a-broken-potato

[a-broken-potato]

I did it. I’m fucked

I want to relapse so FUCKIGN BADLY but he’s coming home soon and it won’t heal by then and he’ll want all my clothes off when he comes home…. Idk what to do. I don’t wanna break my promise but also I crave the pain so BADLY. Fucking hell HELP ME

[a-broken-potato]

I want to relapse so FUCKIGN BADLY but he’s coming home soon and it won’t heal by then and he’ll want all my clothes off when he comes home…. Idk what to do. I don’t wanna break my promise but also I crave the pain so BADLY. Fucking hell HELP ME

[a-broken-potato]

Loving me is a loosing game

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[a-broken-potato]

Pfffffffttt

imagine NOT growing up with severe childhood trauma that impacts everything you do, makes you doubt everything you do or say, and makes it hard to love yourself or someone else.

What a boring life that must be

[a-broken-potato]

I still love you ya know.

As one sided as this is I do.

I wish I didn’t love you

- anonymous

[a-broken-potato]

Fuck

What is this? What am I feeling? It’s like I remembered something new but I didn’t. I’m crying for absolutely no reason, my chest hurts like a panic attack but I’m not having one, and my brain is just being a dick but idek what I’m thinking about

Wtf

[a-broken-potato]

I think theres actually something wrong with me, something serious. I saw a video this morning where a guy literally blew his head off with a shotgun and I felt nothing. What normal human being sees THAT and doesn’t feel ANYTHING. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[a-broken-potato]

the trauma moods

i wonder why my life is in shambles that's weird

i'm going to redesign my room and paint a portrait and binge watch six shows and dye my hair and start a makeup brand and write a novel and read poetry and clean my whole house and

i Can't Get Out Of Bed

uh oh sisters! *showers with the lights off*

cries in the car and almost crashes accidentally

tv static noises

*wakes up* [redacted] *goes to sleep*

i haven't slept in 72 hours and i'm talking a lot about ophelia and reciting hamlet's soliloquies and everyone around me is worried

trying to sleep but there's Something In My Room

*texts abuser(s)* oh this is a fantastic idea

i'm horny and angry about it

i'm horny and sad about it

masturbates and then cries

If You Touch Me I Will Kill You

*thinks about trauma* oh that sucks for whoever that was

oh, wait, that actually happened?????

Shame

i'm going to starve myself until i'm so small no one will want me

i'm going to overeat until i'm so big no one will want me

*throws up for unknown reason*

talk about trauma, but make it funny

I CAN'T DO SOMETHING REALLY SIMPLE AND INSTEAD OF WORKING THROUGH IT I'M GONNA YELL AND HURT MYSELF UNTIL I GET TIRED

i have forgotten every single coping skill i've ever learned

hnnnnnnng

*listens to music from That Time and gets weirdly nostalgic*

i Want To Be Abused

i will never love again! ever!

confuses platonic and romantic emotions because anything that feels Good is confusing

[a-broken-potato]

I could tell you a million things I hate about myself before I could tell you a single thing I like

[a-broken-potato]

Long-term effects of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is when someone does something to hurt you, and when you express your feelings that you’re upset, they turn it around to be something you did to hurt them and they force you to apologize for it, and your feelings, like always, are rendered invalid and silenced, forever damaging the ability to trust others with your feelings because they are always used against you. 

Short-term and long-term effect include:

Distrust in your perceptions

Distrust in people and in future relationships (even involuntarily)

CONSTANT APOLOGIZING

It’s really hard to entrust your feelings to anyone, even when you really try

Can’t start/hold out a conversation

Constant fear of how you are coming across

Always feeling like you’ve done something wrong

Inability to be spontaneous

Internalizing everything

Low self-esteem/self-worth

Still wondering, years later, what you did wrong; how you could have fixed things; what it was they wouldn’t tell you

Tendency to be fearful or on guard

Feeling manipulated

Becoming overly submissive and compliant/dependant

Self-consciousness

Strong fear of losing people

Incapable of saying no (to anything)

Setup for future unhealthy relationships

Unexpected bursts of anger

Sensitivity to people trying to control you

Needing lots of reassurance and validation

Inability to make decisions or think clearly

Emotional instability

Needing affection 

Break down easily/hard to handle difficult situations

Depression

Anxiety

PTSD

Self-harm

Always giving people another chance even when they continue to hurt you (inability to see the bad in people even when it’s necessary)

Trouble sleeping/sleep disorders

Higher risk for substance abuse

Withdrawal and disinterest (self-isolation)

Feeling trapped

Intense feeling of shame or guilt

Disassociation/depersonalization

Compulsions, obsessions

Putting up with harmful or demeaning treatment

Placing yourself in positions of unnecessary risk

Inability to properly or healthily express emotion

Belittling/not attending to your own struggles

Always feeling like you’re in the wrong

Breaking down over minor disagreements

Social, emotional, or academic delays

Problems with self-image (which can lead to eating disorders)

Not feeling deserving of literally anything (including love, help, attention, support, sustenance, basic human needs)

Feeling annoying all the time, no matter what you do

Feeling guilty for being yourself

Feeling guilty for existing 

[a-broken-potato]

I feel so empty and rotten inside.

[a-broken-potato]

“And how does not one single person notice that I’m not okay?”

- the suicide effect

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If you need someone to talk to, just message me or send an ask :-)

[a-broken-potato]

If you need someone to talk to, just message me or send an ask :-)

[a-broken-potato]

It’s depressing to know if I stopped texting everyone first and just waited until people started missing me enough to hit me up, I wouldn’t hear from anyone anymore.

[a-broken-potato]