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I’m afraid Daddy has some pretty horrible news.

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“I thought you said you were like Paul O'Grady with old people?” “We just got off on the wrong foot. I’ll win him over, don’t worry.”

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I had a friend who went to a John Green book signing high and said to him 'I gotta be honest, I don't read your books' and he said 'you took a space away from a real fan and hope you feel good about it', and took it way too seriosuly.

Bfbdhhfgd bshf gfhsh rt isrhsjbfntbrjrjd

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me revisiting my scene phase playlist

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me as a detective: WHO DID THIS 😂😂😂

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shoutout to the Twink at the front desk of the natural history museum who let me go into their Yellowstone exhibit for free. also shoutout to my laptop for auto-capitalizing Twink. always nice to see respect for our troops 

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“My husband got involved with a younger woman at work.  I was relaxed about it at first.  He’s thirteen years younger than me, so I thought: ‘Shit happens.’  But then she got pregnant.  Luckily through the divorce process I had the opportunity to take over this shithole place with no heating, which I’ve turned into an art studio. And now I’m living my best life.  Everything is for sale except the pink chandelier and the dog.  Anyone is free to stop by at anytime.  You can eat or drink whatever you want.  All the young people in the neighborhood love me.  I’m the oldest person in our friend group.  Everyone else is in their twenties or thirties.  They call me Queen Mama.  I call them my adopted kids.  I always help them with their school projects and resumes and interviews.  I only ask one thing in return.  Each of them has to teach me one new thing every week: a piece of music, a trend, an idea.  Just so I can stay up to date.  Before you take the photograph, let me go inside and put on some make-up.  We were out until 2 AM last night.” (Amsterdam, The Netherlands)

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I’ve shared this video over 3 times and i’m not apologizing

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“Um, I don’t get that.”

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To anyone going through a heart break: you’ll do more important things in your life than date a swine who couldn’t give you the time of day 

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Resume Cheat Sheet.

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i love it when ur talkin 2 a mate and they’re like “OK SO” and ur like fuk yes i am SO ready for this drama ur about to rip someone so good