aboatwithlegs

[aboatwithlegs]

Petition to replace Kinder Surprise with Binder Surprise, where each egg contains a tiny Punjabi guy giving you the ol' finger guns

[aboatwithlegs]

hey, maybe we should arm the rabbits with little guns

[aboatwithlegs]

I've noticed some uncanny parallels between the music of This World and the music from The Dark Space Between The Stars. I'm not gonna say plagiarism, buuuuut...

Stacy's Mom, by Fountains of Wayne 👨

Uncle Tom, by Mountains of Pain 🐙

Lady Madonna, by The Beatles 👨

Baby Lasagna, by The BLs 🐙

Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple 👨

Cum in the Gutter, by Peed El Prup 🐙

Birdhouse in Your Soul, by They Might Be Giants 👨

Turdmouse in Your Bowl, by That One Giant and His Medium-Sized Friend 🐙

I think the similarities speak for themselves.

👏White👏people👏need👏to👏stop👏stealing👏music👏from🐙Eldritch🐙Beings!🐙

[aboatwithlegs]

Well here’s the three elements:

Cubes: little things that connect everything. Can be small, or large. Atoms and glue are here

Toothpaste: anything cleanly or fresh, or hot or cold. Lava and ice go here.

Clown milk: self explanatory

[aboatwithlegs]

NEMATODE APPRECIATION ZONE 🔥🔥

Nematodes are the apex species. Or 'phylum'. Or whatever. Something like 1,000,000 closely related species in there. Still, nematodes are heccin' BOSS and humans don't even come close to their level of dominance. Lemme elucidate you.

Them little wormybois are 80% of all animals. EIGHTY. PERCENT. There are approximately 60,000,000,000 nematodes for every human. That includes you. There are sixty billion nematodes with your name on 'em. They've won the numbers game so hard there isn't even a runner-up.

And humans think they're sooooo special because they live all over the place? Here's a short list of places nematodes are known to live:

The ocean floor

Deserts

Rainforests

Tundra

Mountaintops

Mineshafts

Sperm whale placentas

Humans

Basically everywhere else that has dirt or a pulse

A nematode was the sole survivor of the Space Shuttle Columbia in 2003. Twenty years later, another one woke up from a 46,000 year nap in permafrost.

I have seen the face of God. We were not made in His image. They were.

[aboatwithlegs]

maple syrup is better than sex, and if you disagree i will personally piss on your grave

[aboatwithlegs]

More like WHOREATIO SMELLSON

What kind of a WANKER goes and DIES in a battle they supposedly WON??? And he joined the NAVY even though he got SEASICK?? Was he some sort of PERV?? Was he HORNY FOR BOATS??

The debate rages on.

[aboatwithlegs]

See, this is why I voted against free will

[aboatwithlegs]

LoTR gets too much praise for the whole "using creative filming and editing techniques to make four average height actors look like hobbits thing".

Hit me up when they cast an elderly 3ft tall Korean woman as Aragon and manage to make her look just like Vigo

[aboatwithlegs]

I hope we all understand that if Kamala gets shot there will be so many "my coconut gun fires in spurts" memes that DK64 will go the way of Pepe. This has been a warning from your divinely appointed soothsayer.

[aboatwithlegs]

I'm immune from this because I have no friends. Also, I checked with God (we have brunch on Sundays) and He says that my opinions are all correct, so suck it nerds.

That’s a pretty cool political opinion you got there dude. Did your web of online friends and mutuals who all subconsciously monitor each other and self-correct in a panopticon-esque fashion to ensure that your views all stay in line with each other’s at all times pick it for you?

[aboatwithlegs]

Cancer was framed

[aboatwithlegs]

The correct take on the "AI Art Debate" isn't that AI is bad, it's that most people suck at art and have abysmally low standards.

Like, we used to make our own pigments by hand and draw rad bears and stuff on walls, then some dorks came along with their "colour theory" and "perspective" and garbage like that. These days you have kids out there drawing pics of their OCs without even a thought for how it might please the God of The Hunt or instill primal terror of the wilds under flickering torchlight.

Dorks using AI, dorks using software, and dorks using paint are all missing the fundamental purposes of art: to foster class consciousness, traumatize the young, and please the Elder Ones.

