#regaining her powers by simply confronting her past. understanding what she went through. finding ways to cope with it physically and

[a-shadowedvales]

so… in the additional media of stranger things (specifically the comics i’m mentioning), it was initially brenner’s idea/plan to kill off the other test subjects because they weren’t performing as well as eleven was. it was his best solution because that way, all the resources, time, and money could instead be placed only to her. and i just…. sure henry is a fine character and the massacre makes a lot of sense to me, but i think i am once again gonna change up my canon to actually fit this potential narrative instead.

i genuinely think the comic canon of the lab and brenner is far more intriguing than the show. everything with 9/9.5, ricky, and francine. eleven being the only one who grew up completely in the lab. those other kids were either volunteers, well into their teens, or had some semblance of a home life. eleven was the only one practically moulded from the womb. and they all had such a range of interesting powers. i firmly stand with the idea that jane is the only one who can contact the void.

brenner’s entire point of view on the lab subjects changed the second he found out terry was pregnant. he discovered he could steal this baby and make her his own. there would be no convincing the child because it’s all she would have ever known. because of this, i would not put it past a man like brenner to kill the other subjects for the sake of the “greater good” in this case, eleven.

eleven’s gifts just continue thriving beyond his wildest expectations. brenner would never dare assume that having moulded her from the womb, she would still be able to grow into her own person, her own mind, and one day be able to see him for exactly who he was.

back before season four aired, it was obvious there were other test subjects because jane was 011. so there were at least ten kids before her. but i always liked the idea/assumed that she was the last experiment because she was the most successful. that they didn’t need anyone after her because she was fulfilling everything they set out for her to do. with flying colours.

i just think the whole rainbow room idea, pitting the kids against each other thing… been there, done that. boring and predictable. i think at this point my portrayal of her time in hawkins lab really stems from the complete isolation she endured. where having the rainbow room, although eleven was obviously the most isolated out of the kids, brings that sense of community and sister/brotherhood. albeit extremely warped and toxic. knowing that she wasn’t alone in that experience just. doesn’t sit well with me. i think it’s important to note that she was alone, physically and mentally. which is why kali is also so important to her growth. i thought a lot of the flashbacks of her time in the lab during season four was really boring, repetitive, and just very predictable. although peter becoming vecna was a surprise to me, and was a nice little twist, the idea of her having an ally on the inside was really interesting.

maybe they did get as far as they do in canon, peter ballad was telling the truth about everything, about some of the workers there being prisoners like him, and he really wanted to get her out and to safety. but before they can escape through the pipes, they’re caught. peter is shot on the spot, and eleven is put into the isolation room for a few days as punishment. in this timeline, henry would be vecna, but henry would not be peter ballad.

when eleven turned seven, and was already showing extreme promise, where the other children were average at best, brenner had the eight children killed. kali had already escaped. this was the main cause for peter to gain eleven’s trust and try to get her out. because if brenner could murder his “children” in cold blood, there’s no way eleven was safe even in spite of her power.

when eleven is allowed out of the isolation room, her testing becomes more rigorous in attempt to distance and make her forget about what she attempted to do with peter. brenner begins gaslighting her, saying that there was never a peter, that she must have been dreaming. eleven does ask “papa” about “mama”, given peter told her of the day terry broke in the lab, but brenner is convincing enough to make eleven believe it was all in her head. say she is around eight years old, meaning the same timeline of season fours canon flashbacks.

i still do wanna keep the henry creel canon, and keep him as 001. brenner didn’t have him killed alongside the other test subjects, because who knows, one day he could become an even better asset than 011. brenner definitely wants to be able to control henry, but keeps the chip in him because, for the moment, doesn’t know how. killing him would be too big of a loss.

when eleven is ten years old, henry’s concealed powers break free and he manages to get the chip out himself, and unleashes hell onto hawkins lab. he almost kills brenner by snapping his bones, but eleven manages to stop him. her extreme abilities are unleashed, and she sends henry to the upside down. she does fall into a coma due to the extremity of the situation, but she does not forget what happened. brenner believes she’s the perfect weapon as she stepped in to save him without a second thought, was able to defeat henry, and opened a door to something he never thought possible. eleven is rewarded for her efforts. although she remembers the entire battle / confrontation, her memories regarding the portal are very hazy.

brenner decides not to focus on the portal straight away, instead gets her training harder and harder to see what else she can accomplish. also loved the idea of brenner sending her into the void to “look for him” so that will definitely be kept.

by the time she escapes and season one begins, her knowledge of the upside down is basically what we see in canon. because she passed out the moment after she sent henry away, she was once again gaslighted into believing she merely threw him through the glass and killed him. for two years she believed this, until making contact with the demogorgan, and those memories return completely.

due to her saving brenner’s life, (it was pure instinct. she happened to be there. saw her “papa” hurt and knew she had to make him better.) brenner constantly thanks her. but in a very condescending way. tells her: “you saved me so i can continue saving you.” aka, harness your abilities and see what else i can achieve from you. despite the fact that she saved his life, these words and phrases make her feel indebted to him. that she owes him something further.

i don't realistically see her thriving with her speech improvement until she's well into her twenties at least. her slowed development, sensory and social deprivation causes a serious delay in language. surrounded by other children she would have overheard conversations, some would have spoken to her. her conveniently forgetting her upbringing pre the battle with henry just isn't good enough for me anymore. it makes more sense for her to have been raised alone.

it also helps indicate why she gravitated towards the boys when they found her in the woods. they would have been the first people her age she ever remembered seeing. as far as she knew, during the lab there was no one like her. everyone was much older, they were adults-- although she stayed with benny, i'm not sure if she would have stuck around very long. where she followed the boys home without thought.

also it's important to note that after time, jane does understand that peter ballad was a real person, and was truly the first person (aside from terry) who wanted the best for her. when she remembers him, knows that brenner was lying, she deals with immense guilt regarding his death. he was shot right in front of her eyes, because he was trying to help her. this is another catalyst as to why after season two, jane never refers to brenner as papa. she does not give him that sort of credit.

[ahrorha]

Flame of Winter

Chapter 33

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“I secluded myself.” Solas continued. “The other Evanuris thought I gave up and left me alone. I went to one of my palaces deep in the mountains, where now Skyhold stands. I hid there, trying to find a way to stop and punish the Evanuris. I couldn't defeat them on my own. To punish them, I knew I first had to weaken them. To achieve that, I had to take away their magic, their greatest source of power. So I formed the Veil, severing this world from the Fade. I created a prison within the Fade itself, locking them away for eternity. A fitting punishment for their misdeeds. I thought that with the Evanuris gone and the Fade hidden away, the People would finally be free.”

“I knew that in creating the Veil, life for the elves would change forever, but it was better than the alternative. The Evanuris were tearing the world apart and had to be stopped. I hoped that despite the lack of the comfort magic provided, the People would be safe. I hoped they would adapt, prosper and begin anew. But I was wrong.”

“By creating the Veil, I destroyed their world. Not only were countless marvels we had created destroyed, but it changed the very essence of the Elvhen themselves. The legends are wrong; it wasn't the arrival of humans that caused the beginning of ageing. It was me. The Veil took everything from the elves, even their immortality and their deep connection with magic.”

Eirlana shook her head. “Solas...”

“Don't.” he interrupted her. “You know how many elves exist today that have no idea what magic is. Something that should be a part of us. The essence of our very nature has all but gone. And I took it from them. In a sense, I made them all tranquil.”

She could see how responsible Solas felt, and he was. By creating the Veil, he had changed everything. But that didn't mean he was responsible for everything that happened afterwards. It also didn't explain why Solas was here now.

“What happened to you after you created the Veil? I saw in a memory in the Fade how your followers were persecuted. They were searching for you.”

“I was exhausted afterwards. Creating the Veil all but depleted my powers. I went into uthenera at a secret location. I could only sleep and watch as millennia went by. Although I had succeeded in stopping the destruction of the Fade and world, I didn't succeed in guiding the People into a new life.”

“It didn't take long before new wars erupted, fuelled by loyalists of the Evanuris. They tried to take control in an effort to fill the void left behind by the disappearance of the Evanuris. I had left instructions for my followers and allies to rebuild and guide the People into a better future, but they were ignored. Soon they were captured and killed for aiding me, as were all the others who were loyal to me. When the humans arrived, there was nothing left, and my name was all but a curse.”

“With the arrival of the humans came a new player to the Game. Demons and dragon queens, that were also affected by the separation of Fade and the waking world, preyed on them. They whispered to the humans that were talented with magic. Through dreams, they shared knowledge and secrets in an effort to reclaim what they had lost.”

“Strengthened by magic, it didn't take long for the humans to fuel the flames of destruction that I had created. War broke out between the humans and elves, and I could do nothing but watch as Arlathan was destroyed and Elvhenan fell. I witnessed how the elves were once again enslaved by the thousands and how our entire culture was destroyed.”

“When Andraste led her rebellion against the Tevinter Empire centuries later, there was almost nothing left. The elves only remembered vague legends and stories of Elvhenan. But they managed to build a new realm in the Dales after being freed, only to be brought down again by the exalted march. It wasn't solely the humans that brought down the elves but a combination of pride, fear, anger, greed and superiority on both sides. But that didn't matter for the end result. The elves were diminished once again. What was left of the People was either forced to live in human society's outskirts or wanders the lands like nomads with no place to call home, clinging to a past based on lies and stories. Wherever you look, it is the same; the elves are nowhere welcome and seen as lesser beings not worthy of a safe, normal life. They are blamed for everything, if it is disease, famine or unrest. With no rights, they cling to a meagre existence in poverty.”

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Solas clasped his hands behind his back and looked at Eirlana. “When I finally awoke from uthenera, nothing I knew had survived. To me, the world and the elves existing nowadays are almost unrecognisable. The magic that once permeated everything has faded to a fraction of what once was. It felt like I made the world tranquil.”

“What did you do?”

“I regained consciousness slowly and weakened. One doesn't simply wake up after thousands of years. At first, I contacted a few of my followers through dreams. They had survived the turmoil of the ages. Either by staying hidden or like me waking up from uthenera. They were my eyes and ears throughout Thedas, and I learned about the people living now, the groups that are in power and the different cultures that exist today.”

“As my body recovered, I wandered the lands and saw with my own eyes how far the elves had fallen. I also discovered that the Veil I had created millennia ago had weakened considerably. It had degraded with the pacing of time, and many places showed signs of cracks and weak-spots. I feared it would eventually collapse entirely. But with the state the Veil was in, it would be a chaotic process. Some places would collapse sooner than others and would create a chaotic imbalance in the Fade itself. Not to mention the chaotic state the world would face during the ages it would take for the Veil to disappear entirely.”

“So I thought the best cause of action was to remove the Veil all at once.”

“But that would mean....” Eirlana stammered.

“Yes, the world would be plummeted in chaos all at once, but I thought it better to have a relatively brief period of chaos than wait decades of turmoil that would bring more damage to the world and Fade in the long run. But I soon encountered a problem. I needed to use the Anchor and my foci to enter the Fade and reverse the spell in order to restore the world as it should be. My foci had accumulated magical energy for millennia, but my body and magical powers were severely weakened after spending such a long time in uthenera. I was too weak to open the foci's seal and access its power.”

“I devised a plan to let it be opened by someone else. Through dreams and my network of spies, I had learned of the creature Corypheus and his mad plans to rise to godhood. I thought it best to solve two problems at once. I allowed Corypheus to find my orb through my agents.”

“You gave your orb to Corypheus willingly?” Eirlana asked in disbelief.

“Corypheus would have caused chaos with or without my orb. He had already gathered the Venatori and corrupted the Wardens, mages and templars long before he found my orb. The plan was for him to break to foci's seal and be killed in the process. After that, I would take possession of my orb, take the Anchor and enter the Fade to bring down the Veil.

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Eirlana felt sick to her stomach, knowing how many people died through the explosion at the conclave. And how many more fell in the war against Corypheus. Not to mention the many spirits that got corrupted through the rifts. “What would have happened if Corypheus had died at the conclave and you succeeded and take down the Veil?”

“I would have watched as this world would burn in the raw chaos and begin anew. With the last of the Elvhen people that had survived until this age, I would have restored the world of my time... the world of the elves.”

Horrified, she stared at Solas. “That... that is monstrous.” she gasped. “Aren't we even people to you?”

For a brief second, Solas looked down before he faced her again. “Not at first.” he confessed to her, seeing the shock on her face.

“I had awoken in a world where most peoples conscious connection to the Fade was blocked. By forming the Veil, I took away the beauty of magic, creating whole populations with no affinity for magic at all. It was like walking through a world of tranquil.”

“Before I met you, I tried to contact the elves living in this age. First, through dreams, but only a few could hear me. After I awoke, I attempted to connect with the Dalish clans, teach them the truth about their history, and converse with their elders. Sadly only few were even willing to listen. They looked down on me, calling me a flat ear, a liar and a madman. I was confronted with ridicule and violence.”

“I also visited the alienages. I was more welcomed there; though some of the harhen believed me and my teachings, they were powerless. They had more pressing issues like racism, suppression, violence, famine and disease that their people faced.”

“And it was my fault. I took away the essence of the elves and caused their downfall. I was to blame that the elves are now living in the shadows of human society, clinging to false legends and onto a past that they don't understand.”

“I thought this world lost, that is until I met you.” He shook his head. “You started to change everything. When I encountered you in the Fade, I realised there were still things about this world that I didn't understand. Though at that time, I thought it to be insignificant. My plans were already set in motion, and I was determined to undo my mistakes. Corypheus possessed my orb, and I knew he would be at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.”

“My agents made sure Corypheus found just enough information to attempt to unlock the orb there. By coincidence, the Temple was built on the location I had carved a magical seal into the Veil when I created it. I knew it would be the best place to unlock the orb and enter the Fade. That Corypheus chose to be there at the time of the conclave wasn't part of my plan, and neither was using the Divine's life force in his attempt to unlock the foci. The instructions called for the aid of a person with a close connection with a spirit, but Corypheus twisted mind read them differently.”

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It was unnerving to see Solas being so calm. In part, Eirlana could understand that he saw this world as a mistake, but it was difficult to hear him dismiss almost everyone living in it.

“You knew the conclave would explode?” she asked and felt almost afraid to hear his reply.

“Both no and yes.” Solas answered. “I knew there would be a release of magical energy, but I didn't expect it to be so violent and destructive. Nor did I anticipate for the explosion to rip such a big tear into the Veil and damaging the Fade. That it did only proves how weak and unstable the Veil has become.”

“I admit my plan was too hasty and ill-conceived—another mistake in a chain of failures. I hadn't foreseen that Corypheus had managed to find an effective form of immortality. Back then, when you found me in the mountains, I was desperate to find out what had gone wrong. Not only had Corypheus and my orb disappeared, but the resulting explosion had also destabilised the Veil. It was tearing apart uncontrollably, damaging the Fade and this world in its wake.”

“I knew I had to stop it somehow. I knew of Haven through my agents, and I suspected that whoever had survived the explosion would gather there. When Ryan appeared bearing the Anchor, I knew he was our only hope to stabilise and temporary heal the Veil. So I decided to stay and aid the fledgeling Inquisition. Though I must admit that dealing with Ryan's superstition and beliefs tested my patience more than once.”

“As we closed rifts and stabilise the region, I couldn't help but feel uneasy. I didn't know if Corypheus had survived and what he would do next, nor did I know what the state of my foci was. But, as you know, nothing happened immediately. I knew then that Corypheus hadn't succeeded in unlocking my orb because if he had, he would have destroyed us. So I waited and played my role of a humble apostate.”

“During those weeks we lived in Haven, it was an almost new experience. After spending ages as the leader of a slave rebellion, I suddenly lived among people who didn't know who I was. It was refreshing and reminded me of the days when I wandered through Elvhenan. In spending time among the people of Haven, I discovered the lives the people of this age lived, their joys and their struggles. Knowing how important the Inquisition would be in opposing Corypheus, I arranged for elven spies to work and live in Haven. They gave me the information and overview I needed. We also got to know each other and grew closer together during that time. And it made me realise I had judged the elves living now too harshly.”

“I struggled with myself. On the one hand, I had to revert the world back to the state it should be. But I also knew by doing so that I would destroy the lives of the people surrounding me. I knew I grew too attached, especially towards you, and tried to seclude myself. Something I found more difficult than I want to admit.”

“Then we finally managed to close the Breach. But as you know, our victory was brief. Corypheus attacked Haven to try to retrieve the Anchor. I was shocked to see that he was using my foci. He had managed to unlock it partially and could use a sliver of its power. Though I wanted to face him and retrieve my orb, I couldn't. I was too weak.”

“Seeing Corypheus alive and the mistake I made in giving my orb to him made me feel defeated. That night in the snowstorm alone and wounded, I was questioning my purpose. In trying to protect the Elvhen people, I created a world filled with lies, cruelty, and injustice. Greed and the need for power ruled again over the weak, and the elves were suffering once more. I had failed as the protector of the elves, and for a short moment, I gave up.”

“But giving up was never an option. You showed me that. You risked your life to save me, and it made me realise that I still had to fulfil my duty. I knew I had to fight and try again. The elven people deserved better. I owed it to them.”

“But first, Corypheus had to be stopped. By attacking the Inquisition, he had almost destroyed us, but we prevailed. And with Corypheus' plans finally revealed, I knew the Inquisition would redouble its efforts to stop him. But first, the Inquisition needed a new home to stand a chance, hence Skyhold. Originally I had other plans for my old home, but this was more important.”

“Once we settled there, I massively expanded my group of agents. I found elves that were willing to fight for a better future, for a chance to restore the elven people. As my allies grew in numbers, I turned my attention to the elves living now. Though they had lost much of the essence of being Elvhen, there were hopeful signs. Under the influence of the Breach and the rifts, many felt something stir deep within them. I also learned that Briala's spies working in the Crossroads had similar experiences. I knew then that not everything was lost and that the elves living now could regain some of their heritage. They could adapt and find a new life when the Veil disappeared.”

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Solas smiled at Eirlana. “There was also you. You showed me like no other that there was hope.”

He took her hand and looked her in the eye. “I want you to know that everything we had was, no is real. I have never met anyone who could pull my attention from anything that easily. You accepted me even knowing I was hiding things from you. You made me feel emotions I thought I had lost forever. I love you with all my heart and soul. You have a rare and marvellous spirit. Even knowing my fate, I was unable to resist you.”

Under his intense gaze, Eirlana could feel butterflies fluttering in her stomach. Her heart leapt hearing him say those words. But she didn't understand why then he had left her. And why he was trying to leave her now.

“What do you mean? What fate?”

Solas let go of her hand, and his face hardened. “I walk the Din'anshiral. There is only death on this journey.”

Her stomach dropped. Solas thought he was going to die. She shook her head, trying to wrap her head around everything he had told her. “The Evanuris, they will be free again if the Veil disappears.”

“Something I can't let happen again. I will seal them permanently away, but doing so will likely take everything I have left.” he sighed. “I was always prepared to carry the sacrifice and burden for my actions. I would not have you see what I have to become. Too many lives will be lost again before this will be over.”

A chill ran through her as the feeling of dread filled her. “What about the non-elves? What will happen to the humans, dwarves and Qunari?”

“I am not entirely sure, but there is a reason why the dwarves lived underground, and the humans and Qunari only appeared after I created the Veil.”

“The headaches.” Eirlana whispered, remembering the effects of the Crossroads on the others.

He looked remorseful at her. “Many will perish during the chaos when I destroy the Veil, but I fear many more will die due to the direct contact with the Fade.”

She felt herself growing pale as she realised the scale of destruction Solas was talking about. She felt faint and staggered. Seeing her distress Solas quickly helped her to sit down on the remnants of a wall. He knew how soul-crushing the burden was of being responsible for the death of countless lives. He had already done it once, and he was going to do it again. He wished he could spare her from the cruelty of his plan, but in doing so, he would lie to her again. No, he wanted to explain so she would understand that he wasn't the monster history remembered him by.

