420slvtt - Tumblr blog

420slvtt · 3 months ago

Text

sea, swallow me

eren yeager x fem!reader

summary: in which eren jaeger, an amazing football player, gets to play for one of the best high schools in marley, the mysterious rich town over.

in which y/n y/ln, the well-off girl, tries to overcome her addictions and just wants to be loved and cared for.

content warning: i have no definitive answer but like mental breakdown?? ig

p.s ive been like so sad and down so i’m sorry for the delay lolll

in multiple povs

masterlist

part seven

y/n.

you woke up in your bed at piecks' house, sweaty with your clothes sticking to your skin. you didn't like what you dreamt about or well remembered.

you barely remember anything about last night, only meeting new people,playing spin the bottle, and that's it.

you obviously drank too much. when you rolled over, you were met with a black t-shirt.

the stranger laying next to you had their hair down, which reached shoulder length.

weird, you don't remember sleeping with a girl recently. ymir? no, she's with that blonde.

who is this mysterious woman? your question was answered when they flipped over towards you in their sleep. you realized it wasn't a woman but yet, eren.

had you done anything with him? ew. you shook your head of those thoughts.

you just were very sweaty and needed a shower. so you gathered everything you needed and locked yourself in the large bathroom.

you sighed, looking at your features. there were eyebags underneath your eyes. your lips were red, and your skin looked lighter.

what the actual fuck happened last night?

you shook the thoughts away and stripped and hopped in the shower. this time, you were left alone with your thoughts as you didn't want to wake eren and everyone else who slept here.

you got out of the shower and changed into the clothes for today. which consisted of a tank top, a hoodie, and sweats.

you washed your face, brushed your teeth.

and you were done.

your stomach growled as you dropped your dirty clothes into the hamper in the bathroom.

you needed some food. you unlocked the bathroom door and were met with eren awake and on his phone.

his back was rested on the headboard as his hair was resting on his face. he looked up as you came out of the bathroom.

"you good?" you turned towards him.

"yeah, why wouldn't i be?"

"you were mumbling something last night, and you were pretty drunk as well."

"oh."

you spoke, moving to grab your phone from the nightstand. you looked at it and saw that it had a bunch of new notifications on it. you sighed and pocketed your phone.

you rubbed a hand over your face, before turning towards the door.

"bye." you said as you made your way towards the door, stomach growling as you moved.

he looked up from his phone and smiled. "see ya."

you walked out of your bedroom, hoping no one was awake. but to your disarray, reiner, floch and annie were awake.

"morning." you said as you slid into the chair next to annie. reiner was at the stove cooking something.

"morning." annie said suppressing a yawn back. you leaned your head on the cold table and felt the cold surface on your cheek.

"were you in the shower?" floch asked from in front of you.

"yeah. who else is here?" you said putting your head up.

annie answered before floch. "eren's friends, and just the group. oh, and onyankopon."

"okay. what are you cooking reiner?" you asked leaning your head on annie's shoulder as others came into the dining room.

"waffles." he said turning around. he had pieck's fathers apron tied to his body. it read 'kiss the cook'.

you just nodded and got out your phone. you had a message from our mother. 'who's coming to dinner, tonight.'

"who's coming to dinner, tonight?" you asked almost the entire group (as everyone woke up) the only one missing was bertholdt.

almost everyone said 'me!' besides floch, onyankopon, porco, and bertholdt.

you nodded your head and sent the list of people to your mother. she only reacted to your message with a thumbs up and texted you the time. 'six.' was what she sent.

"alright so dinners at six." you said putting your phone back into your pocket. everyone nodded before going back to their morning conversation.

"hey!" sasha said sliding into the open chair beside you.

you turned to look at her. "oh, hey." you said smiling.

her face lit up as reiner slid a plate of waffles in front of you. "first serve for my favorite." he said, winking.

you smiled before turning back to sasha, whose mouth was agape at the sight of the waffles. it looked like drool was about to spill from her mouth. "here." you said, grabbing a waffle and handing it to her.