[aboatwithlegs]

Sup losers. Time for your daily dose of #Truth. Imma teach you how to play as the Scooby gang in DnD, because you should stop wasting your life and do something cool for a change.

Fred is a paladin, but doesn't even know he has an oath. He's just a dumb-dumb goodboi and we love him for it.

Daphne is a bard, but like a college of swords kinda bard. She really wants to multiclass into warlock but Fred keeps eating all the idols to forgotten gods.

Velma is a wizard and she specializes in divination. Her glasses are her magical focus, and she has the Magic Initiate feat allowing her to cast Guidance and Goodberry (aka Scooby Snacks).

Shaggy is a ranger and Scoob is his pact animal. His favoured enemy is Sandwich and his favoured terrain is "Far Out". Super unoptimized, but he rolled godlike stats so it works out.

Scrappy Doo is a Barbarian-Rogue-Monk multiclass with the tavern brawler feat. His reckless unarmed attacks straight to the chin apply sneak attack damage and segue into a flurry of blows. He is incredibly based and chad-pilled.

Alright, go out and spread the Good Word. Bully your friends into playing Baldur's Gate 3 with you this way or whatever

[aboatwithlegs]

Have you tried robo-divine?

Man, the flesh sucks. I'm gonna abandon it for the machine.

[aboatwithlegs]

The West? Global South? Leftism? Rightoids?

I identify with the only direction that matters: Power Bottoms

[aboatwithlegs]

I have no dog in this race (aside from $40 on a greyhound named "Santa's Little Helper 2: Boxing SLAY"), but I am famous for being right about things so I've come to mediate this issue that is tearing our society apart.

Answer me these riddles three:

1) Why is torture bad?

2) Why is pedophilia bad?

3) Why is rape bad?

Now there are a few different approaches to this. You could go with the "God says so" approach, but seeing how the internet is a land of sin and debauchery at the best of times I'm gonna set that aside. You could also say that things are bad because they are illegal, but this is contrary to the well known fact that one should, and I quote: "Be Gay, Do Crime". Plus, the assumption that law proceeds ethics absolves lawmakers and cops of their culpability in making/enforcing unethical laws so I'm vetoing that one.

That leaves us with two broad schools of thought: "Because it violates a coherent set of universal principles that are utilitarian enough to warrant broadly enforcing on others" and "Because I find it icky, ew". I'll set aside that latter one as an option of last resort for now. So what principles are being violated here? I'm noticing one in particular come up a bunch, and that's consent. The principle here is that when something is intentionally forced upon another person who does not or cannot have a way to meaningfully refuse, that thing is unethical even if the recipient believes they enjoy it in the moment. We all Gucci comprende?

Well here's the thing. Fictional characters are incapable of consent. Every piece of writing or art that strays outside the realm of 100% factual documentary reporting is an exercise in abusing a one-sided power dynamic to literally force a character to say, act, and even *think* what you want them to. There is no greater violation of consent than having ultimate control over someone's mind and soul and forcing them to act out your fantasies.

"But oh Master and/or Mistress," I hear you plead in that quivering little goblin voice of yours, "fictional characters are not real! How can we violate consent if they do not exist independent of our greasy little meddling fingers? The fundamental issue isn't that those things are unethical, it's that it is insensitive and potentially triggering to people who have experienced similar things for REAL!" I'm proud of you maggots, it's almost like you're keeping up. It's fiction. Actions confined to fiction bear no intrinsic moral weight outside of how it impacts real people (unless we find out that stories are actually real worlds Neverending Story style. Dibs on Artax.)

That's it then, right? If it could be triggering to someone it shouldn't be written right? No, you ignorant slime. And to think I considered being proud of you for a moment. Would you like a list of things that can trigger people? I have one and it's called a dictionary. Every random noun, verb, adjective and pronoun, will connect to a triggering experience for *someone*. Even conjunctions might not be safe if that Conjunction Junction guy from Schoolhouse Rock ever gets revealed as a sex pest. Some of my own triggers include the Canadian sit-down restraint on a budget Swiss Chalet, helium balloons, and the concept of masculinity. Seriously, none of those three are a bit, each one has the capacity to ruin my day if it catches me off guard. But I wouldn't expect a work to avoid those three equally fundamental aspects of life, you can't just write a complete story without at least one appearance of Swiss Chalet's famous slow-roasted Rotisserie Chicken, served with their Signature Chalet Dipping Sauce, a dinner roll, and your choice of side.

