a-shadowedvales

[a-shadowedvales]

(long-song) the eleventh doctor, by frankie ─── good men don't need rules. 𝖳𝖮𝖣𝖠𝖸 𝖨𝖲 𝖭𝖮𝖳 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖣𝖠𝖸 𝖳𝖮 𝖥𝖨𝖭𝖣 𝖮𝖴𝖳 𝖶𝖧𝖸 𝖨 𝖧𝖠𝖵𝖤 𝖲𝖮 𝖬𝖠𝖭𝖸. ©

[a-shadowedvales]

🐝  *  ―  𝑩𝑨𝑹𝑩𝑰𝑬 𝑨𝑺 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑷𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑪𝑬𝑺𝑺 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑷𝑨𝑼𝑷𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  all my life i’ve always wanted to have one day just for me.  ❜ ❛  i could take flight but would it be right?  ❜ ❛  duty means doing the things your heart may well regret.  ❜ ❛  but i’ll never stop believing.  ❜ ❛  ok, what idiot put this in here?  ❜ ❛  it was waiting there, so how could i refuse?  ❜ ❛  what? making a decision without me?  ❜ ❛  you simpering simpleton!  ❜ ❛  no! i won’t let go!  ❜ ❛  there’s nothing like some fresh air and a change of scenery.  ❜ ❛  i wish it were that simple.  ❜ ❛  did you really think you could make a living as a singer?  ❜ ❛  it’s alright. i mean, i’m used to it.  ❜ ❛  i’m just like you.  ❜ ❛  don’t get any ideas, [name].  ❜ ❛  i’ll take my chances.  ❜ ❛  i don’t think we run in the same circles, but … perhaps we can change that.  ❜ ❛  i can’t believe they won’t let me in there.  ❜ ❛  i am simply not going to look at myself.  ❜ ❛  [name], what would i do without you?  ❜ ❛  are you out of your mind?  ❜ ❛  there’s a time and place and way for everything.  ❜ ❛  promise me you’ll never do it again.  ❜ ❛  just who do you think you are?  ❜ ❛  i thought i was dreaming but i’m not.  ❜ ❛  i can see it when you’re feeling low, you can’t hide that from me.  ❜ ❛  i wish you could see the you i see.  ❜ ❛  i love you the way you are and that will never change.  ❜ ❛  i can’t let you do it all by yourself.  ❜ ❛  together we shall always be as one if you love me for me.  ❜ ❛  i’ll stay by your side if you love me for me.  ❜ ❛  what are we doing here?  ❜ ❛  why would you do this?  ❜ ❛  still underestimating me?  ❜ ❛  and what proof do you have of this ridiculous story?  ❜ ❛  i don’t believe you’re theperson they say you are.  ❜ ❛  you do love disguises, don’t you?  ❜ ❛  now who has nowhere to go?  ❜ ❛  sometimes being free means choosing not to go, but to stay.  ❜ ❛  uh, i’m quite sure this is not a good idea.  ❜

[a-shadowedvales]

when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.

when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.

[a-shadowedvales]

@havvkinsqueen : is it everything you hoped for?

the weeping creatures that had long reigned in janessa's young body were finally beginning to dissolve. the blood on her hands, the thrumming ache in her heart mattered not— not when she was integrated into an environment like this. where individuality was celebrated and respected, where loneliness felt far less burdensome. apart from a few connections created in archery club, ( a sport jane had become incredibly fond of, as it was a way to develop her concentration and attention skills, ) there had been one student amongst the herd she'd already developed a nice connection with. she felt very lucky to know the ghostly girl, in fact. while she hadn't yet sought friends out, too occupied in finding herself opposed to forming true bonds, it didn't mean she wouldn't welcome them when or if they came along. ❝ it is... strange. but good. ❞ hesitation threatened her expression of glee, worried if she proclaimed just the extent of her happiness, it may be stripped from her in a moment's breath.

hope was certainly an interesting choice of words, given she'd known nothing of aspirations nor possibilities outside bleak walls and unbearable tests for eight straight years. nevermore academy was a masterful change: the child would never take it for granted. she cleared her throat, daring to elaborate. ❝ there is a lot to learn. i think i can do it. ❞ confidence slowly began brewing in the crux of her core as each new day approached, understanding the array of subjects, requesting assistance when she needed a guiding hand, raising her own when believing she had a correct response in class. although, chrissy was a different case completely, and one which jane didn't understand in the slightest, no matter how she tried. how could you be alive and dead at the same time? one of the many complexities still nagging for an answer! ❝ is it normal that it is… hard? ❞ she scarcely thought she’d breeze through the workload or social norms, but there was part of her feeling somewhat behind. chrissy had been here far longer, which is why these concealed questions were directed to her, someone with more experience. ❝ do you find it hard? ❞