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Solas knelt down in front of her so he could look her in the eye. “I know how monstrous this sounds, but some things are inevitable. The Veil is broken and will disappear. It was always intended to be a temporary seal. So I could bring a hold to the destruction of the Fade and this world. I hoped that with guidance, the elven people would grow strong enough to oppose the ruling of the Evanuris. But things turned out much differently than my darkest predictions.”

“Not only have the elven people declined to mere shadows of what they once were. There are now humans living on their lands, ruling over them like they are a superior race. But it is not only the waking world that I changed. Through the Veil, I created an imbalance in the Fade itself. I blocked the spirits from a world they always could enter freely. By blocking them from it, they began longing for the living. Thus I am responsible for the existence of far more demons than there were in my time.”

“There is also the issue of the red lyrium, that it has appeared means that the seal containing the corrupted titan has weakened. Unfortunately, Hawke and Varric found the idol we used in the ritual to seal the titan. It was once guarded by dwarves that were loyal to Mythal. Sadly the whole thaig has perished over time.” “That the idol has been used only weakened the seals more, something that is evident by the spread of the red lyrium. My agents and I try to locate the idol to prevent even more damage. It is too dangerous to be used by anyone who doesn't know the full extent of what could be unleashed.” Solas sighed. “There are so many things differently than I ever wished for, but even if the outcome had been different, what I have to do next would have been the same. By creating the Veil, I put the world into a deep sleep, but it is awakening now. The Fade and waking world were once one, it was the natural state of the world, a state of balance that I disrupted, and now it tries to restore itself. The Veil is weakening, and many ancient beings are feeling it. The dragons are returning, the titans stir, and powerful beings of the Fade are waiting for the two worlds to be one again.”

“But I can't allow the Veil to continue to deteriorate like this. It would do too much damage to the Fade and destabilise this world in the process. If I do nothing, holes will appear everywhere, creating the same devastation as the rifts have caused. It would rip the Fade apart and corrupt countless spirits, not to mention the damage it will cause to the waking world. The Veil needs to be removed in a controlled manner. Like I told you earlier, it will plunge the world into chaos, but it will be for a relatively brief moment.”

“Though there will be much damage and many lives lost in the process, it is important that the natural order is restored. Spirits, demons, elves, dwarves and humans need to find their new place in the world. I have no doubts that that process will be difficult and terrifying for the living. And there will be many violent incidents.”

“Every mage, if it is elf, human or Qunari with magical talents, will suddenly find their powers amplified, and my studies show many would be unable to control them properly. Both humans and Qunari have received limited training because of the fear spread by the Chantry and Qun. This fear engraved in them will not do them any favours.”

“I believe elves and elf-blooded would fare better, but they need to be prepared to harness their abilities when the time comes. I have worked and searched for a way to control the impact the chaos will have when I bring the world back to how it was. Though many things will change for everyone, if they are spirits or beings of flesh and blood.”

“What I want is for the elves to be prepared. To give them the best chance to thrive in the new world. For that purpose, I have created havens for the elven people. Places where they can live, learn and train for that what is to come. I have gathered what is left of my followers, awakened others who still were in uthenera, and united the elves living now that heeded my call, be it Dalish or city elves. By educating and training the latter, I have discovered many things about the elves that live today. It gives me hope that not all is lost.”

“The crossroads.” Eirlana whispered.

“Yes. You to should have felt the effects of being close to the Fade. No, even when we were in Fade, you have felt it. How the Fade itself resonates with our being. How it nourishes and enlighten us. I believe some of the abilities the elves once naturally possessed have survived. They are just dormant, waiting for the Fade to return. Though I can't say the same for the humans. Many of them are not suited to live in such a world. The Qunari will also have a hard time, though they will struggle even more because of the teachings of the Qun. As for the dwarves, they are a hardy race, even if they have to return underground.”

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In disbelief, Eirlana stared into the distance. Solas did understand her reaction. What he had told her was a lot to swallow, and for most, the implications of his plans would be considered monstrous. A part of him wished he didn't need to destroy the world a second time. He will take no joy in doing what he had to do. But he had to end what he sat in motion all those ages ago. Not that it mattered right now. He had to patiently wait and give her the time to gather her thoughts. He owed her that much.

Eirlana sat in silence for a while, thinking about all the things Solas had told her. It gave answers to so many questions and explained many things she had seen and witnessed. Though it was horrifying to think about the lives that would be lost if Solas carried out his plan, she partly understood him. It was true that the elves were second class citizens. She had seen the suffering and injustices the elves faced that lived in the alienages all across Thedas. In Tevinter, the elves met an even crueller fate, living as slaves. She knew all too well what it was like to have no will of her own. To be not seen as a person and to be subjugated to the whims of a cruel master.

Even if the situation of the Veil wasn't dire, and Solas would manage to unite all the elves and gain lands to call their own. She knew the humans would never accept the elves as their equals. She had no doubt there would be soon a war or even another exalted march to quell the elvish uprising, as they would call it.

She had witnessed and felt how those in power viewed the elves. They wouldn't tolerate an elven nation.

And besides that, the problem of the Veil would remain. She had noticed the scars in the Veil and the unrest of spirits since the closing of the Breach. Then there was also the corrupted titan, the Blight and the imprisoned Evanuris. She shook her head. This problem was far bigger than she ever imagined.

She looked at him, and although she had still many questions about what he had told her, her heart wanted to know one thing.

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“Why did you leave?” Eirlana asked him.

Solas sighed. She was correct; he owed her an explanation. “My foci. Witnessing its massive amount of magical energy being released uncontrollably was shocking. More so was to see the orb being destroyed. It was my one hope to restore the world, and it was gone. I was in a state of disbelief. And there was also you; you had confessed to me that you knew who I was. You knew the biggest secret I kept from you. It put a lot of things into perspective. I was deeply ashamed; your confrontation and the loss of the orb; led to the only conclusion. I had to leave.”

“Wait, what things fell into perspective?” she looked at him, confused.

“Your reaction. You had withdrawn from me, didn't talk, and I could feel the fear, confusion and doubt whenever I approached you. You were rejecting me.”

“You could feel what?”

“I...” he cursed inwardly. He didn't intend to tell her about what he did to save her. He sighed. “I..., I am bonded with you.”

She frowned in confusion, not knowing what he meant.

“I... When the red lyrium that consumed you suddenly expelled from your body, it left countless wounds behind. You were bleeding severely. There was too much damage, too many wounds to heal. I poured all of my healing magic into you, but it wasn't enough. I could feel the life leaving your body. You were dying. In an act of desperation, I separated a part of my own life force and transferred it to you. It saved your life, but you are now forever bound to me. I am aware of you, even if you are not with me. I can sense the emotions that are the strongest within you.”

Eirlana was flabbergasted, she knew her body and magic had changed after she had awoken, but she never imagined it was Solas who had caused it.

“You know what I think? Is this... is this way my magic has changed.”

“No, as I said, I am aware of your peak emotions. You are overwhelmed and confused at the moment, but I don't need to feel them to know what you are feeling. It is only natural at the moment. And yes, you are bound to me and to my essence, my power. Though I must amid, I am surprised at how well you can wield that power. It was an old Elvhen practice to share once life force as an act of sealing a deep love and commitment.”

“And despite knowing how I feel, you thought I was rejecting you?”

“You did. After you discovered who I was and how I failed to save you and our daughter.”

“I was in mourning, you idiot.” In disbelief, Eirlana stared at him. “I had survived being tortured for days on end by two powerful demons. I lost our child, and at the same time, uncovered it was the child of a would-be god. I thought I failed you. I was afraid of how you would react that I found your secret, and I was right to be afraid. As soon as I tried to talk to you, you disappeared.”

“I...” he fell quiet. Now she was mentioning everything that went through her; her reactions made sense. He shook his head. Hadn't he told Cullen the same thing back then. How could he have been so stupid? And at the same time, he knew why. “I was afraid.” he confessed. “After you were captured, I was desperate. I was confronted with my own deepest fears.”

“Dying alone.” she said softly.

“Yes. I am older than I can remember, and almost all of the people I once knew and cared for are gone. When I was trapped in the nightmare webs in the Fade, I was surrounded by death. The world was destroyed, and I was surrounded by seas of blood and filled with bodies. All death because of me. In that dream, I found your battered body.” he shook his head. “When I found you in that cellar close to death and corrupted, I was beyond myself. I had come too late. You were dying, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was so afraid of losing you and still am. You have gotten too close to me already.���

“You are not going to lose me. Let me help you.”

“No. As I said, I walk the Din'anshiral. There is only death on my journey. I can't allow you to get involved. I have a duty, and I won't let you see what I have to become to accomplish that.”

“Stop painting yourself as a monster.”

He huffed a laugh. “Am I not a monster? I killed thousands of elves by creating the Veil and destroyed their world. And I have to do it again.”

“There has to be another way.”

“Don't you think I have thought about every possibility and outcome? The Veil, the Blight, the corrupted titan and the Evanuris. I have to face them all in order to save the Elvhen people. Regardless of with path I take, people will perish, and the world as we know it now will be destroyed in the end. All I can do is find the best outcome for the elves.”

.

Eirlana took a deep breath. “I didn't mean it like that. But thinking you are the only solution is the first mistake. I know you are trying to right a wrong, that you are trying to heal this world, but there are always different ways to accomplish it.”

Solas tilted his head. “Explain.”

“For example, a man has a leg that is badly wounded and infected. There are different actions you can take.” she counted her fingers down. “You can choose to do nothing. You can cut the leg of. You can try herbs and bandages. Try magic. Pray to the Maker or other gods. Or you can mix all of these up. In the end, all of these things can have the same outcome or a completely different one. He may be able to walk again free of pain, or he can perish despite your best efforts.”

“What I want to say is that you don't know everything. You must realise that by now. Let me help you. In my experience, it is better to heal with the combined knowledge of more healers than do everything on your own.”

Slowly he shook his head and looked down. “No, I can't burden you with my path. There are too many dangers, too many enemies that will try to harm you. You are not safe at my side. I am not safe. You should be as far away from me as possible.

“Solas.” she sighed his name. “I didn't say I will follow you blindly. I said I wanted to help you to look for solutions, whatever they may be. And do you really think that my existence and the bond we have is a secret? The Qun already tried to capture me, and I am pretty sure that I am now on the top list of people wanted by both the Inquisition and the Chantry. Not to mention the Evanuris.”

Solas whipped his head back up, his eyes big in alarm. “What about the Evanuris?”

“For starters, Falon'Din knows who I am.”

“How could he possibly know?”

“I met him, or at least a conscious reflection in the Fade. I told you how I stumbled upon a memory with you and him. I wanted to tell you more, but before I could, we were interrupted by Corypheus. Falon'Din was there with me in the memory, and he was very interested in the woman that had captured the lone wolf's heart.”

“How?” Bewildered, Solas quickly went over the construction of the prison he had made. “That is impossible. He is imprisoned forever. They all are.”

She huffed a small laugh. “How can you be this old and wise and be this blind and short-sighted at the same time. Do you think the Evanuris would just wait and do nothing in all those centuries? I don't know what this cage is, or whatever you put them in, but they have found a way out. At least a way back into the Fade.”

His eyes moved rapidly as he thought about all the implications this would have. He looked back at Eirlana. “Tell me exactly what happened. What did you see.”

“At first, it was like any other reflection in the Fade. It was the memory of a slave girl. I saw how she was offered to you by Falon'Din because you had lost a pet of yours. He was mocking you and reprehending you about how you had changed. The memory wasn't long and vanished as soon as the slave girl walked away from you. I was standing in front of your fading image, trying to comprehend that you were Fen'Harel. Suddenly the Fade shifted, and I was alone with Falon'Din. He circled and watched me like a predator. I could feel he had tremendous power and that he was dangerous. I also knew he wasn't a spirit nor a demon. He felt different. He studied me like a piece of meat, like I was a toy to him. He tried to ensnare me in golden tendrils, but I managed to break free. I fled from him, which made him laugh. The last thing he said was a promise he would find me again.”

“And finding me again he did, when I was trapped by Imshael and Xenbenkeck. I had been imprisoned and tortured for days and was very close to death. Suddenly Falon'Din appeared, and he was just as charming and dangerous as before. He called you a Mutton and a Dog, and was amused that I tried so hard to stay alive.”

Solas stood up and began to pace. These revelations had enormous consequences. If the Evanuris really were able to project their consciousness into the Fade, then that would mean they could be aware of all that had happened and the things he was planning to stop them once and for all.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked her.

“I wouldn't be alive without Falon'Din. He killed Xenbenkeck when she was about to kill me. Then he put me into a deep sleep, saying he would save me as thanks to a very old friend.”

Perplexed, he stared at her. “He was the one who cured you?”

“I don't know what he did. All I know is that I woke up back at Skyhold, badly hurt but alive and free of the red lyrium. But whatever Falon'Din did, I am pretty sure it wasn't to please you.”

.

“And there are others.” Eirlana continued. “I met Mythal, and she aided me to get to you.”

Solas froze again. “Mythal?”

“Yes, she was at Skyhold after you had disappeared. She gave me this amulet that activated the last eluvian for me.”

He looked first at the amulet, then at her. “This is important. How many days after I disappeared was this?”

“The night of the fifth day. Her energy came through the eluvian and merged with Morrigan's body.”

Solas began to pace again. He should have known that Mythal didn't simply would grant him her power and disappear. Why had she deviated from their plan? And why hadn't she confided in him? This was complicating things even further.

“And there is the third one.”

He stared at her, his head feeling dizzy by these revelations. “Who else did you meet?”

“It is something Falon'Din said to me. 'never has a mortal had the pleasure to pique the interest of three Evanuris.' This was before I met Mythal, and I don't think he spoke of her. I think he spoke of my teacher.”

Was that the reason her magic was so fluent, Solas thought. Was it because it was not a spirit who had taught her but one of the Evanuris.

“How did your teacher look like?”

“He had the appearance of a tall elf. He wore beautiful dark robes, embroidered with gold. His long dark hair fell over his shoulder; it was bound together with several golden bands. His eyes were an intense green.”

“Did his robe have a hood?”

“Yes, but when we were together, he seldom wore it up.”

“Dirthamen.” slowly, he shook his head and smiled, wondering what the odds were that a random act of kindness would bind him to one of Dirthamen's students.

Eirlana was surprised to see Solas smile. “Wasn't he your enemy?”

“Not directly. It is complicated. He once supported my efforts, helped me even to create safe havens for the freed slaves. He was a man more devoted to knowledge than to power. But his loyalty to Falon'Din was his downfall in the end. It was his knowledge that enabled the other Evanuris to slay Mythal, although he was tricked in giving it.”

.

They both fell silent and looked into the distance. Both with their own thoughts, mulling over the words they had shared.

Solas was the first to look at Eirlana. He was torn; on the one hand, he felt relieved. It was like a load had slipped from his shoulder, now he had been honest with her. It was both a blessing and a worry; how good it felt to finally talk with her. He was surprised that she was still here listening to him. Even after he had revealed his past and told her what he had done, she hadn't pulled away. He stared at her, scarcely believing she was there and still wanted to be at his side. She had not run away and cursed his existence.

His heart fluttered.

Was she right? Was there a way to remain together?

He knelt down in front of her again. Tentatively he took hold of her hand. He locked eyes with her and searched for an answer to the question that burned inside of him – A question he couldn't ignore no matter how hard he tried. Could he take her back?

There, gazing in her winter-blue eyes, he found his answer

Yes.

Slowly and questioningly, he reached up and cupped her jaw with his free hand. His thumb ghosted over her cheek, wishing again he wasn't wearing gloves today.

Eirlana huffed a nervous laugh as he stared at her with an intense gaze. She had said so little, yet she hoped that what she told him had sunk through to him.

“You have to realise that people see me as the enemy,” Solas said, his gaze not leaving her eyes. “as a monster planning something terrible. I worry you do not entirely grasp the gravity of the situation... The Veil has to be destroyed. If you help me... If you remain at my side...”

“I will become the enemy.” she finished his sentence. “I know I will become a target for all the people that oppose you.” She mirrored his action by placing a hand on his cheek. “But I also know I don't want to be apart from you. Let me stay at your side and help resolve this mess.”

Now Solas had to huff a laugh; yes, it was a mess. He was quiet for a moment, debating if he really should risk it. He knew it would be so much more dangerous for her to be at his side, but letting her go... he couldn't. Then the images of her slapping him and calling him an idiot flashed through his mind; somehow, it reassured him.

Not letting go of her hand, he stood up, pulling her along with him.

“Come.”

Alarmed, she asked. “Whereto?”

He couldn't blame her for feeling uneasy. He stepped towards her and gave her a kiss. The kiss lasted longer than he intended, but he pulled back, reminding himself that his men were waiting for him.

“Home.” he answered her.

She stared at him, doubting her own ears. Was he really asking to come with him?

“Please, vhenan, come home with me.”

“I... Yes!” They both chuckled when her yes sounded louder than she intended.

[maddrmatt]

Kairi’s Epic Journey: The Quest for Sora

New to this fanfic? Click here to properly begin!

Chapter 8: Rough Start

?

It wasn’t too long after Kairi and Pluto left the Destiny Islands that the lifting sensation stopped, and the walls of light came down.  Looking around, they saw that they definitely weren’t where they started.

Kairi felt a little disoriented from the trip as her legs wobbled.  “Whoa!  What a ride! Really wish that woman who gave me the Wayfinder would’ve told me exactly what going to another world would be like.”

Pluto barked in agreement.  He too was trying to get his balance back.

After regaining her composure, Kairi did the first thing any adventurer would do: assess the surroundings.  Looking around, they were apparently were in the middle of a lush, green jungle. Various animal noises were heard all around.

Though Kairi hadn’t been to as many worlds as Sora, Riku and the others, she did recall the details of the ones that Sora had been to on his first adventure since she had been along for the ride within his heart.  And from what she remembered, Sora, Donald and Goofy had visited a place like this in the past.

“Could this be Tarzan’s jungle?  It definitely feels like it.  But then again, that world is unlikely to be the only jungle in the whole universe.’

Kairi also noted that she and Pluto hadn’t changed into different forms.  So, that meant that humans and dogs weren’t going to be an unusual sight in this world.

‘Although I probably will never understand why some didn’t find Donald and Goofy’s appearances unusual in the worlds they visited.  You’d think to protect the world order, they would turn human in some worlds.’

Then Kairi saw what appeared to be sky a short distance away through the trees.  That meant there was a break in the jungle just up ahead.

“Let’s go over there, Pluto.  Maybe we can get a better idea of where we are.  But let’s be careful.  The Heartless and Nobodies may not have been seen since the Keyblade War.  But we can’t assume they won’t show up.  Also, if this place is the Deep Jungle or something similar to it, then there’s likely to be predators around so be on your guard,” said Kairi as she summoned her Keyblade.

Together, the two of them headed in the direction of the break.  As they walked, Kairi kept her eyes and ears open for any sign of trouble. Pluto did too, as well as using his nose hopefully to pick up any scent of a possible foe.

When they finally made it out of the jungle, they emerged onto a beach.  Kairi’s jaw dropped as she beheld an amazing sight.

In front of her was a lagoon.  And all around the lagoon in various places were mermaids.

The mermaids were all doing various activities.  Some were just laying around.  Others were fixing their hair and admiring themselves in the reflection of the water. One was even playing on a flute made out of a seashell.  They were all engrossed in doing their own things that none of them had even noticed Kairi and Pluto.

‘Mermaids? Could this be Ariel’s world?  That world seemed to be completely underwater, but Sora told me that there was a part of that world that was not.’

“Maybe these mermaids can help us, Pluto.  You stay here on the beach,” said Kairi as she dismissed her Keyblade and began to hop across some stones to get closer to where the mermaids where.

“Hello there!” she called out causing the mermaids to turn toward her.  They let out a gasp of surprise.

“Who’s she?” asked one with blonde hair.

“Where did she come from?” asked another with black hair and a hat made out of a lily pad.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your activities.  My name’s Kairi and I was wondering if you could help me.”

