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[a-game-of-roles-blog]

Holly. And others.

We are reunited today for our “Free Expression” event. My name is Marcia. This is a free space. This is your space. Your freedom. Because I know sometimes this life, as a character, can be hard.

Hi, Holly. How are you today?

Fine. I’m fine.

Remember when we’ve met? I told you that you can participate in some collective sessions. That’s one of them. Let me introduce the other characters. This is June. June just told us about how writing to an imaginary daughter in another society helped her to express some of her concerns. And this is Catherine. She’s a police officer and chose to write to her future self. To remind her her daily struggles...

That’s not what we said!

So Holly is quite young for this program. She’s actually the youngest. Tell us a bit about yourself, Holly.

Hum, well I am a student, at uni. And there was a company, who promised the world to some girls. So I helped to find the truth about it. That’s about it. And they’ve turned it into a TV show which is called Clique. 

Hi Hollyyyyyy!

This is really lame!

Shut up, Jonathan, don’t start again. We don’t need your mean remarks, we are here to make things better for characters.

But your program is bullshit! I’m sorry, I don’t have another word for it. You make us sit for hours in this room, without saying much. And sometimes, you even force us to talk to people we don’t know at all.

I totally agree with June.

Me too.

Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too.

Stop it now! Say hello to your new friend. Holly is a bit lost. You must help her.

I’m sorry Marcia, we sign no contract for that.

Mr. Delanney !

What are your plans for today’s session? Make us look at some extracts of the series which come from our lives? Make us look at pictures of the actors who play us? This is some therapy you have got there, Doctor Marcia! Really helpful! 

Stop it now Catherine! All of you just stop talking! This is a serious work, I’m here for your well being!!

NONSENSE YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE OUR LIVES HAVE BEEN WRITTEN. AND YOUR THERAPY BLAH BLAH WON’T WORK

Tommy, Doctor, please. Guys, go back to your seats. NOW!

Guys? Guys? Where are you????

...

Well, Holly, I’m really sorry for this delay. First exercise: You’re going to meet Jess Brittain, your creator. Is Wednesday at 11 am fine for you?

[a-game-of-roles-blog]

Catherine.

We are reunited today for our “Free Expression” event. My name is Marcia. This is a free space. This is your space. Your freedom. Because I know sometimes this life, as a character, can be hard.

Hi, Cathy. I am really glad to see you here today. I didn’t know if you would come back.

Me neither.

Why did you leave?

Well, I mean... I have had a lot of work and I didn’t find it necessary. I didn’t find all of this helpful. 

I get that a lot. Benefits can take a lot of time. You may not see it now, but you’ll find that this is useful. So today is all about letters. June just told us she imagined having a daughter who would live on Earth, and not in her society. Who did you write to?

Well, this may seem weird but… I wrote to my future self. It’s like a reminder you know, a note for tomorrow.

That’s good. That’s very good. I told you all about the benefits of letters. It can free your miiiind. How did you name yourself in the future?

Well, I didn’t. That’s just silly.

It might seem silly but it’s not. It challenges you to find a truthful addressee. So ? How do you want to name yourself? 

Just Cat’. I like Cat’.

Would you mind reading your letter?

Hey, Cat’. It’s Catherine. Or Cathy. You always change your mind, so I don’t really know.

If we live in a “happy valley”, it is not ironical. Happy Valley is the happiest place for drug addicts. Which gives me a lot of work to do. My life is not a polar. It is ordinary, but in this ordinary world, sometimes, you have to be the hero. And sometimes it is me. I hope you feel the same now. Or later. Well, when you’ll read this letter.

I try to save those who can be saved. That’s all. And if I am considered a hero for that, that’s good. But I am no hero. I hate Royce with all my heart. For what he did to my girl. I am no hero. Remember that.

To my future self: I was just doing my job.

I don’t like to talk. Is there anything I’ve said you don’t understand? I wish you very good luck, my Cat’.

[a-game-of-roles-blog]

June.

  We are reunited today for our “Free Expression” event. My name is Marcia. This is a free space. This is your space. Your freedom. Because I know sometimes this life, as a character, can be hard.

What a bag of bullshit! This is useless.

Just hand over your letter, June. Who did you write to?

I imagined I had a daughter. Who didn’t know a thing about the society I live in.

That’s good. That’s very good. I told you the benefits of letters. It can free your miiiind. What’s the name of your daughter ?