[a-shadowedvales]

what is this town's importance? an otherwise mundane, typical american drive-through with minute views and routine lives… if not brimming with ghosts, there'd be no reason to even bother using it as a gas stop: forgettable and tedious. what is this town's importance to me? it is everything! so, when she's given the opportunity to scour its premises in full, the ins and outs without fear of spying eyes and their hungry jaws, she approached it confidently. starcourt mall specifically became a place of grave interest, like a moth to a flame, she'd grown accustomed to the buzz, the excitement of girlhood which had been so heavily deprived. such extensive crowds once would've had her retreating back into the shadows whence she arrived; now she found herself enthralled by people watching, being out in welcoming environments decorated with normality, doing the same things as other girls her age, things considered ordinary.

where confidence blossomed in some areas, she still struggled elsewhere: asking for help from workers remained a sore spot. a good ten minutes of hesitation left her plainly observing the staff behind the counters and strolling the floor of the shop, until she finally retrieved the courage required, approaching who she thought looked the kindest of the lot. ❝ where is the spy girl? with red hair. the pretty one. ❞ jane held comics with wonder woman and scarlet witch on the cover in either hand, holding them up to him, wordlessly explaining she was searching for a specific character; these just weren't the superheroes she sought. the black widow was her intended purchase, but after flicking between what seemed like countless stacks, she came up empty handed at every turn. ❝ will you help me look for her? if you are not busy. ❞

CAREFULLY CALLOUSED FINGERS FLICK THROUGH A BOX OF COLOURFUL COMICS. he's generally ignoring the awful melody playing overhead. Eddie isn't entirely sure what he's currently looking for, he was just going to let the comics tell him what he needed. whether or not that worked out... well time would tell. begrudgingly, Eddie finds himself humming the next song that comes over the speakers. likely looking a touch silly standing there in his usual garb minus the leather jacket he normally sported. it was far too warm now for leather.

slipping a comic free, he looks over the front and back cover. teeth tugging at the skin of his lips. limbs jerk only slightly when his shoulder is tapped. gaze flicking from the comic caught between his fingers and the —- well he was never good at gauging age, she could have easily been his own age.

" hey, uh —- somethin' I can help y'with ? " it was hardly something that was common, next to no one approached him. and there @shadowedvales' was looking at him almost expectantly. Eddie wasn't sure if he was missing something. perhaps she wanted to see the comics that were before him.

[a-shadowedvales]

she felt dull in comparison to so much that's sharp and clear and beautiful in her surroundings. compared to someone like nancy wheeler. elle's grief was insurmountable, but her festering void had wriggled free of feeble stitches, summoning the love she desired so desperately to pertain and provide. it itched the way phantom limbs itch. even more, now there's a soothing edge applied, particularly to the ugly ink marring her skin, and elle's eyes fail to fall away from their interlocked trance upon @hollowvictory's own. never had she known such gentleness, providing safety in something as simple as a touch. she nodded, gaze finally drifting downwards, ❝ not kind. bad men. ❞ answering in one of the only ways she knew how: describing the people of her past without delving too deep into the poisoned waters. however, a lifeboat was thrown out to rocky tides through the act of sharing, and the girl grabs hold with both hands, pulling herself afloat. today was not the day where explanations would part, but with the new symbol of security wrapped around her wrist, that time might come sooner than anticipated. ❝ thank you. ❞ with her free hand, eleven gently caressed the small beads, twirling them around the elastic band holding them all together. ❝ you are sure? you will not miss it? ❞

❝  it’s okay—  you can touch it if you want.  doesn’t hurt anymore.  ❞ / for yj!

the older girl is exceedingly gentle when the pad of her thumb runs over the ink etched into elle's arm : 011 . a profound ache hits nancy like a bullet to the brain ---- she's so young , and permanently marked . even if she wanted to , she would never be able to forget what she went through before she found the yellowjackets' cabin .... or what came after , with the lives lost . much like nancy & every other person seeking refuge in the wooden shelter , part of them will stay in these woods long after they're rescued . if they're ever rescued .