The mermaids dove into the water and swam toward Kairi.  Soon, all of them surrounded the rock that she was on.

“We can help you. But first you simply must join us for a swim,” said a redheaded mermaid.

“Oh, thanks for the offer.  But I really don’t have the time.  You see, I have something important to do.  Also, I’m not exactly dressed for swimming,” said Kairi.

“Oh. don’t let that stop you and whatever you have to do can wait.  Come on in!” said one of the mermaids as she leapt out and grabbed onto Kairi’s skirt.

“Hey!  Stop that!” shouted Kairi as she swatted the mermaid’s hand away just as another one grabbed onto her ankle.  “Let go of me!”

Suddenly, from behind her, a burst of water splashed Kairi.  She turned around to confront the offending mermaid only for another splash of water to come from another behind her.

“Cut that out!” she shrieked.

The melee continued as the mermaids alternated between trying to pull Kairi into the water and splashing her while the Princess resisted.  From his spot on the beach, all Pluto could do was bark angrily at the mermaids.

Finally, after she was positively drenched, Kairi had enough.  She summoned Destiny’s Embrace, pointed it to the sky and shouted, “Fire!”

A burst of flame burst from the tip of her Keyblade and shot skyward.  The display of power finally got the mermaids to cease their attack and stare at her in shock.

“Now listen, all of you, I am not in the mood for this so back off!” she yelled.

The mermaids’ shock wore off and was replaced by looks of annoyance.  They immediately swam back to where they had originally been.

“What’s the matter with her?”

“After all, we were only trying to drown her.”

‘Drown me? What’s the matter with these girls?’ thought Kairi.

“She’s just as unpleasant as that Wendy girl.”

“You would think Peter would bring someone to Never Land who actually likes to have fun.”

The last mermaid’s comment struck Kairi with a sudden realization.  “Wait!  Peter? As in, Peter Pan?” she asked.

The mermaids turned back to her and said rather snidely, “Why yes.  Wasn’t he the one who brought you here?”

‘I’d better play along.  Got to protect the world order as Donald would probably tell me if he was here. Also, maybe they can tell me where to find Peter Pan.’

“Uh yes.  He did bring me here.  But we got separated so do you have any idea where I can find him?” asked Kairi.

“Oh, he could be anywhere.  He could be treasure hunting with the Lost Boys or fighting with Hook,” said one of the mermaids.

“If you wish to find him, your best bet is to just wander around Never Land and hope he finds you,” said another one.

“Now, if you don’t mind, we have some important grooming and sunning to get back to so be on your way,” said a third one.

With that, the mermaids just went back to their previous business and paid no more attention to Kairi which was perfectly fine with her.  She’d had enough of dealing with them.

Hopping across the stones, she made it back to the beach.  Pluto ran up to her and barked in concern.

“I’m alright, Pluto. A little water never hurt anyone. But as unhelpful as those mermaids were, we now know where we are and that there’s one of Sora’s friends in this world.  So, do you think you could sniff out anything that may smell like a young boy?  Because that could lead us to Peter Pan,” she said to the dog.

Pluto nodded and began to sniff the air.  After a few moments, his eyes lit up.  He let out a bark.

“You got something?” Pluto barked again.  “Good boy!  Lead the way!”

Pluto walked along the beach while still sniffing the air.  Kairi followed behind him.  But before she left the lagoon, which she was only too happy to do so, she turned in the direction of the mermaids and stuck out her tongue out at them.

The mermaids gasped. “Well, I never!”

________________________________________________________________

A short while later, Kairi and Pluto were still walking along the beach.  Pluto continued to follow the scent while Kairi used an Aero spell to dry herself off.

‘Next time I see Jiminy, I have something for him to add to his journal: there are mermaids in Never Land and they are nothing like the merpeople of Atlantica.’

Then she heard Pluto bark.  She looked in his direction and saw that he was pointing his nose toward a series of stones leading across the water toward a large rock that was shaped like a skull.

“Is that where the scent is coming from, Pluto?” she asked.  Pluto barked in the affirmative.

Kairi was a little hesitant.  The rock didn’t look like the most inviting place and she had no idea what could be in there.  Still, if Pluto believed that’s where the scent was leading them, then she had to trust him.

The two of them began to leap across the stones toward the rock.  Soon enough, they arrived, and Kairi immediately noticed an entrance. Picking up the scent again, Pluto took the lead and Kairi followed.

Fortunately, it wasn’t too dark within the rock, so Kairi didn’t need to cast a Fire or Light spell to illuminate the area.  But Kairi kept on her guard just in case they would encounter something dangerous.-

Finally, they entered into a large open area within the rock.  And what was in the centre of it made Kairi’s eyes open wide.

“A treasure chest!” she exclaimed.

Pluto walked over to it and sniffed it.  He turned to Kairi and barked.

“You mean, this is what you were tracking?” asked Kairi.  Pluto nodded.  “Oh.  I was hoping we’d find Peter Pan.”

Then she started debating onto whether or not to look inside.  She knew it didn’t belong to her.  But, at the same time, all she wanted was to look and she wasn’t going to take anything from it.

Kairi then approached the chest and gripped the lid.  It wasn’t locked so she was able to open it.  But what she saw inside was quite surprising.

It was not filled with gold or jewels like one would expect.  Instead, the chest was filled with various weapons such as wooden swords, clubs, slingshots, tomahawks, and bows and arrows.

‘Reminds me of the various objects Sora, Riku and I would hunt for around the Islands whenever we played pirates,’ thought Kairi as a small smile came to her face briefly before becoming sad.  ‘What I would give to have those days back again.’

Kairi was about to close the chest and move on when she spotted something inside.  Pulling it out, she found herself holding what would have been the last thing she expected to see in Never Land.

It was a Keyblade. Not a regular one though since it was made out of wood.  It was also broken in two.  But put together, there was no doubt the shape was that of a Keyblade.

But what was more shocking was the name carved into the handle: Terra.

‘Terra’s been here? He must have.  There’s no other way this Keyblade could’ve come here,’ pondered Kairi as she wondered what kind of story the wooden Keyblade held.

“Hey!  That’s our treasure!”

Kairi jumped up in surprise and turned around.  She and Pluto were no longer alone.

Standing before them was a group of six young boys.  All of them were dressed in various animal suits and were all armed with weapons similar to those in the chest.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve trying to steal from us!” shouted the tallest boy who was dressed as a fox.

“No!  I wasn’t stealing anything!  I just came across the chest and was just looking at was inside. I wasn’t going to take anything,” said Kairi.

“A likely story!” said two boys dressed as raccoons and who appeared to be twins.

“You’re nothing but a no-good pirate!” exclaimed another in a rabbit suit.

“But she’s a girl. I never hearded of a girl pirate before,” said a chubby boy in a bear suit.

The one in the fox suit suddenly bopped the one in the bear suit on the head.  “Of course she’s a pirate!  We caught her red-handed trying to steal Ven's keepsake out of the chest!”

The mention of Ven’s name caught Kairi by surprise.  ‘Ven? He’s been here too, and he’s met these boys?’

“Listen!  You said this belonged to Ven.  Well, I know him!” shouted Kairi.

“Don’t try to fool us. We know all pirates are lairs,” said the one in the rabbit suit.

“Look.  I’ll just put this back and then I’ll leave. There’s no need to fight at all,” said Kairi as she turned around to put the halves of the wooden Keyblade back in the chest.

But just as she put it back, a sudden pain hit her in the back of her head.  “Ow!” she exclaimed as she turned around again to face the boys.

The culprit appeared to be the youngest of the boys who was dressed in a skunk suit and hadn’t said a word since the confrontation began.  He was holding a slingshot that he apparently just fired.

“That wasn’t very nice!” she shouted causing the boy to hold the slingshot behind his back and pretend to be innocent.

“Boys, I don’t want any trouble,” said Kairi.

“Well, you sure founded it,” said the boy in the bear suit.

“I think we’ve talked enough!  Let’s get her!” said the one in the fox suit as all of them charged toward Kairi.

Seeing no other choice, Kairi summoned her Keyblade while Pluto positioned himself in front of her with his teeth bared and letting out some vicious growls. They had no intention of harming their young adversaries.  But they had to defend themselves in some way.

‘First the mermaids and now these boys.  Is there no one in Never Land that can be reasoned with?  My adventure certainly isn’t off to a good start.’

________________________________________________________________

Onto the next chapter!

[tarithenurse]

The good Villain - 8

Based on the prompt “You’re the villain and you know that you just want the ‘good guys’ to understand why”

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader Content: Mission with all it entails: violence, killing, gore, angst. We also have a bit of fluff going on at some point though it’s paired with a neat scoop of denial. And much more! A/N: Busy day today! Gonna attend a wedding that’s been 20 years in the waiting or so, and it’s Superbowl night which is always fun…though it’s more for the company for me. Thanks for all the loving, reblogs, and likes!

Chapter 8

…   Reader   …

He was everywhere you went. Not just the meetings where you and the Avengers put your heads together in an effort to intensify the search for the last Leech but also when you were going to the kitchen or even at night, Loki would either already be there or appear shortly after. One day Romanoff showed you the gym with all its equipment begging to be used and it took less than an hour before the Asgardian revealed the library, telling you how you could normally find him there.

At first you suspected he was guarding you due to lack of trust. You may not have been a prisoner anymore, there was no cell at least, but you were still a stranger disrupting the natural balance in a group vital to this planet. As time passed, however, and you spent time on scouting missions and at the team’s base it became evident that his reasoning was personal.

This theory was solidified the day Banner announced to have found a potential suspect.

Together with Stark and Romanoff, he had created a series of algorithms scouring the digital records of Terrans within a certain area to compare medical data, and social media, plus changes in their behavioural patterns. The metal-armed Barnes and his friend with the shield had left to verify the suspicion before you were notified.

All you could do was wait. The moment they returned, you confronted them.

…

“Another restless night?” Loki’s voice is a clear chime calling you back to reality gently.

Swinging down from the bar to land on the floor, you shake your limbs out after the exercises without worthying him an answer. Just go. Of course, he does not leave, choosing instead to draw nearer.

Plopping onto a bench along the wall, you feel the restlessness return as an itch in your legs and a chest full of knots of worry. Tomorrow. You have stopped counting the time spent hunting the monsters that killed your crew – your friends – a long time ago. One goal. One all-consuming mission culminating with a plan that you have gotten approved by the Captain. Tomorrow. By this time tomorrow, your hunt will be over. I should be relieved, but I am not.

As if reading your mind, Loki nudges you gently back to the present. “Do not worry, my pet.” He sits down next to you, calm and cool. “Everything will go well…the plan is good.”

“I know.” Being near to him soothes your nerves if only a little.

“Then you can clear your name, live your life.” There is an edge to his voice which you cannot place. “Regain your honour.”

“No.” You can see the answer startles him. “I will return, but not to clear my name.”

“You are innocent! You may have escaped prison, but you got justice fo-“

“Justice?” You barely contain the sarcastic laughter as you round on him. “Do not pretend to think this ever was about justice or honour! It was revenge and nothing more! The leeches are simply a species doing what they must whereas I was the one who brought my crew in danger…th- hrm…the one who brought their end upon them.” Ignoring his protests, you carry on, unable to stop despite a breaking voice now you have started talking. “I shall return home…face the Elders and accept my punishment with peace in my heart.” Fists balled and body shaking, restlessness has morphed through anger into determination.

“You’ve nothing to atone for!” he cries out, a cold hand grasping yours and sending (not unpleasant) shivers along your spine, “y- ‘tis time for you to live.”

“That is not your decision…and why do you even care?”

From what you have learned about the smooth-talking God of Mischief, the sight of him sitting there with his mouth ajar yet nothing to say is rare. A soft blush paints the pale face even as he gathers his wits once more. “At least stay for the celebration. The uh they always mark a successful completion of a mission with a party.”

You hesitate, knowing that it will only be postponing the inevitable. Still, a little chip of your heart is urging you to accept the offer. One night of freedom. Looking down, you realize his hand has not moved but that at some point you have returned the gesture by wrapping your fingers around his. Oh. Gingerly, perhaps not to appear rude, you free yourself from the connection and start to leave.

“…[Y/N]…?”

Why do I hesitate? Maybe the question is unnecessary if only you would accept a new feeling inside your chest. “Fine, I will participate in the revels.”

 …   Loki   …

It is a dreary morning with grey clouds hanging low over the city, shielding it from the beginning day at least until the sun eventually would gain enough power to evaporate the layer. For now, however, it also served as a natural softener of all sounds as the mismatch tea of Midgardians, Asgardians, and a Betan move towards the house in the suburbs.

The entrance is swift and quiet. In groups of two or three, they move from room to room. Loki is among those covering the ground floor and it allows him to see the father of the family rounding on Barnes who only keeps a safe distance between them thanks to a strong hold with the metal arm. By the Norns! What they had expected to be a docile civilian opens his mouth further than humanly possible to reveal a black nothingness where teeth and tongue should have been. A strange sound of air being sucked picks up for a second before a shimmering metal rod flies past Barnes’ face and into the gaping mouth, effectively killing the not-so-human man.

“What…the fuck?!” Barnes’ is clearly shaken as he stares at the corpse.

Everyone else is looking to [Y/N] who steps over to retrieve her weapon.

“Leech.” She wipes off the blood on the dead’s pants with a sigh. “Once the soul is completely gone the feeding Leech can choose to either let the corpse die naturally…or they can multiply by inserting a shard of themselves.”

“So…the others?” Rogers might both be referring to the former victims of the Leeches as well as the rest of the family.

“Doubt it,” [Y/N] shrugs, “does not seem to be possible several times in a row…”

There is a soft sound over the com in Loki’s ear and he knows everyone on the team hears it too when Natasha speaks. “Eyes on kids and mother upstairs, left off the stairs.”

“On my way,” the Betan responds before continuing to the three males around her, “get this one on there.” She motions to the couch.

Rather than helping them, Loki hurries after [Y/N].

Upstairs, the sight is differently gruesome with three Avengers’ weapons trained on a girl of maybe six years and her mother who is cradling a baby in her arms – a clearly lifeless child though the woman does not seem to have noticed neither that nor the intruders. In fact, only the little girl appears to be aware of anything. Blond curls, rosy cheeks, dead eyes staring at the strangers.

“You gotta be kiddin’ me,” Stark groans, “it’s the kid?”

“Of course…no one mistrusts a youngling. They can get close enough to feed.” The hollow voice of the Betan does nothing to resolve the tension, and it is possible to see Barton’s bow tremble.

Stark simply powers down the weapons imbedded in the suit’s gloves. “I…I can’t do it.”

“Go downstairs,” Natasha offers, “you too, Clint.”

…

Grim faces on everyone. Gathered in the living room, they have placed the entire family in the couch – three of them with lethal wounds as proof of the closest thing to mercy the Betan could grant. Now she is rummaging through the kitchen while the others try to come to terms with what has happened. Words unspoken, yet most of the Avengers clearly shaken.

“Let’s get outta here,” Stark croaks, “clean-up’s coming to deal with…this.” The half-hearted wave of his hand encompasses the entire situation.

The Betan returns with several bottles of flammable liquids and all the paper around. “No rush…”

She barely gets time to open the cleaning alcohol before the remedies are snatched from her by the Captain. “Not this time.”

“We have to.”

“I said no.”

“But in a mo-“

“No!”

Ignoring the order, [Y/N] tries to bypass him only to be shoved backwards into Loki’s arms that instinctively wrap around her. “Not this time, pet, let them do this the Midgardian way.”

Suddenly, he has to fight to hold her back as a panicked anger takes over her mind. Curses and warnings become garbled as she screams out the frustrations, and the rage only subsides once Loki has managed to drag her outside though the woman does not relax. Eyes trained on the door. Body taught and shivering against his chest.

“It’s okay, pet,” he soothes, “it’s over. You can let go of it.”

“Not yet…not over yet…”

As if to prove her right a gun goes off inside. Once. Twice. Moments later smoke begins to billow, herding out Thor, Stark, Clint, Rogers, Romanoff, and Barnes.

“The…the father…” the metal-suited man explains, “he…woke up? He started moving…”

Flames are licking against the windows now and it is possible to feel the heat already. Finally, with a deep sigh, [Y/N] relaxes against the Asgardian’s chest, allowing the years of stress to be replaced with a bone-deep exhaustion.

She is asleep in his embrace by the time they return.

[mrneighbourlove]

Burnt Heart: Ch 5. Reflection

A new morning arrived to the Slatki residence, and several of the older children were waiting in their father's bedroom to keep him from leaving. They discovered his presence with missing leftovers from the fridge, and a peak into the bed.

Sleep wasn’t kind to the man, but it wasn’t awful either. Although rested, Kahli had also had so much on his mind. Dreams of an absolution for one. It didn’t take long after he stirred awake to feel their presence outside. With deep breaths, the man rose to go through his selection of robes. Satisfied on a rich dark blue, he dressed appropriately before knocking on the door. “Would you all like to talk in here or in the living room?”

"Depends." Keira said, "Are you going to try to leave or listen to what we have to say?"

"Your fight with Mom wasn't necessarily... quiet." Manaco informed his father.

“It was better than the first. And no, I did not plan on leaving immediately. Once again. Upstairs or downstairs?”

"... let's go downstairs. More room. It's a little stuffy in here."

Kahli opened the door, surprised all his children were cramped together. “You look like a cradle of puppies. Move along. I’ll cook you all breakfast.”

"We already ate, we got a plate ready for you." Ahusaka set a dish full of eggs, bacon, and diced fruit in front of his father. "It's not... Mom's cooking, but it's edible. I cooked it, not Urboro."

"Hey, you ass, at least I didn't set my own butt on fire." Urboro scowled.

“Don’t swear.” Kahli shot his elder daughter a look. It appeared he slept in a little more than expected. Or maybe they all woke up early. Either way, he made his way down to the living room. Sitting on his recliner chair, Kahli took his plate of assorted foods, beginning to dine as the kids settled around the living room.

Grievous herself decided it might be best if she waited in the bathroom for all her half siblings to have a moment to speak.

"Listen, we know you want to storm off to the Empire, but we don't think that's the best idea." Miku explained, "We understand your point of view, but we understand Mom's too."

"It's like you jerked the rug out from underneath her, but not only her, us too." Manaco told his father. "We just found out we have a half-sister, like... two days ago."

"We are trying to be fair here, but... we got to be a little selfish too." Urboro huffed. "We don't want you running off and there's a chance of you not coming back."

“Would that be so bad, all things considered Urboro?” Kahli chewed on the bacon, taking his time with it. He didn’t know if it would be his last. “There’s a chance to regain some honour in a warrior’s death. It’s like the tales of all those knights I used to read to you.”

"Of course it'd be fucking bad!" Urboro protested with a snap. "Look, regardless of whether or not Mom is mad at you, we still need you! For fuck's sake, Zaltana is only seven years old!!!"

“And you’d do your best to mind your bloody tongue around her.” Kahli’s golden eyes flared with the furious shine of a dragon at his daughter. “How many times do I have to tell you to cool that tongue of yours Urboro? Apologize to your younger siblings.” The tone and power Kahli were evident this conversation wouldn’t continue until Urboro did as her father told.

"Apologize?! I haven't done anything wrong, you're the one who has an army of other kids out there!" Urboro scowled.

"Ur!" Manaco got between his sister and his father. "How about you go outside to cool off for a moment?"

"Ugh, fine. But you know I'm right." With that, she tromped outside.

“What is wrong with her behaviour...” Kahli muttered under his breath. Finishing his bacon and eggs, he moved onto eating his fruit. “I have to confront Zannah. Now that the secret has been discovered, it can give me a loophole to confront her about it.”

"Loophole? ... you're not thinking of dragging Grievous back there, are you?"

“No. The loophole was I was forced into secrecy. Now that it’s no longer secret, I can demand to be given freedom.”

"And? What will that solve? She can still hold you to your life debt." Miku pointed out. "That's two different things."

