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acacianightshade · 1 year ago

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The night-light

When Yosano woke up, the scenery was still the same as ever.

Inside, it was the same white walls. Outside, it was the same grey sky.

On her left, it was the same drip, instilling the same substance in her veins. It was empty, now.

She passed a weary hand on her weary face. It was wet. Looks like despite the drugs, she had that dream again. The same dream as ever.

Yosano sank into the pillows supporting her back. The place was different, yet her situation was the same as before. Everything was still the same pale, dreary world reflecting her hollow heart.

As the thought crossed her hazy mind, a golden glimmer caught her eye. On her right, peacefully resting in the crimson softness of a case, was a butterfly-shaped hairclip.

Her heart bounced. This wasn't there in the therebefore she knew.

Three knocks on her door grabbed her attention.

"Akiko? You there?"

Another leap of her heart. That voice wasn't there in in the therebefore she knew, either.

The door creaked on its hinges as a raven-haired boy entered the room. The almond-shaped eyes meeting her gaze creased even more when a smile enlightened the boy's juvenile face.

"Ah! Found you~! Heya!" Ranpo greeted her in a giddy enthusiasm.

Yosano wished she could smile back at him. If only the fog overruning her mind had dispersed a bit more; if only the emptiness in her heart wasn't still too hard to ignore; if only she could have a reason to believe her meeting that boy and his strange companion would actually change her life, maybe not for the better, but as least for something less painful.

Suddenly, she noticed that Ranpo, while taking off his coat and putting down the bag he was carrying, was keeping his left hand behind his back.

"Jeez, I thought I'd never find you! This hospital is already such a maze, and their new extension isn't better... But you don't know what's worse? They didn't put any number on the room's doors yet! How do you want me to find yours without Fukuzawa's help? Good thing I have a great memory, even if-"

The boy kept on talking, without taking so much as a time to breathe. Usually, Yosano would silently listen to his rambling - by politeness first, and second because she didn't have anything better to do. But this time, she barely paid attention to his rants. His hand hidden behind his back was dragging her attention.

It triggered one of the many memories haunting her. The painful memory of that one day a soldier approached her, a knife hidden behind his back. A knife meant to attack her.

Until this day, the soldier had always been kind to her. But she had become the chain shackling him to that ship - her kingdom of pain and death - and he had tried to free himself. Who could have blamed him? Yet, though the knife had only wounded her arm, she had felt like the stab had been done on her heart, that day.

"Akiko?"

Ranpo's voice roused her from her thoughts, bringing her back to reality. Yosano opened her mouth, but her trembling voice was barely audible. Ranpo leaned forward.

"Hm? You said something?"

"What..." She tried to swallow, but it ended up hurting her throat rather than hydrating it. "What are you... hiding behind your back?"

Ranpo's lips streched into a grin. "Ah, finally! I thought you would never ask!"

Yosano remained silent. The memory was still playing in some dark corner of her mind.

"I have a riddle for you, Akiko." Ranpo was dancing on his feet, seemingly excited for some reason. "Do you know what day it is today?"

Huh?

That was the last thing she expected.

Dubious, Yosano took a quick peek through the window. What day was it? She had no idea. Her only hints were the weather outside - cloudy, wet, probably cold according to the chilly temperature in her room - and the look of the trees she could see from her bed - pines tainted in darker shades, deciduous trees half-naked with their leaves displaying many shades of brown. From the look of it, winter was near, if it hadn't already come.

Ranpo was observing her reactions very carefully. When Yosano tilted her head in his direction, he mimicked her gesture, eyebrows slightly scrunched up.

"You don't see? Okay, since I'm in a good mood, here's a hint: today's the 7th of December."

Ah. So he wasn't asking for the exact date. But the 7th of December? What could be so special with that day?

A feeling of weariness loomed up Yosano's mind. Even though it had become obvious she had no reason to think Ranpo would suddenly attack her, she still wanted - she needed to know what he was hiding like that. What was even the point of this... "riddle" anyway? It felt more like torture than a game to her...

Nevertheless, when she looked at him swaying on his feet and grinning like an idiot, she could tell that Ranpo took that little game of his to heart. And as much as his way of staring at her like she was some toddler to make fun of annoyed her, Yosano found herself unwilling to disappoint him.

So, she took it upon herself to push aside her reluctance as far as she could, and searched through her memory what kind of occasion could make some mundane date like December 7th any special.

After a few seconds of reflexion, an epiphany eventually came up in her head.

"Uh... Is it my... my birthday?"

Ranpo giggled happily. Finally showing his hidden hand, he presented her a small box.

"Correct~! Happy birthday, Akiko!"

Yosano looked at Ranpo, then at the box, then at Ranpo again. Her birthday. So much for her worries - not that there had ever been any ground to them anyway...

It had been a while since she last celebrated her birthday. Come to think of it, did she actually celebrated her birthday even once before going to war? She couldn't remember.

"Must've been a while since someone ever wished you happy birthday, huh?" Ranpo seemed to have read her thoughts. "If it matters, you've turned fifteen today."

The news didn't evoke any feeling in her. Fifteen? Well, she was basically a teenager, now. When she went to war, she was still a child. She lost her growth in the flames of war first, in the depths of despair second. Not very worth celebrating, if you asked her.