"thank you!" you heard her say muffledly as she shoved the waffle into her mouth.

you dug into your fluffy waffle reiner made for you. but your hangover still wasn't satisfied. your head hurt really bad. and you're so glad you weren't throwing up.

"does anyone want to get burgers and donuts?" sasha started nodding her head at a rapid pace. almost choking on the waffle in the process.

"im down." connie said as jean, eren, armin, and malik agreed.

"yeah sure!" mikasa said, causing annie, ymir, and pieck to agree.

"okay so since that's a lot of people, uh, pieck, does your family have that van still?" you asked, turning to look at her. she was sitting at her kitchen island talking to reiner and porco.

she paused, thinking for a minute. "yep! good thing they got it for that field trip in sixth grade!"

you nodded. "who's driving?" you asked.

"not it im way too hungover." pieck said, slumping on the counter as porco rubbed her back.

"yeah not me." annie said, causing the girls to agree.

"malik?" you questioned.

"nope." he said, taking some pain pill for his headache.

you took in a deep breath. "fine i'll drive." you said, looking down at the table.

almost everyone looked at you, not knowing what to say. they knew you hadn't driven since the accident.

"are you sure, y/n." annie said first. "i can drive if you want?"

the group from paradis looked confused. "no its fine." you said, forcing a small smile.

"what's the big deal with y/n and driving?" sasha asked.

your breath hitched, and you looked around the room. "nothing. i don't want to talk about it." you paused, standing up. "so are we all ready to go?"

everyone hesitantly nodded. pieck stood up, she walked over to her front door and grabbed a set of keys.

you walked towards her and took them from her. "are you sure?" she whispered.

you smiled and nodded. "okay." she said smiling. "c'mon guys! i gotta lead y/n to the van, everyone go outside!" pieck said before taking off to her 3 garages. you following closely.

she led you to her second garage and stopped in front of the black van it held around fifteen people.

"where are you sitting?" you asked turning to pieck.

she giggled. "in the very back, with porco!" she said before sliding the door open and going to the very back.

you shook your head slightly at her nature. you slid the door shut before walking to the drivers side.

you took a deep breath to steady yourself. you opened the door and hopped in.

you closed the door and turned the car on. causing piecks phone to connect to the bluetooth.

her garage door was already open, probably from some fancy app she had on her phone.

she played from your shared playlist you had with the group. it was titled 'whores.' saying as annie named it.

you backed out after double-checking three times that you had your seatbelt on.

you made your way down to the street and right in front of the house. the group walked towards the van. sasha being the only one who was happy.

she slid the door open. "who's in the back?" she asked turning to look at the group.

pieck answered for everybody. "porco, annie and mikasa back here!" pieck said as the two girls climbed in before porco did to, sliding directly next to pieck.

"now what?" sasha asked.

connie dragged her and jean into the next row.

it left, ymir, historia, armin, eren, floch, reiner and malik left.

ymir pulled historia into the row that was available. reiner wanted a window seat, so he followed them.

the car was slowly filling up, causing people to start laughing and talking.

malik got in the final row and slid all the way down, floch followed him, while he was on facetime with ony. who was now leaving piecks' house.

the remaining people were armin and eren. you were hoping eren would sit next to you so you wouldn't start crying seeing armin.

but it didn't happen, eren slid in next to floch and asked him for a joint, which floch just handed him.

armin smiled as he slid the door closed. moving to the passenger side. you hit your head on the back of the leather seat softly.

armin opened the door and was instantly hit with the blasting music and the strong smell of weed.

you turned the music up a little more, trying to silence everything. it didn't help.

"do you need help with directions?" armin asked all sweetly. your stomach churned.

"no." you said and got out of park and made your way to a local fast food place.

you really wanted to reach back there and take the blunt. you wanted to be high right now. because every few seconds, armin would try to engage in conversation, but you would either nod your head or ignore him.

you didn't hate him, you hated yourself and blamed yourself to the point that looking at him, you would fill up with self hatred.

you pulled into the mcdonalds parking lot and turned down the music.

