aangthoughts

[aangthoughts]

Im an anxiously attached person and my boyfriend is an avoidant, we work it out but we're still not secured individually, most importantly me. Recently he said something when we're talking about co-existing in a space, that made me realize and made me want to remind myself always.

He said "neither of us would get everything we want from each other, there will always be something missing, so we have to compromise"

In tagalog "di natin makukuha lahat ng gusto natin pareho, kaya kailangan natin mag compromise"

When he said that it made me feel safe, because he is not running away and avoiding this intense relationship, but he is accepting how different we are and finding ways to meet in the middle. It made me look into myself that I haven't fully accepted or it's not sinking in how different we function. I would always think it's unfair how he is, like his love is not enough, but I didn't realize his love and affection is different. It amazes me how differently we think.

Acceptance is freeing from intense expectations, it just makes everything easier.

[aangthoughts]

"to live a life you truly love, align each decision with your life intention"

To do that i have to know what i truly want as my life.

[aangthoughts]

From daily stoic

How to not be angry, upset or bothered?

"You always have the right to have no opinions"

Not making something out of anything, loses its power to have emotions.

My thoughts:

I think its hard to not be that, like what if you are reactive to something, is it like suppressing feelings? Maybe it's like mental practice. But I agree that people dwell on things which make the thought live longer which results in negative emotions and more opinions. It gets hard to let go.

[aangthoughts]

From a video on youtube on how to silence your mind

Stopping overthinking

It said that everybody is insecure to think about what you're thinking. Only you notice your awkward silence in conversations, only you notice things because other people are thinking or worry about themselves.

[aangthoughts]

Revolution of everyday life by raoul vaneigem

"about ripping apart the mundane"

[aangthoughts]

Ensaladang ampalaya

How to

Salt cure/babad with no water the veg

Wait for 15mins

Pour hot water and wait for 15mins

Rinse and dry veg

Add little anchovie sauce, vinegar, sugar

Add onion and tomato

Dont make it too salty

Good for 1 day

[aangthoughts]

I feel like time is so fast that i think i have to do something about it as days go by but as i'm here in the present I don't feel like doing anything. I have anxiety about the future, like i want to be great and wealthy but i feel so exhausted living.

I saw a post from tiktok that we tend to think sleep is a waste of time because we lived to be available. No wonder why I'm exhausted. It's sad to think i have to have money to live comfortably, I have to work all my life, it doesn't stop, to have purpose. I'm scared to feel dread for too long.

[aangthoughts]

My friend told me a theory on why we're so typically mean with our family instead of our friends n relationships because we innately think that they are the people that won't ever leave us, they have unlimited patience with us. We are so careful with external relationships because they are the ones likely to leave at some point.

What came to this conversation is because i tend to see her short tempered when her sister calls her and compared to how she talks to me at our calls. Im not like that with my sister but maybe my parents.

Kinda sad to realize, but makes me glad that i'm not living with my parents anymore it makes me want to be nicer with them, not living in their chaotic bubble.