fighting the urge to draw the younger girl into a hug , or worse , cry , nancy manages to swallow her own feelings enough to get out the words , ' ..... --- they weren't very kind to you , were they . ' whoever they were , those people who had her before . monsters , nancy's certain of it . it comes out as more of a statement than a question , a pressureless invitation for elaboration if elle finally felt the urge to open up a bit . ' you know what ? here . ' taking one of her beaded bracelets off , she slips it onto elle's wrist , moving it up to cover the stark black numbers . ' you can keep this . '

[a-shadowedvales]

outstretched fingers were not invasive in the slightest; jane approached the situation like one wrong move would result in dire consequences, like the other's face might shatter before her very eyes if touched incorrectly. a breath was pulled in [one that jane didn't realise she was holding] and attention momentarily subsided, though the brows don't unfurrow. ❛ he is right. badass. ❜ she smiled, allowing her finger one more second to continue its carefully crafted path, taking in the touch and sensitivity with avid concentration. one may think she was seeking out how these scars were obtained by looking at them, opposed to asking, but she's simply trying to be as respectful as possible. ❛ do they hurt? ❜ words weaved along the action of her hand retreating, focus placed instead on rain herself, rather than the bleeding evidence of hardship and ache.

[ TOUCH ]  for sender to trace one of receiver’s scars 

@shadowedvales

she has given permission for the other to touch one of the smaller scars on her face. it's near her right cheekbone, and has a bit of a jagged shape. is it from nails, maybe? she honestly can't quite remember. childhood is blurrier than it used to be, and even if it wasn't, keeping track of every scar was a lot easier said than done.

"jj said that one makes me look kinda badass." she states with a little grin, flexing the scar slightly. "i dunno how true that is, but it's not going anywhere. so..."

[a-shadowedvales]

[a-shadowedvales]

her nose scrunched, gaze furrowed over the light blue perfectly painted across her nails, investigating the foreign colour like a stray cat sniffing out a disposed leg of lamb. her examination immediately halted, instead shifting attention towards nancy when she spoke, nodding automatically: anything nancy said had to be true! ❛ okay. i will be careful. ❜ she repeated, proving she understood provided instructions. she specifically liked the way the colour distracted from the rotten, frostbitten flesh scarring the index and middle finger on her left hand. ❛ this is... something girls like to do? it is normal? ❜

one liner starter for @shadowedvales .

' okay .... it's all done . you've just got to be careful while the nail polish dries , alright ? otherwise it'll smudge everywhere . '

[a-shadowedvales]

protestation harboured in the pit of her stomach, the prospect that perhaps she shouldn't be here sending dread all throughout her insides. still not fully convinced this wasn't a trick stirred by mother miranda herself, a ploy of trust, a test. nothing was free in a world where monsters shambled on disobedient limbs— where deaths corrosive ichor swarmed their veins and crafted a livelihood. the jaw is clenched, peering at @chaoslulled sternly but openly. she squared her shoulders, cleared her throat, not allowing uncertainty to cloud any form of speech expelled. memories packed to the deepest pools of her subconscious, seething crimson showing ugly teeth and hunched backs; the stuff of nightmares, of living endurance. stupefying probability, no fruit pulled from its grapevine quite like hers. completely unique and yearning for normalcy. she grasped as much confidence as she could muster: still not convinced, no, but how she wanted to be!

hesitation rests as the backbone of existence; her prologue scribed by lacking assurances and vague actions. although, evident cracks were forming within strict marble carving, too long replacing an adolescent body. she trusts her, [great beast of a word! trust never came easily to you. shall it ever?] and that trust was indicated when she leaned heavily into the elder as she helped her up off the bed. bitten fingernails laying a tight grip in her arms, slowly pulling trembling legs to the ground, feet planted firm. she watched the woman's face with an unyielding gaze, and a small, blink and you'd miss it, smile launched across her youthful demeanour as her guardians nose scrunched in displeasure, something so natural, human about the movement. ashley was a sight to behold, indeed.