"what does everyone want?" you asked as you were debating on going inside or not.

"we can just go inside." you nodded and parked the car.

as everyone had ordered, and now we're munching on their food. you moved to grab your drink at the same time armin did. causing your hands to brush.

you accidentally shocked each other, so you pulled away with a wince. "sorry." you spoke softly before turning back to your food and not getting your drink.

armin looked at you before grabbing his drink and looking away. you felt like the groups mother as you were driving. you knew it was quite the opposite.

you turned up the music as you, felt your stomach churn again. the greasy food was really settling your hangover, but your stomach still hurt.

what was going to happen? you couldn't take anything else.

you sighed before finishing your food and put it in the console between you and armin. you took the van out of park and drove to the donut shop, reiners mom owned.

you loved the braun family because they gave the best hugs.

"are we going to my mom's bakery?" reiner asked food in his mouth.

"your mom owns a bakery!" sasha said, already done with her food. you weren't surprised but also concerned as she had a large fry, burger and nuggets.

you responded to reiner. "yep, i love her treats." you said going to your favorite spot.

you haven't been to her bakery in a while. but you missed it. it smelt like whatever baked good she was making.

you pulled into the parking lot. once you were parked, everyone got out of the car. trash and unfinished food in hand.

"are you going to finish that?" sasha asked as pieck had her burger in her hand.

"no, here you go." she said politely, handing sasha the food. sasha snatched it and dug in.

you walked in and immediately smelt the best smell of your life, her infamous cinnamon rolls. you smiled. moving over to the counter after throwing away your trash.

"hi, mrs. braun!" you said to the women at the counter.

her eyes lit up at the sight of you and all the people behind you.

"y/n!" she said, coming from behind the counter to greet you. she pulled you in for a hug, and you instantly relaxed.

"so what does everyone want?" she asked, looking at the group.

reiner's little cousin, gabi was running around the bakery with her toy gun. she held it up towards everyone before saying. "pow!" and shooting sasha with a nerf bullet.

"hey!" sasha said, breaking from her train of thought.

you broke away from the scene to turn to mrs.braun. "i don't know about everyone else, but i want six donuts." you said confidently.

"dang all for you?" jean said, holding back a laugh. you shrank into yourself at his comment.

pieck looked at him weird. before ordering her and porcos' order. "we want six donuts and two cinnamon rolls!"

one of the workers that worked their handed you the order as you took out your card. you paid and moved over to a bench. pieck following. "you okay?"

you nodded and took a bite out of one of mrs.braun's doughy donuts.

it instantly made you feel deep relief. and you smiled into the bite.

you made your way back into the car. two donuts were gone, and you couldn't have been happier.

you checked the time before announcing to the group a question. "are we going back to piecks house or my house?"

"how fancy is the dinner?" ymir asked, making the girls nod.

"not fancy at all, it's just us and my parents."

"you can take me back to pieck's house." floch said.

"yeah, me too." porco said, munching on a cinnamon roll.

"you doof!" pieck said, hitting him on the head. "i was taking a picture." she said before slouching and pouting before she got back into high spirits.

you turned the volume up on the music and made your way to pieck's house.

when dropping porco and floch off at piecks house, you ran in to get your purse.

"did you get your purse?" armin asked. as pieck tossed her phone up to you.

"choose a song!" she said before you could answer armin.

"yeah, i did." you said, forcing a small smile.

he nodded as you scrolled through the playlist ,trying to find a song. you eventually settled on a song by kendrick lamar. 'mother i sober'

groans filled the car. "really, n/n?" malik asked, groaning and rubbing his face.

you passed piecks' phone back before answering. "yes. this song is pure perfection."

you started the car and made your way to your house. it being a short distance, the song played the whole way.

you pulled into your driveway and turned the car off.

when you got out of the car, you took your drink and purse with you.

once everyone was out of the car, you made your way towards your house. "okay, so all the girls are coming to my room!" you said, opening the door.

your mom was in the kitchen, telling the chefs what to do. "hey guys!" she said before going back to telling the chefs what to make.

malik led the boys to his room on the other side of the house. you made your way upstairs with all the girls following.

once you were in your room, you flopped on your bed. you missed the feeling of your bed.