“I can ask to be rid of our debt. Either through combat... or begging.” The latter thought disgusted Kahli.

"And if you died, where would that leave us?"

“Alive. With no need to mourn me.” Kahli finished his breakfast, setting his plate down to the side. “Your mother made her point clear. Without her in my life, what passion do I have to go on? You kids are rather self efficient, and most of all, you’ll grow up. That’ll leave me alone. Can you tell me, right now, you’ll visit me as I grow into old age and am left alone?”

"Of course we will be there for you, you're our father." Manaco looked at Kahli like his sire had lost his mind. "We would never abandon you, regardless of whether or not we agree with what has happened or will come to happen."

"Besides, all you have to do, is give Mom a little time." Ahusaka assured his father. "That's all she needs. You know best of all that it takes time to rebuild trust that has been broken."

"It's not like you to give up so easily." Keira crossed her arms. "Are you really going to give up on Mom without a bit of a fight?"

"You have to see this from her point of view too," Miku tried to be a peacemaker.

"You kept something from her, even though you couldn't say a word, it's still hurtful. She's never kept anything from you. How would you feel if she did something of the sort like this to you?"

“She tried to kill me. I’d be angry, but I’d never have laid a hand on her, let alone blast her with magic. It was absolutely insane. What’s more, I’d have considered her situation as a whole instead of letting my emotions get the better of me.” Kahli shook his head, trying to diffuse his rising tension. “Zaltana, can you bring your sister back inside?”

"You can't expect Mom to turn off her emotions, Dad. Not like you do half the time." Ahusaka sighed. "Mom isn't that way, she feels more so deeply than others."

"She's the Earth Sage, her emotions and magic go hand in hand together now." Keira said.

"We don't think it was right of her to lash out at you, but we don't agree with what you did either." Miku stated.

Zaltana was quiet, but gave a soft nod as she went to fetch her sister.

“You don’t have to agree with me. You don’t even have to forgive me. I just ask you understand I had no choice in the matter.”

"We understand that, though... can you understand Mom as well?" Manaco quietly replied.

Once Zaltana brought Urboro back inside the house, the elder sibling stood there with her hands on her hips.

“I’ve had years to come to terms on her fair reaction should she ever discover the truth.” Kahli glared towards the direction of the bathroom where Grievous hid. “A truth that could have been remained hidden for the betterment of all. Why is she hiding?”

"You don't get to judge what she thinks is fair, Dad. You know better than that." Manaco ran a hand down his face. "And she's hiding in the bathroom because she doesn't want to be in the middle of this conversation, doesn't want to be the punching bag."

“Physically or emotionally?” Kahli didn’t stop his gaze towards the bathroom. “As for your mother, I think I do. You know what she said to me? That she’d find revenge against the Emperor. She can be as furious as me as she wants, even foolishly take her fury out on me, but she must not ever be so idiotic as to attack the Empire.”

"You tried to attack her out of revenge once, Dad." Ahusaka poked a hole in Kahli's logic. "You got no room to call Mom an idiot."

“I attacked when it wouldn’t bring war down upon all of Hyrule.” Kahli countered back with remorse in his voice. “And look at what that attempt on her life brought me. A debt that keeps me in her pocket.”

"Mom was probably just speaking in the heat of the moment, Dad. We all know that she wouldn't do something so reckless to ruin the relationship that Aunt Zarazu tried so hard to build." Urboro stated bluntly. "Give her a bit more credit than that. Besides, that bi---Zannah, would know it was Mom. She's not stupid to openly attack her."

"Ur has a point, Dad."

“She better not. That would only ruin all of your futures.”

"Good grief, will you at least try to get some sense of normalcy back with Mom?" Urboro asked with a roll of her eyes. "Or not? That's what we're asking. We don't want you two apart. We want all of us to be a big happy family again."

“I want that too. Everything I’ve done has been for the betterment of this family. It’s Zizi who needs to understand my position.” Kahli sounded so exhausted. “But no. She rather never be near me. There’s no excuse when it’s the truth. I know I caused her pain, but gods as my witness, I’d never go out of my way to purposely put her through it.”

"And did you tell her that?" Miku asked her father. "Mom thinks you'd choose Zannah over us."

“I did. She’s simply too angry to listen.”

"Then give her time. At least a week to cool down, and then try again."

"You're not the type to give up."

"We know Mom still loves you, otherwise, she wouldn't be so hurt." All his children believed in their parents. No, they held hope for them.

“A week?” Kahli closed his eyes, crossing his arms and pondering on the fact. Once more, he glanced at the bathroom. “Bring that ridiculous girl out.”

"... Grivy, would you mind coming out of the bathroom?" Manaco gently knocked his knuckles on the door. "... besides, Zaltana needs to pee."

“...that is acceptable.” Grievous exited, still covered in tribal paint.

"... can you help us fix this?" Manaco asked her honestly. "We could use any ideas you have."

“Me?” Grievous was genuinely caught off guard.

“Yes you.” Kahli rose from his chair, his gaze menacing on her. “Seeing you were the one to kick off this chain of events in the past few days. Why did you even leave? It’s clear you like fighting. The Empire can provide that in spades for you.”

Grievous suddenly looked downcast, embarrassed perhaps. “Well, I-”

“Spit it out girl.”

“I didn’t like the idea of being a commander. It’s too constricting for me. I’m sorry I came and ruined your perfect family dynamic because I felt I didn’t belong with my own family. That answer satisfy you?”

"... should we be a part of this?" Miku whispered to Urboro.

"What? It's drama, of course, we're going to be a part of this." Urboro snickered.

"Look, we need you to help us patch this relationship. We've always been close as a family and we don't want to lose that." Manaco gestured to his siblings.

"You're part of this family too now, whether you like it or not." Keira noted to Grievous. "So, you need to make a decision now if you're going to stay and help, or leave like you intended."

“How can I help?”

Kahli narrowed his eyes, disapproving of her. Was she only here to have questions fulfilled? “You wanted answers? Here’s a list. I’m your father. I did everything Zannah asked including reviving my tribe from extinction to pay off my life debt to her and keep my family safe and healthy. This family is my kin. You cannot hope to ever beat me or my eldest son in combat, let alone me. And by the look of your face, I’d say you have no proper will to stay. What’s your answer?”

“I-” Grievous paused, anxiety filling her. She hardly ever felt anxious, but with all these eyes waiting on her, how could she not?

"We need a decision, Grivy. You stay or you go." Manaco asked her directly, "Which is it going to be? Either you stay here, and have some support, from us, or you go out there. Alone. Into the world that you don't know."

"Stay. I'll stay." Grievous swallowed her discomfort. "I should excuse myself for now. I don't know how effective I can be in helping you. Give me time to think please."

"All right. You can bunk with me for the time being." Keira offered Grievous. "We all need some time to think."

~

Zizi hardly ever ran from her problems. She liked to solve conflicts as soon as possible to continue on without strife. Now, she did not want to go back home. All she wanted was the comfort of someone familiar, who would not pick a side, and simply let her be for a while. Thus, her mind wondered to her old friend from so long ago. She was older now, at the grand age of 51 years. No longer was she some spring chicken, or anywhere close to a child. Yet, Skull Kid still tolerated her presence.

Deep within the Lost Woods, Zizi's ears picked up on a jolly and magical tune. As she pushed away foliage, the little imp was dancing on a tree branch, playing his flute with little care in the world. The tune was positive, and had a magical, jolly nature to it. When he finally noticed Zizi listening along, he continued to play, jiving back and forth until his tune was done. "Zizi! What are you doing so deep in the woods? I don't think a Sage of the Forest could find herself lost, but I have seen stranger things."

"What else would I be doing out here, silly?" Zizi kept a smile on her face as Skull Kid turned to look at her. "I came to see you. I needed a friendly face." She then asked him. "Entertaining the fairies again? I'm surprised they let me pass through. Maybe being an Earth Sage has perks now?"

"First off, I like playing for myself. Second off, its a song I learned from a friend who was also a Forest Sage like you. Titles matter. What's so cool about calling yourself the Sage of Dirt? Forests are magical." Skull Kid pointed his flute aggressively at Zizi like a teacher would do with a pointing stick. Hopping of the tree with a few frontal flips, Skull Kid scuttled his way towards his friend. "Odd that the friendliest face you know is a mask, but I guess I shouldn't complain. He he he."

"Mask or no mask, you're still Skully." Zizi rolled her eyes when he clarified the 'correct' title. She was a Zemlja, a Lorleidian of the earth. Forest would be placing a limit on her capabilities, in her opinion. Watching him bounce around, Zizi then asked, "I haven't seen you in a while. Zaltana is going to be celebrating her eighth birthday in two weeks. You going to come to the party?"

"Hmmm, will your fierier children and sister be attending?" Skull Kid causally threw his arms behind his head to rest back on them.

"I have fifteen, eight of who are fiery and seven of who are earthy, and they'll all be attending, so yes." Zizi chuckled. "Even Manaco. He misses you too, you know. He still talks about that permanent ink prank you pulled on Vaati."

"Well, kid wanted to be a little rebellous. Although, he's not quite a kid anymore. But two weeks? I'll think about it. Maybe I can make the event more fun~" His arms switched to being swung from side to side. "You look tired. Were you up all night? Or sleep under a tree?"

"If you put a stink bomb in the bonfire like last time with the triplet's birthday party, we're going to have words." Zizi shook a finger at him. "Fun would be a paint fight, like you did with Chatima's ninth birthday. We were all shades of the rainbow for days." Sighing, Zizi shook her head. "I am tired. Haven't been sleeping too well. Found out some... unsavory news about my husband. Though, I'm here to see you, not to mope."

"Oh? You think I'm a distraction then? Well... how long of a distraction do you need?"

"You're a very good distraction, and an even better friend. No one can help me bake chocolate chip cookies like you." Zizi reminded him. "As long as you're willing to put up with me."

"Put up with you? Easy." Skull Kid thought for a moment on what they could do. Snapping his finger, he had an idea. "Hey! Why don't we go to the Forest Temple? Could use some maintenance."

"Forest Temple? That sounds like a good idea." Zizi then repeated. "Maintenance?"

"Make sure the trees are healthy. The doors all still working. The wolves happy. Clear the Skulltala webs. Etc. Etc. It could take a while though."

"Sounds just like the distraction I need," Zizi then asked him with a small grin, jesting. "How did you get to be a mind reader?"

"Stick around long enough and you can read people easily enough." With a giggle and hop, Skull Kid made his way to the temple. "Can you still run and keep up?"

"Hey now, I'm older, not old." Zizi reminded him. "Run? Why would I do that when I can just ride?" The vines shifted from the earth and carried the Zemlja. "Work smarter, not harder, Skully."

"Boo. That's not fun. And only shows you gotten softer~" Skull Kid did a few more flips, gleefully jumping from trunk to trunk lying on the forest floor.

"At least I'm not slow." Zizi teased as she shot forth on the vines, zipping past Skully. She hung upside down on the vine, and snatched his hat before the vines quickly moved her away. "Come and get it!"

Skull Kid laughed, chasing after his friend. It seemed this would be what Zizi needed for a time. At least until she was ready to confront her source of fears and wrath.

________________________________________________________________

Previous Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/612488276332478464/burnt-heart-ch-4-boiling-point

Next Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/612496080371957760/burnt-heart-ch-6-trading-one-pain-for-another

Crossover with @ridersoftheapocalypse. Shared world with @s-kinnaly

[musesoftheminds]

The Crossover Review

Well, It’s been a while since i’ve been on tumblr but I can say that I am completely and utterly moved by this crossover episode that discussed racism, social reform, family and second chances.

Second Chances:

As i’ve discussed thoroughly on twitter with my reviews. The major arch of this final season is redemption. We’ve seen our protagonist plunge into the darkness of life and just when all hope seems lost she emerges clearly damaged but alive. This is where we find Olivia Pope.

Olivia is physically and metaphorically ‘suiting’ up to combat the day just like she use to when she was a gladiator and Chief of Staff only she’s clearly burdened by her past but nevertheless she faces herself in the mirror something she has failed to do much of this season. This moment echoes Olivia’s own desires to face herself in the mirror and for once not be frightened by what she sees.

As I was discussing Olivia’s moment with herself @cj_tvguy brought up an interesting tidbit that I caught, this parallels to Defiance, only this time the outcome is far more severe and real. Their is no family, no gladiators, no job, no jake -there are no obstructions this time to excuse Olivia’s behavior or inability to work within. It’s been over a couple of months since Olivia left the white house and finally for the first time we see her alone. Interesting thing about karma is that David was fired after defiance and became a school teacher, oddly familiar to Olivia’s own circumstances but the good news is that David went on to become The Attorney General.

Annalise came to Olivia Pope (The Gladiator, The Fixer, The Powerhouse) for help on changing this world and Olivia clearly struggles with agreeing to this fight as she feels she is no longer the person Annalise needs her to be, but after  viewing each case thoroughly, Olivia looks into the person behind the lawsuit and finds Annalise’s extensive history. Because this show always does best by displaying Olivia’s thoughts through her clients we see Olivia refuse Annalise and call her a ‘hot mess’ because of her past she refuses to give to Annalise a chance but midway through the hallway of Annalise’s hotel room she turns around and goes back to her room and tells Annalise she will help her under one condition.

Why does Olivia agree to help Annalise? Because she sees herself in her? Because she would like a second chance if someone offered it to her? Maybe those improperly imprisioned deserve to have a second chance?Perhaps it is all of those things that drove Olivia to agree. Now, while Olivia projected and was the harshest to Annalise (herself) she did agree to help and that requires being active, no longer hiding in the darkness of one’s fear. Taking on this lawsuit requires facing her past, her present and her future- Olivia will have to encounter those she loves and those she’s wronged in order to do some good.

The first person Olivia goes to for help is Fitz. As I said, Fitz was cold and emotionally distant from Olivia keeping obvious boundaries with her, rightfully.  Olivia has to understand the ramification of her actions; consequences that has went unattested too. Boundaries had to be placed in order for Olivia to understand the damage she has done, and for this I commend Fitz for helping and supporting Olivia but remaining at a safe distance. 

The White jacket is a reminder to both Olivia and Fitz of their shared value to save the world. Changing the world is something fundamental to Olivia and FItz’s core values-it was how they first connected and fell in love~ by this calling to help and scope the world into something real and true. Olivia wearing white is her subtle way of trying to be the person Fitz fell in love with  but the problem is that Olivia is no longer that person and Fitz is no longer the same man. Shonda has effectively destroyed our preconceived ideas regarding  olitz and has created something with a possibility of a real future.

This episode was a testament to Olivia’s strength and will to not simply survive but to actually and finally live. No one trusted or believed Olivia to be sincere when she began fighting for this social reform lawsuit, those who claim to know her all saw this as a tool to once again regain power. Mellie, Jake, Quinn, Abby, they all looked at Olivia’s past (the same way Olivia looked at Annalise’s) and saw that she was once again aiming to reclaim her throne, they judged Olivia not based on her actions or merit but her sins and past.

Every step Olivia made was a step towards reform. Agreeing to help Annalise was a form of helping Olivia as she had to confront pieces of her past (mellie, quinn), her present (annalise ) and her future (Fitz and Ophelia)

 Past:

Olivia knew agreeing to help would require humility and facing those she’s wronged. Olivia meets with Fitz first and though he’s distant he supports and agrees with Olivia and sets up a meeting with Mellie and of course, Mellie made sure to have Jake’s trifling ass in on the meeting, but Mellie quickly refuses to support this case with a lame excuse of it not being the “right time.”

Olivia holds a private conversation with Mellie and ask that she reconsiders and not punish innocent people because she has wronged her but Mellie refuses and tells Olivia that if she goes up against the white house she will now be an ‘adversary’ to the white house. Olivia remarks that it wouldn’t be her ‘first time’

Olivia could have easily left with her tail between her legs and went back to her teaching gig but she opted not too instead she chose to make an active decision to remain firm in her beliefs and in many ways prove them and herself wrong but man did they put baby girl through the ringer. Mellie calls her dog to use QPA to destroy Olivia and leak that she was actually fired, in other words the more Olivia tried to do the right thing the more resistants she had.

With Jake going to Quinn on help of ruining Olivia for good, I felt much anger and annoyance but then again Quinn has a right to be upset with Olivia considering she could have killed her and her child and not to mention the innocent lives she took. But Quinn and everyone else has been so focused on Olivia that she’s forgotten the person she once was, what QPA’S mission statement was about. With Quinn clearly in opposition of her, Olivia faces Quinn and reminds her about why she took over QPA. As Olivia walks away from Quinn she’s clearly shaken by the encounter but it doesn’t deter her from continuing to walk this path. It’s coming down to those final moments where Olivia must decide, who she is, where she is going and who she wants to be. 

Present:

Do you see how toxic that white house is? How toxic mellivia is? It’s a clear juxtaposition of Olivia and Annalise’s scenes and melivia. Mellie only liked what Olivia did for her which goes back to what Maya said ‘why are you worried about Mellie, she isn’t worried about you?’ Olivia and Annalise are a true representation of black girl magic and sisterhood; you call each other out on the others hypocrisy but you also uplift and encourage the other to excel. When Annalise was at her lowest, Olivia was at her highest, like the gladiator she is, Olivia took off her shoes and got on the floor with Annalise. Olivia has no idea how inspirational and powerful she truly is. When Michaela told Annalise about the women with power and who has a seat at the table, chills formed over my body, and I was as giddy as Michaela when she saw Olivia Pope. That’s the thing about Olivia, she has no idea just how valuable and magically she is, young black girls look to her as inspiration, someone who represents them in the world. I just wish Olivia knew how profoundly remarkable she is.

Olivia and Annalise were complete and utter magic to watch on my screen. Truly breathtaking capture of two alpha females both equally accomplished and fatally flaw, claw and scratch to reach the pinnacle that is the Supreme Court. Like many we judge others based on their outside appearance, and Olivia did the same to Annalise. In regards to Annalise, Olivia was most ruthless as Annalise created the perfect mirror to Olivia’s self.

The salon scene is a powerful moment of tv, just real brutal honesty. And for the first time we are seeing Olivia act like a person, with big rollers in her hair she’s vulnerable, with her armor off she’s laughing and conversing with the black hairstylist and Annalise until her secrets out and now she’s exposed to Annalise that she is in fact the reason why Mellie refused to support them. Both women read the other and Annalise scalped Olivia as she highlights Olivia’s own wealthy upbringing (rowan remarked this his daughter went to school with kings and queens) and attempting to think they are the same because she has black skin when Olivia has had every advantage to excel when others like Annalise had to work. But the conversation is true and real, black people and particularly black women are the most cruel to one another as we find each other to be our competition instead of seeing them as an ally. And we all have encountered a black person who acts superior to others of their own kind. Olivia is siddity and arrogant and we often criticizes Fitz’s upbringing for being rich, wealthy and white but we don’t acknowledge others own entitlement *mellie*

I thought I lived but watching Olivia Pope channel her Whitley Gilbert was the greatest  thing I’ve ever seen. She is so unapologetically bad and bojuee that I simply can’t. Olivia disrespected the mega bus, and bragged about her siddity ass unlimited platinum credit card and called Anna Mae a ‘broke ass’, my ass trying not to laugh at Olivia’s disrespectful ass

Why is she like this? Why do I love her as much as I can’t stand her? I just...I don’t know. Did anyone notice that this was the only time we really saw Olivia spit fire with fire? The fight was beyond brutal yet what Olivia needed to see and know about herself. Shonda is unraveling the very fabric of Olivia Pope and leaving only her core. Well done Shonda.

Olivia and Annalise were complete and utter magic to watch on my screen. Truly breathtaking capture of two alpha females both equally accomplished and fatally flaw, claw and scratch to reach the pinnacle that is the Supreme Court. Like many we judge others based on their outside appearance, and Olivia did the same to Annalise. In regards to Annalise, Olivia was most ruthless as Annalise created the perfect mirror to Olivia’s self.

