aanya3

[aanya3]

i wanted to die on the badminton court, wanted to be beaten to death by my dad when i failed that exam. i wanted her to kill me stab my back while we used to hug and i wanted and have wished to be gone instead of loved after trying my best. whats this obessesion with dying, obssesed to make love imortal- an answer to all my problems. why is my death the only closure i have, to prove that i tried enough to be remebered, to finally hold greatness. i dig and dig and dig to find depth in this life dig my body out and out of flesh and blood to find something that'll make sense to this pain of process but its not blood its just red. i can say m afraid, without depth nothing will hold me back with flood of helplessness i will swift and swift somewhere far unreachable and-gone, answer to some incoherent things is inevitablly love i cant change this fact or else its costing me my life. maybe i will be enough some day but i was never strong enough to live without love, never.its greatness or nothing there is no in between my pain never had no meaning but it have always assured me enough there is a reason to endure it, and thats what it will be first delusion then reality but ill be great and i will be great and i will be great and there is no other answer.

#the same 3 things i cant seem to get over with

#lately i feel like ive become a fuller poet a mirror perhaps there are no poem in me now jus perceptions

#<333♡♡♡

[aanya3]

[aanya3]

"I am nothing like my parents, I do not constitute from who they are, they dont think about life like I do, they don't yearn they don't cry, they talk about God and spiritualism but cry when I don't give them enough time, they don't talk about how the wind is today they never encourage me to sit in silence in serene or fall in love, write poetries Or they don't sit naked in their room, they sleep the same time and their existence neither anger them nor excites them, who are they is bounded by the same hoops and loops of enoughness, to sustain the money they earn, they have forgot how to live life. How you do not cry my dad, how are you so quiet mumma, their anger towards their livelihood is so hostile, they ask me why we don't talk and continue to talk about my future my past, everything I know about myself, everything important about life how come they never talk about it?

Are they buried dead raising this happy child?"

Diary entry of November smthg

#hahaha two in a row? nah man this was a old repost but yea do what u will with this one.

[aanya3]

whenever I sleep with my mom and dad I always, cant help but notice my dad laying around on that other side of bed, i try- watch him keenly, pretending to be asleep, -this man, big man. i sometimes wish to sleep in his arms than my moms i wonder what it would be like or if even that is even important for i dont know how long i dont nearly remember who he is and then i think and think what do i know about him, my father my only one. Whom to indebted life i live. I close my eyes and think to remember who he is.

Angry angry angry faces disgust and dissapointed lying across his face,

his commencment starts with the fact he is tired his wins for how long have felt like loss's. he changes,when the soft morning is not there or when I am not sick I wonder and wonder and cant help but wonder at him, who he is.

#can u guys tell m a big john lennon guy

[aanya3]

i hate outside world.

[aanya3]

do you ever watch a movie ,an indie movie jo yk captures just a faction of life a moment an emotion jisme zyada plot twist ni hote its not a block buster but you see it and think yk its not a block buster but it should exist ye bani toh banti thi

thats how i feel about my existince, i might not be the tallest or i dont have much yk hot wits or rizzs par kabhi kabar i think no matter how much other people want me to but i dont want to be someone else, i think i should exist

maybe we have came into this life to love and understand ourselves only. maybe the world hates you taki tum khudse pyar kar sako,taki tum duniya se misunderstood hoke finally khudko dekh sako.

#aise hi #would sound better in a movie scene

[aanya3]

thuggin life out

[aanya3]

i love being sick, theres nothing more great than sleeping in your parents bed after years , to have everyone talk to you in a more kinder voice ,for your mom to finally end that misunderstood fight of words, for your friends to feed you food and hug you, or for your father to finally caress your forehead to check up on your fever, i wonder if being sick a reminder of how loved i am or the want to be ill is how selfish i can be.

[aanya3]

#i write too many poems about this senario😭😭😭 its very freestyle and was rotting in my diary might as well post it

ps. m not going to die anytime soon :)

[aanya3]

my love life is directed by imitaz ali.periodt

[aanya3]

जितना लोगो ने बोला है सक्षम

ऐसा लगा तुमने देख लिया हो

छूंआ मुझे ऐसे जैसे ठंड में हाथ मैंने सेक लिया हो

जो चल लिये हैं अब हम इतनी दूर

बतादु क्या तुम्हे अपना सच

सच जो हैं मेरी आँखों में बसा

#TT #so dreamy #wrote this when i was in love in late'22ish

[aanya3]

this song has healed me in so many ways,this song is what i think about mountains,love, and life TT old music exisestianal crises core may you always stay wd me

[aanya3]

forever,the liitle dippers

[aanya3]

[aanya3]

बोलो मत बस देखो

हाथ थपकाओ मत बस रखो

चलो मत, कुछ पल ठहरो

सोने मत भेजो, साथ में सो जाओ

जिस पहाड़ पर घुमने आये हैं

चलो वही रह लेते हैं

जाना सबको है

तो तुम कल का वादा, बुलावा मत बताओ

आज रुकजाओ, आज मुझे रोको

[aanya3]

MAZZY STAR,CRY CRY 4U

[aanya3]

Have you ever noticed that when a person dies or isn't in your life anymore a version of you dies along with them as they go away from your life. Because you can never be the same or talk to anyone the same way as you used to talk to that certain person, you can't feel the same energy, you can't talk about the memories you two had together to anyone else, and that's strange, I hate this feeling, like when you lose someone, you lose a part of you too.