"woah, y/n, i love your room!" mikasa said as she looked over at your crystal collection and your room decor.

"thanks." you said with your face in the mattress.

pieck and annie plopped down beside you.

making you get up from your position.

you looked around, seeing sasha opening your blinds. "and look at the way the sun hits your window!" sasha cheered like she's never seen a window.

"it's pretty, isn't it?" pieck said, leaning back on your bed.

historia picked up some of your crystals. "y/n, this us gorgeous who bought you this?"

you froze. the crystals she was holding had been given to you from armin. "oh, just an ex." you said, looking at mikasa sitting on the floor playing with your record player.

"y/n, i love your vinyls." she spoke, looking at you.

"thanks, you can play one if you want." you stated smiling.

she smiled as sasha made her way down onto the floor. "play this one!" sasha said, holding up a vinyl for mikasa.

"okay, okay, calm down." mikasa said as she placed the vinyl in the record player.

after a while, your mother called you all down for dinner. you weren't shocked when you saw the guys at the long table already.

your mother and father were at the heads. malik was to your father's right. and you didn't know where to sit.

ymir sat in between reiner and historia. mikasa sat in the middle of eren and jean.

sasha sat in between jean and connie.

you sat in between eren and annie. pieck sat next to annie and armin.

you all sat talking silently, waiting for the cooks to bring out the food. you weren't surprised your mother had the chefs make the food. she couldn't cook at all. only your dad could.

dinner was served, and you immediately realized how much wine your mother was consuming. the feeling in your stomach got worse and worse after each glass. she was on her third before you began eating.

now, since the food was here, she was on her fourth. you sighed and ate your food.

your eyes looked over at eren. surprisingly, he was already looking at you. you felt a familiar feeling when you looked at him. but you couldn't remember from where.

your mother's wine glass was filled up with the red liquid for the fifth time this night. you sighed, chewing on your grilled chicken. "y/n." your mother said, gaining everyone's attention.

"yes?" you shyly spoke back when your mother got drunk. she was blunt and would say whatever.

"why don't you have a boyfriend? i remember you did freshman year, the little blond boy." your heart sank, and your eyes began to water.

"what was his name again?" she sipped on her drink once more, thinking about it. "oh, armin!"

your heart sank, and tears fell out of your eyes. "stop it." you whispered as you put your head on the table.

the palms of your hands covered your ears, and your fingers linked behind your head.

your tears were soaking the white table cloth. she kept muttering on and on about everything. forgetting the accident.

"stop, please." your body was shaking, and you felt fragile.

everyone either was shocked, confused, or already aware of the situation. pieck and annie didn't know what to do.

annie rubbed your back as you silently sobbed into the table.

you could still feel everyone looking at you. you wanted them to disappear.

pieck looked to armin whose face was a mix of confusion and shock. he was trying to remember you. but he couldn't.

armin didn't remember his time in the hospital either just waking up at his house with his grandpa taking care of him.

armin cleared his throat to speak. your tears didn't stop, though they just kept flowing as armin began to speak.

"what?" you broke at the sound of his voice. it was weak, like he wanted to remember, but you knew he couldn't.

"i don't remember." he was looking down at the floor while everyone either looked at you and him.

eren looked at you with wide eyes. finally registering what you were saying in your sleep last night. 'armin, please don't go.' is what you mumbled out in your sleep.

annie signaled for reiner to come pick you up as your sobs weren't subsiding.

he picked you up and hugged you against his chest. he sheilded you from everyone's eyes.

"its okay, y/n." pieck said as she followed behind reiner as he took you up the stairs to your room.