So it's a matter of degrees. We calculate the number of people potentially harmed, multiplied with the likely severity of that harm, and offset that against the--- no, you dolt. None of you are doing that. Who here has crunched the numbers on how psychologically damaging gore-related triggers are for survivors of war/murders/suicides vs. how damaging age-gap triggers are for people who were groomed as adolescents? I'd love to see the methodology for that study. But no, it's not a calculation, it's a gut thing.

That brings us back to the fourth school of thought -- "Because I find it icky, ew". Not really a popular rationale to acknowledge out loud, but one that's pretty universal nonetheless. We generally acknowledge that incest is wrong and we come up with excuses like power dynamics, possibility of consent, birth defects in case of pregnancy, etc. But in the case of same-sex siblings who are close in age (or twins for that matter) those rationales don't really apply and yet is still condemned. Even the concern over the possibility of birth defects edges uncomfortably close to an ableist eugenics-y rationale that most of us abhor in other contexts. No, we react like we do first and foremost because we find it weird and yucky and we don't like to feel weird and yucky so we tell people to stop doing things that make us feel weird and yucky.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Every person has certain macabre interests that they are willing to explore within the safe confines of fiction. When they come across someone else doing the exact same thing for an interest they don't share, they go with the forced moralizing to cover up the fact that they're ashamed that they're experiencing the same dumb bog-standard human revulsion that bigotry is also made of. I'm here to tell you that's ok. You can judge people for being different. Heck, I've judged gods and men alike and found both lacking. Just don't be a dick about it, and be honest with yourself and others about what you're feeling. Be honest with yourself about your macabre interests too, while you're at it. Is it really coming from a healthy and detached place of thematic exploration, or is it a reflection of a shameful side of yourself that you're in denial of and your moral grandstanding is just you trying to let it out using the plausible deniability of fiction? So yeah, if you don't like something, don't interact and move on. If you're making something, tag and trigger warning clearly so people can make informed decisions. And if you have ethically compromising fascinations remember that it's totally normal and that looking critically at that part of yourself makes you self-aware, not immoral.

Ok, I just solved Discourse once and for all. You can all go home now.

I almost don't wanna make this post bc I feel like it will be misinterpreted, but I've been thinking about the odd sort of double standard in specifically the danny phantom fandom, where the most popular thing (bafflingly, to me, given canon, but I won't digress) is to write/draw about a 14-year-old boy being mutilated, tortured, dismembered, vivisected, and generally brutalized, BUT,

if people try to ship him with, say, Vlad, suddenly that's a step too far

TO BE CLEAR I AM NOT DEFENDING THE SHIP. I do not like it, it skeeves me out, I've blocked people on sight for shipping it, I've gotten into heated debates with other folks in the fandom about it, you can ask like anyone and they'll back me up on this lol

MY POINT is that I find it so strange that one of these things (shipping a 14-year-old with an adult) is seen as abhorrent and heinous, whole the other thing (brutally torturing, mutilating, and traumatizing a 14-year-old for our Amusement) is A-OK and is in fact the most popular activity in the fandom 👍

and some of this shit is DARK! the few times I've poked into the dark fics in the fandom, especially the more popular/well-known/infamous ones, some of them have made me feel genuinely nauseated (and horror is like, my favorite genre for writing lol!!!!!!!)

I'm very curious about this phenomenon because I think it says something interesting about the old 'differentiating between fiction and reality' conversation that comes up every time dark fic/fic that features taboo elements is mentioned. Am I intelligent enough to articulate what that something is? Probably not lol

Although I do think a factor is that one of the situations in question is much less likely to happen to real kids and teens, but again I'm not intelligent enough to put into actual specifics why/how much that might matter.

idk!!!! I'd be interested to hear other people's opinions about this, cause it's def something that's been percolating in my brain