like a lithe black cat scampering in a place it'd already been thrown out of, jane, despite holding the provided hand like a stable lifeline, is set on edge. eyes darting back and forth as their short journey began. trepidation seized waking moments, each departed breath advocating some kind of prose she's yet to obtain to uncover forgiveness. [how tender i might’ve been— how beautiful. if i wasn’t moulded so differently than everyone else.] there's a grand array of people present in the walk to their intended destination, and she kept her glance fixated on their joined fingers, like it could protect her, take her away from the idea of being perceived.

here we exist, under horror-clad factors, terror itching beneath the flesh. crawling. festering. devouring. copper tinge tasted in the surrounding atmosphere, chilled exhaustion wreaked havoc in the delicate place between her heart and mind. so extremely tired; sick of gnawing malevolence which seemed void of true weakness / like a cockroach could survive a nuclear blast, this evil too, seemingly shan’t vanish. she’s no prophecy draped by gods, but a motherless babe, a girl desperate for a landmark to call her own. [when would it be enough? when can i be free from shouldering these wicked implications your expectations buries me with? never, child, don’t you realise?] the soothing of ashley's thumb against her skin was incredibly nurturing, that she nearly allowed the words 'that is nice' to escape firmly sealed lips. jane refused it, kept it securely locked away, making certain it didn't rise.

she froze a little at ashley's inquiry; her pace continued but the ease was slightly abandoned. "i. um. i do not remember. i'm sorry." she frowned, genuinely trying to wrack her brain for the memory of her latest meal. the further she searched, a brief image of a brunette woman was instead conjured, her open face and warm embrace, felt like it were yesterday. perhaps that was the mother she was told she had? perhaps it was the face of a woman who never existed at all. how was she to possibly know?

sometimes her heart felt too timid for her chest— rattling around mercilessly, homeless, ceasing contentment. her patience ran bone deep, but she wasn't entirely sure ashley's did; when it took her minutes to answer, a strike of worry pounded in her head that her companion was growing irritated. her overwhelmed nature was obviously noted, and fret for ashley's patience dissipates, visibly releasing a relieved sigh, shoulders falling from their tightly-wound hold. "i will tell you if i feel overwhelmed. thank you, ashl-ley." it's the first time the name had been purposely spoken since meeting, pronounced aloud to indicate a level of trust, commitment to the notion that she'd been freed from the darkness, and maybe, just maybe, a new life could be found.

"can i try both foods?" since arriving at this protective base, jane underwent very little pressure or expectation; the adrenaline finally started to fade. it struck her most as her eyelids grew heavier, bones feeling more like dust than lead. her curiosity was getting the better of her, too, and in no louder than a whisper, jane dared to ask about this environment, question the things she didn't understand. she breathed in, back out again, a pre programmed tide that came as naturally to the body as the sea itself. [how can a place i've never stepped foot in before possess the ability to honey me until i'm a shadow of the girl i was days prior? i am still learning how all of this works!] "who is luis... and leon?"

The girl is damaged far more than any of them could've guessed;   she looks at her like she's some sort of savior, like she's all she's ever known when it comes to kindness that spills over like this.   Like sunshine on a warm day, seeping over the cold of winter in order to warm the chill in bones.  But the whole time her hand stays firm, perfect –– she remembers being this scared, remembered being alone and trying to talk herself down from her fear.   Leon had tried his best to be there at all times but in reality the island had put them through hell;   pattered footsteps on aching floorboards, the soft hisses of gasping control.    Ashley knows what it's like to be frightened and out of control, can still feel Saddler's influence in the back of her mind on her darkest days  ––  she is the same woman who has turned a knife on Leon and a gun, and who has killed.  Her hands are drenched red with missions that she cannot take back and it haunts her at night, the ghost of the victims on her ceiling, pressing on her chest  ––  screaming you did this until she thinks she'll never get to sleep, until she thinks that she'll never stop apologizing for the things that she's done.   

Missions like this though make it worth it –– to see the flash of intelligence in hollowed out eyes, to see the spark of connection in a victim that just needed someone to wrap her hand around her wrist and lead her to safety.   She might've not been as lost as Jane seems to be, but it doesn't matter;   she makes it her personal mission to ensure the safety of this girl.   To make sure she is protected, no matter what.   Her mind is already running a marathon, coming up with terms and conditions that no one will really read save for Leon  ––  it'll come with his signature frown and disapproving look, but the truth is going to be plain on her face.   SHE ONLY TRUSTS LUIS WITH THIS.   This staff is vetted constantly but it doesn't stop that mistrust that echoes in her chest.   She will not let Jane become a victim again.