"yeah, it's gonna be okay." annie said as reiner gently setted you down on your bed.

you clung to him before he could fully pull away.

your tears stained his shirt. you were a mess, and your throat was starting to hurt from all the tears. and your eyes were starting to get puffy.

you eventually let go of reiner and moved to the corner of your bed. annie and pieck moved towards you on the bed.

pieck and annie cradled you before you drifted off into a deep sleep.

TAGS

@vlsquuu @leviswifey4ever

#attack on titan #eren jaeger x reader #eren x reader #eren yeager x reader #aot fanfiction #aot x reader #eren jaeger #angst #aot smut #armin x reader #sad fanfiction #anime fanfic

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420slvtt · 3 months ago

Text

sea, swallow me

eren yeager x fem!reader

summary: in which eren jaeger, an amazing football player, gets to play for one of the best high schools in marley, the mysterious rich town over.

in which y/n y/ln, the well-off girl, tries to overcome her addictions and just wants to be loved and cared for.

content warning: car accident, drug abuse, alcohol,’gore’

playlist

masterlist

part six

FLASHBACK

y/n?

you woke up to the sun shining down on your face. you were wrapped up in your boyfriend's arms. he was still asleep as he was moving and holding you tightly against his chest.

you looked up at his features, his pale skin, his light freckles, his rounded nose, and last of all his short blond hair.

he was one of a kind and you couldn't help but love him.

you looked over your room looking at your crystal section, and you smiled.

armin bought you all of them when you went to marley's boardwalk one year.

you moved slightly to grab a book from your nightstand, causing the blond behind you to move in his sleep.

you grabbed ahold of the book and read it, waiting for armin to wake up.

your plan was to go to marley's aquarium, the beach, then you both would go thrifting and then you would take the two of you home.

him to his small house in paradis. and you to your mini mansion in marley.

you smiled at your book. your nose crinkling up as the sun hit your eyes.

you had no idea what time it was or how late you were going to be. but you didn't care.

you could stay in this moment forever.

but you couldn't. you should've. you needed to go get dressed and get coffee.

"armin." you cooed shaking him gently.

he stirred awake with a smile. "morning!" he cheered. he was always so happy.

he is always so happy. you smiled back at him. "morning, armin."

you moved your arm back towards your nightstand, trading out the book for your phone.

you pulled it to your line of vision and looked at the time, nine-forty-five am. perfect timing!

you smiled and tossed your phone somewhere on the bed. you tossed your head back to look at armin. he was studying your room as the sun was hitting your floor in a beautiful way.

you reached up to give him a peck on the lips, and he blushed, making you giggle into the short kiss.

you got out of your bed and moved towards your bathroom, armin following.

he stretched as you stopped in your tracks. you stopped at your sink, reaching for your toothbrush and armin's. you handed him his.

you applied water onto your toothbrush, then toothpaste, water again, and began brushing.

armin did the same thing, and now you both were watching each other through your mirror.

you smiled, spitting out your toothpaste and rinsing out your mouth. you waited for armin to do the same so you could wash your face.

𖦹

you shimmed your flowy pants onto your hips as armin was fixing his hair. you picked out your outfit last night, but you still were taking a while to get ready.

you already had your tank top on, so you simply just shoved deodorant on your armpits.

you grabbed your converse that matched your outfit and tied them. all you had to do was your hair and add jewelry.

you heard armin on his phone watching funny cat videos and laughing softly. you felt butterflies in your stomach.

you moved over to your newly cleaned vanity and saw the love notes and polaroid pictures of you and armin. you did your hair and slid your rings, and put on a big necklace.

you were done. you just needed to get your phone and wallet.

you dug through your purse you used last night and put your wallet in your pants pocket.

you moved towards the bed searching for your phone. when you found it, you had messages from your friends.

you opened and replied to all of them before making your way to armin.

"ready?" he said with a grin, extending an arm out for you.

"yep!" you said, linking your arm with him.

you walked downstairs, and your parents just waved and yelled goodbye.

you made your way to your clean black range rover and hopped in after unhooking arms with armin. you put the keys in and started the car and waited for armin to get buckled in. you did the same.

you began driving as armin played music on your bluetooth.

you tuned it out and just had only one focus getting to the coffee shop.

