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[aceofnothing]

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[aceofnothing]

Original Quote #015

One's own mind, the thinker of thoughts, is the greatest enemy of all. -Ace Zero

[aceofnothing]

The mind makes of us, and it is the greatest influence of all.

[aceofnothing]

Original Quote #014

The challenge will take body, mind, soul, heart, feeling, strength, courage, and wisdom, but each work together in order to make and understand the problem which can only be overcome by you. -Ace Zero

[aceofnothing]

My life now is getting harder and it's going to be the biggest obstacle yet with many branches. This is the only song that can describe the freedom and hope for understanding that I want to feel, but with each passing day, I'll always be on the run, just wishing to rest up and feel alive once more, free from the weight and burden this life will be on my shoulders--the college life and the decisions I make. Things could be so easy but I'm always on the run...and always will be.

[aceofnothing]

Resolve

Digging into the college life I'm about to embrace, words cannot describe just how anxious, yet terrified I am to be for what I am getting into. This isn't going to be simple, but rather extravagant. However with such disposition that all this can be connected, my lack of mental capacity, along with deconstructed memory will in my own hypothesis, destroy me. I feel prepared to enter what is to be the future, but at the same time, have no guidance. It's all about what I can do that will decide my future. What sounded through my mouth like the life I will be leading, in my mind and heart says that this will be the biggest obstacle I'll ever have to face in my entire life. My future, my limits, my knowledge, and my power rest at what my will can manage. I am afraid. I don't know if I can do this. My major of Computer Science/Engineering PRE is just an undecided course. Yet, the advisers at the orientation gave little help to the plethora of questions that I had. Figures why every teacher only knows a particular field--that part limits their understanding of the vastness that is the University and the branches that it takes and paths that I wanted to understand through asking. The topics discussed weren't even relevant; Civil Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, Aviation--there's nothing I want to do in there. Little to nothing was discussed about computers. Software I could make, possibilities of creation and career development through the computer approach. Where was all that? Who will be teaching this? The teachers that show much bias towards the civil engineering passion or mechanical, with myself learning this when I had no intention to at all? Where is my branch?  I've lost my confidence. It was too overwhelming, what was being talked about was destroying my brain. I have frequent headaches now because of what I have to deal with and what I want to deal with. There's no fine approach. I just don't know how I'll not manage, but reach that goal. Everything before the initial classroom setting was so empowering and motivating. I felt so happy to be at the University, my soon to be home. But how can I feel at home if everything is just a stranger to me, and I can't reach what was never discussed?  I want to switch majors. Money is no object, but if you're trying to get a new major, or simply switching, it's a long road. My failures were at Chemistry, Physics, and wholeheartedly, Calculus. All these classes were needed for my field. It didn't feel that way, however, due to the fact that my major was barely mentioned. Not a word. Will it all be the same? Or is it all different and I'm just worrying over nothing? Will the engineering of others apply to me, and I have to follow in their footsteps the way I never intended to? Was I lied to? I don't even have the comfort to take even one class I wanted and loved--Japanese, because I took the "they'll help me out with this" risk and lost. I'll have to wait for that and suffer in what I'm in now.  I don't feel welcome, I feel trapped! I have myriads of opportunities ahead of me, but that doesn't mean they'll be available when I want to. Not saying I'm lazy, but when I want to do something or find something out, it's either too late, or no help at all. I'm not saying that I don't want to work for my major, but I want to be able to have some guide or sense of ease that 1. my brain will handle it and 2. that my life is heading in a secure and safe direction. There is no telling now. I have to wait like I've been doing until it all happens. It's the way it shouldn't be, but I've no other option. This is my life now, and in honest words, I see the future and it's caving in.

I thought that you'd might like to know.

[aceofnothing]

Matter of Matter

The one thing that defines intelligence is one's own ability to do work. That is, constructing the confines of every atom, molecule, nanobyte, and so on and so forth through rigorous categorizing and theoretical findings to gain a form of meaning to which is understandable to our own human creation. To matter, we are matter. To matter, it is the building blocks of which our education can mount that can allow the human being, or living being to be more precise to achieve the unimaginable, through equations and terms that only make sense in the so few languages that make sense to the quantum mechanics and physics of this outer world. So to speak, the matter of matter isn't a big matter, but a matter that should not be overlooked. 

[aceofnothing]

Reminder.