So she will bear the crescents of her nails in her palm from squeezing too hard.   She will never bring it up.   All she does is smile in response and is patient while she sounds the word out, gets a feel for it in her mouth.   Ashley has all the patience in the world because Jane deserves it.   She's been devoid of this sort of thing for so long and it's not the first time the rage rises in her chest, a volcano threatening to destroy Pompeii beneath her ire for what Miranda has done.    ❝   A mentor is someone who teaches and guides you.   He helped me become an agent, like him.   ❞   Mind slides to Leon once more;   she can't help but wonder if he'll be proud, if he'll see himself within her protectiveness, within her firmness to keep this girl safe.   

Eyes turn soft;   she's not overly surprised at the hunger that she feels.   From what she could see of the room where she had found her, there hadn't been anything substantial.   Then again, did Miranda truly care?   All Miranda had wanted was to use her until she was a husk and she got bored of yet another toy that she had dragged to her castle.   She has to bite the inside of her lip in order to fight down that rage once more, but this time it's easier;   it's easier because Jane is looking at her like she is ready to listen to her, that she could lead her anywhere and she would raise her chin and walk in proud.   It's hard to focus on yourself when you have to uphold your own sense of self for the sake of others, when you have to become the leader that you've been afraid to be for so long.   But she can do this  ––  she can be the leader Jane needs, the figurehead that helps pull her out of the dark that has encompassed her for so long.  She tightens her fingers on Jane's, giving her that reassurance that it's okay to ask for things like this.   That she should voice her opinions because she deserves to.

❝   Of course you can.   I can't promise it'll be this really fun adventure but it's better than this stuffy room.  ❞  For effect, nose scrunches to show her displeasure, and then she's gently reaching out to help Jane fully stand, to get her legs under her after so long.  Once she's sure that she's going to be steady, she begins to lead her, thumb running along the back of her hand as she hums.   She never steps too far out of pace, keeps herself next to Jane rather than in front of her   ––––   she makes sure that they are equals. 

❝   When was the last time you had a meal?    Was it big?   ❞    Assessing eyes glance over at Jane, taking in her lithe frame, the way that she looks as if a breeze could blow her away.   Miranda's neglect for her once more makes her grind her teeth, but she simply gives the girl's hand a gentle squeeze.   The anger can come later, in the shooting gallery.   In Leon's office.    Where there is not a repercussion to a break down, where eyes aren't looking at her like she is some sort of savior.

Ashley uses her shoulder to nudge open a door a little further, entering the small break room.  It's thankfully empty, save for one person who's already out with their tea in hand, not even sparing her a glance.   ❝   How about we raid the fridge?   Luis and Leon always bring the best stuff.   Leon if you're looking for health, Luis if you're looking for some weird family recipe that he swears was passed down but really came from Food Network…  ❞   Words trail off and she realizes the fact that she's rambling, soft wince crossing her features.   ❝   You can tell me if you feel overwhelmed, okay?  ❞

[a-shadowedvales]

so… in the additional media of stranger things (specifically the comics i’m mentioning), it was initially brenner’s idea/plan to kill off the other test subjects because they weren’t performing as well as eleven was. it was his best solution because that way, all the resources, time, and money could instead be placed only to her. and i just…. sure henry is a fine character and the massacre makes a lot of sense to me, but i think i am once again gonna change up my canon to actually fit this potential narrative instead.

i genuinely think the comic canon of the lab and brenner is far more intriguing than the show. everything with 9/9.5, ricky, and francine. eleven being the only one who grew up completely in the lab. those other kids were either volunteers, well into their teens, or had some semblance of a home life. eleven was the only one practically moulded from the womb. and they all had such a range of interesting powers. i firmly stand with the idea that jane is the only one who can contact the void.

brenner’s entire point of view on the lab subjects changed the second he found out terry was pregnant. he discovered he could steal this baby and make her his own. there would be no convincing the child because it’s all she would have ever known. because of this, i would not put it past a man like brenner to kill the other subjects for the sake of the “greater good” in this case, eleven.

eleven’s gifts just continue thriving beyond his wildest expectations. brenner would never dare assume that having moulded her from the womb, she would still be able to grow into her own person, her own mind, and one day be able to see him for exactly who he was.