"im ready to see the aquarium!" armin said before going into a rant about some aquatic life he adores.

you smiled intently as you pulled into the coffee shop. your heart ached, but you shook it off.

you and armin got out of the car and walked into your favorite coffee shop ever, the sea tea. it was such a relaxing name and a cute themed inside.

you sighed as you looked at the menu, armins arms on your shoulders and his body pressed against yours. he laid his head on top of yours.

"do you know what you're getting armin?" you said as you were next in line.

armin bit his pink lip slightly. "maybe just an ice coffee. my stomach hurts today."

"okay!" you said, nodding and stepping up to the counter.

"hi, welcome to the sea tea! what can i get for you?" her name tag read petra, and you remember seeing her around your freshman class.

"just a strawberries and cream cold brew and an ice coffee with caramel and oat milk, please." you said, smiling at the girl as she tapped the fancy little screen in front of her.

"okay! your total is five-twenty eight." she said, flipping the screen around as she scurried to the back to make the two drinks.

you dug in your pocket and got out your wallet. armin played with your curls as you tapped the card on the screen, giving her a one dollar tip.

you moved to the drinking waiting area as armin still hung to your figure. he wasn't normally so touchy in public.

why today? you shook it off. it's probably because his stomach is hurting.

you guys got your drinks and made your way back to your car to head to the aquarium.

"do you want to get lunch at the beach then go thrifting?" you asked him as you sipped your coffee him putting on some music.

"yeah, we'll probably be hungry after walking around." he said before biting into one of the granola bars, you kept in your car.

"alright." you sipped on your drink one last time and then putting it down and pulling out of the coffee shop.

you made your way to the beach area as the aquarium overlooked the beach.

your stomach kept hurting as you kept driving. you had only started driving a few months ago but you would say you were pretty skilled so why now would your anxiety act up.

"when we thrift, i want to look for a really cute hoodie." you said looking at armin then directing your attention back to the road.

"maybe we can try and get matching ones." he said smiling as he played the playlist, he made for you.

"ooh, that'd be nice!" you said turning into the aquarium parking lot. it was very beached themed. everything down here was. you felt happy and peaceful as you grabbed your coffee and got out of the car.

it was windy and your hair blew across your face. the sun warmed you up like you were wrapped up in a big duvet.

you linked hands with armin, going inside the aquarium. you felt very warm and safe in his presence. you were comfortable.

he signed you both in and paid for two tickets before dragging you off to his favorite spots.

"look y/n! it's a whale shark!" armin shouted pointing up at it like a little kid.

you smiled, looking at it. it reminded you of armin. it was chasing bubbles at the moment, but still, it reminded you of your bubbly boyfriend who stared wide-eyed at the sharks.

"i love you, armin." you said, leaning into his arm and watching the sharks swim around behind the glass.

"i love you, y/n." he took his eyes off of the sharks to look at you.

he saw you looking amazed as the sharks swam around being sharks. if you both were sea creatures, would things be different?

why were you thinking that? stop it.

your face contorted into a frown before regaining its regular nature. no one would've noticed, but armin was staring at you.

"what's wrong?" he asked worry evident in his blue eyes.

you turned to him, what were you even thinking about? "i don't know, i just had a negative thought." you said, moving both of your hands back in forth like a little kid.

"oh, just let me know if you want to leave because we can." he said, moving his thumb on your hand lovingly.

"okay." you said, gaining a small smile on your face and watching two whle sharks swim in a circle around each other they both were chasing each other's tails.

it felt like you were in the aquarium for decades with how long you and armin stared at the marine life.

now it was time to eat. as you threw away your coffee, finally you and armin walked back to your car to discuss lunch.

"what do you want?" you asked armin sitting crisscross in your seat facing him.

he looked at you, thinking. "i kind of just want chicken tenders and fries."