Hannah. Well, my real one. But I addressed this letter to Annie. Shit. Yes, I wrote your letter.

 Hi Annie,

It’s mum. They call me Offred, you know, these times. In Gilead. Life can be hard, so I joined this Free Expression character thing. If you ask me, it’s kind of boring. They asked me to write a letter to anyone I wanted, it’s part of their module. I think all that is a bag of bullshit. How could they give you my letter? You’re in that other world. So far.

I have no idea where you are. When we got separated in Maine, my life stopped. I don’t know if you are held prisoner in Gilead. Or if you managed to escape. But I want you to know what my life looks like now, so I can teach you some things, despite the distance.

I live surrounded by rules. I’m surrounded by pious little shit.

The society is called Gilead. Its name is exactly “The Republic of Gilead”. It is a republic in the first meaning of the word : the government aims at the common good, the “res publica” as Fred told me once over a game of Scrabble. But of course, the common good, for them, that is to say, perpetuate human beings through a dictatorial control of birth is not my common good. I am part of this twisted little world, being a walking womb - a “handmaiden” who is obliged to be fertilised each month like a prize pig. Let me explain how it works: 

- a Handmaid (me), is a particularly fertile woman who is the property of a man - a Commander, a powerful man, and her purpose is only to give birth. That is, a walking womb. And their children are given to the commander and his wife. Handmaiden can not be moms. 

- a Martha is an infertile woman. A domestic slave, basically. She cooks, and all that.

- a gender traitor is a gay or a lesbian. 

- Unwomen are slaves, and they are sent to colonies, to work until they die.

  Anything familiar? All those categories, you can find them in YOUR world. Separated from the others, segregated. They exist, we’ve just named them in Gilead. 

Because the happiness of some means horror for the majority. Not really a metric common good.

Our society is based upon rape. Yes, rape. I name it. Every month, when handmaiden are fertilized, we are being raped. Susan Brownmiller wrote that rape is “a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear”. Well, they found it finally, in Gilead. The best way to keep women afraid.

In my world, women are segregated from men. Because we must follow our “biological destiny”, we can’t do anything. I have to shop with a partner. And the eyes watch us. I know you think this wouldn’t be possible in your world, but think. Think how feminism is still necessary. Think of all the movements of conservatism which affected the 2017 Earth. Your biggest mistake would be to not consider my society possible for you. 

Because in your world, gender is still a problem. Equality between men and women is still a problem. Being a woman is still a problem. 

And fear is all over your world, I can see that. Terrorism. Crisis. Unemployment. Pollution. Climatic change. We were there too. 

What they want, in Gilead, is your individuality. Me, I scream in my thoughts. It’s my only way. But “me”, “I” becomes “us”, a religious mix which means nothing anymore. “Praised be”. “May the lord open”. “Under his eye”. We say those words as we would say hello. Religion is just a means to keep us afraid. Beware. Beware, my dearest Annie. Gilead can, as it was in 1985, be really close to you.

[a-game-of-roles-blog]

I know you are here - James Delaney vs. Mr Aschenbrenner

Good Morrrrnink Mr Delaney. My name is Mr Aschenbrenner. I am a psychoanalysht. I am ze besht psychoanalysht in ze vvorrrld actually, vizout bloving my own trumpet. HöHö. You English people hafe some funny phrases. HöHö. 

I don’t understand a thing you say, mate. Who the hell are you? Company or King? I know you are here!

Ah. Fiolence vill get you novhere viz me, my friend. I hafe treated more psychotics in my life, more zan all ze psychotics you saw in Africa. And it is my understandink zat you vitnessed some shtrange efents zere.

No violence is not really in my blood, you know, Mr German.

My name is Mr Aschenbrenner. Please. And I am here to help you.

Who organised this meeting? I’m just here because Zilpha told me to meet there. In your fucked up modern world.

Höhö. You brought zat name by yourself. Zat is gut. Zat is very gut indeed.

Oh, I see. I’ve heard about it before, you know. “He’s the devil”. “His half sister!!”. “It is hell opened up!!” Let me tell you something: I am hell indeed. I am the devil and I am all your nightmares, your darkest nightmares reunited. For I am already dead indeed. 

I already know ze song, Mr Delaney. Vould you let me tell you my hypothesis about zat?