back before season four aired, it was obvious there were other test subjects because jane was 011. so there were at least ten kids before her. but i always liked the idea/assumed that she was the last experiment because she was the most successful. that they didn’t need anyone after her because she was fulfilling everything they set out for her to do. with flying colours.

i just think the whole rainbow room idea, pitting the kids against each other thing… been there, done that. boring and predictable. i think at this point my portrayal of her time in hawkins lab really stems from the complete isolation she endured. where having the rainbow room, although eleven was obviously the most isolated out of the kids, brings that sense of community and sister/brotherhood. albeit extremely warped and toxic. knowing that she wasn’t alone in that experience just. doesn’t sit well with me. i think it’s important to note that she was alone, physically and mentally. which is why kali is also so important to her growth. i thought a lot of the flashbacks of her time in the lab during season four was really boring, repetitive, and just very predictable. although peter becoming vecna was a surprise to me, and was a nice little twist, the idea of her having an ally on the inside was really interesting.

maybe they did get as far as they do in canon, peter ballad was telling the truth about everything, about some of the workers there being prisoners like him, and he really wanted to get her out and to safety. but before they can escape through the pipes, they’re caught. peter is shot on the spot, and eleven is put into the isolation room for a few days as punishment. in this timeline, henry would be vecna, but henry would not be peter ballad.

when eleven turned seven, and was already showing extreme promise, where the other children were average at best, brenner had the eight children killed. kali had already escaped. this was the main cause for peter to gain eleven’s trust and try to get her out. because if brenner could murder his “children” in cold blood, there’s no way eleven was safe even in spite of her power.

when eleven is allowed out of the isolation room, her testing becomes more rigorous in attempt to distance and make her forget about what she attempted to do with peter. brenner begins gaslighting her, saying that there was never a peter, that she must have been dreaming. eleven does ask “papa” about “mama”, given peter told her of the day terry broke in the lab, but brenner is convincing enough to make eleven believe it was all in her head. say she is around eight years old, meaning the same timeline of season fours canon flashbacks.

i still do wanna keep the henry creel canon, and keep him as 001. brenner didn’t have him killed alongside the other test subjects, because who knows, one day he could become an even better asset than 011. brenner definitely wants to be able to control henry, but keeps the chip in him because, for the moment, doesn’t know how. killing him would be too big of a loss.

when eleven is ten years old, henry’s concealed powers break free and he manages to get the chip out himself, and unleashes hell onto hawkins lab. he almost kills brenner by snapping his bones, but eleven manages to stop him. her extreme abilities are unleashed, and she sends henry to the upside down. she does fall into a coma due to the extremity of the situation, but she does not forget what happened. brenner believes she’s the perfect weapon as she stepped in to save him without a second thought, was able to defeat henry, and opened a door to something he never thought possible. eleven is rewarded for her efforts. although she remembers the entire battle / confrontation, her memories regarding the portal are very hazy.

brenner decides not to focus on the portal straight away, instead gets her training harder and harder to see what else she can accomplish. also loved the idea of brenner sending her into the void to “look for him” so that will definitely be kept.

by the time she escapes and season one begins, her knowledge of the upside down is basically what we see in canon. because she passed out the moment after she sent henry away, she was once again gaslighted into believing she merely threw him through the glass and killed him. for two years she believed this, until making contact with the demogorgan, and those memories return completely.

due to her saving brenner’s life, (it was pure instinct. she happened to be there. saw her “papa” hurt and knew she had to make him better.) brenner constantly thanks her. but in a very condescending way. tells her: “you saved me so i can continue saving you.” aka, harness your abilities and see what else i can achieve from you. despite the fact that she saved his life, these words and phrases make her feel indebted to him. that she owes him something further.

i don't realistically see her thriving with her speech improvement until she's well into her twenties at least. her slowed development, sensory and social deprivation causes a serious delay in language. surrounded by other children she would have overheard conversations, some would have spoken to her. her conveniently forgetting her upbringing pre the battle with henry just isn't good enough for me anymore. it makes more sense for her to have been raised alone.

it also helps indicate why she gravitated towards the boys when they found her in the woods. they would have been the first people her age she ever remembered seeing. as far as she knew, during the lab there was no one like her. everyone was much older, they were adults-- although she stayed with benny, i'm not sure if she would have stuck around very long. where she followed the boys home without thought.

also it's important to note that after time, jane does understand that peter ballad was a real person, and was truly the first person (aside from terry) who wanted the best for her. when she remembers him, knows that brenner was lying, she deals with immense guilt regarding his death. he was shot right in front of her eyes, because he was trying to help her. this is another catalyst as to why after season two, jane never refers to brenner as papa. she does not give him that sort of credit.

