a-napoleon-lover-at-17 - Tumblr blog

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

Coming back just to say THIS IS BEAUTIFUL OMG???

💗🧡

Written under a fever and muscle aches after getting 3rd shot of vaccine, and a certain monsieur came to visit in my dream.

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

Pass the happy 🌻 when you receive this, list with 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications! 💜

Aaaww, thank you! I’m so sorry I’m answering this literally years later, but thank you for thinking of me.

Things That Make Me Happy:

-Spending time, specifically talking to my friends

-Certain songs instantly cheer me up; I’ve compiled them in a Comfort playlist on Spotify

-Reading fluffy fics, or fics with happy endings

-Seeing good art

-Memes

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

Hi! Just wanted to check in, since I haven't heard from you for a while <3 happy holidays!

Thank you so much!! I'm sorry for replying to this literally years later, but thank you! I hope your holidays had gone well and I hope you're doing okay nowadays.

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

This, plus exams. I feel you. 

I generated this meme because it is exactly my life right now

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

Oooohh, I like these! I do think they fit quite well!

Songs That Made Me think of IkeVamp Suitors

Characters mentioned:

- Napoleon Bonaparte

- Vincent Van Gogh

- Theodorus Van Gogh

Oh look. I made a post.

So anyways, this is just a random IkeVamp post i made. I would like to try how it feels to make a post on tumblr.

This came to my thought when I listened to this so be prepared

(This is purely my opinion. If you have your own opinion, then it's fine by me)

Me making this post:

1. Vincent Van Gogh - Sunflower by Post Malone and Swae Lee

I remember the first time I listened to this while looking at some IkeVamp pics. And then when I look at Vincent's pic with this playing in the bg, I feel like i got some sort of realization that this may (or may not, it depends) fit for Vincent. Or basically aome part of his route.

Especially this part:

"You'll be left in the dust,

Unless I stuck by you,

You're the sunflower,

I think your love will be too much"

I think it is safe to interpret that, maybe that's Theo saying that internally. I think he's the type to proof of how much he cares for Vincent through his actions.

As for the first line, maybe it was Theo's wish to make Vincent's art well known to other people. Like, letting the world know that this is the painting that his brother made.

2. Napoleon Bonaparte - After Dark by Mr. Kitty

Let me be honest with you all.

I actually didn't know why I think this song fits him. For the first time. I randomly found this song through a speedpaint video. And because it sounds dope, I decided to listen to it more often.

But then everything changed when I look at Napo's pics with this song playing in the background.

The only thing I can make interpretation of from the song is this part

"I see you, you see me"

"How pleasant this feeling"

I'd like to imagine, that this is how Napoleon feels towards MC. Or it could be the opposite.

3. Theodorus Van Gogh - Big Brother by Fail Better, Heal Faster

Ah yes... brothers.

You know, I kinda feel touched a little when I listened to this while looking at Theo and Vincent's pics.

Actually, this doesn't just fit Theo. This fits BOTH Theo and Vincent.

What makes me think that is this part,

"My little brother has a heart of fear

From struggling through all the years..."

And

"But I know that he's strong

'Cause he's one of the ones who taught me how to love

And has made me who I am"

I'll just... *lays down and think about what I just said*

So, there goes my brainrot about these songs. I went through my draft and found this laying unedited. So... here.

See you and I hope you have a nice day.

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

いつか…貴方の前から去ってゆく日が来るだろう。

その時が来たら貴方…どうするの?私を永遠に縛り付けるつもりなの?それとも…私を空まで送って離すつもりなの?

けど今は、ただ日当りの真ん中で貴方と一緒に笑ったり歌ったり、貴方を幸せにしたり、そして貴方を見守り続けたりしていく。

あの日までずっと、貴方の傍に居させてほしい。

I missed you.

.

Le Comte de Saint-Germain © Ikemen Vampire, Cybird.

|| DO NOT REPOST OR USE IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION ||

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

This singlehandedly made me laugh and come back to Tumblr. Absolute gold, great Jojo reference, keep it up.

Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D

Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~

Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise! 

Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him

Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you” MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you” Mozart: ?????????? Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg

Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.  MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters

MC: So how was your day, honey? Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps? Comte: for now.

Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch

Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer

MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you

Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor

I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.

Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai:  MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu. Dazai: wheezing

MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:

MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA

At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC

Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit

For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point

MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?

MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in. Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch Napoleon: laughing in agreement

Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous

Isaac: How are you feeling? MC: Oh, I’m not Isaac: seconds from dialing 911 Isaac: Are you okay? MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer Isaac: say sike rn

Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something:  MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. Isaac: unable to help a laugh

One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like: Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls MC was so hecking proud of him

Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful? Isaac: please do not, no

Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult. 

MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi..... Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano

Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom? MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”) Jeanne, fighting a smile:

MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:

Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.

Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.

Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...

I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.

Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”

Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...

But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.

MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing

MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job

MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.

MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one! Vincent: ;-; MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait (MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)

Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.

MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.

Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.

Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon

MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD! MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time

Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s

MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC: MC: MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite

MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest.  (I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)

Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

Ready to fall in love with Comte 😍🥰

Thank you everyone who liked my sketch earlier and encouraged me to color it 💕 Here’s the result!!

Full pic:

My last non-chibi illustration for 2019 ♥️ I’ve colored and shaded him a little different than my usual style don’t know if anyone can tell the difference lol

Hope you guys like it❣️

P.s stay tuned for my 2019 art summary and some 2020 updates 😉

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

So my friend on Discord just sent this on our server.

I stand by my words. Arthur is a surface whore. That is to say, a whore on the surface, but a fairly decent guy on the inside.

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

LMAO, SLAY, YOU ABSOLUTE BADASS!

That would probably me in Jean's route when meeting Gilles de Rais 🤷‍♀️🤣

Can't wait to read his route ! 🥰

Don't repost, only reblog

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

HE'S BABY!!!!!! 🥺😩💟💖💓❤💕💞💝

Kid Napoleon anyone ? 🥰

I was bored so I just drew this 😅

Don't repost, only reblog

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

🥺🥺🥺❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Hello I don’t really know how asks work but I was wondering if you could do a hc for Napoleon with the MCs name as Marie Antoinette naked after the last queen of France

So to make it more reader-insert wise, I made the name Marie as the middle name of you, the reader. This ask was a bit more romantic but I enjoy it none the less. Also, I love your username so much. Mammon is one of my favs to write for which btw I’m open for ObeyMe asks- 

Tagging @delicateikemenmemes because I know how much you love Napolean so as your designated bread giver I must-

Napolean and Marie!MC

He was intrigued by the way you introduced yourself, particularly with your middle name

You explained that you were named Marie after Marie Antoinette, since your mother loves French history so. You were at first, baffled yourself that you were here with the famous titles of Napolean Bonaparte and Jean D'Arc

At first, it was quite odd to the both of you, considering Napolean's technical connections to the former Queen

"My second wife after my Josephine was related to Marie Antoinette," He admitted, after being quite unsure what to call you by

You weren't an avid fan of French history as your own mother had been as you were drawn to geography, but you still remembered that as a fact

You bowed, apologising to the general. "My apologies, Monsieur Napolean. My naming might bother you, so you're free to call me as YN…"

"No no!" He felt quite bad after making you apologise to him so formally. "I do not mind at all!"

As the days went by, he'd switch the way he'd refer to you, calling you by YN and Marie

He wasn't that hung up about where your name was from

Actually, it makes it way easier to call you in public because you wouldn't be targeted if your name was relatively foreign

On some of his teasings, he'd call you Little Lady. Later he'd explain that Lady could be derived from Marie

You'd try to reach for something on the shelf, but unfortunately you were too short too

"Do you need some help Little Lady?" He'd wink at you, having a little chuckle at how you were tiptoeing for the item you needed

The way he called your name sent butterflies in your chest, especially when you two had a relationship

After a sweet romantic dinner on the tower you two would spend your nights, Napolean brushed away a loose strand of your hair and tucked it behind your ear

He'd kiss the strands near your ear before getting down on one knee, your hand in his calloused hands, roughed from sparring and fighting

"YN… Marie… My love…" He began. "Can I promise myself to you for the rest of my life?"

