8831blog

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Hi I like gave up but I’m back n better than ever! Swaggy McSwag Swag I’m happy we’re here together but I’m most happy I’m here. today I woke up at 2pm on accident but now it’s 7pm I’m drive king white wine and eating vegetable fried rice. I have a regular degular 8-430 job Monday-Friday and it’s so weird to me that…. Doing something “normal” is making me feel so good? Like maybe the majority of people have it down? Yes and no. I will absolutely work a normal people job but at night I will go to New York or Philly and do cool things my coworkers with kids won’t do. I’ll still wear corsets and pentagrams and play Cannibal Corpse and Rihanna in my car so loud I can’t hear my thoughts. In the past year or so since I’ve left I stopped working at the nursing home. Being around people burning out the end of their mortal coil is just too much. I loved holding hands with people and listen to them talk about living in Italy when Mussolini was in power, asking where they were when JFK got shot, etc but it’s too much. I need to live my life for me. I got my skincare license and now I work at a doctors office. The fashion industry is far behind me. I like getting regular paychecks. not being plied with alcohol and drugs when I’m just trying my best is cool too. I miss being tasked with taking care of thousands of dollars of furs for rap stars, walking into studios and telling people yes, I am in the right place, yes I am wearing fishnet tights on my arms to cover cuts and you will respect me. Now I’m making better connections and friends than I was then which is weird? This wine is kind of going to my sinuses and I wanna wash my hair and then get dressed up to take TikTok videos at home. It’s weird how living out of your bedroom is the new going out and it is… so much better? I feel better.

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https://youtu.be/PAe0gyrDSyg

I kept singing this song and dancing like I was at a midevel faire in my sisters kitchen. I want to stop being so judgemental of myself and just feel cool but I am SO STRESSED. I know everyone everywhere is really stressed rn but GOD. I almost went to the store and bought a pack of cigarettes but I would feel so gross tomorrow.

I wish I had easy comfortable cute loungewear but I’m too tall and fat and poor for that!

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tag yourself as a social distancing mood

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R U L E S

Rules by Doja Cat 

Here’s more info about this project:

I’m not going to have a specific schedule for posting. That’s almost too much pressure. 

Let’s make this clear- I’m not going to stop buying clothing. I’m not that girl. HOWEVER, I will be making an effort to buy smarter! I don’t know what that means at this time but it's a start just to say.

I will not post pictures of me wearing all my clothing, some stuff I’ll just like have an opinion on and take a picture of it on a hanger or whatever. And that's that!

I will try to wear something new everyday!

I’ll link stuff when I can.

Some posts will be very long with lots of links and pictures, some will be very artsy, some will not.

Don’t repost or share my content without my express consent. That’s stealing and fucked up.

I might review some stuff you can still buy. I find clothing reviews helpful because I have a hard time buying clothes that fit properly, & reviews can help people shop better, therefore reducing waste. And being more environmentally friendly is always in style b*tch!

Some things I want to get rid of will be for sale! I might not have a use for it but if I think someone else can, I’ll link where I’m selling it. This project isn’t about making money and will critique consumerism, but I also have bills to pay. The secondhand/reselling market is a great resource for fashion and we should utilize that more!

I WILL NOT BE EDITING MY BODY. Besides lacking the skill to facetune or photoshop, I don’t think its right to be “so real” but then edit myself into another person. If you or someone you know likes to edit themselves, that's fine. But I won’t. HOWEVER (in all caps again),, I did purchase the extended version of the VSCO app for a reason, henny. If I think something looks better if I filter it, it shall be edited in that form. All filtering will be disclosed. In that same vein, I like to pose and photograph myself from stereotypically “flattering” angles. That doesn’t make me less real, fake, invalidate my opinions, blah blah blah because *sometimes* I subscribe to mainstream beauty standards.

Pictures will be taken mostly by me on my iPhone XS or my canon rebel T5 if I’m feeling fancy.

I’ll try to be as accurate as possible when describing or explaining things but I am human and we all make mistakes.

In the interest of full disclosure I do currently work at a clothing store and I do receive an employee discount there. I won’t say which one simply because I don’t want to. I will be fully honest in reviewing items from that store and my employment doesn’t mean I will recommend things from there over other places. Being able to purchase items with that additional employee discount does mean I buy more from there than other places. Basically I work at a place and I buy stuff from there but I’m not paid to promote it, my opinions are my own and don’t reflect that company in any way, shape or form.

Items I do not wish to keep will be taken care of in the most eco conscious way. Some things might be good for scrap fabric, my friend might want something, it could head to Depop. When there is no other option clothing will be donated. 

So that’s my basic outline of my “rules”! Thanks for reading all you cool cats and kittens 

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My New Project

I own a lot of clothes. Clothes for days when I wanna look like Jem and the Holograms. Clothes for when I am so sad I have to wear something that feels like a giant fuzzy blanket to stop from sobbing in public. Clothes I wear when I want a whole room to look at me. Clothes I wear when I am absolutely not paying for drinks. Clothes for when I am the witch of the wood, tell Stevie Nicks to eat shit because actually I invented her look. I use all my clothes, shoes, accessories, and to inform whoever happens to look at me how I am feeling at that particular moment. Except for when I don’t.

Taking cute pics for Instagram

But anyway, I own a lot of clothes. Too many to properly count. And absolutely too many to ever wear. I have clothes from fifty pounds ago that I can’t bear to let go because I tell myself again that “I’m going to lose weight. I need to keep this”. I bought things that still have tags attached that I never even wore because I bought them without trying them on, or they were so cool I just HAD to have it, or I saw a cool way to wear it in my head, or it looks like something I saw in a magazine (yes, I still read and worship fashion magazine editorials like it's 2006). SImply, over the years I’ve hoarded quite a collection of stuff. And I use hoarded in the literal sense. I have boxes of stuff I don’t use or wear or have a place or even care for, because I say that I know it will be of use some day (plot twist 99% has never been). The mass of fashion items I’ve got is a problem for me and others!

Quite twisted at a party after working all day and pulling this outfit out of my ass

So here’s the project. I’m not going to stop buying clothes. I’m not going to Marie Kondo clean out my closet because I think everything in there does, in some form, give me joy. What I am going to do is wear every piece of clothing, every piece of jewelry, all my shoes, my bras, underwear, socks, all of it, and really truly examine why I’m holding on to it. Life is not just good or bad, happy or sad, black or white, and neither are my feelings about clothes. I am plus size (currently around a size 18, but can fluctuate from a size 14-22), 5”10 (six inches taller than the average american woman), so finding clothing that actually fits on my body is difficult. Finding items that fit my body well is another story. My body and self image are all over the place, and so is my mental health. Once upon a time I wore a steel boned corset for 10+ hours a day for six months until I could take 12 inches off my waist, but also I bought shirts I wanted to fit baggy but in reality they are too small now, or never fit in the first place. Basically, everything in my life is wildly, outlandishly,  inconsistent. Fashion is what I care about most, which brings me back to introducing my new project- wearing every item of clothing I own and deeply examining why I should keep it.  I have a whole closet, wardrobe rack, vintage armoire, and more full of 25 years of collecting. Truly, I own some cool shit. That corset I mentioned, a vintage beaded floor length gown in a size two I thrifted, stuff I found on the ground in New York City, things my friends made, my mom’s clothes, so much of my late dad's clothes, lots of stuff older than me, things that sold out instantly I managed to snag, its just endless. Actually, it's not- it just feels that way because I put so much emotional weight into fashion.

Middle of a shift at my nursing home job- no makeup and working eight days straight. Pre COVID so no mask!

If you’re still reading this, please follow my journey that starts with fabric, and ends I don’t know where. I do want to get rid of things (I need to get rid of stuff) but so much of it makes me “happy”. In this journey I am going to discuss how to properly dispose of clothing, how to tell if something fits right, make lots of fashion and film and pop culture references. I’m going to talk a lot about body image, gaining.losing weight. The fashion industry as a whole, my personal experiences and thoughts about the future. How it feels to be a woman, how it feels to be a plus size woman, how it feels to have  a perchant for black clothes, to love drama, to work twelve hour shifts in a nursing home, what it's like to NEVER PAY FULL PRICE BECAUSE PAYING FULL PRICE IS FOR S U C K E R S.I’m going to reminisce and fantasize. I’m going to examine the idea of perfection until it means nothing. I am going to show off but also be too vulnerable. I’m not going to stop buying clothes but hopefully I’ll get smarter at it. My name is Anna McCabe and this is what’s happening.

TL;DR: I’m going to try on all my clothes and decide if I like them and I’m going to tell you all about it. Prepare for lots of dirty mirror selfies.

Easter Sunday 2020 in a pandemic that I only dressed up for because my brother’s girlfriend wore a pretty dress and my mom made a comment about my pajamas

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OOTD 4/3/2019

Oh wow I’ve been working a LOT these past few weeks I’m so tired!!!!! But I decided to wear a skirt today because it’s cute and it will make me feel cute 🌸🌸🌸🌸

Top: Target! I love to get basics from target. They’re never more than $10 and they’re always made great.

Skirt: Torrid CLEARANCE because I’m a clearance queen 👸. It has Professor McGonigal on it in her kitty form. It’s a size 26 but I took it in so now it fits like a glove

Tights: Torrid as well! I used to get my tights exclusively at supermarkets and drug stores but spending $20 on tights gets you vastly more comfortable and long lasting stockings.

Shoes: the same DSW pair I wear every day of my life

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I’m reading Vogue at work and they mentioned this article and it seems interesting so here’s a link 4 later

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billie shoot mood board

I did a test shoot for McCann for Billie the shaving company. I got to style myself and I can’t wait to see the pics! The set was this beautiful apartment in Brooklyn, the team was all women, it was the best! I made a lil mood board to get in the right headspace. I got to use some of the Billie products and honestly they are so worth it. Cheap razors, good quality, amazing lotions- I absolutely recommend buying from Billie, if shaving is even your thing. The best part of a Billie razor is that it comes with a magnetic stand that you can just stick to your shower, so the blade never has to sit and rust on your window sill or wherever. Stay tuned for the pictures I’ll post them as soon as I get them 

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Rise n shine girlies it’s 3:05 in the afternoon and I’m on day 6 of 9 of working!!! I slept past a tattoo appointment today and put a deposit down on a shoot in Brooklyn

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Don’t look at me

I am so upset today I tried SO HARD TO BE NICE AND KIND AND SWEET AND SELFLESS AND LIKE TODAY WAS CRAZY AND IT ENDED WITH SOMEONE TELLING ME TO BUY A DR PHILL DIET BOOK LIKE CAN I EXIST AS MORE THAN A FAT PERSON FOR O N C E IN MY LIFE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE I WILL NEVER BE THIN OR “HEALTHY” ENOUGH OR LIKE FUCK BEING NICE WHO CARES AS LONG AS YOU LOOK SKINNY RIGHT? WHY AM I STILL FEELING THIS WAY AT 25 I THOUGHT THIS WOULD GO AWAY BY NOW IVE BEEN CRYING ABOUT BEING FAT SINCE SECOND GRADE I JUST WANT TO EXIST AS LIKE A SHAPELESS INVISIBLE THING

I just wanna wear something giant and shapeless and soft and ugly like this gross fur coat from Etsy

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Went to a gods and monsters party last weekend

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A girl I used to work with was murdered on Halloween. Today I drove passed where they found her body and this song was playing in my car.

https://youtu.be/uCUpvTMis-Y

We weren’t close but I’ve never known anyone who was murdered before. It’s not my grief to share publicly because I’m not her family or friend. I got the coldest chills I’ve ever had in my life and my stomach feels like a rock. I hope she’s comfortable and safe. I don’t know why I’m sharing this.

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Things I’ve saved from the past month on IG

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Why is this making me emotional

Making tahdig:

“In order to make tahdig the right way, using fancy pots and pans, cast iron, and this, like, French stuff doesn’t work. Every maman from Iran has a pot from TJ Maxx.” “My mother-in-law makes the best tahdig in the world. I’ve been trying for years to get it as good as hers, and she finally told me the secret. Hold tight, guys… a terrible pot! You gotta get good rice and you gotta get a shitty pot.”

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COOKING FOR YOURSELF IS L❤️VE

love really is cooking. cooking for and with your friends is an act of love. cooking for and with your partner is an act of love. cooking for YOURSELF is especially an act of love. the care, the tenderness, and affection??? to nourish not only yourself but the ones you love??? those moments you spend??? god its just love thats all i can say