[a-shadowedvales]

winter's secrets were easily buried within pure white; elle knew this terribly well. there was something so eerily uncomfortable during the time of year where the grounds are covered, and you’d be lucky to embrace the suns warmth on your neck once every week, every two weeks. now, however, the body bared some giddiness in light of their new horizon. she busied herself earlier that morning, not long before the dawn broke, by heading outside to check on the blossoming buds she’d kept careful watch of each passing day; they’d become ripe with crisp petals, but hadn’t been ready to pull from the stem. until now. a ridiculous amount of flowers were carefully plucked out of the bushes located barely five minutes north from the cabin, and carried inside the walls to help freshen the interior designing. along window panes, at the eating table, on the veranda: anywhere an empty place could be filled with colourful spectacles. she thought it looked pretty, at least!

"i did." she answered quietly, still holding three butterweed's in her enclosed left palm. she moved to sit beside max, and on the way down, weaved the two with longer stems into bright ginger roots. she spent a good minute committing to perfection, trying to assure they wouldn't move about when max stood up. the last was given pride of place, as elle pulled back a large heap of max's hair, popping the flower securely behind her ear. it was all done wordlessly, a great comfort naturally easing her brittle bones when close to the girl. "i know. it is very nice and warm. it is much better like this." a low hum from the shallow, fluttered part of her chest expelled. "i wish it felt this way, always."

[ BLOOM ]:          sender weaves a number of flowers through the receiver’s hair. / for yj!

months in the wild haven't been the kindest to the copper halo of knots max sports around her head : in fact , to celebrate the melting snow & the incoming spring , she'd had nancy chop her waist - length plaits closer to her shoulders . feeling a million pounds lighter ( and excited about the prospect of feeling the sun on her skin ) , max has taken up a steady residence on the front porch steps of the cabin .

she recognizes the familiar , light pattern of footsteps that creak across the floorboards and perks up almost immediately , spine straightening somewhat to seem less defeated . the smell of something floral is present too , daisies or buttercups or whatever the hell wildflowers were scattered along the trails . ' hi , elle . did you go picking flowers ? it's hard to believe spring's finally here . ' it's hard to believe they survived the grueling winter , but .... well , not everybody did . ' here , come sit with me . ' she pats the stair beside her , an open invitation . ' i'm actually warm for the first time in ages . '

[a-shadowedvales]

so, what if this was a small starter call, and y’all liked it? 👀

[a-shadowedvales]

MIA SARA as SLOANE PETERSON in FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF (1986)     ↳ requested by anonymous

[a-shadowedvales]

Hi I love your entire idea and description of Jane we just want to hold her forever and give her the entire world!!

goodness, hello!! what a lovely message to wake up to. thank you for this!! i love your blog too! i will definitely message you properly when i get out of stupid work!! <33

[a-shadowedvales]

PROMPTS FROM BACK TO THE FUTURE *  assorted dialogue from the 1985 film, adjust as necessary

hey, [name]? hello, anybody home?

thank god i found you.

what's going on? where have you been all week?

y'know, this time it wasn't my fault.

you got a real attitude problem, [name].

why even bother? you haven't got a chance.

yeah, well. history is gonna change.

one rejection isn't the end of the world.

if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

i'll call you tonight.

what are you looking at, butthead?

say hi to your mom for me.

do you have any idea how important this was? do you have any clue?

we're gonna have to eat this cake by ourselves.

we all make mistakes in life.

you didn't fall asleep, did you?

welcome to my latest experiment!

all of your questions will be answered.

when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit.

where the hell are they?

i don't get what happened.

things have certainly changed around here.

oh my god, they found me. i don't know how but they found me.

run for it, [name]!

this has gotta be a dream.

i just wanna use the phone.

you wouldn't want that to happen, would you?

i don't wanna see you in here again.

i'm gonna make something out of myself.

you've been asleep for almost nine hours.

do you mind if i sit here?

that's a big bruise you have there.

what were you doing in the middle of the street?

i think you should spend the night.

i don't wanna know your name. i don't wanna know anything about you.