"so do you want to go to that shack by the beach?" you asked adjusting your seating position.

"sure!" armin said turning the song on the radio up and looking outside the window at the sunny atmosphere.

your stomach got worse as you drove towards the beach restaurant. why didn't you feel good? you felt like you needed to savor this moment and to slow down. but you didn't know how.

you sighed and tapped your fingers lightly against the steering wheel to the beat of the song. your smile had vanished over time now and you were getting pretty agitated with it.

when you arrived armin got out of the car first, going over to your side. "what's wrong?" he asked opening your door.

"my stomach keeps hurting more and more. but it's fine it's probably because i haven't ate anything." you said walking into the restaurant with armin.

𖦹

it was now pouring rain and your stomachache hadn't died down it only got worse as the rain started.

"do you still want to go thrifting y/n?" armin asked after you both ran to your car. you looked out the window the sky was darkening more and more by the minute.

"not today." you said smiling. "i don't want to drive over the bridge can you stay at my house again?"

"that's fine." armin said turning your ac down and putting the heat on, he was so cold from the rain.

"okay." you said starting to drive.

the drive from the beach to your house was a twenty-minute drive and the rain didn't slow own at all. you could barely see out of your windshield.

"maybe we should pull over?" armin suggested. you should've listened to him.

"no i just want to get home." you said feeling the car move with the wind. your anxiety was slowly creeping up on you as you made it to a backroad to your neighborhood. meadow lane. it was forestry and had curvy turns.

the road was really slippery. but you still kept driving armin on his phone watching funny videos and sending some to you from time to time.

you were driving the speed limit but maybe you should've gone under. the car started slipping and you lost control. you didnt know what to do. so you held armins hand. "whats going on?"

you focused on the road and tried pressing the breaks. it was no use. "i dont-"

you crashed into the barrier on meadow lane. you felt your body being flown from your seat and onto your car hood. your hand unlinked with armins and all you could think about was him.

not even yourself, your chest had a giant cut on it exposing your two broken ribs. your heart felt heavy, and your brain wanted sleep. but you fought though it and opened your eyes searching for him. he was on the ground below you, blond hair beginning to matte with blood as he injured his head. his leg was bent the opposite way. there was glass shards sticking on his pale skin causing small specks of blood.

you pulled your eyes away. you felt around for your phone slowly, but it was no use. it was in the car behind you. you wanted to scream but you couldn't. your throat dry. someone needed to help armin. tears flooded down your cheeks and all you could do was close your eyes and drift off into a helpless sleep.

𖦹

you woke up to the sound of sirens and beeping machines, your mind was awake but not your body. you could hear everything but not see anything. were you in an ambulance? is armin okay? are you okay?

your stomachache was gone. oh. it was replaced with the pain of all your injuries. why didnt you just pull over? why didn't you just stay in bed all day. why. why. why did you have to mess everything up.

you didnt want to breathe any more. you just wanted the emts to give up on you. your body was heavy with regret, and hatred all towards yourself.

𖦹

you woke up, this time being able to see. you looked around the bland tan hospital room. no one. you slammed your head against the pillow. causing it to throb. tears threatened to fall, you just wanted somebody to comfort you. but no one was there.

you looked around your body seeing tiny stitches all over your body. there was a long stitch right under your chest where your ribs are. you felt like you couldn't sit up, with how bad your ribs were hurting. did you break them?

𖦹

"y/n?" you woke up at the mention of your name.

it was a short lady with pink scrubs on.

you couldn't speak, you didn't want to. you just stared at her.

she finally realized you weren't going to speak. "your family's here." she said before trying to walk away. but you grabbed her arm. you looked at her and motioned you needed a pen and paper.

she nodded and walked away grabbing some. you heard your door open, and you snapped your eyes towards it. it was the lady again. she handed it to you. you wrote something down as she stared at you. 'how long has it been?' you wrote.

"just five hours." it felt like more it felt like you were in a paradox. you wrote again.

