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people with acab in bio when they see a paraphile:

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(tags from @/doomsdayradio)

THAT'S WHAT WE SAIIIIIID

like are you gonna be mad about every Latine person named Jesus or everyone named after the archangels.

(this person was Insistent that every deity name was closed and like. huh.)

I hate to inform people that moving from policing who can have number names to policing who can have religious names is not, in fact, an improvement in a community with a large number of religiously programmed individuals.

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i love being a cringe system. yes i do have 500+ documented headmates. yes i do have a lot of fictives. yes we have an extremely complex innerworld with a hierarchy system. yes we have layers and sidesystems!!!

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I hate to inform people that moving from policing who can have number names to policing who can have religious names is not, in fact, an improvement in a community with a large number of religiously programmed individuals.

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unusable angel

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Hate if you want but I genuinely don’t get why there’s so much dogmatism in the DID community. It’s like there’s a group that’s decided the science that is currently known is all there is and anyone who dares to say they’ve experienced something different is shredded like they merced somebody’s grandma.

My good bitches, are you aware that your small traumagenic system of highly amnesic alters who are all miserable and desperate to fuse would have been called fake less than half a century ago? Y’all are so determined that Everyone Must Suffer™️ and for what?

Some people are gonna suffer, some people are gonna talk about that, and some are gonna want to keep it private. Some want to fuse, some want to stay multiple. Some have high amnesia, some have very little. Some systems know their trauma, some don’t know why they are systems.

GET OVER IT

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It's okay to be disabled and have an invisible disability that nobody recognizes outside of doctors and therapists. It's okay to relax and not try to keep up with your non disabled peers. It's okay to know your limits and live your life within them to prevent burnout. It's okay to be you.

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Lain in the wires

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bird bath (2021)

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it is so incredibly unfair that inpatient psychiatrists are given the legitimacy to make sweeping judgements about our madness, twisting and shaping and classifying it into the schema that reassures their worldview when they have only ever seen us in conditions of confinement. if i am locked up, put in restraints, drugged against my will, kept from seeing the outside world for sometimes weeks at a time—my madness will respond incredibly differently to the hostile conditions of a total institution. How in the world can psychiatrists extend their analysis to make judgements about my illness/wellness/way of being in the world/way of being in my head? they have only ever seen the way I am Mad when i am surviving confinement. they have no idea what I look like when i am free.

of course i will start pacing for hours when I am locked up with nowhere to go. of course i will start screaming, and tear apart my room, and hurt myself when i am given no other options for exercising autonomy. of course i will become paranoid and start hearing things when I am under 24/7 surveillance, 15 minute checks, and cameras in every room. but every action i take is then used as evidence to fit me into a system of symptoms and diagnosis that are further used to justify my continued incarceration—it becomes an inescapable labyrinth, it becomes an irremovable cycle. every attempt to argue against their flawed interpretations just ends up as another bullet point on my medical record: "Patient lacks insight."

psychiatrists treat themselves as inherently and perfectly neutral—seeing themself not as an actor who is actively engaging and contributing to our experiences but as a removable spectator who can somehow cordon themselves off from madness (lest they catch it from us—don't you know madness is contagious?) the first confinement of psychiatry is the kind of confinement the psychiatrist does to themself: locking their emotions/perceptions/opinions behind the guise of scientific, objective neutrality. there is no psychiatry without confinement: they are bedfellows who rely on each other from the very conception of the field.

i could make a satirical joke about diagnosing psychiatrists with "Thinks They Can Be Neutral While Ignoring Their Material Conditions" disorder, but i don't want to reify their system of classifications even a little bit. What I want is to destroy the entire fucking system. it drives me crazy to watch this dynamic play out again and again and again with no recognition that putting people in conditions of confinement drastically shapes the way that we can then exist in that space.

it makes me sick—it makes me MAD.

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u survive literally every single event in your life & still every time a new event happens you feel like this is the event that will kill you and that you will never move on from but actually you will continue to survive like you always have bc u have a 100% win rate of surviving events. btw

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angel halo doodles

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Our therapist shared something today: at a DID conference she attended last year (at the Bowlby centre) they were told that it can take at least 7 years in therapy for DID clients to get to a point where they can start to tolerate trauma processing. It made some of us feel better about the speed of our progress so I just thought I'd share that in case it reassures anyone else.

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zodiac stickers by 99ukes

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sometimes my sysmates insist to me we don't have anything going on. And, sure, I get the system denial. I'm not talking about that. But they'll sit there and sob into my chest and tell me that we're wrong, that we don't have a disorder or trauma of any kind, that they don't understand why we're researching so much because it's not true and we don't have these symptoms or these problems or these memories and the biggest thing I've heard is "we're just [x], we can't say we're [y] it can't be true, we're being rude"

And I have to be patient. We're all hurting, we're all confused. But I have to say..? It's kind of hard to look into a little one's eyes and quietly explain to them that screaming and sobbing doesn't have to be their life. To remind a man older than I am that he's safe and we don't have to be hurt anymore. To think of a girl long gone and just wish you could tell her that it wasn't fair that she thought she had to be beaten and choked and hurt just to be paid attention to. To hold a shaking animal and not know how to tell it it's eating real food and there's no bugs or mold or something its head is telling it.

I want to help. That's my definition, my very being, it's more than my role or my function as a part of the system or anything of the sort. I'll run after them a thousand times. Look through every bit of innerworld, explored or not, just to bring someone back to their caretaker. I'll hold them the whole time and listen and wait with them. I don't care. That's what I do, what I want to do for a long time. I don't care.

I love being a caretaker, I love being a protector, I love being a rescue team or a therapist or a babysitter or any name you could give me. I love. I love I love I love I love.

- he of the labyrinth