acesaround

[acesaround]

Dating sites as an ace

So I just started on a dating app. I believe in stating outright that I'm ace so that I'm never perceived as a bitch cause we are on a date and I'm "withholding" sex.

i had a conversation with a person who wanted to learn more about my perspective about what it means to me. They didn't necessarily understand what it's like, but they were respectful and wished me luck in finding somebody who respects my values.

I was nervous when we first started our conversation but I'm glad that we did and I hope that he carries the idea into the world that aces exist and we are valid.

[acesaround]

Have you cried because you finally saw yourself represented? I just watched a movie where the character was a character was struggling with whether they were gay or straight (like those are the only two options) and he was clearly ace. He even talked with his therapist and threw that out as an option. But even though it was never confirmed and said on screen, I still connected with him on such a deep level.

ive never watched a movie where there was an asexual person as the main character. Especially one in a relationship. For once, I got to see myself on screen. And it made me cry because I realised that I'd never had that before.

I fully, 100% believe that gay/lesbian representation in the media is important. but I'm important too. Ace representation matters.

[acesaround]

“Oh you’re asexual? I bet you just want attention.”

You’re damn right I want attention. 

I want attention so that every teenager who’s not interested in sex doesn’t feel like they’re broken. 

I want attention so that every asexual with an allosexual spouse doesn’t feel like they’re being unfair for not wanting sex. 

I want attention so that every asexual who’s repulsed by or indifferent to sex doesn’t think they’re the problem. 

I want attention so that asexuals don’t get pushed out of LGBT+ safe spaces for being “basically straight”. 

I want attention so that asexuals who come out to their health care providers don’t get told they need to get their hormone levels checked. 

I want attention so that asexuals don’t get called “frigid”. 

I want attention so that asexual storylines in media don’t turn into “fix it” storylines. 

I want attention so that asexuals stop hearing “you just haven’t met the right person yet.” 

I want attention so ace-specs like demisexuals stop hearing “that’s just how everyone is.” 

I want attention so that asexuals stop suffering corrective rape to “cure” us. 

I want attention so people stop accusing me of being asexual just to be “different”. 

I want attention so I can have respect. 

[acesaround]

So there’s this boy that I like and we’ve done several things recently that qualify as dates. So I asked if we are dating or just hanging out? He said that he would like it if we were dating but wanted to leave it up to me.

Well, I want to date him too but we had to have the “talk” first. About my ace-ness. Because I believe in being honest and upfront. If they really want a very physical relationship then that isn’t going to work for me.

Well, this led to an argument between me and my mother. She thought that I needed to wait because maybe it’s just a phase and once I start doing stuff with this boy then maybe I’ll be better.

I really like the boy, but I don’t want him to cure me. Maybe I will do physical stuff with him because it will make him happy. But that will be my choice at that time. I don’t think it will be the magical cure of my asexuality and I don’t want it to be.

[acesaround]

Thank you for your story.  

I agree we do need to increase ace visibility.  We need it so that every young girl, boy, and inbetween doesn’t have to feel broken when their friends talk about sex and how horny they are.  So they don’t have to laugh nervously because they aren’t sure what that means and maybe I can force myself to feel that.  

We need to increase ace visibility because otherwise how will they know that they belong?  How will they teach their family members about what it means to be ace?  Their friends?  The annoying people at their parent’s church asking when they are going to meet a nice Christian boy?

We need to increase ace visibility.  And we need to do it now.

It must be so painful being a closeted ace on tumblr nowadays. We fought hard to make asexual resources more widespread, because young aces deserve answers. The alternative is daunting. And I lived it.

When I was a teenager, I destroyed my body by forcing myself into sexual situations because I didn’t know about asexuality. Well, I knew about it, but of course I wasn’t asexual. No one in their right mind would be.

I was young, Asian, depressed, and a closet ace. All my access to basic human decency relied on sex. I didn’t know how to address sexual intimacy, or romantic relationships. I didn’t have any asexual vocabulary or knowledge of what it meant to be ace.

I’ll never be able to regain a whole chunk of my life. That’s all been tainted by years of neglect and abuse.

So I’m part of a movement that’s trying to prevent such a thing from happening again. And this bullshit pushback that I’m seeing? This claim that our attempts to save ace youth is somehow a detriment to people who aren’t ace? That our readiness to offer options is to blame for the actions of our mutual oppressors?

My closeted, confused young self was on the road to death. That’s inarguable. That’s what happens when aces have no options.

Even now, I struggle with asexual explicitry and how to embrace sex as a queer survivor. I NEED asexual visibility. And I need others like me to find a community with.