[aceofnothing]

I am the ill-mannered infant who's the seed of evil, untamed and resentful. I am the definition of the dark side of human nature. I am the corrupted and tainted one. I am the definition of unpurifiable sin. The worst kind, and yet, the one who learns and refuses to learn. I am darkness, the shadow of doubt lingering on absurdity. I'm not goth or emo, though my statements might be depicted as such. I am a charlatan, broken by a single disruptive nature of good, overcast by the darker side I am, hermit and lost. Lost in this never ending cycle I call myself.

[aceofnothing]

Progression

Words flow through my mind in a never ending stream of complication and wisdom, stemming from big words such as what was written before this in this here line, and what might be eluded after such thought is then typed onto cyberspace for all to witness. My mind is overly complicated, reaching branch by branch and door by door into the macro and micro cosmos of what the brain can ever achieve. The fascination is about as peculiar as the brain knowing and learning about itself, much in the same peculiar fashion humans think about themselves, and for which I begin to think and reflect upon myself, through the invisible mirror constantly following myself like a giant over me, watching me and relentlessly taking over the shadow of my own in a silhouette of astonishment. I can't establish a common ground for which all can relate, however, my progression of human self over these months this year has been a correction to my own child-like matter, though ever-present due to the unsustainable nature of myself. Acts I've committed get reflected in the tunes that I listen to that accompany me at every moment of every day. I look back at myself and often ponder my own morality and decision making, combated by the society that does not care to know, or does not question it and remains intact with the flow of nature. I, however, embrace entropy at the sake of own benefit towards knowledge, which with deep questions and need for understanding have corrupted my very mind and soul, much to my own dismay. It's quite ironic that I would know this yet not be able to correct it being self-aware, but that remains the problem in this progression. As governments and high standing powers would fear, I know too much. And I fear it myself. I know too much and have a deeper need for complicated questionable insight that it plagues the values and morals that I take upon myself, resulting in a lack of imagination and awe towards simple matters.  Knowing too much allows for less enjoyment, whether it be a hobby or forced action. The quest for knowledge is a dangerous one, because throughout my journey of understanding, from human to book, to analysis of human nature and qualified examples from literature and experience, I've managed to conceive this overly analyzed bit of words for human comprehension to convey that joy is found through action than wondering the existence of possibility of it all, and how it relates and sustains itself properly to the equilibrium that is seemingly displayed in this society. A word of caution, to wisest and to the seekers--this is the cautioned halt, never know too much. Misunderstanding of understanding can lead to confusion and corruption, unless all areas of mindful evaluation have been taken upon thyself. You're not alone, this warning applies to me as well, who is continually facing this struggle like a hamster in a cage, remotely contained in the world of its own, finding a way out without coming back and facing desolation within itself. As a diligent reminder, this comes from an individual with a child-like nature who is able to exert the entire spectrum of wonder into one regarding piece. Seek carefully and may you be blessed with final interpretation. 

[aceofnothing]

Love the Way I Feel

On pressing play and fast forwarding           The time and place is always changing The rivers so wide just falling down        Valley of own, a walker on ground. Can't stop these ever-flowing waters Driven from the path it gets harder Steaming and flailing, sanity lost Mind restless and untame, views are tossed

One thing on the mind, is the way I feel I crash down, fall, and come on legs to kneel Coming on the ground lain, helpless, and crass Here and always letting the rivers pass.

-Ace Zero

[aceofnothing]

Original Quote #013

Through being tame and prodigiously unchallenged by altercation can one find their one true pursuit of happiness, soon found on by the other side of what knowledge has to offer.

-Ace Zero

[aceofnothing]

Original Quote #012

Only the great find themselves doing the greatest, unknown to themselves that they are ironically the good from their humble denial. 

-Ace Zero

[aceofnothing]

Original Quote #011

Keeping a mundane and repetitive day to day cycle with problematic choices only causes a need for higher greatness, realistically unrealistic.

-Ace Zero

[aceofnothing]

Original Quote #010

The more knowledge known, the more possible on self-destruction. -Ace Zero

[aceofnothing]

A Year

...I'd like a one time reunion or something, back down in a place called Raidcall. Though utterly desecrated, it would be a good time to piece back something of the past, only to feel nostalgia of days come and gone. A year eh? I don't know if I've learned yet, nothing has changed from my state of being, but will I learn for people as my giving, regardless of place? Days have shown that I'm not there yet, and time will tell.

[aceofnothing]

Zelda is pissed ;)