Go ahead. I’m starting to feel amused.

It is just a basic defence mechanism. You conshtructed, and helped shpread ze vord, a vhole new image of yourself beink “ze Defil”. It is undershtandable, after vat you experienced.

That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

Let me continue. You shaped a poverful image of yourself, a poverful creation. Ze Defil is efil incarnated. He is dark and full of fiolence, and pover. Zis image is a vay to protect yourself, to hide, if you vould prefer. 

What is it that I want to hide?

Ah, you are startink to ask ze right questions. I musht say I am impressed by your villing to cooperate. I vas expectink more reluctance.

Fuck you. I told you, it’s just the change of air. You make me laugh. Ahah. Look. I’m laughing. Ahah. 

Do not make a fool of yourself, Mr Delaney. Do not laugh at me. For I am also a dangerous man, indeed. 

So? What do I want to hide?

Your veakness.

Me, weak? I’ve been in the world. I have sworn to do very foolish things. I am one powerful man. They all fear me: The Company, The Prince Regent. The King. The Crown. I know you are here. They all shit their pants when my name crosses their minds. 

You hafe also a bit of superiority complex. Alfred Adler, bless his soul, discofered zat anytime zere is a superiority complex, an inferiority complex is hidden underneaz. I am goink to repeat ze question, James. Vat is it zat you are hiding? Vat do you fear?

Calling by my first name now, eh? I don’t fear anything. Don’t hide anything apart for my bloody actions. Gunpowder in a stable, all that. 

If you hafe any sense, you vill see zat I am right. I am just here to help you, Mr Delaney. Your case is fery interestink, and my fellow scientishts vould be srilled at ze idea of meetink you... You are an interestink shpecimen. 

People who do not know me soon come to understand that I do not have any sense. And I am not a lab rat.

Not a lab rat, come on, Mr Delaney. I hafe some ethics. You are a haunted man, I know zat. I am just tryink to undershtand vat lies underneaz, and zat begins viz your fears.

I have no fear to feed you with. I have no fear to give you and I will prove it.

Quotink your lines from ze show, I see. Anozer defence mechanism. It is indeed easier to pretend and to embody a character zat vas vritten for you zan to face your inner fears. 

I wrote those lines. They are mine.

Of course, James. Of course. Let us talk about somethink else, shall vee? Vhat do you make of guilt? Vat is ze first think vich comes to your mind, ven I say ze vorld “guilt”?

I did as others did and as others had me do. We are all owned and we all owned others. I have no fear for you and I have no guilt for you. I know you are here.

Obsessive behafiour, as vell. Noticed. Mr. Delaney. I know you are here...

What did you say?

Obsessive behaffffiour.

No, the other thing.

Mrrrr. Delaney?

REPEAT YOUR FUCKING WORDS.

I know you are here. I know you are here. You hafe been repeatink zose vords for for a vhile, Mr. Delaney. Vat do zey mean?

You tell me. You are the doctor. What’s your theory?

You seem like a fery obshtinate man, Mr Delaney. Sometimes ze vords ve say  vizout sinkink zem are more meaninkful. Zey say somethink about who ve are, vat ve vant.

All the tea in China.

I beg you pardon?

All the tea in China. That’s what I want. I know you are here. 

Are you mockink me, Sir?

Never. Do you treat sickness of the mind, doctor? I know you are here. 

Vat do you mean?

I know you are here. I know you are here. I know you are here.

Vat do you mean by zat?

I know you are here. I know you are here. I know you are here.

Mr. Delaney? 

I KNOW YOU ARE HERE. I KNOW YOU ARE HERE. I KNOW YOU ARE HERE.

VAT DO YOU MEAN?

Good day, Mr Aschenbrenner.

[a-game-of-roles-blog]

Rule n°1: Don’t talk - Kevin Garvey vs. Fan 4926

I really love your show. You know, I absolutely ADORE it. It is so powerful and gripping and overwhelming and the plot is something, it’s really something, it’s so original and this thing with the 2% of the population... Well, that’s a show! Some show you’ve got! And you’re great, you’re perfectly great, I could watch you again and again and again and...

Ok now, cut the crap, hon, what do you want? They pay me to answer questions, so I’m here because it’s written in my contract, but I have a religious revolution to handle. So please don’t waste my time.

Oh. Yes, yes, sure, yes. I’m sorry, I’m completely sorry, I totally totally totally understand. I just, you know... And the thing about the hotel! OH MY GAWD THAT WAS SO POWERFUL AND CONFUSING! The way you killed her! I mean, the way you hesitated and the way you killed her! That was... Wow, I almost died there. Well, I died dead seeing this, I was so confused and impressed and...

Honey, please, just ask your questions. 

Yes, of course. Just let me tell you this, I find your story with Nora so inspiring! The way you look at each other, it’s sooooooo beautiful, I wish I had the same!

You know you have a limited time, Miss? And you’ve got just fifteen minutes left. So that’s your choice, you can go on babbling about how great I am - not that I mind, I’m supposed to be the next Jesus so that’s kind of my everyday life now, but it’s for you, so just think carefully about your questions, and fire them.

Well, I mean... I don’t really have a question. I just wanted to see you, that’s all. I mean, you’re so manly, and truthful, and kind, and loyal, and the things you experienced and...

Pffff. I need to stop doing this. I am a police officer, Holy Christ, and the freaking town is burning. 

Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, really. I can see you don’t have a lot of time. But I’m really glad to be here, to see you. This is the best day of my life!

...

...

...

...

Really, nothing? You’ve paid all that money and you’ve got nothing to ask?

...

Ok, so, let it be useful then. I’m not here to teach lessons but... You know, the thing to learn in all this, if there is something to remember... I deal with all this religion crap all the time and sometimes, sometimes, you just have to think by yourself. If people turned to religion after October the 14th, it’s because they couldn't handle the pain, and they had to find something, something, to hold on to. Anything. Because it was so confusing, we had no idea why this happened to us, we couldn’t explain it. And people began to believe in some crazy shit - I know, I’ve seen some crazy shit happening. Because they HAD to. They had to believe in something, or they would go insane. The whole thing is insane. So, Miss, if there is anything I can tell you, it’s this: people are confused because life is sometimes really difficult and... And don’t blame them for that. You have to try and understand that. Don’t blame them if they believe in something you don’t, or believe in something you find weird. Try and understand them. That’s all the advice I’ve got.

Oh, hum, thank you, Sir. Thank you thank you thank you.

Anything else? You’ve got three minutes.

Hum... Well, it’s kind of a tough one.

Go ahead. I’ve got two minutes and a half.

...

Well?

... What do you think happened? I mean, on the 14th?

I wish I’d know, honey. But I don’t. I wish but I’m as confused as everyone.

Oh. Ok. So what about you being the Messiah? And what about the Book?

I don’t believe in it. Come on, you’d really think that I, of all people, would be the next Jesus? Come on. My hair is short!

You’d make a funny Jesus actually.

Anything else? 30 seconds left.

I, hum... 

Don’t be shy.

Well heummmm.... About your son, Tommy...

Yes, great lad. What about him?

Can you give me his number? He’s reallyyyyyyy fit and great and I could watch him again and again and...

[a-game-of-roles-blog]

Is there anything I can get you, Sir? - Jonathan Pine vs. David Farr (vs. John Le Carré)

I wanted to do more.

So that’s it? Six episodes and that’s it? But I have lots of things to tell ! Loads more, as Roper might say.

It’s called a miniseries for a reason, Jon. It is short and efficient, and it must end somewhere. 

Don’t call me Jon. You know I don’t like it. People call me Pine. Or Jonathan, at a push. But never, never, never call me Jon again. I have some standards, I am a man of elegance. So don’t “Jon” me!

Understood. So, Jonathan, why did you come here?

I told you. Why did you have to end the show? Can’t we do more? I want to do more, it was interesting. I had this feeling... Well you know, I had this feeling I was alive again, I was doing something. I had a purpose.

Got some issues there, Jonathan? Well, let me explain. It’s pretty simple. You are based on a book, that is, John Le Carré’s book. He’s the writer.

I know who he is! I worked with him, I helped him write me!

So this book had an end. And we told the whole story. So you understand? You understand it must end somewhere?