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

A/n: I’m sorry if I couldn’t post the ask here since it got deleted for some reason and I have to do it all over again. Also, thank you for the encouragement! My exams are over and the next one is one December. So far my grades are really high uwu. I hope you enjoy and thank you for requesting.

Requested by: @dazaiswindow

Character and letters requested:

Dazai:

C (Cuddling)

D (Dates)

K (Kisses)

L (Love)

Y (Yes)

Z (Zen)

Dazai

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

He likes to spoon you. It always tells him that you’re always in his grasp and you’ll never leave his side.

He likes to cuddle with you every night. At first you thought he was a hugger when he sleeps but it’s just his way to compensate for all the teasing he has done throughout the day. He knows his teasing doesn't go too far but he wants to take precautions. He wants you to know despite the teasing, he loves you ‘till his heart explodes.

When he hasn’t teased you within two hours, you know he wants cuddles. A bad mood coming from his lover isn’t fit for the sweet, hour-long, cuddles he wants so he might as well postpone his plans until he gets you wrapped around his arms.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

An ideal date starts with an ideal invitation. For some reason, he always knows which window you are closest to. He’ll knock on that window and ask you on a date right away. When the window is open and there is no need to knock, it startles you but he’ll apologize after that.

He doesn’t like to take you to crowded places because he doesn’t like you to be out of his sight. He also doesn’t like taking you to cafes and restaurants since he finds it cliche to take you there.

But Dazai does love to take you out on walks in parks and famous places in Paris. It’s just the two of you spending time without any disturbance from anyone or anything. His favorite place to take you isn’t far from the forest where the mansion is located. He likes spending his time with you in the nearby flower fields.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

His kisses are playful and loving. At that moment, he wants to tease you so bad but at the same time he wants to show you what you mean to him.

He doesn't have a preference where to kiss you, but if he had to choose it’s anywhere that gets you blushing. He loves the reactions you give him and it makes him smile if you do.

One time he tried to give you a surprise kiss. He invited you to the large tree in the garden and so you went. He was nowhere to be seen but moments has passed when he emerged high up from the tree. He hung upside down and used his legs to support him from falling off. Right after his lips pressed right on your cheek, he fell off the branch. You reprimanded him not to do something foolish ever again and took him inside to take care of any scratches.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

Let’s be honest teasing is his love language. A day wouldn’t pass without it. He can’t help it but see you blush and give out all the adorable reactions you give him.

Knowing he once wrote a 4.1-meter long letter to his mentor (refer to this post) he might as well write lengthy love letters to you (not that long of course. He doesn'want to overwhelm you). The first part is filled with a lot of teasing it right when you get past that it shows all his truest emotions written in such a poetic matter.

When he thinks you’re having a bad day, he’ll try to make you cackle using his eccentric ways. He’ll put all the teasing until you feel better and try to give you all the love you deserve like hugs and kisses.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

He didn’t expect him to propose to you since you two have been together so long and lived under the same roof for such a long time, it felt like you two were already married. But he wanted to ask for your hand in marriage because he wants to show you how much he wants to spend the whole of eternity with you.

He wanted to make it memorable for you and you could associate something with that precious memory. When he heard one of the residents talking about a firework show, he thought of the perfect plan.

In the day he acted like his usual self but under that facade of his was a nervous man excited to hear his lover’s reply when he pulls out a diamond ring.