'where's armin?' you wrote looking at her as she read it. "he's just in the next room over." she said before a knock interrupted you both.

your mother opened the door and popped her head in. her eyes were red and puffy. she had been crying. "oh, my baby!" she said engulfing you into a hug, but you winced, and a tear slid down your cheek. "i'm sorry." she said before sitting down in the chair next to you.

your brother and father had followed shortly after probably parking the car. now your family was just waiting for the doctor to see what was wrong with you.

𖦹

"she's in shock, she has two broken ribs, minor head trauma and small cuts and bruises." the doctor said to your family. his white coat had his name on it in small black letters. 'dr, grisha jaeger'.

you leaned our head back as your mother started crying once again. it was getting tiring. you just wanted this to be over. "and armin?" your father asked for you.

"i'm afraid he has it worse, a severe head injury, a broken leg, and a broken wrist. but that's all i can disclose." he said before walking out of the room.

severe? will he remember me? will he remember us?

𖦹

it had been a few days, but no one was telling you about armin. is it because you won't speak? you pressed the emergency button on your remote and a nurse came rushing in. "whats wrong?" she frantically asked you. looking around for a threat or a sign that you were bleeding.

"where's armin? can i see him?" you said your voice crackling as you've spoken for the first time in three days.

she looked at the ground hesitantly like you weren't supposed to know this. "i'm sorry but he doesn't remember the past year and doctor, jaeger thinks its permanent." she said before walking to you.

your ears were ringing, and tears were flying down your face quicker than you could wipe them. you weren't supposed to know that. and you wish she never told you. your heart felt like a chip of it broke off. she looked at you and rubbed small circles on your back.

"i'm sorry y/n." she said stopping rubbing your back. she looked at the clock and realized it was time for your medication. she went in the closet and dug out a small pill bottle, morphine. she gave you one pill with a glass of water.

"take them as needed okay." she said setting them down on the table next to the hospital bed.

𖦹

it was day four and pieck and reiner decided to visit you. there was a knock on your door, and they came in. when you saw the blond you busted out into tears.

"get out, reiner!" pieck said pushing him out. she sped walked over to you. she climbed into the bed and held you silently against her chest. you let out all your emotions as pieck just silently sat there rubbing your hair and holding you.

"its okay y/n." she said a tear falling from her own cheek. "its going to be okay."

𖦹

it was finally the day of your release, and you were drained. you felt no emotion. your mother pushed your wheelchair down the long hospital hallway people smiled at you but all you could do was stare at your legs. you weren't paralyzed you could walk. just not very well.

your mother pushed you out into the entryway of the hospital where your father was bringing the car. your mother's white car pulled up and your father appeared. he got out of the car. he opened the trunk as your mother got into the passenger's seat. he put the bag of medicine and your bloodied clothes in the trunk as you waited for him to get you in the car.

he finished and closed the trunk moving over to you. he grabbed you and picked you up. he buckled you in. he closed your door and made his way back inside to return the wheelchair.

he got in the car and started driving back to your house. you were feeling uneasy being in the car. you know you weren't driving but still you didn't like it. at least armin won't remember the crash. you leaned your head against the window at the thought.

your stomach rumbled loudly causing your dad to laugh. "when was the last time you ate something other than hospital food? you want a burger?' he said smiling at you in the mirror. yes, you wanted a burger. but you couldn't bring yourself to eat.

you shook your head no and looked out the window.

𖦹

the entire summer before sophomore year you survived off of your morphine and vicodin they gave you.

you mothers' alcohol cabinet had became more comfort to you than she had during this whole thing. all you did all day was stare at your ceiling, go through you and armins messages, cry and cry.

why did your memory have to stay intact why couldn't you lose your memory along with his. why. why did you fuck everything up. why were you falling in a rabbit hole you didn't know how to escape.

it's your fault. it's all your fault. you deserve this. you cried and cried as those thought rang through your head every day. but it was true.

you should've just pulled over. why not listen.

why did you have to survive, armin wouldn't have known or cared if you died.

why.