Olivia had no idea who Annalise was, Marcus spoke so highly of the top defense lawyer of Philly and Olivia knows nothing of her or about her. What Shonda has done is actually truly brilliant as she has exposed the parts of Olivia  character that are questionable and has forced not only Olivia but ourselves to view how we treat one another and ourselves. Do we know about our black brother and sisters making the country better, or the discoveries black people have found? Marcus paints the story clear, we must come together and support one another otherwise we all fail.

 Projection and deflection are powerful tools Olivia has in her arsenal that she uses in times of strife and difficulty, every time Annalise opened her mouth, Olivia would judge her and say all the things she wishes to say to herself, yet as the episode progressed we saw Olivia listening more and acting less. When Annalise recommended that she be a part of the interview and Olivia opted to share the spotlight, yes. There’s enough room for them both to shine and excel, Olivia learned a thing or two about humility and while the world was targeting her and those she loved were rooting for her to fall she soar. Olivia didn’t lie, she wasn't spinning, she owned her truth as it is her greatest weapon and changed the story back to what matters~those improperly imprisoned.

Future:

Our past is everything we was. Our present is everything we are. Our future is everything we can possible be.The more we run from our destiny the closer we are to it.

Olivia and Annalise’s first time meeting was near identical to how Olivia and Fitz first met. And as Annalise saw through Olivia’s crap, Olivia became enraged and swarmed to FItz’s office venting about Annalise and how she needs to return back to Philadelphia almost eerily similar to how Fitz told Cyrus to fire Olivia for exposing and seeing through him. Or the countless times Olivia attempted to handle and fix Annalise with Annalise mirroring FItz’s own words when Olivia tried to handle him. While this episode reintroduced us to Olivia it also reintroduced Olitz in a way that has my heart fluttering and my stomach bubbling at the possibility of them.

The more Olivia fought she failed; Mellie, Quinn, the media, “Annalise” (herself) all  attempted to break someone who was honestly trying to do the right thing. Broken and down on her luck she’s clearly conflicted and upset and questioning why she even agreed to help until he walks in.

When Fitz begins to ask Olivia what’s wrong she shuts him down and he moves to leave but Olivia begins to speak and it’s there that she tells Fitz that she’s trying to be someone she no longer is, that she is no longer the person he ‘loves’ but Fitz differs again questioning Olivia as to who she is? And more importantly where in the hell is Olivia Pope?

Once again paralleling when she asked Fitz the same question (2x11). Being an outsider isn’t new to Olivia, she’s been hated by the media and others and she always sailed through the storm yet this time she can’t because she feels ineffective without her white house, and her gladiators. Those customs were such important pieces of the Olivia Pope armor that she doesn’t know how to define herself outside of them. She’s anchorless, simply floating without a sense of direction until Fitz reminds her of the person she’s always been.

When Olivia first came to Fitz for help, she told him that she needs his help to change the world and that he created this institute to make a difference and while it seemed as though Fitz wasn’t listening he very much was as he uses Olivia’s own words to inspire her to fight and remember who she is.

Saving a person doesn’t always require an emergency event. Sometimes a person just needs to see someone with a gentle heart, a pretty smile and a dash of hope to remind them of who they are. Power does not define a person’s ability to achieve. The white house is the biggest illusion power, the levels of deception of personal gains that come with acquiring that office is not something to be proud of or to gloat about. Olivia was always strong and powerful, she made the white house, the white house did not make her~it is why Mellie, Jake and Quinn worked so aimlessly to bring her down. One black woman is more fierce than an army of men. The trauma and emotional suffering she endured were not to prove her worth and strength, it was a warning. With the guilt and regret weighing heavily on her, Olivia was never truly herself until Fitz dusted her off and encouraged her to continue this pursuit of justice. That’s the thing, sometimes we don’t get what we want but we always end up getting what we need, and what Olivia needed was faith that all of this wasn’t for nothing, and that she wouldn’t have to do this alone. 

 Olivia tries to maintain her poise, but it has proven more difficult with each passing. Their eyes met and you can see her heart breaking and healing at the realization that despite everything she has said and done, he still sees her. For the first time in a long time, Olivia felt a tangible sensation she swore was lost long ago.

Hope.

When the time came for Olivia to meet the supreme court judge, she had the envelope to blackmail him into submission but she didn’t. With the folder in her hand Olivia gave the judge everything she had on his file, this time Olivia’s going to be honorable with hopes that the judge will be as well. 

Ophelia and Olivia:

 Annalise, bringing her family to D.C to watch and support her was an honest and true representation of family and more importantly of a black family something Olivai hasn’t felt nor seen since she was twelve. When their practice got cut short because Ophelia wanted Annalise to eat, Olivia saw the moment as ‘weak’ and a ‘distraction’ from the real goal but Annalise calmly and effectively told Olivia the importance of family. What is the point of this without sharing the glory with those who love and support you? This is something Olivia needed to see with her own eyes; representation, family. Rowan’s hold on Olivia is so deeply embedded in her DNA that she viewed a parents joy and happiness for their child as a sign of weakness...It’s honestly sad. 

While Annalise was busy fighting the supreme court, Olivia too was fighting her own demons; family. Something she has denied herself for years. Ophelia accidentally spilled her soup on Olivia and quickly took her to restroom to help Olivia clean up the mess physically and metaphorically, call it mothers intuition but Ophelia looked at Olivia and saw right through her facade, how she’s on the tv cleaning up the man president’s problems and the female president’s problems but while cleaning everyone else’s mess she forgot about herself. Ophelia’s words mirror Maya’s but Olivia wasn’t ready at the time and she didn’t view Maya as being a mother. Clearly moved by a mothers love, Olivia grabs Ophelia’s hands and tells her ‘she’s just being a good mom.’  Take care of you first; Olivia has been the mother taking care of everyone else that she has neglected herself and now like Ophelia she’s the one with the mess.There is an attention to hope, restoration and redemption that is radiating.

By no means is Olivia magically healed, baby girl still has more work to do on herself as we all do, but as the episode comes to an end, I believe Olivia and Annalise took something from the other that rings true to the value of black girl magic. Olivia began to listen and see human contact as a strength and Annalise learned to find strength within to overcome.

As the episode comes to an end we find Olivia with her back turned talking to Fitz on the phone, we haven’t seen her smile and laugh this brightly in some time and notice the subtle change in wardrobe as the story progressed. Though Olivia has her work cut out this was mostly certainly a promising first start as Olivia begins to repair herself and her relationships. 

My heart is still soaring from this episode.

Until Next Time...Muse

[a-shadowedvales]

So… in the additional media of Stranger Things (specifically the comics I’m mentioning), it was initially Brenner’s idea/plan to kill off the other test subjects because they weren’t performing as well as Eleven was. It was his best solution because that way, all the resources, time, and money could instead be placed only to her. And I just…. sure Henry is a fine character and the massacre makes a lot of sense to me, but I think I am once again gonna change up my canon to actually fit this potential narrative instead.

I genuinely think the comic canon of the lab and Brenner is far more intriguing than the show. Everything with 9/9.5, Ricky, and Francine. Eleven being the only one who grew up completely in the lab. Those other kids were either volunteers, well into their teens, or had some semblance of a home life. Eleven was the only one practically moulded from the womb. And they all had such a range of interesting powers. I firmly stand with the idea that Jane is the only one who can contact The Void.

Brenner’s entire point of view on the lab subjects changed the second he found out Terry was pregnant. He discovered he could steal this baby and make her his own. There would be no convincing the child because it’s all she would have ever known. Because of this, I would not put it past a man like Brenner to kill the other subjects for the sake of the “greater good” aka Eleven. Eleven’s gifts just continue thriving beyond his wildest expectations. Brenner would never dare assume that having moulded her from the womb, she would still be able to grow into her own person, her own mind, and one day be able to see him for exactly who he was.

Back before season four aired, it was obvious there were other test subjects because Jane was 011. So there were at least ten kids before her. But I always liked the idea/assumed that she was the last experiment because she was the most successful. That they didn’t need anyone after her because she was fulfilling everything they set out for her to do. With flying colours.

I just think the whole Rainbow Room idea, pitting the kids against each other thing… been there, done that. Boring and predictable. I think at this point my portrayal of her time in Hawkins Lab really stems from the complete isolation she endured. Where having the Rainbow Room, although Eleven was obviously the most isolated out of the kids, brings that sense of community and sister/brotherhood. Albeit extremely warped and toxic. Knowing that she wasn’t alone in that experience just. Doesn’t sit well with me. I think it’s important to note that she was alone, physically and mentally. Which is why Kali is also so important to her growth. I thought a lot of the flashbacks of her time in the lab during season four was really boring, repetitive, and just very predictable. Although Peter becoming Vecna was a surprise to me, and was a nice little twist, the idea of her having an ally on the inside was really interesting.

Maybe they did get as far as they do in canon, Peter Ballad was telling the truth about everything, about some of the workers there being prisoners like him, and he really wanted to get her out and to safety. But before they can escape through the pipes, they’re caught. Peter is shot on the spot, and Eleven is put into the isolation room for a few days as punishment. In this timeline, Henry would be Vecna, but Henry would not be Peter Ballad.

When Eleven turned seven, and was already showing extreme promise, where the other children were average at best, Brenner had the eight children killed. Kali had already escaped. This was the main cause for Peter to gain Eleven’s trust and try to get her out. Because if Brenner could murder his “children” in cold blood, there’s no way Eleven was safe even in spite of her power.

When Eleven is allowed out of the isolation room, her testing becomes more rigorous in attempt to distance and make her forget about what she attempted to do with Peter. Brenner begins gaslighting her, saying that there was never a Peter, that she must have been dreaming. Eleven does ask “papa” about “mama”, given Peter told her of the day Terry broke in the lab, but Brenner is convincing enough to make Eleven believe it was all in her head. Say she is around eight years old, meaning the same timeline of season fours canon flashbacks.

I still do wanna keep the Henry Creel canon, and keep him as 001. Brenner didn’t have him killed alongside the other test subjects, because who knows, one day he could become an even better asset than 011. Brenner definitely wants to be able to control Henry, but keeps the chip in him because, for the moment, doesn’t know how. Killing him would be too big of a loss.

When Eleven is ten years old, Henry’s concealed powers break free and he manages to get the chip out himself, and unleashes hell onto Hawkins Lab. He almost kills Brenner by snapping his bones, but Eleven manages to stop him. Her extreme abilities are unleashed, and she sends Henry to the Upside Down. She does fall into a coma due to the extremity of the situation, but she does not forget what happened. Brenner believes she’s the perfect weapon as she stepped in to save him without a second thought, was able to defeat Henry, and opened a door to something he never thought possible. Eleven is rewarded for her efforts. Although she remembers the entire battle / confrontation, her memories regarding the portal are very hazy.

Brenner decides not to focus on the portal straight away, instead gets her training harder and harder to see what else she can accomplish. Also loved the idea of Brenner sending her into The Void to “look for him” so that will definitely be kept.

By the time she escapes and season one begins, her knowledge of the Upside Down is basically what we see in canon. Because she passed out the moment after she sent Henry away, she was once again gaslighted into believing she merely threw him through the glass and killed him. For two years she believed this, until making contact with the Demogorgan, and those memories return completely.

Due to her saving Brenner’s life, (it was pure instinct. She happened to be there. Saw her “papa” hurt and knew she had to make him better.) Brenner constantly thanks her. But in a very condescending way. Tells her: “you saved me so I can continue saving you.” Aka, harness your abilities and see what else I can achieve from you. Despite the fact that she saved his life, these words and phrases make her feel indebted to him. That she owes him something further.

I don't realistically see her thriving with her speech improvement until she's well into her twenties at least. Her slowed development, sensory and social deprivation causes a serious delay in language. Surrounded by other children she would have overheard conversations, some would have spoken to her. Her conveniently forgetting her upbringing pre the battle with Henry just isn't good enough for me anymore. It makes more sense for her to have been raised alone.

It also helps indicate why she gravitated towards the boys when they found her in the woods. They would have been the first people her age she ever remembered seeing. As far as she knew, during the lab there was no one like her. Everyone was much older, they were adults-- although she stayed with Benny, I'm not sure if she would have stuck around very long. Where she followed the boys home without thought.

Also it's important to note that after time, Jane does understand that Peter Ballad was a real person, and was truly the first person (aside from Terry) who wanted the best for her. When she remembers him, knows that Brenner was lying, she deals with immense guilt regarding his death. He was shot right in front of her eyes, because he was trying to help her. This is another catalyst as to why after season two, Jane never refers to Brenner as papa. She does not give him that sort of credit.

[thinkyoureholy]

One Shot, One Kill [2]

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Pairing : Jung Hoseok/ OC (Azura/Zada)

Genre : Angst/ Action/ some fluff/ eventual smut/ Paid Assassin AU

Words: 2k

Pt 1. Pt 2 Pt 3. Pt  4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9. Pt 10. Pt 11.

-Azura’s P.O.V-

I froze at the man’s cocky tone of voice, raising my hands, “Turn around.”

I did as told, cursing as I noticed that he wasn’t alone. He had two other guys with him, their guns also pointed directly at me. Turning my hands so my palms faced upwards I let my guns slip out of my hands, the two pieces of metal clanking against the floor. I narrowed my eyes as I took in each of their faces, noticing the one with light brown hair and the tallest of the three do the same to me. I hated to admit but all three of them were extremely attractive, the shortest one still having about two inches on me. The one standing directly in front of me had a bit of a long face but that did nothing to his striking features, his dark brown hair peeking under the cap he had on. The one to my left was about an inch shorter than the one that stood in front of me, his jet black hair falling over his eyes.

“Who sent you?” I asked, noticing they weren’t dressed like the rest of the guards.

The one that stood directly in front of me smirked, “The same person who sent you.”

My face hardened as he said that. Immediately I put my earpiece back on, “You have five seconds to explain what the fuck is going on before I head over there and slit your throat in front of your entire family.”

“Zada calm down. I just-”

“I’m not gonna fucking calm down. You know very well what I’m capable of so you better start talking.” I all but growled out.

“I wanted to make sure the job was done right, I couldn’t afford for there to be any mistakes.”

“Have I ever failed going through with anything you’ve given me?”

“Zada-”

“Answer me.”

“No.”

“This is the last time I work for you. If you don’t trust me to finish the job then I’ll work for someone who will. Don’t bother paying me for this, I don’t want your fucking money. Do me a favor and never contact me again.” I said as I ripped the earpiece out and bent down to pick up my guns.

“Have fun with those politicians.”

“Now I can see why they say the infamous Zada has one hell of a temper.” The black haired male said with a smirk.

I simply glared at him, “I don’t like people making a mockery of my work.”

I pushed past them, heading back up the stairs.

-

-A few days later-

“Is this Zada?”

“It is. I’m assuming you called to give me a job. I’m sure you know that all I need is a name.” I told the man, heading to my office.

“Liana Smith. She was my wife-”

“Ah ah, I’m gonna stop you right there. I could care less about your sob story to be quite honest with you. I don’t need to know what she was to you or what she did. You’ve given me a name and that’s all I need.” I cut him off, a little annoyed with the fact all new clients were like this.

“You will wire the money to me once I send you proof of the body are we clear?”

“Yes. I’d like to ask for you to film it...if it’s not too much trouble.”

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, “Whatever pleases you.”

I hung up the call there, getting to work on finding out all I could about this woman. It didn’t take long for me to find all there was to know about her. She was in her mid thirties with two children and the most powerful female CEO in the country. I had to say I was a bit impressed at seeing the 'empire’ she built with her company in just 10 years. I found out she’s a workaholic, basically living in her office. This was great information to have since I knew where to find her, especially on a Monday night like tonight.

Not wasting anymore times I started to gear up. I put my hair up in a ponytail, putting my face mask on and grabbing a pair of glasses that had the smallest of cameras on the upper right hand corner of it. It looked a lot like a small screw that looked like it was apart of the original frame. I decided on taking only a single knife, knowing a gun would cause too much of a mess and frankly speaking I wanted to get this job done as cleanly as possible.

Before I left I quickly ran upstairs to check on Ree, smiling softly at seeing her sound asleep. I walked over to the window, making sure it was locked before leaving her room, closing the door behind me. Making my way back downstairs I grabbed my long black coat as I made my way out of the house. As i walked towards my car I used the app on my phone to arm all the alarms in the house.

……

This was honestly one of the easiest jobs I’ve had in awhile. Most clients were of a high status, the target on a similar level so I had to be extra cautious and do everything from a distance. I never really liked getting so close to the target, preferring to do everything from a far where no one could see me. But if I had to get my hands dirty with a little bit of blood then so be it.

I was glad this woman was a workaholic, most people that worked in the company having gone home by now except for one lone security guard. I had no real reason to confront the man so I simply stuck to the shadows, sneaking past him and into an open elevator. Pressing the button for the 30th floor I leaned against one of the elevator walls, knowing it’d take a few minutes to get to top floor.

I was taken by surprise as the elevator stopped on the 25th floor. I lowered my head, keeping my face out of view as the man stepped inside. I kept my head down when he decided to stand next to me.

“Fancy meeting you here.”

I looked up quickly, meeting eyes with one of the men from a few days ago, the one wearing a cap to be exact. I narrowed my eyes at him and before he could react I had him pinned up against the wall, my knife pressed up against his neck.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I sneered out, angry at just the sight of him.

“Mrs. Smith has more enemies than you think.” He said with a smirk, his hand slowly going for something at his side.

I pressed my knife against his neck harder, drawing blood, “Don’t even think about it. I’ll cut your throat before you even have a chance at putting your fingers around that gun.”

He chuckled, a cocky grin on his face as he raised his hands. He had this mischievous glint in his eyes that only set to piss me off even more. I tsked before roughly pushing him away from me.

“She’s mine.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’ll kill you before you even set foot into her office. You’re not taking this one away from me too,” I hissed out.

“I’d like to see you try it, sweetheart,” He retorted arrogantly.

“Call me that again and I’ll knock your teeth out.” I threatened, getting in his face.

His smile seemed to grow wider as he went to stand in front of me, “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is...sweetheart.”

I huffed out a breath of annoyance, smirking slightly as the doors of the elevator opened. Without wasting another second I swung at him, my knife still in hand. He was quick, I’ll give him that but not quick enough as I kicked at his stomach. He stumbled out of the elevator, holding his stomach as his back hit the wall of the hallway. I stepped out of the elevator going to kick at him again but he dodged my leg, swinging his own and knocking me down to the ground. I groaned before rolling out of the way as he brought his fist down, making contact with the floor instead of my face. I swung at him with my knife again, managing to cut his shirt but not his skin. He jumped back, breathing heavily as a dark look crossed his eyes. I too stood up, knife held tightly as I waited for him to make a move.

“I see our little sweetheart is a feisty one,” He said with a smirk, trying to get a rise out of me.

I was already beyond pissed so he succeeded. I charged at him, swinging my knife at him once more. This time I managed to knick him on the cheek, a small smile making it’s way onto my face when he stared at me in shock. This seemed to anger him as he landed one swift punch to my jaw. I stumbled back a bit before I regained my footing, spitting out the bit of blood I tasted in my mouth.

I knew I was faster than he was so with that in mind I ran straight at him, dodging one of his punches. I went low, kicking at his legs and straddled his waist as he fell to the ground. I went to stab his chest with my knife but he put his hands up and held at my hand. Using both hands I put as much pressure as I could on the knife, watching it slowly go down, so close to piercing the skin on his chest.

“What the hell is going on out here?” A female voice asked just as the knife was going to go through his skin.

At hearing her voice both of our heads snapped up and towards her direction. I cursed as I realized it was the target. I watched as her eyes widen, shock taking over as she froze in place. It took her a few seconds to snap out it but by that time I had yanked my hands out of his and grabbed at the blade end of the knife. Within the next second or so I brought my hand up and threw the knife at her, seeing it embed itself directly into her chest.

I didn’t have time to relax as I remembered who I was sitting on top of. Quickly I pulled his gun out of the waistband of his pants and pointed the barrel of the gun directly at his head.

