a-land-of-infinite-wonders
A Billion LightYears From Here Now
Poetry..beauty…love. These are what we stay alive for.
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“I thought he was different” babe he’s a man.
#you’re just a man it’s just what you do#all men#literally why are they like this#why do men#I hate men#like#no#just no#not today#not in the mood#I really thought “this one is nice”#nope#bitch
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I can’t listen to music right now, all the music I listen to is bringing up memories, not necessarily bad ones but I want to just have a clean slate rn. I want to listen to something new but love it and I want to buy new boots but not suffer the blisters of breaking them in. I want to cut my hair but keep the length. Idk what I want
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Might be entering a new era rn? I cut off a lot of people so I’m kinda back to the start, it’s summer and I’m about to go beg for my job back. I’m gonna start driving again, might cut all my hair off too who knows
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It’s so weird to meet people as an adult who you would have idolised as a child or even when you were like 12-13 and the person I am today is somebody my child self would look at and think “wow they’re cool” maybe a bit scary but still, child me would idolise me rn and how far I’ve come and all the people I surround myself with.
Is this what it means to heal your inner child?
#if this isn’t the goal in life then idk what is#becoming the person you idolised as a child#being the person you always wanted to look up to#it’s like being a parent to your younger self#is this what it means to heal your inner child?
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Actually losing the will rn
#this boy I kinda like has been texting me a lot#we’ve been talking for a couple months but just like friendly#so we’re friends#he has started FaceTiming me#so we FaceTime for ages and text all the time#and then he goes out of his way to avoid me in school#won’t speak to me#like bro are we friends are not?
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Okay I’m completely rethinking what I want to do in university, my application is already away but I can change it in July but if I change it then that’s my final decision
I really love film and tv, I’ve applied for film studies but I’m thinking it’s a stupid decision now. I know I’ll get the grades for basically anything I want, so it’s not about grades. It’s just now I’m thinking about doing law or criminology instead, or maybe social policy and human welfare. It’s a huge difference from film, but I think it’s a more sensible option. Everybody says doing something like film or art is a waste, maybe it is.
If I do law or politics then It will be easier to get a job and it’ll mean I won’t be jobless and have wasted a degree and be thousands in debt. But idk
#crisis#I don’t know what to do#my future is so uncertain rn#I have exams tomorrow#and for the next month#these are my final exams and are basically what tells me if I’ll even get into university#I know I will#but what do I do now#I’m so confused#maybe it’s just me trying to distract myself#idk#I don’t know what I’m doing anymore#is law a better choice?
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I had this realisation today about something that happened months ago and it’s kinda bothering me now even though I can’t go back in time to change it.
#I want to vent about this but at the same time I’m really unsure#the basic of the situation is like#on new years I went out#but I blacked out for a couple minutes#I didn’t drink a lot and I have never blacked out before but one thing I did do#was drink something somebody gave me#this boy I was talking to the entire night gave me vodka and red bull#but it was basically placed in my hands and he gave me like half and then took it and sat it down#I’m pretty sure he spiked it now because events later on that night point to it.#I don’t know how I didn’t realise this ages ago#i shouldn’t have taken the drink but I wasn’t even thinking about that possibility#this boy was so easy to trust#like I know people already spread awareness#but I’m so stupid I didn’t even realise#my friend that night decided to leave the bar and we ended up going home thankfully#but#idk#I’m kinda scared now#even though this was ages ago the realisation of this has shaken me
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#I have a cute story#I desperately wanted to be friends with a boy in work whenever I started there#and I would literally do anything to be his friend at the beginning#I gave him so much chocolate#and it’s like over a year later and we are actually good friends now#but he’s a very calm person but kinda grumpy#and I’m energetic and annoying#he once referred to me as an elf because I’m annoying and small#and it was the best compliment ever
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I’m in a pickle
#okay not a pickle#I’ve been kicked out of my house#and I have nowhere to go tonight#like I’m in work right now#but#what do I do after?#I have nobody I can stay with#plus I couldn’t even go home if I wanted to#I live far away and I can’t drive yet#so I can’t walk home and get my stuff#what do I even do rn#there’s no hotels in my area#there is literally nothing#I’m gonna have to walk like 10 miles to get to my house to be put straight back out
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Just handed my notice into work, officially in my last week woohoo
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Im getting an arctic monkeys tattoo next week and I’ve fully decided on what I’m getting but I don’t know where to put it on my arms, I already have one tattoo on each arm and plan to get more but idk where to get this😭
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I just failed my driving test and this is such an awful feeling, this might actually motivate me to study now because I can’t cope with failure, if I opened the envelope on results day and seen that I didn’t get into uni I don’t know what I’d do, it would feel like this x100 and I don’t think I’d be able to cope with that.
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What do I do if not post about the secret history, music or teenage girl problems? Okay so today it’s a teenage girl problem.
I really really like this boy, and I’ve been talking to him the past few days. But not “talking” talking, just talking like normal talking. My friends think it’s gonna become something and it’s kinda feeding my delusions 🥲 I don’t want to completely get my hopes up but everything he is doing kinda points to something happening between us but at the same time, what if he doesn’t see it like that? You know? I don’t want to be so excited and like tricked into thinking this will be something when I’m just going to be let down in the future.
#having a crush#is the worst#I don’t know what to do#I really like him#but like#idk#I’m scared#because the last time I liked a boy I was absolutely destroyed when it all went to shit#that was kinda different than this though#this boy is more like#real#I need advice rn#like#I really need advice#am I misreading the signs?#teenage girl problems#am I right?#No I have other shit to worry about but this is my hyper fixation rn#a boy.#this is typical me
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Bro is sending videos? Damn
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Hahahahahhah not me. Not at all
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it’s finally happened again. You know that feeling when you see somebody’s name pop up on your phone, or you see them in work or in school… you hold one conversation with them and you are literally on top of the world.
#okay yeah I know it’s just a crush#but I haven’t had one in like#over a year.#and the last one went so badly#this one probably will too#I have so much more anxiety about it this time#I rarely crush on people but when I do#I really do.
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