(Refer to D) He took you to your usual dating spot and spot hours together thereby having a picnic so you won’t be suspicious. It was getting dark and you told Dazai if you should go know since the others might worry. He insisted to stay for a bit longer. You trusted the novelist and sat right back with him on the checkered blanket.

Not long after the night sky was filled with lights that lit up the night like exploding stars. It’s been a while since you saw fireworks but they never fail to amaze you. You turned around to Dazai who was already down on one knee with a velvet box in his hands. You were speechless as he confessed what he feels for you and you only said to him one word that made him the happiest man in the world. Right after he slid the ring on your finger, he gave you the most passionate kiss he could ever give you as he indulged himself in that perfect moment.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

At first, he thought he should keep his troubles away from everyone, including you. He doesn’t want anyone to worry about him and he wants to keep that care-free persona. But once you found out, it made you worry more than he thought it would.

You immediately made him some miso soup with extra tofu and coffee brewed to his liking. You scolded him that he should keep these sorts of things from you because he might get himself hurt. Once he apologized and promised to tell you when he’s stressed, you gave him all the love and attention you can. It soon came to him that being honest with you about what was happening in the present isn’t as bad as he thought it would be and all your comfort made him felt calmer than facing his troubles alone.

When you’re not around in the mansion, he often goes to his pet Bunta and listens to his chirps and songs. If he’s stuck in writer’s block, he’ll learn back on his chair and listen to the bird sing from its cage.

ABC Fluff Masterlist

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

This is SOOOOOO pretty OMG!!!!

- commissioned on IG -

Info : here

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

Wow, interesting!

I'm watching something about Leonardo on TV and they showed some of Leonardo's old diaries which were brought back in France by.... Napoleon 🤣

So Napoleon made Joan of Arc a national symbol (it was said that he admired two women in his life : Josephine and Joan of Arc) and he brought back Leonardo's stuff and insured them because he considered them as a treasure to be kept.

Like, Sebastian is a history buff (since he's a historian) but sorry, Napoleon is also a fanboy 🤣🤣

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

Ah, there they are. Fresh, delicious, crispy memes.

tw: mention of anxiety

meme cult: @kisara-16​​ @datenoriko​​ @ravendoom​​ @thedollarstoresatan​​ @funshinebear6​​ @nafeary​​ @thesirenwashere​​ @littlewitty​​ @smartass-hoot​​ @artsyka​​ @moshi-moshi-sunflower​​ @arsnovacadenza​​ @cheese-ception​​ @jiyuu-chan​​ @cottonfluffballofdoom​​ @amy-hoshi​​ @yoursharmonia​​​ @juminly​​​ @incorrectikesenquotes​​​ @mnthpprt​​​ @a-maidens-dream​​​ @inlustris-but-obey-me​​​ @icesheetbaby​​​

(if anyone wants to join the meme cult please DM me 😊)

more here

[a-napoleon-lover-at-17]

Beautiful, yet painful. Aaaah, this is so well written! 🥺🥺❤❤❤

Communication is key

!!!!!TW: Dark, dark thoughts! Violence! I reaaally have no idea what's up with me, so I can't really specify!!!!!

A/N: Here we go again... Read more will be added when I have an access to a pc. Please excuse any grammar errors.

Pairing: Comte de Saint Germain x reader

* * * * *

Things were getting bad again. You woke up one day and the world seemed just a bit darker, a bit more glum, a bit more colourless. It was like the volcano that is your happiness finally erupted and coated the world in a thick layer of ash. And all the repressed thoughts, doubts and worries spilled out, slow but steady, and ready to burn, just like hot lava.

It went on like that for a while, the thoughts getting closer and closer and one day, they just consumed you completely. You didn't want to do anything, didn't have the motivation to do anything, but there was this fear inside you, fear of upsetting your loved ones, that you still got up and did your work.

But you had to let go of something, so your mind wouldn't shut down completely.

Who would've thought skipping meals was so easy?