i'm sorry, but i'm afraid you're stuck here.

maybe you were adopted.

what have you been doing all day?

nothing's coming to mind.

i'm writing this down. this is good stuff.

hey, don't i know you from somewhere?

i'm your density. i mean... i'm your destiny.

i'm gonna get that son-of-a-bitch.

how did you know i was here?

i think a man should be strong... so he could stand up for himself and protect the woman he loves.

i never picked a fight in my entire life.

i'm really gonna miss you, [name].

you got a permit for that?

you might regret it later in life.

you're beginning to sound just like my mother.

leave her alone, you bastard.

this is for all you lovers out there.

will we ever see you again?

i have to tell you about the future!

i figured... what the hell.

look me up when you get there.

i can't keep up with all your boyfriends.

i think we need a rematch.

why am i always the last one to know about these things?

like i always told you, if you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything.

you're acting like you haven't seen me in a week.

roads? where we're going, we don't need roads.

[a-shadowedvales]

here is the meeting of two maidens, two would-be beasts touched by the same hand holding their village in an unyielding possession. but there is no gnashing of teeth, no commenced battle, for now. the scent of death repelled her: the raw skeleton of this castle was brimming with it, so much that she nearly choked. in the light of her fears, she need only recall whence she came, and it provides the vigour required to continue her daring path inside the frightening, albeit beautiful home. in amongst all the rooms, staircases and passages alike, there had to be somewhere she could seek sanctuary, stash herself away for a while, await the creatures to cease lashing tongues, and retreat back towards the ghastly shadows they emerged.

the body of the girl buckled when she came face-to-face with the stranger, believing her a statue before she moved on tremendous limbs to peer down like jane were her newest prey. "i'm sorry— i didn't think... i can—!" she panicked, automatically backtracking three or four steps. she stumbled over her words, locked in a fight or flight state of mind; this figure posed her no harm [yet] but the fear of possibility consumed. the lithe fox threatened by the eager hound. it physically pained her to crane her neck so high in order to gander at the features owning that bellowing, smooth tone. * listen to me, janessa. hold your head, stand tall, do not flee. i love you, i am with you, your mother loves you—

"my name is janessa." answered resolutely, like if she proved she held an identity and confidence, she'd appear stronger. brief strength was forgotten when a gruesome howl echoed outside, lingering into the fortress despite countless windows sealed tight. she winced, but quickly drew her gaze upwards again, worried if she broke contact it'd lead to her demise. "i did not mean to... disturb." voice soft, surrendering, apologising for interference. she suddenly understood this was the lady of the estate, [she must be, with her entire presence mirroring the sheer elegance of every painting, every candelabra]. she figured honesty was the best way around this particular predicament; was it worth attempting to run from a woman with legs so long? "i wanted to hide. be safe. i— i am sorry, miss. those monsters came and—" she displayed her hands outwards, proving her tale true: inflamed, still gently trickling crimson, a result of tripping up the entryway stairs of the castle in her haste to escape.

she begged forgiveness a final time, heart thumping loudly in her chest, awaiting to be pounced upon. she prepared herself for flight, if necessary. "i am sorry."

For what feels like a lifetime, Alcina waits for her maids. The bell had been rung and yet there was no sign of them, her patience truly being tested. If her daughters had chased off their staff then she'd need replacements...but again she reaches for the little bell and rings again. At this stage, as she draws smoke from her cigarette, she may as well go do it herself.

Smoke spills from her lips like that of a dragon ready to breathe fire as quiet footsteps approach, the Lady of the castle is finally pleased. ❝Finally! It's impolite to keep someone waiting! Where have you—❞ as she turns on her heels to face the approach of what she had assumed to be her maids, Lady Dimitrescu is instead greeted with...a small girl.

Golden eyes stare down at this tiny little creature by the doorway to the dining room. She does nothing but stare, like a cat staring at its intended prey, finally another drag from her cigarette is taken and she exhales the smoke. ❝Well well, what's this?❞ An eyebrow raises, an elegant move for such a quizzical moment. ❝And just who might you be?❞

At first glance, she cannot recognise who it is. There's a feeling of intuition like she knows this girl, but Alcina cannot put her finger on it. Most importantly, how did this girl get into her castle? Let alone past the lazy maids that had yet to answer her call, or even her daughters?

@shadowedvales gets a starter from Lady D!