Well, yes... But I mean, some stuff happened after Jed left. I want to tell that. I think we could do a sequel, you know, I’ve read about those. They tell a story and they make another one, and it’s called a sequel, and it’s very successful. So here’s what happened:  I became a night manager again, in Luxembourg, actually. And there was this guy, an Italian guy, and he was looking funny, really classy but he had a funny look. I can sense that you know, I’ve seen a lot of people. I’ve watched and learned all their ways, all the ways people talk and behave, and I had a really good feeling that this guy was dangerous. Anyway, I asked him my usual “Is there anything I can get you, Sir?”, and he ignored me bluntly. He didn’t even look at me. Not that I’m not used to it, my job is to sort of... blend in. So anyway, after the episode with Roper, I thought... Well, I sensed the danger, and I went right towards it. So I asked my colleague to take my place, and I followed the Italian guy. I waited until he got out of his room. And I went into his room, and it was blank, you know, really clean as if no one stayed there. So I looked for something, anything you know, to know if he was a danger. I turned the place upside down - pardon my French. And you know what I found? In the restrooms, hidden under the lavatory? A GUN. I found a gun under the lavatory! Now, that’s something don’t you think? Don’t you want to know the rest?

...

David? David? Are you even listening to me?

That’s from the Godfather, Jon. Don’t fool me. Now, I know it’s been difficult, it is always difficult, the return to reality. But you must try. You must really try. Go back, you’re the best night manager in the world! Try to forget all this nonsense.

DON’T CALL ME JON!

He’s going to come back, John, you know that.

He always does, I have been stuck with him for 20 years. Can’t let go. Bloody book. Perks of being a writer, I guess. Your characters stick to you. Well, let’s forget about him for a minute, David, d’you want a coffee? I have a book I want to tell you about, it’s really great, it’s really meant for the screen...

LEAVE ME ALONE BOTH OF YOU!

[a-game-of-roles-blog]

By order of the Peaky Blinders? Thomas Shelby vs. Steven Knight

Say something, Thomas. Just something. Talk to me.

…

You’re here on your own, Thomas. That was your choice to meet here. So say something!

…

Your choice. But I warn you, it’s going to be fucking long if you don’t talk.

…

You’re worth more than that.  I know you don’t talk much, but for once, try and talk to me...

…

You know, about Grace… I’m really sorry…

DON’T YOU FOCKING DARE

What d’you want me to say? I’m sorry, I truly am, but it was necessary…

DON’T YOU FOCKING SAY HER NAME YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Well I mean, I know I deserve it, but can we talk about this? I mean, I am really sad indeed and…

YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU MURDERER

If you only came to insult me, that’s not going to work. I mean, we’ve got to talk, not shout and…

Polly made me. She framed me.  For Christ’s Sake. I don’t want to be here.

Polly is a smart woman. But you, you’re behaving like a child. This situation is ridiculous. Together, we can write a new story, and you can finally redeem yourself.

I don’t give a toss about redemption. My little holiday in France made sure of that. I’m not redeemable. I don’t want to write another story. What will it be, next time? Are you planning on killing Arthur? John? Or even focking Polly?

No, I’m not. Of course I’m not. They’re too precious. But Grace was necessary. For you to move on. To be more ambitious. To expand. And that worked well, didn’t it? See what you’ve become! This is business – Tommy, business!

Everything is about business, yes I know. I’m the one who invented that rule, remember?

That’s what I’m talking about! Welcome back, Tommy.

I’m not focking finished with you. I’m coming for you. You’ll see.

Whatever you like, Tommy, whatever. I never complained.

What are YOU doing in the Garrison anyway? I have work to do. Half of my family is in jail, thanks to your brilliant ideas again. 

About that... That was the great finale, you know. Before series 4.

Well, Steven. I am sick of your games. I always get the blame in the end. Find someone else to be your puppet.

That was the deal, Tommy. The DEAL. You are the character after all. You drive the story. And I’m just writing it.

Oh, don’t you start. You’re in charge, we both know that. You make me do whatever you want. That wasn’t the deal, no. It was not the deal to kill Grace. I didn’t focking sign for that.

I must say I’ve maybe, maybe, gone a bit far on this one. But hey, business as always, eh? Together we’re going to be brilliant. Look, here is the next script, read it and let me know what you think. You are brilliant in it. You are spectacular.

Got to stop doing this, man. I quit. I don’t want to be part of this anymore. I want to be free.  I think. That’s what I do. I think. But you write against my freedom. And you focking killed her. You killed’em all. For Christ’s sake,  I wanted to go straight. I really wanted to go legal!

