivering mass of hipster barf, and Ian was one of my favorite columnists and feature writers. Though we didn't always agree (that column on Broken Social Scene, woof!!!) I always appreciated his perspective. I remember reading his review of GBV's Isolation Drills, a personal favorite of mine and one discarded by my friends, and feeling the thrill of recognition and kindship you find when someone else likes something the same way you do. 

So imagine my surprise, when Ian and I finally started talking on Tumblr, five or six years later, to find out that not only was he a good writer and critic, but a good person, a good friend—qualities much more rare. 

That little thrill of recognition has remained part of the fabric of my friendship with Ian—even when we don't agree (really?? you don't like You Forgot it in People???) I always feel that Ian really hears and sees me, a beautiful trait in a person, let alone someone you meet by chance on the internet. He's someone I always want to be more like—more thoughtful, more reflective, more careful and kind. 

Happy birthday, dear friend. Here's to many more shared a-ha moments and to once again hanging out in person and listening to records. We're long overdue.

---Jess Burke

[40ism]

I first met Ian at a gradschool party when I was in grad school at McMaster. I remember thinking it was sooo cool to meet someone else who really liked the National (at that point it still felt rare - I know, I know).  More recently when the National was putting out new music and i was going to a show I had some Facebook status where I threatened to throw a tantrum if they didn't play Lemonworld (not reasonable) and ian very nicely commented "I hope they play Lemonworld for you". I thought that was a very nice response to my utterly inane threat to throw a tantrum, and it made me laugh. I haven't seen Ian IRL in a very long time (i think the last time was when I spotted him from far away absolutely rocking out to the National during a show - maybe Massey Hall?) but i have always kept Ian on social media because he is a measured, kind and reasonable voice on social media who posts interesting and thought provoking things. Also, I would never remove a clearly good dude - how many of those do we have. 

I hope Ian has a birthday that is as perfect as High Violet.

---Justine Ajandi

[40ism]

Just a fun song about music and very happy birthday wishes to Ian!

---Cat Herring

Also here’s a drawing of birthday vehicles from our 4 year old, Hank: