8picklesinatrenchcoat - Tumblr blog

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

Listen, I know I didn't talk about my rise to the swift fandom on here, but I need to put this thought out SOMEWHERE.

I thought TTPD would be more of a depressed author vibe, maybe a community library as a setting. But now, with the teaser out for the video for Fortnight, I realised it's a detective agency!

I'm in a failing marriage right now, I'm mourning the relationship with my mother, and my next appointment with my therapist is a month away. How do I survive this?

...Ready for it? I don't think so!

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

We were clowning too close to the sun...

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

CW Su!c!dal

I'm so done. It feels like I could have my final breakdown at any second. Every single mundane task feels like too much. Everytime somebody asks something of me I die a little more. I'm not sure if this is burnout, but if it is, then I'm burnt out from life itself. I wouldn't know what there is that could help. Not one person in my life could do anything about it, and I'm too tired to do so.

At this point I'm just writing this, so there is SOME documentation of the things I'm going through. If somebody ever finds this, I'm sorry you had to see my ramblings.

They say bad things happen to bad people, but let's be real: It's not that simple. If it was, the world wouldn't be in the state that it's in. But if it should be true, then I don't know what I did wrong to deserve to fail in life so miserably. Am I really that evil?

I give everything I have, which admittedly isn't much, yet it's still not enough. I can't keep a job, because even when I work only 40h it gets too much. I can't keep my rooms clean, because I don't live on my own and it gets too overwhelming to try and put the work in to keep them clean, when the other person doesn't appreciate the effort I put in. Plus all my mental illnesses don't help with keeping up either. The world goes to shit, and I'm supposed to care, but I don't have the mental capacity anymore to keep up.

Everybody asks me to help them, which I do, happily, and I don't ask for much in return, yet when I do, people barely show up. And when they do, they hold it against me later. And the people that might actually be willing to help, can't, because they live too far away.

I'm choking, drowning in life, it's killing me, and there is no shore in sight. I'm treading water, but how long can I keep it up?

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

When you realise you're nobody's best friend.

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

The fact that companies rather throw away items than to donate them because "it would decrease the value" is proof, that the items in question had a made up value only to begin with.

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

what is that behind Mark? This is a clear shadow of something, but I have no idea what it could be....

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

Me when I wake up with my period

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

If the only reason some people are being nice is because of religion, then maybe some folks should consider going back to church, so they'd be at least decent to other people.

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

Sometimes I wish I could love people as much as they deserve it, not just the amount I'm able to.

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

The way hubby told me he doesn't want to go watch Barbie really told me everything I needed to know.

He practically recoiled, offended that I would ask him such a thing. How dare I assume that he might be interested in watching such a movie!

Well, I went alone and had a great time! So suck on that!

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

When you try and watch some pron, but suddenly you're crying because you feel so incredibly alone.

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

When he says that he craves real ramen, do you learn how to cook an authentic tonkotsu broth, get fresh noodles and some good quality toppings, just for him to say that he "doesn't feel like it anymore".

I'm so done.

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

Do you think Among Us memes will enter Minion meme status in a couple years?

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

I'm so done having to beg for the tiniest amount of attention from my husband. Every positive experience or news I try to share with him (e.g. me having a job interview) he just nods or shrugs to. And it doesn't seem to be a low-energy issue, because just a moment later he listens with enthusiasm to all the stuff his friends are telling him.

Also, him littering everywhere in the house and not cleaning up after himself. He drops food while eating, or a wrapper falls on the floor, and he just... Leaves it. Same with all his laundry, it goes even as far as putting his socks NEXT to the basket instead of inside it. And no, it's not by accident.

Am I just not interesting enough anymore? Is this what marriage just is? Slowly becoming his maid and mother? Having no value in his eyes?

I considered him my best friend, partner and lover. Now I'm not sure if he ever thought of me as the same.

[8picklesinatrenchcoat]

I just thout about how Mark may one day starr in a movie, that will go to other countries' theatres, and he will be dubbed in their language. How weird will that sound? Who's gonna be his assigned speaker here in Germany? (Bigger actors tend to have one assigned voice actor for them here, so no matter what movie they're in, they will always sound the same in the dubbed version.) His voice is so connected to him as a person, people comment on it, try to replicate it, it's unique! How will voice actors compensate for that? Or will the dub companies say "just fuck it" and assign just anybody to him?

I'm excited to see...