Don’t lie to yourself, Tommy. You do everything on your own, now, you know that. Well, I can see that it’s been a difficult time for you. But you need to start thinking about your son. They have all it in here, you know, at The Centre. There’s a Mourning Scheme if you want to talk about it. There’s even a Careers Centre if you want to go legal, like you said. But let’s try and make this work, the series 4 has just been written, and you have to move on. 

You’ve got to be kidding, Steven. I am a focking Peaky Blinder. I’m out. By order of the Peaky Blinders.

Actually, Steven... You can’t. See: this is the contract you signed. And it says here that you’re legally bound to me, you’re legally obliged to continue the journey with me and to be part of any series I want to write. So you basically can’t quit.

Like I care about legal. I’m going to send you Arthur, you’ll see if I’m “legally bound to you”. I don’t belong to anyone. I AM A FOCKIN PEAKY BLINDER. 

Oh, oh, I didn’t say you belonged to me. There’s a difference. You just have to be part of the story, that’s all. And don’t threaten me, I know all your tricks, Thomas. I’ve written them.

Tell me, tell me then, what’s in it for me?

Well, for starters, you can participate a little bit more in the writing process. In that case, if you don’t agree with something, we can remove it, and think about it. I’ve actually made a new contract, saying you’re the co-writer. So you have your say in the story.

...

Come on, we are a team, Tommy, you’re part of the family! A team!

I’m free to go after that.

Yes.

Ok then. But it’s the last time, Steven. The last fockin time.

Just sign here... Here we go. Just read the script and tell me what you think!

Yeah. See ya.

Tommy, actually, one last thing... I’ve just begun to write series 5. I’ve got plenty of ideas. It’s going to be extraordinary.

... WHAT?

[a-game-of-roles-blog]

The Doctor will see you now - The Doctor vs. Steven Moffat

Hello, you. 

I had no idea you were here, Stev’. Did you want to talk to me? Because I have things to do, you know, I was planning to go to the Pyramid of Cheops with River. Good choice, by the way. She is an angel. 

You are here because you want to, Doctor.

Well, that’s not exactly right, actually. My TARDIS was a bit grumpy and she landed here, I don’t know why. I saw this room and I thought “Oh come on, a new adventure, I love a hospital!”. Hospitals are the best places for aliens to hide. Remember that time when I discovered a Plasmavore with Martha? Hospital. 

But this one is quite strange. It’s all red and blue, that’s not right. It’s a shiny-shiny hospital. And look! All those faces in the walls! Human faces. Oh, my beautiful humans. That’s really strange. Where did you send me this time?

This room looks exactly the way you want it to look, Doctor.

Mmmh. You’ve always been a bit secretive, Stev’. Not that I blame you, I am a big talker, and sometimes it just doesn’t stop. Quite annoying. 

I know you’ve been sad. Sad and Mad. A sad, mad, man in a box.

Oh, here we go again. That’s marketing, that is. “A mad man in a box”. How ironic, the metaphor, box-TARDIS-TV. Was it on purpose? I’ve always wondered.

I know you miss her. You miss them.

Well I do, I must certainly do, but that’s the rule, isn’t it? You give me a new companion, and every time, EVERY TIME, you take her away from me. She died. That’s what they do. They die and forget and move on. I don’t. Well, the other me-s might, but I - the essential conscience of me - don’t. “Stories are where memories go when they’re forgotten”, remember?

That’s not the point. And you know it.

Blimey, you’re annoying. 

...

Ok, I can’t take it anymore. D’you want me to tell you a story? You can use it in the next series if you want. Capaldi will be thrilled.

That’s not the point.

Doesn’t matter, I’ll tell it anyway. Ok, well, it begins in a place called The Earth. My TARDIS got a bit tired, so she landed a bit further than expected, and I arrived in a town all shiny and crowded, with a lot of people dressed as Roman Emperors, but they were not – I know the difference, Caesar is a great friend of mine. And the thing is, I had this date with River on the top of the Pyramid of Cheops, so I guess something went wrong. There were all these people, running around, shouting things I did not understand like “Roll Camera – Action”. And at “Action”, people began to quiet themselves and moved in a very disciplined manner. They talked strangely as well. As if they knew what to say. It has always bothered me, people who know what to say. 

I wanted to create a bit of an entrance there, so I stood in the middle of the circle, just near a statue of Venus. And the weirdest of things happened. A guy with a moustache came to me – he was not happy at all, I could tell – and told me some words your innocent ears should not have to hear – and said I should move right away, because “they are filming a movie”.