Oh how your hurt, twisted mind enjoyed the way your stomach, that has been empty for days now, squeezed and turned in an attempt to let you know its needs, filling your head, that was already aching from the malnutrition, with deep grumbles.

You seriously didn't think this could go on forever, did you?

It must've been one of the residents who told him. Maybe it was Sebastian, he spent most of the time with you afterall. Maybe it was Arthur when he caught you in the library, leaning your head on the shelves, because you were lightheaded or maybe Dazai, who caught you outside smashing your head against a tree he was occupying, your facial muscles clenched and teeth tightly clamped together, frustration written all over your face.

But that didn't matter now.

What did matter was him, in all his perfect beauty and grace. He sat behind his desk, fingers weaved together in front of his chin. The only thing he was lacking, was that trade mark smile of his, now replaced by what an onlooker would call a blank face, but those who knew him could recognize a scowl forming on his face.

It started simple. "How are you ma chèrie?" By now you had realized that lying would be futile, so you answered truthfully "I'm not doing so well right now. But no need to worry my love, I'll be alright soon enough." you smiled at him. Never in your lufe have you realized how straining it is sometimes to smile.

Comte sighed "You tell me not to worry and then I hear you've been neglecting and hurting yourself. I think that gives me a good reason to worry." He didn't lie, you had to admit and so you only looked off to the side and nodded your head.

"Why didn't you come to me? I could've at least tried to help you." His eyes were staring right into your soul, searching for truth. But the truth was, that you had no idea. Maybe it was due to your trauma, but consulting your problems with your lover never even came up as an option in your head. The first thing your brain commanded to your body was selfdestruct. And so you only shrugged.

"May I know what's plaguing your mind my dear?" he asked oh so softly and caringly. Your response was almost automatic "Oh it's nothing serious, I'm just a bit under the weather is all. I'll be better in no time!"

Comte sighed. But not sadly anymore. His sigh was filled to the brim with dissapointment. "And yet you still lie to me. What am I supposed to do with you?" a small, loving smile accompanied the count's second sentence.

What am I supposed to do with you?

AnyThIng yOu WAnt! Your mind screeched, its voice echoing off the walls of your soul. I aM eMPtY anYwAY! My LIfE's NoTHiNg bUT a FlEetiNG aFfaiR in YouRS, so i T dOEsn'T reAlLy mAttER, DoEs iT?

Despite the burning lava turning your brain into a piece of coal, you felt empty. So so empty. No feeling, no meaning. Unimportant.

You needed to feel. You needed to feel. You NEEDED to FEEL! Youneededtofeelyouneededtofeelyouneededto-

"Hit me."

It was but a mere whisper, but he was sure he hasn't heard anything more loudly than this. In a split second, he left his desk and stood facing you. Your eyes, sunken and empty looked at his clearly worried face.

"I'm acting like a brat. So hit me."

His arm, quick as lightning, shot out towards you. But instead of stinging pain, you felt warmth where he pressed your bodies together. You felt the smooth material of his coat against your face and his arms tightly wound around your back and waist.

And as his warmth seeped into your skin, your being was overcome with one, simple feeling.

this isn't right

no, a slight whimper escaped you. He only held you tighter.

Even as the whimpers rose to screams, screams of pure anguish, desperation and frustration, and you started to thrash in his embrace, he didn't let go.

"No! No!! You don't understand, I-I need the pain! I need to feel it! Please!! Let me go! No!"

Your stammering screams shattered his heart into pieces and he couldn't help but drop his mask of perfection and cry, while trying to shush and soothe you.

Despite the tears rolling down his cheeks, his voice didn't break once and his hold didn't falter, until you went lax in his arms. Comte looked down at you, a small part of him hoping to see you content and better, but what he saw only broke his heart further.

You were resting your cheek on his chest, your empty, dead gaze set somewhere far, your lips chapped and dry. You looked exactly how you felt.

Broken.

Your lips started moving, at first only slightly, nearly nonexistent trembles. After a few seconds you whispered "Why am I like this?"