Something Ranpo apparently didn't agree on.

"Come on, take it! It's for you."

Briskly, yet somehow gently, he took her hand and put the box in it. Yosano froze at the contact, but it didn't last enough for her to have another reaction.

Clasping the box in her hands to prevent them from trembling, she looked at Ranpo. The boy encouraged her with a slight nod. Yosano hesitated, considering the box in her palm. It wasn't very big, yet not small enough to completely fit in only one hand. A blue ribbon had been clumsily attached to it, like an attempt to brighten up its monotonous white color.

Cautiously, Yosano opened the box. What she produced out of it was a white figure, like a little statue. The shape reminded her of a butterfly resting on a rock - or something similar. It was light, and its surface smooth. There was a bump at its base, like a button meant to be pressed.

"What's this?" she asked, voice still raspy.

Ranpo gave her a bright smile. "A night-light."

A night-light? Like the light bulbs used to calm down children who were afraid of the dark?

"I've got one too!" the boy said, proud for some reason. "Mine's a maneki-neko. The President gave it to me when I started living with him. Because y'see, I can't sleep when it's all dark."

Yosano pursed her lips. Why did he sound like he was bragging about being unable to sleep in a pitch-black room...?

"Do you know why most people are afraid of the dark, Akiko?" Ranpo suddenly asked her.

She shook her head.

"It's because their brain relies too much on the intel given by their eyes."

Pointing a finger at his skull around the eye level, he went on.

"The human brain is fascinating, really. When it doesn't have something to focus on, it automatically searches through our memory to create a semblance of distraction. That's what we call thinking. Overthinking. Daydreaming. But even in those situations, as long as your eyes receive enough light to scan their environment, your brain will rarely go in a frenzy. But at night? There's no light. Nothing to detect what's surrounding you. Nothing to ground you to reality and give you the rational elements to tell you there's nothing to be afraid of. To make up for the lack of visual information, your brain will produce images itself, out of your memory. This is where it becomes fascinating. Because it can go as far as distorting reality. And your other senses won't even help, because for every sound you hear, every odor you smell, your brain will automatically try to associate it to something your eyes have seen. And the picture doesn't need to be accurate, that's why sometimes it may mix up your memories to make an amalgam. In the end, any shadow, any sound, any movement your perceive becomes ten times scarier in the dark."

He paused, and stared at her with such intensity Yosano felt her nerves burning.

"You see what I'm talking about?" His hazel eyes briefly drifted to the drip still linked to her arm. "This is the basis of nightmares."

Yosano gasped softly.

"What? You thought I wasn't gonna notice?" Despite the disdain in his voice, Ranpo's gaze softened when he looked at her. "Honestly, Akiko. No need to be a great detective like me to guess that you would be having nightmares, considering what you've been through."

Yosano averted her gaze, remaining silent. Absent-mindedly, she began to stroke the butterfly figure in her hands with her thumb.

"That's right, that's where the night-light comes in!" Ranpo chimed. "With this, you will have something to help you seeing what's around you when you wake up in the middle of the night. When your brain is still focused on your dream, and you can't make out what is real and what is not, the light will help you see what is real."

"... It won't-"

"It won't make the nightmare go away," Ranpo interrupted her, pulling the words out of her mouth. "I know. But it's still better than nothing. It can still help. And you'll have me, and Fukuzawa. We'll be by your side to help you fight these nightmares of yours."

When he noticed her confused look, his mischievous smile found its way back to his face.

"I didn't tell you? You'll be moving with us, starting today! No more of these sickening white walls, no more of this tasteless hospital food for you!"

He leaned forward and gently tapped her elbow, the one where the perfusion sting was sinking into.

"...And no more of these, either," he said, lowering his voice. "I know they gave these to you to ease your pain. But honestly, you look more like a zombie than anything to me. I don't like that, and I'm pretty sure you don't, either."

It was a lot to process for Yosano. And as usual, he wouldn't let her take the time to assimilate everything. But the mention of the drugs left a lump in her throat. Holding the night-light close to her chest, she stared into Ranpo's eyes, searching for the right words. She wanted to tell him that yes, she wished to get rid of this "zombie" state, like he was calling it - quite accurately, she thought. But she also wanted to tell him how much the thought of having to face her dreams to their fullest scared her. How much she feared to have to experience the pain that had devoured her heart ever since that day, over and over again, for the rest of her life.

She wanted to ask him if-

"You can live a normal life again. Even with your trauma."

Yosano gasped. Again. He had read her like an open book again.

"Everything's going to be fine, Akiko. You'll make it through." He flashed her a gentle smile. "You're not alone anymore."

A sob begging for release hurt her throat. Ranpo's earnest gaze felt as warm as the sun piercing through the clouds of the cold winter sky. Like the moth attracted to the flame, her frozen soul was attracted to this warmth she could feel in his words. The warm comfort of a promise.

Maybe it was just an illusion. Maybe trusting that boy was a mistake. She barely knew him, after all. He did touch her heart when he said their agency didn't want her for her ability, but for her kindness. But what was telling her it was the truth?

Still, Yosano wanted to trust him. She wanted to believe there was a hope her meeting that boy and his strange companion would change her life. Maybe not for the better, but at least for something less painful.

Something that would, perhaps, make her feel it was okay to keep on living in this dreary world.

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