This shitty trend of trying to erase asexual growth is flat out violence.

[acesaround]

I love soulmate au’s just as much as the next person. But why must soul mates always equate to romantic love??

What if I met the person who is supposed to be my best friend in the whole world?

Lets get rid of the stigma that soul mates = romantic parter.

[acesaround]

I feel like a lot of people don’t want to ask questions they have about gender/sexuality to LGBT people because they don’t want to offend them because we talk about cishet people asking stupid or intrusive questions a lot

But actually when you’re questioning it’s really helpful to be able to ask some ‘stupid’ questions although you’re too afraid to

So can y'all LGBTQIA+ people reblog this if you’re totally fine with people asking questions about your gender/sexuality, as long as they do so respectfully

[acesaround]

I went on my date.  It went fine.  He was nice.  But there wasn’t anything there.  I mean objectively I knew that going in that there wasn’t going to be anything there because I am asexual.  But I kind of wanted something to happen because when I told my mom that I was going on a date, she was so excited for me.  I think that she maybe thought that I was going to be cured.  That I would find this boy sexually attractive and she wouldn’t have to worry about her asexual daughter who she screwed up (she never actually said those words when I came out to her but I could definitely tell from her tone and words thats what she thought).  My mom is convinced that I just need to meet the right man and boom I won’t be ace anymore.  This isn’t even bringing into play that I’m biromantic which she definitely wouldn’t approve of.  Overall, I want to make my mom happy, but I don’t want to do it at the price of my own happiness and sanity.  

I have no idea what I’m doing with myself and I don’t know how to make my mom happy.  I feel like there is no good option for me.  

[acesaround]

I’m about to go on my first date. It really is my first date ever and I don’t know how to address the ace isssue. Like what do I do? What if he expects something? What if he likes the date and wants another and wants to do stuff in the future?? I like want to date because I’m a big ole romantic but don’t know what to do about my ace issue

[acesaround]

“Asexuals can perpetuate homophobia, transphobia, lesbiphobia, biphobia, and can access heterosexual privilege, blah blah” 

…Yeah? Gay men sure as fuck can be sexist and transphobic and racist, lesbian feminists literally have a subculture full of violent transphobes, and racism is a rampant problem in the LGBT community. Bisexuals are constantly accused of being privileged because they can pass as straight, as if being erased is a privilege. 

Plenty of your precious “real” queer people are fully capable of speaking out of turn and making ignorant jackasses out of themselves, that doesn’t mean that we’re planning on kicking entire subcultures out of the community any time soon. So maybe quit ascribing every possible evil to the ace community as if it’s some evil borg hivemind and chill the fuck out. 

[acesaround]

So I finally figured out my sexuality.

I’ve been thinking on this for years and after lots of research and pondering I truly believe Im. (Drum roll please)

Demisexual. Or if you want to be really specific. I lean more towards heteromantic demi… what do I do from here?

This is great for myself but… do I tell people now? I don’t feel like its that big though. I mean, nothings going to change. I’m still going to be the same wat I’ve always been, just now there’s a name.

[acesaround]

Ahhh I finally told my best friend and she was...accepting?? I don’t know why I thought she wouldn’t be but it’s why I put it off. It’s so nice that I was able to tell her and have someone accept me and not try to recommend ways for me to start liking sex. What a nice change of pace. I’m glad I told her

[acesaround]

Okay so I was talking to this girl at work about the fluidity of sexuality. And I only initially brought up the hetero-homo spectrum. But she then exclaimed that there is also like asexuality. I have never felt more validated than after that conversation.

I mean talking with people on tumblr and AVEN is great but you don’t truly feel it until you encounter someone in your life where even if they aren’t ace then they still understand and think your important.

I spent so many years thinking I was broken because I didn’t experience sexual attraction. I had never even heard of it. We need to help educate people so that it can become common and so that teenagers and adults can be like oh my goodness I am asexual and I am valid. That’s what I want for the world.

I never expected this for a conversation at work but I’m so glad that I talked to that girl tonight.

[acesaround]

“I want our government to start buying more books and less bullets.”

My government teacher in class today

[acesaround]

This is such great advice. I always think that I have to solve people’s problems. Nobody’s ever really told me that I don’t have to. Thank you

Oh my goodness my friend asked me for sex advice. I have no idea what to say.

[acesaround]

reblog if you’re part of the holy trinity of unrecognized and dismissed sexualities

bisexual, pansexual, and asexual 

[acesaround]

Oh my goodness my friend asked me for sex advice. I have no idea what to say.