“What’s your name?” I asked, letting the anger I was still feeling roll off my tongue.

He stayed quiet causing me to cock the gun, my finger on the trigger and ready to fire. He kept his mouth shut and I was getting tired of it so I pointed the gun out into the hallway and fired. Cocking the gun once more and placing the barrel of the gun on his temple I asked again.

“What. Is. Your. Name, ” I reiterated.

“Jay,” He answered through gritted teeth.

“Well, Jay, today seems like it’s your lucky day. I won’t kill you...for now. But if I ever see your face again I’ll put a bullet straight through your eyes do you understand me.”

He said nothing as he simply clenched his jaw causing me to roughly grab his hair in my other hand. I pulled on his roots as I lifted his head up, bringing his face closer to mine.

“Do you or do you not understand?” I repeated, gritting my own teeth.

“I understand,” He spat out.

At that I pushed his head away from me roughly, hearing it hit the floor rather harshly. Standing up off of him I went to the body, making sure the camera on my glasses captured her corpse before retrieving my knife from her chest. Walking back over to where Jay was I removed the magazine from the gun before throwing it at his feet. Without another word I walked straight past him and into the elevator that had reopened and made my way back down to the first floor.

[annamariexrogue]

chatzy ; gone wrong

WHERE: Erik’s Bunker WHO: @masterofmagnetismx, @sospeedy, @annamariexrogue, @im-not-a-liar WHY: The aftermath of Tommy’s encounter with Joker. MENTIONS: @jonnyxfrost, @hquinsel, @aceofknavess, @whatoswaldwants, @wanda--maximcff, @goldenelixxir

Anna: The alarm took her by surprise. She'd never heard it before, though she knew it had gone off in her absence. Jumping to her feet, she abandoned the book she'd been writing in. She needed to go to the surface. The person was close. Without giving it a second thought, she went to the strange lift that brought her to the surface, though it felt far too slow. She had to resist prying the doors open once the reached the top. At first she didn't see him. She hadn't thought to look down. Then her gaze caught the sight of silver/white hair and she gasped, dropping to her knees. "Tommy!!!"

Tommy: Tommy had not regained consciousness. By the time Anna found him, he was even more of a mess than he'd been in the cage. Blood matted down part of his hair on the side the bat had struck. His arms and legs were still bent at very unnatural angles, and enough time had passed for deep, horrible bruising to appear nearly everywhere. There were still lacerations on his arm from the lion, though they were the least of it.

Anna: Anna felt her hands shaking as she tried to push back his hair just enough to see the wound, but it wasn't any use. Thankfully, she already had her gloves on. "Tommy!!" She said again, her voice barely above a whisper. Somehow, she couldn't bring herself to speak any louder. "God, Jesus, fuck!!!" She wanted to move him, but she was afraid. He was broken in so many places that she feared hurting him - but she couldn't leave him here. Gritting her teeth, she used her enhanced strength to lift him. Bringing him to the nearest, stark white sofa, she laid him down. "T-Tommy, please." As fast as she could manage, she got to the kitchen and soaked a rag with cold water. When she returned to Tommy she began to clean his face, his hair, and only stopped to send a panicked text to Erik. 'COME HOME NOW!!!!!!!!'

Erik: Erik had been meeting with Harvey Dent to belatedly resolve what had happened with Anna. Their meeting was over, and he'd have been making his way back soon anyway. He had just left the warehouse when he received her message. "I'm on my way. What happened?" There was no use in asking if there was a problem - that much was obvious.

Anna: Trembling, Anna pushed Tommy's coat open to see if there were more wounds. The blood from his head injury had soaked the front of his jacket. A note dropped out and she snatched it up, unfolding the paper so she could read it. Confused, she quickly texted Erik again. "There's a note with him. It says 'Mercy is my middle name.' It's signed 'Joker' and with a smiley face. Erik, please hurry."

Erik: Erik came to a dead stop on the sidewalk when Anna replied. He read it twice, quickly, because it made no sense to him. He'd had no contact at all with Joker since the broadcast. Neither of them had made any attempt, as far as he was aware, to be in touch with the other person. It was not as though he'd stopped being aware of the Joker's presence, he'd simply had no use for him, and assumed the feeling was mutual for the time being. That he would dare make such a move, that he would be bold enough, stupid enough to take that step based on nothing, nearly had Erik going to the bar he'd originally met him instead of back to the bunker. It took a solid minute to convince himself that it had to wait. It had to be handled another way. He was still looking at Anna's message when he remembered the mutant boy who had stumbled so close to the bunker and said he worked for Joker. Erik had not let him go without having a way to contact him, to find him, again. He'd get answers before he made a move and the answers were going to come from Thierry.

Tommy: Several minutes after Anna's messages to Erik, Tommy took in a sharp, painful breath. He opened one of his eyes, as the other was swollen shut from the blows from the bowling pin after being taken and the later one from the bat. For a second he could not even begin to focus on figuring out where he was. He tried to sit up out of instinct, but the way it immediately pulled at his arms and legs made him scream. The toxin had worn off, and the sound echoed in the bunker.

Thierry: After the meeting with Magneto, Thierry had been wary, at first, to let him know where he lived. The fact that Magneto was Tommy's grandfather had changed his mind. He had given him his information shortly after his relationship with Tommy had changed. He had no work that night and was at him, reading, trying to distract himself from the fact that Tommy had not responded to his texts over the past few days - nor shown up to work. He assumed that he had come to his senses and was ghosting him. Like before, Thierry had taken things too far despite his caution. The only person he blamed was himself.

Anna: As soon as Tommy woke, Anna put a gloved hand to his cheek, horrified, but she tried to remain calm. "Shh, shh. You're safe, sugah. You gotta lay down. An’ listen to my voice. Erik's comin', he'll be here soon. You're gonna be okay." She brushed his hair comfortingly, careful to keep clear of the blood and where she saw he'd been struck, instead staying close to his cheek. "It's Anna. M'gonna go look for painkillers. Stay here, 'kay? Ya can hear me, right?"

Erik: Erik gave him no warning that he was coming. If he knew something about this, if he was involved somehow, he did not want to give him the chance to leave or call for help. The locks on his front door opened to him with a gesture and soon Erik stood in his doorway, his expression grim and angry. "Come with me. Now." He was taking him whether he wanted to go or not. Erik did not know the extent of what had happened, and he'd already taken too long to get back to the bunker.

Tommy: "Y-yes," he rasped. Of course he had no idea how he got there. The last thing he remembered was closing his eyes and waiting for the final blow from the bat. It hadn't killed him, obviously. While his body did heal faster than most, not enough time had passed for it to even begin, and so much damage had been done that it wouldn't have mattered anyway. All he could do was lay there and try to breathe.

Thierry: Stunned, Thierry jumped to his feet and the book fell to the floor. He had no idea why Magneto was here, but he immediately thought it had to do with Tommy, although he didn't know in what context. Without a word, he went straight to him, his eyes large and frightened, but it was not fear for himself. "Is it Tommy?" he asked softly, even though part of him did not want to know the answer.

Anna: Relieved, Anna's hand lingered on Tommy's forehead, but then she forced herself to get up even though she did not want to leave him - but it was too difficult to see him in so much pain. She practically ran to the kitchen and began snatching open the drawers, even yelling directions at the robots despite never having asked for their help before. She knew she had to remain calm for Tommy's sake; she couldn't let her emotions get the best of her. When she found the bottle, she also took a bottle of water and quickly returned to her side. "'Kay, lift your head a little, can ya do that?" Carefully, she slid her hand underneath his head, gently feeding him two pills and assisting him in swallowing in that position so he wouldn't choke.

Erik: "Come," he said again. Though it was a risk using powers anywhere in Star City and this was not the time for a confrontation, Erik did not have time to simply walk to the city limits and go from there. Without warning or explanation, he lifted both Thierry and himself off the ground and took off from the balcony. He both did not trust him to get there on his own and knew that he had the ability to travel more quickly, anyway. He was silent all the way back to the bunker. Near the entrance, he saw the unmistakable signs of blood on the ground.

Tommy: Tommy swallowed the two pills, which would have been a drop in the bucket even if he didn't have incredibly fast metabolism. "More," he said immediately. He'd had to close his eye again. The light was disorienting, and his head was pounding. To be honest, what he wanted to do was go to sleep, but through all of the other shit he had going on he figured if he did that he wouldn't wake up again. There was no way he didn't have at least a concussion. No way.

Thierry: Thierry was no stranger to flying, but he was in his human form and therefore helpless, so he held onto Erik tightly so he wouldn't fall. He also said nothing on the way there, seeming to understand the importance of the situation in a way that would seem odd. His heartbeat quickened when he saw the blood on the ground in front of the bunker and his grip on Magneto tightened subconsciously as he inhaled. "What happened??"

Anna: Hesitating, Anna fished out more pills for Tommy. She knew that his metabolism meant that he needed more than the average person would, but she was scared he would fall asleep. She gave him two more, her voice soft. "Give it some time to work. If ya still hurt, I'll give ya another one, 'kay? But ya can't fall asleep, y'hear? Keep talkin' to me, Tommy."

Erik: "You're going to tell me." Erik got them inside the bunker. He had to assume that Anna had gone back inside. As soon as they were properly inside, he could hear her talking. "I'm here," he said immediately, and practically ran to where she was by the sofa. He was not prepared for the sight of his grandson in that state. Erik had seen terrible things in his life. He'd witnessed countless deaths and caused many. He had seen the full, horrific extent of what humanity and mutantkind were capable of doing to themselves and each other. But it was different when it was someone he cared about, and certainly when it was his family. His hands balled into fists at his sides and he knelt down by the sofa. "I'm here, Thomas. I'll take care of this."

Tommy: "Mmhm," Tommy muttered. He didn't hear anyone else come in. In the few seconds between Anna telling him to talk and his grandfather kneeling down beside him, he must have started to drift off. He opened his eye again, still not understand how he was there, of all places. He'd never even been to the place his grandfather retreated to after the riots - didn't have a clue where it was, in fact. "Hurts," he told him, "everywhere."

Thierry: Once they were inside, Thierry followed Magneto silently, not seeming Tommy until he reached the couch. He gasped and started to move forward, his hands beginning to shake. "Tommy," his voice was much, much more emotive than it had ever been before."What happened to you? How - how did -" His first thought was that it was Penguin and he did not hesitate to tell that to Magneto. "Penguin did this. I know he did."

Anna: As soon as Erik arrived, Anna finally managed to relax, sitting back on her heels even though her hand remained on Tommy's forehead. She set the glass of water on the ground. "I gave him somethin' for the pain. I didn't wanna give him too much... or he might fall asleep." She'd never seen Erik like this before, except when he'd visited her in the hospital. This was Tommy, his grandson, and she felt her throat tighten when she thought of how he must feel.

Erik: Erik pressed his lips into a hard, thin line when he looked at Thierry. "Why do you say that?" He knew already it wasn't the case. He'd never crossed paths with this 'Penguin,' and had no idea why Tommy would have, either. He saw the letter and the card Anna had mentioned in the floor beside her and grabbed it, shoving it against Thierry's chest. "Joker did this. And you're going to tell me why." He reached up and pushed Tommy's hair away from the wound on his head, then made some gesture to one of the robots that were gathered around Anna. It sped away and returned with a large box. Walking into a hospital and seeking the care of a doctor had not been an option for Erik for a long time. He'd taught himself to do a great many things beyond basic first aid, though he knew already that Tommy's injuries were beyond his abilities to deal with. Still, he started to clean the wound as best he could.

Tommy: When he saw Thierry, he was sure he must have passed out again. Everything still hurt, but maybe it was just so bad that it was invading his dreams now, too. He didn't get the chance to ask him why he was there, or how, before Erik poured something over the wound on his head. It took his breath away and he tried to squirm in the other direction, which only brought a fresh wave of sharp pain in one of his arms.

Thierry: Thierry tried to move toward Tommy, but he was stopped by Anna, who shielded him and prevented Thierry from coming any closer. "I..." He looked at Erik, speechless, and had to force himself to stumble through a partial explanation. "Because something happened to me, and Tommy... he... he was going to do something about it." He started to explain more, but then Erik slapped the note on his chest and he took it quickly. Scanning the contents, he felt even MORE confused - and terrified. "I don't know! I don't... I had no idea this would happen! Joker, he-he must know that I've betrayed him, and he did this to Tommy to get back at ma. That's - that's the only thing I can think of..."

Anna: Anna quickly moved in front of Tommy when the boy tried to approach. She'd heard the accusation and anger in Erik's voice and she wasn't about to let him get to Tommy. Frowning, she looked at Erik, not sure what to think of the boy's explanation. “Ain’t Joker the one who-who made that broadcast with ya?” She couldn't help but sound slightly disdainful at the memory.

Erik: "Why would Joker use Tommy to get back at you?" It was not as if he had all of the details of his grandson's personal life. He spoke with Tommy more often than his brother, but it was not as though he knew the ins and outs of his daily life. He was aware that he and Thierry knew one another, but it stopped there. He shook his head at Anna when she asked. "We haven't had contact since. I cannot guarantee it, but I don't think this had anything to do with me. But it does now." Joker and his people would regret it swiftly.

Tommy: "Wasn't you," Tommy told Thierry. He forced himself to stay still as his grandfather wrapped clean gauze around his head, covering the wound now that it was cleaned. The painkillers were doing nothing. He had no idea how much time had passed, or how much longer he was supposed to wait on them. "I did some-something."

Thierry: "Because we're... friends," Thierry said softly, even though they were more than that, but he wouldn't say so in front of these people. He assumed Tommy wouldn't want anyone to know. When he said THAT, he frowned. "What do you mean...?"

Anna: Pressing her lips together, Anna couldn't stand seeing Tommy in this much pain. She wanted to give him more painkillers, but at the same time, the thought of him falling asleep terrified her. "We gotta take him to the hospital, Erik. His arms... his-his legs..."

Erik: "You did what?" Erik asked Tommy. It didn't actually matter. There was nothing he could have done that would merit or excuse this, no reason he could give that would not end with Erik ripping someone apart for this. "We're not going to a hospital. I can't go with him. I can't trust him. Moving him is too dangerous, besides. We'll bring someone here if we have to."

Tommy: "Guy with a bat...stickers...didn't know he worked for Joker." He took in a deep breath, then another. "Just me. Not you." Neither Thierry or his grandfather had anything to do with this. It was his own rash stupidity.

Thierry: Taking a deep breath, Thierry stepped back, even though his instinct was to go the other way. Even though this might have nothing to do directly, the fact that he'd worked for Joker at all made him feel responsible. "That is Jonny Frost," he said quietly. The bat gave him away. Jonny and Harley were the only henchmen who carried bats.

Anna: "Erik! I will go with him. I will make sure nothin' happens to him. We can't - we can't help him any more than this, and he needs medical assistance. Ya can trust me." Even though Erik was jaded, Anna knew that not all hospitals were opposed to mutants. She'd been in the hospital, after all, and the doctors had assisted her despite being afraid to touch her due to her own unique power.

Erik: "I said no," he told Anna more sharply than he'd intended. "Find someone to bring here. I'll pay them whatever they want. I don't want him out of my sight." It was not that he didn't trust her to do it, but it would never be the same as being there himself. He turned toward Thierry. "Tell me where I can find Jonny Frost."

Tommy: Tommy didn't care what the guy's name was. It didn't matter anymore. He couldn't undo any of it, and even if he could he wasn't sure he'd have been able to walk away in that alley while a whole group of people beat the hell out of one guy. "Tired," he said after a few beats of silence. "I'm tired."

Thierry: "Vagabonds." Thierry did not know of the island. It was the only place he could think of where he saw Jonny and Harley on a regular basis. "But he is always with Joker. So is Harley. They are the only two he seems to... tolerate." It was the only word he could think of, as Joker was not the sort who exhibited a soft spot for anyone. "But - But Harley is pregnant. Don't hurt her." He liked Harley; he couldn't help it. She had always been kind to him, even though he knew she would kill him if she knew what he'd been doing. When Tommy spoke, he looked at him and held his breath, resisting the urge to say anything to betray just how upset he was for the state he was in. Instead, he dug his fingernails into his palms and remained silent.

Anna: Anna's eyes flashed and she jumped up, but stayed in front of Tommy. "You want me to take the time to go find someone while the kid might have a concussion? If he falls asleep he might not wake up! We don't got time for this!" Even as she said it, she was snatching up her coat. "You better keep him awake. And I'm not goin' to wast time lookin' for a mutant. I'm bringin' the first doctor I find. I hope your stubborn ass don't kill him!" She wasn't going to waste more time arguing. Storming to the portal, she slammed her hand on the button to get it to open.

Erik: Erik did not take the time to snap back at Anna. He would keep Tommy awake, and do whatever else needed to be done, but he wouldn't be removed from the bunker. "If she had a hand in this, she'll be dealt with. I am making no promises to you." He did not mean to seek her out, but he wouldn't go further than that. He put his hand against the side of Tommy's face. "Stay awake. Do you want me to bring your mother here?" She needed to know, but perhaps not yet. She could get...erratic, especially when it came to Tommy and Billy, and that was not something that anyone wanted.

Tommy: Tommy forced himself to open his good eye again. He was right. Had to stay awake. How bizarre the scene in the bunker was had finally started to set in. Thierry being there had been confusing, but he hadn't had the energy to question it. It was finally hitting him how little sense it made. "Why...how do you know...?" he finally asked him. "Why are you here?" Why did he know so easily who the man with the bat had been? Joker's words came back to him, unwelcome and unwanted. From now on, assume everyone in the city is working for me.

Thierry: He couldn't bring himself to respond to Tommy's question. Thierry swallowed past a lump in his throat. It was Anna's words that roused him from that state and his gaze snapped up. "No - find Josh... Josh Foley. He is a mutant, like - like me. He helped me. And he knows how to heal other mutants."

Anna: Anna was about to step into the pod, her entire body shaking with anger, when she heard Thierry's words. Frowning, she didn't respond even though she had full intentions to locate Josh immediately. She stepped into the capsule and went to the surface. Star City wasn't very far, but right now it might as well be.

Erik: He should have thought of Josh himself. He knew that he was in the city and had directed Emma to him already. His mind was going too many directions at once, and he'd missed that one. When Thierry did not answer Tommy, Erik decided to do it for him. He was not trying to keep his secrets now. "Thierry is a mutant. We met by chance when he came too close to this place. He informed me that he worked for Joker, and I brought him here for answers." He adjusted the bandage on Tommy's head and reached for the bottle of painkillers. He did not know how long it would be before Anna returned, but in the mean time it was clear that Tommy was still in pain. His abilities were nearly identical t Pietro's, and Erik felt comfortable enough to shake out a few more of the pills to give to him. He helped him swallow them much the same way that Anna had.

Tommy: When his grandfather said all of that, Tommy was just silent. Thierry hadn't told him anything. None of that. He didn't even know he was a mutant. It was not as if Tommy had gone out of his way to hide anything from him. He'd used his powers in front of him, he'd told him about his family, and he'd have probably said more than that if Thierry had asked. He didn't know how to respond to it, and so just belatedly said, "Don't tell Wanda." Not yet. She...it felt like she smothered him.

[spoopercorp]

Supercorp Fic 1/4

Summary: Kara leaves for a mission and when she returns, she is not entirely herself - Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El are gone. All that is left is Supergirl, last child of Krypton and now Rao’s successor.

Chapter Summary: The friends and family that Kara - that Supergirl - used to love struggle with the transcendence that has left her memories in ruins, all attempting to spark some recognition from her.

Based on this: “plastic-pipes.tumblr.com/post/161320253433/plastic-pipes-i-can-c-basically-its-kinda-i” by @plastic-pipes.

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Eliza brought her back.

To Midvale.

"Why are we here?" Supergirl inquired, hovering a few feet over the roof of her home.

Her former home; a quaint house in the suburbs under the night sky and a blanket of stars.

It was quiet, so quiet that chirping crickets could be heard. There was no chatter, not much life, just a slight breeze that rustled the greenery from time to time.