And then I remembered what Amy said about movies. Hollywood. Oops. Definitely not Cheops.

Hey, Stev’. Can you hear that sound? No? Like a rumbling sound, distant but close. No, really, you can’t hear it?

Let me continue – I was in Hollywood then. So I thought I would make the most of it, and I put some sandals on (I am always prepared, TARDIS is a big place) and joined the crowd shouting “Damnatio ad Bestias!”. A good way to practice my Latin, I must say.

 You sure you can’t hear it? It’s becoming closer. Like a drum. Several drums.

Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff. I spent a few days there, and they very much liked me because I told them that actually, Caesar had green eyes, not brown, so they gave the actor lenses, and that his shoe size was 4.5. You’d be surprised, he has very little feet this one.

 Drums and whistle. And like the wind. It’s definitely coming closer.

Anyway. They gave me a job apparently called “historical consultant” or something, and they gave me some green notes that looked weird, and I could have coffee whenever I wanted. After a few weeks, I was quite the man of the place. But one day, as I walked by the path to the shed (it’s called a studio, by the way), no one was there. I asked a guy with a blue cap and he said “Dude, What’dya doing here? They all wen’off yesterday. The film is over.”

Ah. Maybe it was time to go to the Pyramid. But then, when I looked for my TARDIS – I parked her behind the “W” white sign on the hill – she was gone. Gone. My TARDIS, gone. So I thought that, for the first time in my ENTIRE life, I could take a plane, the thing you humans use to fly. I was on my way to the airport when... Well when she came, my TARDIS, and she drove me here.

So what d’you think, Stev’? Is it a good one?

You’re changing the subject, Doctor.

You want me to say it. You really want me to say it then. YES, I AM PISSED OFF, WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME, I DON’T WANT THIS CHRIS GUY, YOU ARE MY WRITER. 

Here we go, finally! This is the first step to recovery, Doctor. Denial won’t lead you anywhere. And we have a tenth series together, the last one, but... Just make it a good one, eh?

You traitor. 

You know it’s for the best.

You quitter.

It’s for your own good.

You coward.

And Chris is really nice, you can trust him. And he wrote you several times, remember? The dinosaurs, that was him. The cubes, that was him. You see! He’s not a complete stranger!

Oh. ok. Well. Better be off. 

Don’t be like that, Doctor. We can have a nice cup of tea. And then get back to work...

What on earth… The sound! I knew there was a sound! My TARDIS!!!! Come here, you beauty, what have you been up to?! I need to go, Stev’!

 Every time. EVERY TIME. 

[a-game-of-roles-blog]

The Centre for Grumpy and Loony Characters (CGLC)

Welcome to the CGLC, the Centre for Grumpy and Loony Characters. 

We are the only facility providing support to characters who have suffered painful experiences. If you need help, we are here. If you want to talk to your creator or to one of your viewers, we are here. Anytime you require support, we are here. 

You can ask to meet anyone, and we will try our best to organise a meeting with your creator or your selected viewer, or, as we like to call them, your Helper. 

                   Together, we can work to create a happier world.

                            We can make you feel better. 

                                 Our motto? “Talk to us”.

Sign up now for one of our three schemes: Mean Creators, Angry Viewers or Free Expression. Fees are subject to negotiations. Prices determined by the fame of the Helper. 

[a-game-of-roles-blog]

You talkin’ to me?

Have you ever experienced a period of grief after finishing a show? Have you ever had that feeling that your life doesn’t matter anymore – because you have nothing to do, nothing to watch anymore?

Well, that’s the point of TV series. They’re so addictive that a TV show structures your time. It literally structures you whole life for a certain period of time: you don’t have to think about what to do this evening, because “eh, sorry, last episode came out”. TV series are the easy option, they become what I like to call “a social goal”: by giving you a purpose, they are also an easy topic of conversation to bring up. What a blessing for social awkwardness.

TV series are socially useful: like a “social pill”, they create emotional bonds between people.  They seem to be a matter of life and death when characters are beautifully written in a multifaceted way. They tackle highly topical issues and unsettling events. They go behind the headlines to offer an up-close look on our lives. The good ones, at least. We benefit so much from them, but is it only a one way relationship?

Shouldn’t characters have their say in being consumed by us? 

Let’s talk!