ablogformebyme-blog

[ablogformebyme-blog]

Living my fear

My mother trained me to fear being a victim. Because of this, I avoid using my circumstances as an excuse. It was a well-intentioned fear put in place to try to help me achieve my full potential despite the hand I was dealt (It was horribly carried out which I will expand on later). This ‘well-intentioned’ advice, however, is only helpful to the setbacks I’ve been able to recognize on my own. Unfortunately, because there have been many things in my life that I haven't realized until now, I am becoming aware of how many issues I’ve freely and unnecessarily let into my life. Not only am I incapable of letting people know me and love me (Due to the abandonment I’ve experienced) but i’m in crippling fear of the fact that it might never change because I’ve already let myself fall victim to it, disappointing myself and harming those around me.

[ablogformebyme-blog]

My “thing”

Everyone on this site (which, up until now I have resented so much for reasons that are my own) seems to have a thing. A niche. Some backstory, existence-validating, narrative. I used to mock it but I’m coming to understand it.

I am Asexual. I’ve only said that specific combination of words with confidence once before. (Hence why its the only “thing” that gets its own paragraph…) There are reasons I am not publicly outed which I’m sure will be explained in the coming future of this blog.

I struggle with eating disorders, severe anxiety, and self harm. Those three accounts of struggles are not the targeted “thing”. The targeted “Thing” in this particular paragraph is that I struggle. On a less diagnosed level, I struggle with abandonment issues, trust issues, family issues, and the ability to let myself be happy without falling into a self destructive cycle.

These are what I intend on addressing in this blog. I’m done putting on a show so if you’re looking for well written posts, beautiful art, or a series of reblogs that are put here to please a targeted audience, I’m not sorry to say you will be disappointed.

I do however hope I am received well by at least some people on this site, because I could really use some company. If not I will continue to run this echo chamber and pretend I am being heard. Thank you for your time, any support is appreciated but not obligated.