The Kryptonian set the woman down with a soft thud.

"You grew up here," Eliza said, motherly love encased in her eyes and an expectant twitch at the tips of her lips, "When you came to Earth. You don't remember?"

Supergirl did, she recalled bits and pieces, but not enough to warrant a reply that gave the woman any semblance of hope.

It was not enough for her to feel anything, to recall fully a single memory.

"Why should I?" she asked instead.

There was a moment, shown in Eliza's eyes, that cracked a little - the optimism took a beating.

"'Cause I want my daughter back," the woman answered, slightly broken, a frown pulling the edges of her lips down.

She was strong, Supergirl knew that. She also knew that this woman raised two little girls after her husband, Jeremiah, was taken by a government organization and subsequently disappeared. Supergirl could still see it in Eliza's eyes, how much she missed him, still missed him because he was still gone.

But her little girls were not.

One of the little girls being Supergirl herself, a young Kryptonian that used to have no knowledge of how to control her powers on such a fragile, foreign planet.

Eliza was strong, always was for her daughters, and that was why her voice did not break open all the way.

But she did reach out to grasp Supergirl's hand gently, her skin soft, though wrinkled and slightly callous with age and her experience as a biochemical researcher.

Eliza intended though, to stretch her arm out to caress her daughter's cheeks, wanting to feel if it had the same texture as when she landed - smooth, supple, yet wet flesh from mourning Krypton; but Supergirl was too high, too out of reach.

"Come here," Eliza beckoned.

Supergirl obeyed, descending lower, closer.

But never did her feet touch the ground.

The proximity was enough though, for Eliza to stroke her girl's cheeks, to cup them in her hands.

And she remembered, with an aching heart, how small they were just around a decade ago, trembling with vulnerability.

Then Eliza's gaze finally traveled up to meet Supergirl's eyes, no longer a bright sapphire, but a bright white glow that was now in its place.

It was divine.

"Kara?" she called out.

There was no recognition, at least not an emotional one. It was detached, somewhat, from the rest of the world.

There was nothing.

Alex brought her to her apartment - Kara's apartment.

Supergirl recalled the location in fragments, she knew it was her abode with large windows in the highest complex to easily fly to and fro in the form of her alter ego - National City's savior.

The windows were open, to let the light in and the bustling noise of the city through - a cacophony of horns, shouts, screeching tires, and crying babies.

"Sister night!" Alex exclaimed, a little enthusiastic, a little uneasy. She was wearing an apron with pale yellow stripes, and it seemed to have been bombarded with numerous ingredients, some of them questionable in edibility.

Supergirl eyed the amount of food that laid across the dining table and floated over.

Ice cream, potstickers, chocolate pecan pie, cake, pizza...

"I do not need to eat, or drink, or rest."

Alex frowned, "Yeah," she sighed heavily and intertwined their fingers, "Yeah, I know that. I read the report. I guess I was just hoping...that there would be a change."

The woman looked to her sister, a being who was her sister, hoping that this event altered something between them.

It did not.

And the silence only made Supergirl tilt her head and blink her glowing eyes in vague curiosity.

Alex quickly pulled away and averted her gaze, perhaps afraid - terrified - of what she might find.

Of what she might not find.

"Movie?" she asked hastily, untying her apron and tossing it onto the kitchen counter before vaulting over the couch and swiping the remote from the coffee table.

She tried to be relaxed, she did, but the presence of Supergirl caused her the most discomfort.

"I can stay for a little longer," the Kryptonian replied, neutral.

It sounded so empty that it forced Alex's frown to deepen, creases lining her forehead.

"Which one?"

Supergirl flied over, "What do you suggest?"

Alex's tone grew frustrated, clipped, "Right. I guess you can't have an opinion or preference either."

"You are upset."

"Very astute observation," Alex snapped curtly.

"Why is it that you are upset?" Supergirl asked, and her voice held no personal concern - it was asked out of courtesy.

Alex scoffed, brought her eyes up to look at Supergirl, quiet, "I just want my sister back."

Her eyes, her face, her body all remained the same.

There was no emotion, no attachment that one should have felt for a sister, for family.

There was nothing.

Maggie took her to the alien bar afterwards, during the night, after her shift, and Supergirl quietly followed behind.

She continued to refuse to land, and the detective took note of that because, well, she was a detective; she could not help but notice things, regardless of how trivial the details.

Like the eyes, how they were vacant, void of any genuine, personal emotions.

Then there was an absence of feelings.

And it alarmed Maggie quite a bit, knowing that before all of this, the blonde had been angry, bitter, disappointed, upset - all the simultaneously happy and painful complexities of...living.

But none of that was there, nothing in between either.

Supergirl was a shell, a holy and divine icon. From Maggie's understanding, Alex confessed tearfully to her that Rao had chosen an heir.

Kara Danvers, lover of people, food, musicals, and Disney movies, had transcended.

She was Supergirl.

She was a god.

The first thing that greeted them past the entrance was J'onn and M'gann, who both smiled behind the bar.

Except both the Martians' grins were tight-lipped and wary.

J'onn though, he looked weary, was weary.

The Kryptonian he worked with for so long was now a surrogate daughter to him, and he her surrogate father.

Along with Alex of course.

The pain in his eyes was overwhelming, and he believed deep down that he was unable to help.

His and Kara's bond had only been strengthened within the D.E.O.; it was the only place they both shared.

But it was a facility, it had walls made of the sturdiest of metals, polished floors, lab rooms, and a medical bay full of injured and dying agents. And it had aliens imprisoned there.

It did not seem like a place that could really sort through Supergirl's memories with all the chaos there.

And J'onn did not know where else to take her.

His social interactions were awkward, he was a Martian so closed up from the genocide of his people.

Though M'gann was changing that. Slowly.

Before any of them could exchange proper greetings, an unsettling silence filled the entirety of the building.

It was eerie and Maggie, J'onn, and M'gann were ready for a fight, their stances hardening.

But there was no confrontation, no conflict.

One by one, it all dawned on the patrons, and one by one, each of them knelt.

Within a minute, all the alien customers were bowing to Rao's successor, floating reverently in the air.

And then Maggie realized that maybe it was not that Supergirl did not want to touch the ground, but that she could not.

And it filled her with dread.

James, Winn, and Mon-El awaited her within their den, their 'man cave' the latter two said.

The darkly lit and cramped room was a mess of stains, food, opened drinks, video games, useless antiques, trading cards, discs, wires, and papers strewn about.

It was easy to deduce that Winn owned the place.

"I suggest you clean your abode," Supergirl recommended.

Judging from the eyeroll that Winn and Mon-El gave her, they have both heard that countless times.

Though have never seen through to it.

"Trust me," James smiled, "They're not going to listen."

Winn set down his console controller and stepped across the dangerous terrain, waving a casual hand aside, "It's completely fine."

Then he slipped, fell forward.

A slender hand was pressed to his chest, pushed him as another hand grasped the back of his shirt and pulled him back upright.

"It is not safe," Supergirl said.

"I agree," James added, his gaze lingering on the woman in the air.

Winn chuckled, dusted himself off as he regained his footing, "Don't worry about it."

"You should be careful," Supergirl advised.

"I'm always careful," he bit back with a pout, placing his hands on his hips, "Unlike you, remember that time you..."

He went on a long rant, defending his clumsiness by disclosing Kara's, while Mon-El attempted to travel to them on a trek that could last millennia through a messy room like this, and James helped him regain his balance more than once.

Once Winn finished his story, he folded his arms and nodded his head in triumph.

Supergirl simply tilted her head, "I do not remember."

And then he faltered, shoulders sagging, back hunching, arms dangling to the ground.

"Right," he sighed at their predicament, "I, uh..."

"So, I hear you're a god now," Mon-El chimed in with a toothy grin, clearly forcing enthusiasm, albeit a little awkwardly, "I hear you're really making a difference out there. Like, nonstop. How's that going for you?"

Supergirl eyed him for several seconds.

"Well."

He also faltered at the over-simplified answer.

The Kryptonian continued to stare at the two boyish men.

"So," Winn started, "You're a god. Cool. Awesome."

Then her stare rested on James, who was relatively quiet throughout the gathering.

He cleared his throat, his deep voice caring, searching for something, for someone, "I guess you're the sun then? Since Rao's the..."

He trailed off, unsure of how to really deal with the stranger in front of him while Winn rubbed the back of his neck nervously, darting his eyes between the two.

Supergirl nodded, "Indeed. I am the personification of the sun, if that is how one desires to describe it."

Winn suddenly guffawed, and it startled Mon-El to the point he jumped a bit.

"Persunification!"

The Daxamite next to him burst into laughter as well.

James simply rolled his eyes, burying his face into his hands, but his heavy sigh held a certain amount of endearment.

After several seconds of the duo entertaining themselves at the hilarious quip, they trailed off into apprehensive chuckles when they saw that Supergirl did not look amused.

"What is so funny?" she inquired.

"It's a pun," Winn explained, "It's like a joke with multiple meanings I guess, 'cause the words used could have different definitions, but sound the same-"

"It's wordplay," James interrupted before he could go on a rambling tangent.

There was a quiet moment, and Winn felt his fragile ego bruise.

"It was funny," he hesitated, "Don't you get it? You said-"

"I understand," Supergirl interrupted, "I only fail to see how it is so comedic."

Winn's eyes bulged and then there were tears spilling out as he fell to his knees and grabbed one of the Kryptonian's legs, "I miss you so much, Kara!"

The sight was utterly pitiful. Almost comically so.

Supergirl looked down on him, then to Mon-El, who had a somber expression.

Then she glanced to James, and her gaze lingered for a fraction of a second more than necessary.

And he told himself that it did not mean anything.

Lucy came back. For her.

For Kara.

And she took her away to the other D.E.O. base, the rocky cavern with jagged walls.

She had heard, continued to hear, the great many deeds that Supergirl did for the people of Earth. Everything dropped; crime rates, suicide rates, poverty rates...

Everything was generally better. A lot better than before Supergirl transcended.

Because she wanted to make Earth a place of rapture.

She was exalted and worshipped now, by the majority, if not all, the inhabitants on Earth - alien and human alike.

Lucy knew Kryptonians were a race that upheld honor and had the greatest amount of respect from other aliens, all for different reasons: for the power they wielded in their military, for the intelligence they harbored in their science, for the influence that impacted others with their artistic talents...

So when Lucy saw her again, she was struck into a dumb sort of silence. She admired Kara, for her loyalty, strength, compassion, but the person hovering in front of her was not her.

"Do you remember me, Kara?" she asked, somewhat hopeful.

Supergirl tore her gaze away from the headquarters' terminals, "I do. I believe your name is Lucy Lane."

The brunette felt her lungs constrict with how unfamiliar the voice sounded, how it resonated with the fact that Supergirl did not know her and only knew of her.

It felt intimidating to stand in front of someone - maybe something - with so much unrelenting power.

Lucy scoffed, chuckled at herself, because the familiarity she sought in those scintillating eyes were not there.

She found nothing.

She was no longer a friend, but an acquaintance, perhaps not even that either.

And a part of her blamed herself for keeping away from Kara for so long due to her duties as major of the Army and as director of the D.E.O.

She thought she should have tried harder to maintain their bond, but business hindered it.

Or at least that was what she wanted to tell herself.

And her efforts now might be fruitless due to her absence.

"Is something the matter?"

Lucy's head snapped up at the voice, the concern almost hollow, as if Supergirl evenly spread her love to all in the vast universe until everyone was truly equal in her eyes.

Which was not a bad thing, it should not be a bad thing, but it sure did feel like it.

A part of Lucy knew that Kara - no, that Supergirl - would sacrifice her entire family if it were weighed against an entire population of a planet now. The worst part was maybe she would not even think twice about the decision. Nobody and nothing could sway her emotionally anymore.

Then another part of Lucy thought that the mere notion was factually impossible, she hoped that maybe everyone's efforts would eventually get through the celestial barrier that barred Kara.

Because Kara had taught her, unfailingly, that there was always hope. No matter what. And to never give up.

"It's nothing," Lucy answered.

Supergirl tilted her head at the lie, heard the heart in the human's chest skip a beat.

"You are lying to me."

It did not sound like an accusation at all, just an observation.

But Lucy's frame sulked a little when she corrected the sacred being.

"No. To myself."

Clark flew with her, to New Jersey, to his home.

It was a metropolitan city indeed, but Supergirl could not help but notice its mediocre size compared to National City back in California.

It was still noisy thankfully, of horns, chatter, and animals; the sounds were not the same though. Clark understood that. It was quieter. He enjoyed the quiet, having grown up in the endless cornfields of Kansas, and Metropolis was more compromising for his duties and love life.

The quiet always bothered Kara though.

However, not at first. He remembered the Danvers informing him that his cousin was experiencing an onslaught of heightened senses. The vision was easy to handle (though terrifying), but the strength and hearing, not so much.

Especially the hearing.

Clark knew that Kara thrived off of life, off of the hustle and bustle of cities and people. She confided in her sister once that if it got too quiet that it would be taken advantage of, Krypton would exploit it and come back to haunt her in her dreams - nightmares.

Alex in turn confessed to him that she had absolutely no idea what to do, and he regretfully responded with a similar answer.

Clark told Alex that she was the closest family Kara had, knowing his absence left a hole of abandonment.

A part of him knew that he purposely evaded his cousin whenever she sought comfort from her last blood relative from the House of El.

But he knew, still knew, that he could not help. He was born a Kryptonian, but raised a human; he never experienced Krypton, he did not know how his tongue should twist with the frustrating inflections of Kryptonese, he did not know how to celebrate their traditions, he did not know anything apart from learning the surface of his culture and heritage within the frozen Fortress of Solitude.

He did not know how to keep the remnants of Krypton from dying, fading with a pathetic whisper.

But Clark knew that no one could really comfort Kara, could actually protect her from the destruction she witnessed with her very own eyes, the memory now a nightmare for the majority of her childhood into her adolescence.

He could not fathom the loneliness she felt when she landed, or even the isolation she might have felt in the present.

She always mourned for Krypton alone and he could never quite understand the depth of her loss. He could never comprehend the pain that flashed in her eyes when he said flatly the name of Krypton's god.

She was too late, and there were countless times where she never acknowledged that it was not in her control. It still happened.

Sometimes Clark saw her, really looked at her, and he knew that she was genuinely the last child of Krypton.

"Kara..."

When he scanned her face, in his small apartment, on his dinner table with Lois by his side, he saw nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

And he knew Lois was equally startled.

Cat was, quite frankly, just as alarmed as the rest of Kara's family and friends when she showed up in her office.

Well, not really in her office because the glorious deity remained just outside of the door.

Cat swung out of her chair and stood, "You may enter...Kara."

She tested the name out upon her tongue, trying to record any flash of recognition, of emotion, but there was nothing; Supergirl continued to defy the laws of gravity, continued to never set foot on the ground.

She was not tethered, not quite bound to Earth. No trace of anything mundane.

Not quite.

Cat recognized that everyone who Kara cared about had a fragile string attached to her, to Supergirl, weighing her down, but not fully connecting her to Earth.

And the strings were so very breakable, one by one, each of them slowly detaching as time passed.

Alex and Cat herself were the only strings that remained.

And she could feel all of them weakening further, felt hers loosening, and she knew it was futile to try and repair it against the pull of someone so almighty, so godly.

Cat was aware that just because the other bonds have snapped before hers did not in any way mean that they were lesser in value.

Sometimes Supergirl went where the strings could not follow, and the gentle tugs finally clipped them off because none of them could heave at just the right time with the right amount of strength to guarantee some sort of...human reaction.

Cat could feel that it was only a matter of time before hers was yanked apart, wrenched away from her control.

And it did when Supergirl gave a small nod, and it felt like a goodbye disguised as a greeting.

She was too far away, too unearthly to set foot on such sodom land.

Cat felt her string draw, drag a little until it finally fell, and her expression was one of resignation, but still filled with a spark of hope.

There was only one left, and that was Alex, and she was a fighter.

Then Supergirl gazed out, towards the balcony - no - past it, to something else.

It was almost forlorn, a little bit longing, a little bit confused. She slowly brought a hand up to rest over her chest, over the insignia engraved into her suit.

Maybe it was someone else that she was looking out to.

Cat had an intuition that was arguably unparalleled by anyone else, and she prided herself in that, but she was baffled to realize only just now that there was someone else that could still save Kara too, another string with her older sister's.

Both of them were more flexible than the others, both of them knew where to follow, when and where to pull.

But Alex's string was tired, exhausted, from trying too long and too hard, becoming more worn out with every rejection from Supergirl.

It was also the only one that was still tugging.

And this other person's was still strong, perhaps because they have only been analyzing the plight from afar, never directly encountering Rao's child, never beckoning Kara to come back.

Maybe it gave up too early, right from the start; it never pulled and probably never will pull.

The person just watched as everything around Supergirl fell apart and Cat momentarily felt anger boil in the pit of her stomach. She thought the mysterious person a coward, that if Kara never came back, that it was on them for not trying like the rest.

And she thought that they were close, so close to getting her back judging from how small the proximity the ground was from Supergirl's feet as the distance gradually shut.

The anger flared again, at the coward, because if Kara was lost, then it was their fault.

Cat saw the decision being made by Supergirl, the resolve to leave and to finally answer the question that everyone had been asking.

"Why haven't you done anything?"

Alex's tone was agitated, distressed through the phone.

Lena shut her glistening eyes, took a measured breath, and leaned against her desk in the dim light of her office - so dim it barely contrasted the darkness of the night out the windows of her balcony.

Her hand came up to press against her forehead with trembling fingers, and her voice shook within a whisper.

"I don't know," her voice cracked, "What am I supposed to do?"

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

[talabib]

How To Leave Your Worries In The Past

Are you constantly battling bouts of anxiety and worry? Do you do things such as wonder incessantly whether you locked the front door? Maybe you break out in a cold sweat worrying about whether you really sent off the right documents to the new client – or whether you sent something totally inappropriate.

Such worrying is normal, but it’s also avoidable. The truth is, your brain has different gears, just like a bike – and each gear is well suited to certain activities and pretty unsuited for others. The trouble arises when you use the wrong gear on the wrong activity.

Modern humans are stuck with a surplus of negative thinking and stress chemicals.

You lay awake in bed, unable to sleep because your mind is racing with worry after worry after worry. Sound familiar?

First of all, much of your incessant worrying is due to an overabundance of stress-related chemicals in your body. It used to be that we humans had a need for these chemicals. Back in the days of saber-toothed tigers, we lived in a world full of life-threatening dangers and fight-or-flight situations. And, though such daily threats have all but disappeared in the modern world, these instincts are still with us. As a result, your mind has a negativity bias: it constantly seeks to recognize threats around you.

The biochemicals related to this state of worry and stress can only be alleviated by engaging in vigorous activity. But since we’re no longer being chased by wild animals, or chasing them down for meat, these stress chemicals stay built up in our bodies and keep us in a state of constant worry.

Most of us have grown used to it. It feels normal to be chronically stressed. And, disturbingly, the more stressed out your brain is on a regular basis, the more likely it becomes that this state will be the normal setting for your brain in the future.

This is due to your brain’s neural pathways, which are created by your everyday thinking habits. These neural pathways also affect how you see the world around you, and determine whether you see opportunities waiting around every corner, or dangers and difficulty.

So the more you base your thoughts on stress and worry, the more likely you’ll be to act defensively and distrustfully. But hope is not lost. It’s in your power to reduce your worries and put yourself on a more positive track.

We have five different brainwave frequencies that correspond to different states of being.

If you’re familiar with cats, you know that they’re often volatile; they can be gently resting one second and bouncing off the walls the next. Well, our thoughts are rather catlike. The shift from peaceful to stressful can occur in the blink of an eye.

The brain is made up of billions of nerve cells called neurons that use electric pulses to communicate with each other. Depending on what you’re thinking, feeling or doing, these pulses create brainwaves of different frequencies.

