outlet for thoughts (including vegan ed/recovery so tw) insta: @8lychee
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down to 43kg.............................what the fuckkkkkkkkk am i doing
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Slap me with this
Do you want to know the truth? Here it is: your eating disorder doesn’t make you special.
Up to 1 in 10 college women suffer from an eating disorder or disordered eating. Eating disorders are among the most common chronic illnesses among adolescents. About 55% of the adult population is dieting at any given time.
Your eating disorder isn’t special. Millions of people have an eating disorder. You want to be special? You want to be noticed? You should want to be noticed because you’re kind, funny, smart, generous, creative, efficient, innovative, empathetic. You should want to be noticed because your personality is unique.
Don’t throw away your life just because you want someone to notice you’re skinnier than the average person. Eat your food, keep it down, and don’t overexercise. Find a way to be special that won’t fucking kill you someday.
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Freedom right now for me is to be able to say "I'm exercising because I love my body" and "I'm eating/drinking this to energise my body"
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EDs and childhood yearnings...
I love eating things where I feel like the colour palette or content or theme is cute and pretty. Makes me feel like I’m having a tea party and living an innocent princess life. I feel like a lot of girls I have seen with eds are similar… and also have styles that are a little childish or that there is a trend where a lot of us love “little kid/girly” things… All of this year I got really into dressing how I did in the 2000s - lots of dumb camo and roxy and colours. I love pink and silly things, and I am adoring and loving letting myself adore Steven universe and animal crossing again aha. I think this is interesting. Has anyone else noticed this or am I overanalysing? Maybe we are all wanting love and so we sort of yearn for childhood carefreeness where we felt free to love whatever we wanted including ourselves but also just our interests without judgement?
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Some food I have had recently that I thought were really pretty and I can't stop looking at the photos hehh.
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really want to make more art that is quick to do because i have low motivation and energy... but i am feeling very inspired. i need supplies though... i’m thinking of getting
- coloured pencils (maybe also watercolour ones)
- markers
- journals/sketch book with thick paper
- fine liners
- watercolour set
i am inspired to make things quickly and often, to use strong colours particularly pinks. i think doing this will help me ground myself.
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had a blood test my arms is so tingly also i have all these weird tiny bumps on my face its probably a stress thing cause i was so terrified about needles and was quite anxious but idk this has never happened?? also really tired ahaha but then i guess what’s new
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CAN MY MUM AND SISTER GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN SO I CAN MAKE MY DAMN OATS IT’S 10.15PM AND I HAVE BARELY EATEN TODAY
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i actually eat way less i think when i go out because idk what the calories are plus i skip meals before to make up for what i may eat cause i never know. when i stay home i always eat like 3 “meals” and fruit like it ends up being about 1000 cal but still like... i am just always hungry at home whereas when i go out i am always distracted enough that i am totally fine not eating plus i usually drink alcohol of some description at some point which is great ugh
fuck these thoughts this is insane bullshit right here get the fuck out of my head
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When I was younger I would invite friends over and we'd bake cookies and eat the whole batch I just want to feel free enough to do that again without intensely planning out my calories that day or previous day or day after in preparation, without feeling anxiety over it the whole time, without feeling guilty, without wanting out of the get together so I don't have to deal with the anxiety, without pretending I'm not hungry so I don't have to eat it or saying I'm full so I don't have to eat it or saying I don't like it so I don't have to eat it or saying I'm vegan so I can't actually eat it but really I'm feeling relieved I can use this excuse because I don't have to eat it. I want to feel young and carefree and realise that it doesn't actually matter if you eat a batch of cookies in one night.
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I feel like there's something wrong with a nerve in my thigh it feels tingly and a little painful it sometimes plays up but never for this long fuck. So tired
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Love being tipsy on public transport when Its 6.45pm still bright daylight, I know I'm like the only one and I have an exam 8.30am tomorrow morning lmfao
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