academia-sensations

[academia-sensations]

I hate having no friends. At first, the solitude was peaceful but now it's become insufferable. The isolation I once enjoyed is now suffocating to me.

[academia-sensations]

All i want is acceptance. Inclusion. A sense of belonging.

[academia-sensations]

“Sometimes I feel like my entire life is being a guest at other people’s celebrations”

-Girl On The Line

[academia-sensations]

i am

an extra

the one in the background

given just a name and nothing else

i am 

the comedic relief

not taken seriously

but always there to make you laugh

i am 

the chore

you always say hi to me

not cause you care but because you have too 

i am

the side character

the one always in the shadow

waiting for a chance

i am

the main character 

of no story

because i will never have one

like she does 

-g

[academia-sensations]

Why am I so forgettable? Why do I just fade into the background of everyone’s minds? Occasionally, I slip into a conscious forefront and then I’m stellar in their thoughts and hearts once again. I make them laugh and try to make them feel all the things I want to feel. I think I accomplish that in some sense. However, everyone always forgets again and the image of me becomes as silent as the old chair in the corner that someone bought years ago. They loved that chair and thought it suited the aesthetic of their living room suit perfectly, perhaps even paid top dollar and raved about its comfort and sturdy quality. The chair now sits empty in the corner, rarely noticed, except for when it is and they remember the feeling of when they first got it again. “I should really use that chair more,” they may mutter, then the chair is forgotten again. As am I, and I am. -Athena M. 7/28/2020 11:23 pm.

[academia-sensations]

Pink

A scar, new and raised, sits on her thigh.

Fresh flesh,

Too old to tear

Too young to release its flush.

She stares at it

Sometimes for hours,

And she wonders:

If it hadn't been for that night

--those words, that slamming door, the violent silence inside--

What would it have taken

To start new?

The summer sun beats down,

Heat wavering in the air.

Still; she can't decide,

Shorts

Or leggings.

The scars we bear are not always meant

For other people to see.

[academia-sensations]

I stay by myself

because not everyone understands

what it’s like to live life

restrained by your own rubber bands

// Ophydia

—

[academia-sensations]

LONELY

I have holes in my soul,

burnt by the end of a cigarette.

I fill my lungs with emptiness,

so I can taste the rage on my breath.

I call myself the art of war!

I buy packs of smokes,

just to throw them on the floor!

Because remembering the pain

is the only way,

that I seem to feel alive anymore.

Nobody can see it,

because it’s killing me inside.

Sometimes I can’t breathe.

Sometimes I can’t even write.

My heart is broken.

I can feel footprints on the cracks!

Belonging to the ones I love,

and that are never coming back.

So I patch it up,

and it starts to rain.

I go ahead and light another.

I have lighting in my eyes,

and sometimes my heartbeat

sounds like thunder.

It starts inside my chest,

and makes my whole body shake.

So when i’ve finally had enough,

and there’s just no more I can take..

I’ll leave that cigarette alone.

I’ll leave it burning on the ground!

I’ll leave it just as the ones that left me,

and are no longer around.

// Ophydia

writeundertheinfluence

[academia-sensations]

I think loneliness is

Realizing

Understanding

That at the end of the day

All people ever see you as

Is an accessory

To someone you love

[academia-sensations]

The room has darkened around me and the lights illuminate the faces of the group talking without me. A smile glued on my face, I sit quietly, trying to interject but my voice becomes lost through their laughter. Their grins and bright eyes build the purple and black lines tied between them, an energy that burns since I can’t seem to join them. So I watch and feel my soul lifting out of my dolled body and laugh as I crumble, feeling like nobody at all.

-F.M

[academia-sensations]

Nothing brings me more immense peace then scribbling away in my journal whilst listening to the roars of thunder and downpour of rain.

[academia-sensations]

Botanic Academia: you go off into the forest to sketch coniferous trees.

[academia-sensations]

they had me executed in the towns square yesterday

[academia-sensations]

This!

[academia-sensations]

fashionismyfortee via instagram 

[academia-sensations]

The Lady of Shalott, John William Waterhouse, 1888

[academia-sensations]

my hobbies include staying up for hours at night stuck in a cycle of romanticizing the future and building up a deep infatuation for it and then proceeding to fear it.