So, to better understand your brain, you should know that it can switch between five different frequencies, depending on what you’re doing. The five brainwave frequencies can be measured in hertz, or cycles per second. These waves are called delta, theta, alpha, beta and gamma.

Delta is the slowest of the brainwave frequencies, ranging from 0 to 4 hertz. It occurs in deep sleep and is extremely useful for growth and regeneration.

Theta is the frequency of deep relaxation. It is measured at 4 to 7 hertz, and is often reached in the moments after we wake up from the deep sleep of the delta frequency.

The alpha frequency is measured at 8 to 12 hertz. It is a conscious and calm state that allows you to regain energy. In this state, you might be lying on the couch with a good book and without any fears or worries.

The beta frequency is a bright and attentive state, measured at 12 to 35 hertz. It’s good for the kind of focused attention you need for getting some work done.

Last but not least is the gamma frequency, at 35 to 70 hertz, which is where the sought-after state of flow exists, characterized by a blissful sense of peace. It’s the state that Buddhist monks are very familiar with through expert meditation.

Ideally, you want to avoid spending too much time in one brainwave frequency. But this is what happens with a worried mind, which is usually stuck in beta mode – constantly alert. If you’ve ever been on vacation but been unable to relax and enjoy yourself, it’s due to your brain being unable to downshift out of beta mode.

To quickly calm your mind, engage your peripheral vision or take a walk.

The key to cultivating a worry-free mind is to redirect your focus away from the things that trigger worry and stress.

Once you learn how to deliberately shift your focus, and get into the habit of doing so, you’ll be changing your brain wave activity. Change that and you can change your feelings, thoughts and perspective. That’s why knowing how to shift your frequency from beta to alpha is the best way to burst your worry bubble once and for all.

Now, one of the best ways to refocus your attention is to use your peripheral vision. This is the area of your vision that exists off to the sides of whatever you’re directly focusing on. This takes some practice, so start by keeping your eyes locked straight ahead, but rather than noticing what’s directly in front of you, take notice of what’s to the left or right edges of your vision.

You’ll find that, when trying to use your peripheral vision, it’s rather difficult to entertain a negative thought. Why? Because you’ve shifted your attention. So the next time you’re stuck, engage your peripheral vision and get yourself unstuck.

Another effective technique is to simply go for a walk. When upset or caught in a cycle of stress, the human mind’s capacity for rational thinking becomes faulty. Studies show that, when caught up in such a cycle, a person’s blood will flow to the right side of the brain, away from the left hemisphere where rational thinking takes place.

Going for a walk is what’s known as a bilateral activity; it engages both hemispheres of the brain and can kick your rational thinking back into gear. This increases the chance that you’ll abandon the irrational doom-and-gloom thinking.

So the next time you’re worried about a meeting or presentation, get yourself outside and look around. Notice the scenery, architecture and nature that surrounds you. This will reduce your anxieties and can even put you into an alpha frequency.

Future thinking can improve your outlook on life by changing the way you question the future.

We often place people in one of two categories. There are the pessimists, who see a glass as being half empty, and the optimists, who see the same glass as being half full. But a better personality test is to ask someone how they feel about the future. Are they excited and eager to see what happens in the next five years, or are they filled with dread?

It’s only natural to have some concern about the future, but when someone’s really pessimistic, they’re actually increasing the chances of being miserable. When you spend all your time worrying, you’re blocking any chance of happiness, not to mention wasting energy that could be used to make a brighter future.

For example Marina was moving to Paris for a job. Prior to this, Marina had spent her entire life in Houston, so this was a big change that put her in a constant state of worry. She was especially stressed about recent terrorist attacks and fearful that her relationship with her boyfriend would fall apart. Any excitement she may have once felt was now drowned in worry.

However familiar this may sound, there is a method to break free of these unwanted thoughts, and it’s called future thinking.

Future thinking is about looking forward with positivity and seeing opportunity rather than problems. Not only will this help rid you of worry; it can lead to a lot more happiness and success in life.

The key to future thinking is taking your “what if” worries and confronting them with “can do” solutions.

Marina was stuck with questions like “Why can’t I enjoy this?” and “What if I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time?” But when she applied future thinking, the questions began to point the way to a solution.

Instead of “What if we break up?” the question became “What steps can I take to make our long-distance relationship work?” With the right frame of mind, Marina could once again see the opportunities Paris had in store.

Memories can have a negative impact on your present and future.

If you think about it, you can probably come up with at least one decision that you regret. But, for some, regretful choices and actions can be so overwhelming that they trigger a deep depression.

Unfortunately, past events often have far more power over us than we’d like. All of our memories have an emotion that goes with them – usually whatever emotion we were feeling at the time. But if we keep thinking about a certain memory, we can get stuck in that emotion, which is particularly bad if it was a traumatic or sad event.

When we get hung up on a past regret, it also prevents the mind from focusing on creating new and better emotions in the present or recognizing opportunities for a better future.

Gabriella’s problem is related to this. Her problem was that she had trouble saying no and sticking up for herself. As a result, she often took on too many responsibilities, many of which belonged to other people.

For Gabriella, this habit went back to childhood. She was the oldest sibling in a broken home with many financial struggles, and she often had to cook for and take care of her siblings.

Gabriella regularly felt that if she didn’t take responsibility, things would fall apart, a feeling that stayed with her as an adult. And so Gabriella didn’t protest when her siblings expected her to take care of their elderly mother, and she never kicked up a fuss when she was severely underpaid at work – she simply added another job to her busy schedule.

Ultimately, the only thing Gabriella couldn’t take care of was her own well-being. Gabriella was stuck in a cycle of thinking that began in childhood – a cycle that became so routine that her mind began regarding being exploited as a normal, everyday part of life.

By asking the right questions, we can identify the sources of our worries.

When life gets you stuck in a bad pattern, what you need is neuro-repatterning. This technique first makes you aware of what triggers your negative emotional responses, and then empowers you to regain control over your reactions.

In other words, it allows you to change your thoughts, feelings and behaviors when certain situations or memories present themselves.

There are four steps to neuro-repatterning, the first of which is to identify the precise trigger by asking yourself probing questions, such as: “Is it certain people that make me worried or fearful? Or is it a specific type of place?”

Acknowledging your fear and becoming curious about it is the first step toward overcoming your worried state of mind.

The second step is to get closer to your feelings. Do this by asking questions such as, “Is there a physical discomfort associated with my worries? Where in my body do I feel this pain? Is it a familiar feeling?” Narrowing things down like this will help you get closer to a solution.

For Gabriella, she felt her worry in her stomach, and she would feel it whenever she went to visit her mom. Noticing this helped her realize that her problems are related to her family.

The third step is to ask yourself, “What do I need to do to rid myself of this feeling?” This question could help Gabriella, too. It could start with something as simple as Gabriella treating herself to a day at a spa.

Finally, there are four feelings that you can keep in mind to refocus your mind and reduce worry: curiosity, lust, care and play.

So it’s good to have a hobby that sparks your curiosity, such as food and exploring new recipes. Having a loved one is of course a fine way of keeping both your lust engaged and someone to care for. And finally, things like sports, a regular card game or spending time with a young one can keep your sense of play engaged.

With meditation you can synchronize your brain in alpha frequency and thereby sustain a clear, worry-free mind.

When you’re overcome with worry, you want to be ready with the steps you can take to start calming yourself down and feeling better.

The best way to do this is to synchronize at least part of your brain down to the alpha frequency. Ideally, with enough practice, you can reach a whole brain state. When this is achieved, a clear mind will be your new normal, and worries will be an infrequent and controllable part of life.

The ability to synchronize the human brain to alpha was first demonstrated in the 1960s by the head of the Princeton Biofeedback Centre, Les Fehmi. He used a biofeedback technique, which electronically monitors parts of the brain to keep track of their frequencies.

Fehmi found that when multiple parts of the brain were in synch and running at the same frequency, they could communicate with each other in harmony. This state is characterized by clear thinking, better understanding of the world around you and less anxiety and worry.

Sounds wonderful, right? So what’s the secret? Simple: using meditation to clear the mind completely.

Meditation is a way of getting rid of the clutter that causes a brain to function poorly. It also helps bring the brain down from the frantic beta state and into the calm and cool alpha state, which is where you can chill out and live worry-free.

In the 1970s, Anna Wise of the Evolving Institute, and pioneering biophysicist C. Maxwell Cade, found that meditation led to an increased amount of alpha frequency in the brain. They also found that their subjects, all advanced meditation practitioners, had more alpha in everyday life as well. Naturally, these people were a rather calm and happy bunch.

So if you want more control over your mind and a stress-free life, start a regular meditation practice and start working toward a whole brain state. With a little patience, you’ll be on your way to minimizing worry once and for all!

It’s completely natural to worry from time to time. But it’s a problem when your life is controlled by fears and anxieties. Fortunately, there are ways we can calm our mind and get some relief. The brain is very capable of falling into patterns that constantly promote stressful thoughts. But we can add new patterns to our daily routine, and, before long, change the negative into a positive.

[talabib]

How To Leave Your Worries In The Past.

Are you constantly battling bouts of anxiety and worry? Do you do things such as wonder incessantly whether you locked the front door? Maybe you break out in a cold sweat worrying about whether you really sent off the right documents to the new client – or whether you sent something totally inappropriate.

Such worrying is normal, but it’s also avoidable. The truth is, your brain has different gears, just like a bike – and each gear is well suited to certain activities and pretty unsuited for others. The trouble arises when you use the wrong gear on the wrong activity.

Modern humans are stuck with a surplus of negative thinking and stress chemicals.

You lay awake in bed, unable to sleep because your mind is racing with worry after worry after worry. Sound familiar?

First of all, much of your incessant worrying is due to an overabundance of stress-related chemicals in your body. It used to be that we humans had a need for these chemicals. Back in the days of saber-toothed tigers, we lived in a world full of life-threatening dangers and fight-or-flight situations. And, though such daily threats have all but disappeared in the modern world, these instincts are still with us. As a result, your mind has a negativity bias: it constantly seeks to recognize threats around you.

The biochemicals related to this state of worry and stress can only be alleviated by engaging in vigorous activity. But since we’re no longer being chased by wild animals, or chasing them down for meat, these stress chemicals stay built up in our bodies and keep us in a state of constant worry.

Most of us have grown used to it. It feels normal to be chronically stressed. And, disturbingly, the more stressed out your brain is on a regular basis, the more likely it becomes that this state will be the normal setting for your brain in the future.

This is due to your brain’s neural pathways, which are created by your everyday thinking habits. These neural pathways also affect how you see the world around you, and determine whether you see opportunities waiting around every corner, or dangers and difficulty.

So the more you base your thoughts on stress and worry, the more likely you’ll be to act defensively and distrustfully. But hope is not lost. It’s in your power to reduce your worries and put yourself on a more positive track.

We have five different brainwave frequencies that correspond to different states of being.

If you’re familiar with cats, you know that they’re often volatile; they can be gently resting one second and bouncing off the walls the next. Well, our thoughts are rather catlike. The shift from peaceful to stressful can occur in the blink of an eye.

The brain is made up of billions of nerve cells called neurons that use electric pulses to communicate with each other. Depending on what you’re thinking, feeling or doing, these pulses create brainwaves of different frequencies.

So, to better understand your brain, you should know that it can switch between five different frequencies, depending on what you’re doing. The five brainwave frequencies can be measured in hertz, or cycles per second. These waves are called delta, theta, alpha, beta and gamma.

Delta is the slowest of the brainwave frequencies, ranging from 0 to 4 hertz. It occurs in deep sleep and is extremely useful for growth and regeneration.

Theta is the frequency of deep relaxation. It is measured at 4 to 7 hertz, and is often reached in the moments after we wake up from the deep sleep of the delta frequency.

The alpha frequency is measured at 8 to 12 hertz. It is a conscious and calm state that allows you to regain energy. In this state, you might be lying on the couch with a good book and without any fears or worries.

The beta frequency is a bright and attentive state, measured at 12 to 35 hertz. It’s good for the kind of focused attention you need for getting some work done.

Last but not least is the gamma frequency, at 35 to 70 hertz, which is where the sought-after state of flow exists, characterized by a blissful sense of peace. It’s the state that Buddhist monks are very familiar with through expert meditation.

Ideally, you want to avoid spending too much time in one brainwave frequency. But this is what happens with a worried mind, which is usually stuck in beta mode – constantly alert. If you’ve ever been on vacation but been unable to relax and enjoy yourself, it’s due to your brain being unable to downshift out of beta mode.

To quickly calm your mind, engage your peripheral vision or take a walk.

The key to cultivating a worry-free mind is to redirect your focus away from the things that trigger worry and stress.

Once you learn how to deliberately shift your focus, and get into the habit of doing so, you’ll be changing your brain wave activity. Change that and you can change your feelings, thoughts and perspective. That’s why knowing how to shift your frequency from beta to alpha is the best way to burst your worry bubble once and for all.

Now, one of the best ways to refocus your attention is to use your peripheral vision. This is the area of your vision that exists off to the sides of whatever you’re directly focusing on. This takes some practice, so start by keeping your eyes locked straight ahead, but rather than noticing what’s directly in front of you, take notice of what’s to the left or right edges of your vision.

You’ll find that, when trying to use your peripheral vision, it’s rather difficult to entertain a negative thought. Why? Because you’ve shifted your attention. So the next time you’re stuck, engage your peripheral vision and get yourself unstuck.

Another effective technique is to simply go for a walk. When upset or caught in a cycle of stress, the human mind’s capacity for rational thinking becomes faulty. Studies show that, when caught up in such a cycle, a person’s blood will flow to the right side of the brain, away from the left hemisphere where rational thinking takes place.

Going for a walk is what’s known as a bilateral activity; it engages both hemispheres of the brain and can kick your rational thinking back into gear. This increases the chance that you’ll abandon the irrational doom-and-gloom thinking.

So the next time you’re worried about a meeting or presentation, get yourself outside and look around. Notice the scenery, architecture and nature that surrounds you. This will reduce your anxieties and can even put you into an alpha frequency.

Future thinking can improve your outlook on life by changing the way you question the future.

We often place people in one of two categories. There are the pessimists, who see a glass as being half empty, and the optimists, who see the same glass as being half full. But a better personality test is to ask someone how they feel about the future. Are they excited and eager to see what happens in the next five years, or are they filled with dread?

It’s only natural to have some concern about the future, but when someone’s really pessimistic, they’re actually increasing the chances of being miserable. When you spend all your time worrying, you’re blocking any chance of happiness, not to mention wasting energy that could be used to make a brighter future.

For example Marina was moving to Paris for a job. Prior to this, Marina had spent her entire life in Houston, so this was a big change that put her in a constant state of worry. She was especially stressed about recent terrorist attacks and fearful that her relationship with her boyfriend would fall apart. Any excitement she may have once felt was now drowned in worry.

However familiar this may sound, there is a method to break free of these unwanted thoughts, and it’s called future thinking.

Future thinking is about looking forward with positivity and seeing opportunity rather than problems. Not only will this help rid you of worry; it can lead to a lot more happiness and success in life.

The key to future thinking is taking your “what if” worries and confronting them with “can do” solutions.

Marina was stuck with questions like “Why can’t I enjoy this?” and “What if I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time?” But when she applied future thinking, the questions began to point the way to a solution.

Instead of “What if we break up?” the question became “What steps can I take to make our long-distance relationship work?” With the right frame of mind, Marina could once again see the opportunities Paris had in store.

Memories can have a negative impact on your present and future.

If you think about it, you can probably come up with at least one decision that you regret. But, for some, regretful choices and actions can be so overwhelming that they trigger a deep depression.

Unfortunately, past events often have far more power over us than we’d like. All of our memories have an emotion that goes with them – usually whatever emotion we were feeling at the time. But if we keep thinking about a certain memory, we can get stuck in that emotion, which is particularly bad if it was a traumatic or sad event.

When we get hung up on a past regret, it also prevents the mind from focusing on creating new and better emotions in the present or recognizing opportunities for a better future.

Gabriella’s problem is related to this. Her problem was that she had trouble saying no and sticking up for herself. As a result, she often took on too many responsibilities, many of which belonged to other people.

For Gabriella, this habit went back to childhood. She was the oldest sibling in a broken home with many financial struggles, and she often had to cook for and take care of her siblings.

Gabriella regularly felt that if she didn’t take responsibility, things would fall apart, a feeling that stayed with her as an adult. And so Gabriella didn’t protest when her siblings expected her to take care of their elderly mother, and she never kicked up a fuss when she was severely underpaid at work – she simply added another job to her busy schedule.

Ultimately, the only thing Gabriella couldn’t take care of was her own well-being. Gabriella was stuck in a cycle of thinking that began in childhood – a cycle that became so routine that her mind began regarding being exploited as a normal, everyday part of life.

By asking the right questions, we can identify the sources of our worries.

When life gets you stuck in a bad pattern, what you need is neuro-repatterning. This technique first makes you aware of what triggers your negative emotional responses, and then empowers you to regain control over your reactions.

In other words, it allows you to change your thoughts, feelings and behaviors when certain situations or memories present themselves.

There are four steps to neuro-repatterning, the first of which is to identify the precise trigger by asking yourself probing questions, such as: “Is it certain people that make me worried or fearful? Or is it a specific type of place?”

Acknowledging your fear and becoming curious about it is the first step toward overcoming your worried state of mind.

The second step is to get closer to your feelings. Do this by asking questions such as, “Is there a physical discomfort associated with my worries? Where in my body do I feel this pain? Is it a familiar feeling?” Narrowing things down like this will help you get closer to a solution.

For Gabriella, she felt her worry in her stomach, and she would feel it whenever she went to visit her mom. Noticing this helped her realize that her problems are related to her family.

The third step is to ask yourself, “What do I need to do to rid myself of this feeling?” This question could help Gabriella, too. It could start with something as simple as Gabriella treating herself to a day at a spa.

Finally, there are four feelings that you can keep in mind to refocus your mind and reduce worry: curiosity, lust, care and play.

So it’s good to have a hobby that sparks your curiosity, such as food and exploring new recipes. Having a loved one is of course a fine way of keeping both your lust engaged and someone to care for. And finally, things like sports, a regular card game or spending time with a young one can keep your sense of play engaged.

With meditation you can synchronize your brain in alpha frequency and thereby sustain a clear, worry-free mind.

When you’re overcome with worry, you want to be ready with the steps you can take to start calming yourself down and feeling better.

The best way to do this is to synchronize at least part of your brain down to the alpha frequency. Ideally, with enough practice, you can reach a whole brain state. When this is achieved, a clear mind will be your new normal, and worries will be an infrequent and controllable part of life.

The ability to synchronize the human brain to alpha was first demonstrated in the 1960s by the head of the Princeton Biofeedback Centre, Les Fehmi. He used a biofeedback technique, which electronically monitors parts of the brain to keep track of their frequencies.

Fehmi found that when multiple parts of the brain were in synch and running at the same frequency, they could communicate with each other in harmony. This state is characterized by clear thinking, better understanding of the world around you and less anxiety and worry.

Sounds wonderful, right? So what’s the secret? Simple: using meditation to clear the mind completely.

Meditation is a way of getting rid of the clutter that causes a brain to function poorly. It also helps bring the brain down from the frantic beta state and into the calm and cool alpha state, which is where you can chill out and live worry-free.

In the 1970s, Anna Wise of the Evolving Institute, and pioneering biophysicist C. Maxwell Cade, found that meditation led to an increased amount of alpha frequency in the brain. They also found that their subjects, all advanced meditation practitioners, had more alpha in everyday life as well. Naturally, these people were a rather calm and happy bunch.

So if you want more control over your mind and a stress-free life, start a regular meditation practice and start working toward a whole brain state. With a little patience, you’ll be on your way to minimizing worry once and for all!

It’s completely natural to worry from time to time. But it’s a problem when your life is controlled by fears and anxieties. Fortunately, there are ways we can calm our mind and get some relief. The brain is very capable of falling into patterns that constantly promote stressful thoughts. But we can add new patterns to our daily routine, and, before long, change the negative into a positive.