acertainrespectability-blog

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Hiatus Notice

For the inactivity, but it’s going to continue. 

I expected work to slow down after July was over, but if anything, it’s getting busier. On top of that, there are some personal issues that I have to deal with. Before, I was confident I’d be able to do a lot more in a few weeks, but now? Now I honestly have no idea.  The last time I disappeared... well, it’s sort of happening again. Hopefully nobody dies this time, but it really doesn’t look good. 

I’m so sorry, you guys. 

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“I’ve never been to the arena before,” she said. “To be perfectly honest, I’m not entirely sure what they do there. But I do know it’s this way?” She gestured in the arena’s direction. 

She was glad she had someone to go with her. An arena, whatever went on there, was probably not a place people expected to see a Companion. She could easily take care of herself, but Inara preferred it if she didn’t have to. 

Starter for acertainrespectability

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“Never the less I’m sure he’s grateful. But perhaps it would suit your goals better to suggest to Simon that River might simply wish to be alone?”

“Yeah, tell that t’him. Door ain’t even been open, ain’t like she got out ‘r nothin’.” Jayne crossed his arms with an indignant snort. “Ain’t helpin’ him fer him, I’m helpin’ so maybe I can get some damn sleep t’night.” 

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((Inara’s illness headcanons))

Inara has Huntington’s disease.

Huntington’s is an autosomal dominant genetic disorder.  In other words, you need only one copy of the abnormal gene to get the disorder. 

Inara inherited her diseased gene copy from her father. He was 37 when he first started showing symptoms. Inara was 10. That was when her parents sent her to House Madrassa to be trained as a Companion. The strict curriculum kept her away from home while her father’s symptoms worsened and worsened. Inara was 21 when her father committed suicide. Her mother finally told her about the disorder at the funeral. She also told Inara that the young Companion had a 50/50 chance of also having Huntington’s. Inara immediately went to get tested. When it came back positive, she had her Fallopian tubes cut. 

Huntington’s can be tested for prenatally and, thus, is rare in the Verse. Especially in the Core where prenatal testing is common. While there’s no laws against having children when you are HD positive, it’s stigmatized. The general feeling is that if you know you or your partner has Huntington's and choose not to have the embryos genetically tested, it’s your fault. It is partly to protect her mother that Inara does not tell anyone about her illness, but also to protect her dignity.

When she first learned she was positive for Huntington’s, Inara volunteered for experimental treatments. Not treatments to cure HD or help manage the symptoms, mind you. Huntington’s is very rare in the Verse, remember? These treatments significantly increase the amount of time her cells spend in the Gap 0 phase of division. The intent is to slow the aging process. The fact that Inara has HD and will suffer physical and mental decline when she reaches the biological equivalent of her mid to late-thirties is of no consequence to the scientists running the program. 

Inara suffers side-effects of these treatments. Her hair and nails do not grow very quickly, and her wounds heal more slowly than a normal person’s. 

The first notable symptoms of Huntington’s are generally the physical ones. As Inara ages, she will begin to lose control of her muscles. It may start out as restlessness, small movements that are unintentional and quickly aborted. As her control worsens, she’ll have trouble moving, speaking, and eating. She may also have trouble sleeping.

There are also cognitive symptoms. The executive functions of the brain (working memory, planning, problem solving, etc.) are especially effected. She will probably also be more irritable, apathetic, and depressed. Psychosis is possible but rare. Inara is far more likely to develop obsessive compulsive disorder. Suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts are also common. She will inevitably develop dementia. 

Average life expectancy of someone with Huntington’s Disease is twenty years after the first symptoms become visible. Most people with HD either die of pneumonia, heart failure, or suicide.

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She was tempted to tell herself that she was unable to deny River anything, especially when the girl had tears in her eyes, but that would be disingenuous. No, what she was feeling as she strode over and sat next to her was relief. 

“River,” she murmured, and then the dam broke. 

“I miss him a lot.” 

“Stay.”

Suddenly, being alone is less important than having company for her pain. The tears that start to make her eyes glisten are not blinked away. She doesn’t turn from Inara. Her pain has no shame, and nor should her friend’s.

She’s tired of being treated like something breakable. Tired of being left alone, so she doesn’t have to cope with others’ feelings. As if she doesn’t know. As if she doesn’t feel the same. And her voice turns soft and pleading, because Inara is family. 

If family cannot grieve together, who can?

“Please. Please.”

[acertainrespectability-blog]

“Interesting, hmm,” she thought about it. “Well, there’s the Persephone history museum, quite a few art museums and galleries, and a number of parks...” she trailed off. Inara had been to all these places before, with one client or another. Not all of them liked to stay in. What was one place she hadn’t been? “There’s also a new arena. It just opened, oh a few months ago?” 

Starter for acertainrespectability

[acertainrespectability-blog]

[acertainrespectability-blog]

if i add u on skype and dont talk to u i am so sorry

like i am literally the worst person at socializing ever to exist

aND THE CHANCES ARE I REALLY WANT TO TALK TO U

I JUST CANT HOLD A CONVERSATION TO SAVE MY LIFE

[acertainrespectability-blog]

((To whom it may concern: Do not, I repeat DO NOT, go outside your house around the July 4th if you live in a resort area. I hate tourists.))

[acertainrespectability-blog]

“Ah there’s the smile made of sunlight,” 

Inara internally winces whenever anyone says this of her. 

It was Atherton who said it first. Who used it it most often. Atherton, who was charming and sweet in his own social circle, but once he was confronted with Mal, with the Rim, with the other of a lower class he became something dark and ugly. She doesn’t liked to be reminded of him.

She doesn’t like to be reminded that sometimes Mal is right. That sometimes her job is dangerous and lends itself to being disrespected. She doesn’t like the conclusions that road always leads to.

She doesn’t like how deep a shadow her sunlight smile can cast.

[acertainrespectability-blog]

JUST BURY ME IN PAIRINGS WHERE ONE PERSON’S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELL AND HARDSHIPS, BUT LOOKS AT THEIR LOVER LIKE THEY’RE THE SUN, HOLDS THEIR LOVER CLOSE LIKE THEY’RE THE WARMEST THING IN THE COLDEST SNOW STORM, AND KISSES THEIR LOVER PASSIONATELY LIKE THEY’RE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD. 

[acertainrespectability-blog]

The Washburnes + "holding hands"

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            “ We’ve done the impossible,                                            and that makes us mighty. ”

[acertainrespectability-blog]

- Nathan Fillion and Morena Baccarin, Serenity Blooper Reel

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Punch something. Maybe the government? You heard it here first, everyone. The stars are totally endorsing punching the entire government

[acertainrespectability-blog]

don’t trust people who can’t admit their favorite characters have flaws