adhdthoughts

[adhdthoughts]

How can the majority of Americans be so fkn dumb. Like.. the world always thought that, but now we know actually.

The world is lost for real. We are fked.

[adhdthoughts]

Today I took my Adhd Meds (Elvanse) to do some chores and clean up my messy room once again in a while

It feels so fkn good to be productive and seeing how everything gets more organized and clean, why can't I just do this when I'm sober 😭 I don't get it

[adhdthoughts]

ADHD be like:

I'm helping my mom to carry stuff to the basement, because we are moving soon. We rolled a carpet and fixed it with a cord. It bothered me that I didn't know what's the perfect knot to use in this situation.

Now I'm reading a book about knots, that I got probably 15 years ago and I think I never seriously looked into it.

Being able to make knots that fit for a specific situation is such a great skill tbh.. It's sad that I don't know how to make knots and I'm sure that I won't learn them in the near future. Just a phase for the moment.. But at least I have a better overview now about what exists and can search them up in the next situation. :)

[adhdthoughts]

I haven't much vacation during the last year. But since I had vacation the past 2 weeks, I'm very very unmotivated to work. Even though this week has only 4 days of work, it's pretty hard for me to get through it. I don't know if it's caused by the break that I had or because it was not long enough to fully recover from the work stress. Or if it's caused by that fact that I'm doing homeoffice. Theres also not much to do on my work.. at least it's not planned for our week (scrum) and it kinda feels like I don't know how to fill my time with. Technically I always got smth to do, but there are only annoying tasks I don't wanna do.

Another possibility could be that I am kinda addicted to the app Threads that launched in germany 3 weeks ago and fks my dopamine balance.. (I grind hard on Threads because it really helps my Twitch channel to grow)

I'm not often taking my Elvanse (adhd med), as you can see in the picture below, but it gives a motivation boost and it feels lot easier to work and do stuff that I don't wanna do. Two days ago and today I took them, because I kinda feel like I can't make it through the day without it.

Not taking them so often because I have a hard time to eat over the day and it's not so easy to go to sleep on that (even when I take them pretty early and go to sleep late). And I don't need them to get my work done. I mainly take them on weekends to get some chores done or stuff im just procrastinating in my private life.

Yesterday I only worked 6h instead of 8 🫠

[adhdthoughts]

I don't know if anyone even cares, but sorry for not posting much recently 😅

Since I use this app I turned notifications off so I don't have another app to distract me. Sometimes I'm way to lazy to write long texts on my phone or I even completely forget about this app.

[adhdthoughts]

I'm kinda addicted to #Threads since it got launched in germany 😅

[adhdthoughts]

Merry Christmas y'all :)

[adhdthoughts]

Now waiting for the Elvanse to kick and then hopefully being able to do some chores

[adhdthoughts]

Was 5½h productive today 💪🏼

[adhdthoughts]

I wonder if anyone will read my 2 recent long ass romans/posts till end 💀😂

[adhdthoughts]

Yeah, so.. today is an elvanse-day, I was studying for my exams (on 26.04) in the evening and had a midnight flow.

My gf told me (at around 00:00), that I should stop and get to be in time, so I can take my Elvanse tomorrow for a potential productive day, but I was just in the flow and wanted to continue.

(If you didn't read my recent post: Elvanse is hard to sleep on for me, so I better take that early.)

So I continued till 02:00. And now I'm doing posts on here, even though I wanted to sleep already, and it's 03:40 now.. 💀

I really miss my gf 😭, she went to her parents (they live in Austria, about 10h by train) for 10 days in total and comes back in 2,5 days. Thats another 3 nights sleeping alone 😔. I sadly couldn't go with her, because I need to study for my apprenticeship exam and because thats for sure not enough, I have to do a programming project that should be done in 80h that I need to do in the same time-window on work as learning for the exam. So you learn new stuff on work, probably need to do smth for that home while studying. So I'm kinda totally in stress and that's why I couldn't go with her. Her dad had bd and invited me to join them all to a spa/hotel in Hungary. I mean I hate to travel that much, but not being apart of gf and being together with her in the hotel room would be nice. (Giggity)

In 1 month we have 1 year anniversary :3 🥳.

It's going pretty good between us, we want to cuddle and kiss the same amount and never had an argument or dispute so far and we met almost every day or at least spending almost every night together.

I really should study more so I have more time for her when she comes back, because we both really need our cuddles and attention after so long apart. (I swear 1 week apart is so fkn hard for us, it's a disgrace.)

But it's not as easy as said. Sure it would be cool to study now and have more time for her when she's here, but that's sadly not how it works.. :(

So yeah.. Idk if I can my medication tomorrow I wann have a good sleep finally (not really getting that on working days, because I'm too long awake and need to get up "early").

But I'm kinda afraid if I can do it, because my company kinda wants their apprentice/trainees to have good grades and rn, I don't really now how to learn for all that and get my project done in time.

I also want to have time for my gf (I can't study so much anyway) and also have time for my hobbies (gym, wakeboarding, streaming). Especially streaming on twitch sparks much joy for me.

It's hard being me for the next 2,5 weeks, I'll have a really shitty, stressfull time..

I also want my company to keep me after I finished my apprenticeship, so I better get good grades on exam/project.

😭😭😭

Its (04:15 now, fml) 💀

[adhdthoughts]

Ok nvm, I post it now.

So there are some updates in my life..

I think I shared it some time, that the adhd medication don't really work for me.

Ritalin/Medikinet doesn't really do smth for me.. also Elvanse seemed not to work that well. I feel more motivated to do things on Elvanse, but was never sure if it actually helps me concentrate better or doing the stuff that I needed/wanted to do.

I always took Ritalin/Elvanse with a few weeks or sometimes months in-between. Just because I wanted to have a new impression of what it does to me or if it even does anything. I can't sleep on Elvanse, even when I take it at 07:00 and going to bed at 00:00 or even 01:00.

I'm always struggling with falling asleep (1-2h) and when I am asleep I feel like I'm 40% awake. And sometimes I woke up after a few hours and need to try again.

But I have exams pretty soon (which is a big struggle coz I'm fkn bad as studying and really hat it) so I wen't to my Psych and asked for an attestation that I have more time in my Exam.

(Some background-knowledge: I'm kinda struggling with the time in every test that I write or wrote in school. I don't know why I'm so fkn slow at that, but I always get just ok'ish grades instead of good ones, because I can't finish my tests. I don't really feel like I'm wasting my time a lot or looking around a lot, but somehow I can't manage to finish them in time.. maybe because too much of an perfectionist and want my phrases to sound good and rearranging them in my head back and forth, Idk..)

Anyway, so I got that attestation and she also asked me what about my medicals (I wasn't there for 1 year and I told her that I still have that sleeping issues and then she said, np, you can take Trimipramin before you go to sleep, try it out.

I haven't used Elvanse for about a half year, because I didn't want to be awake half of the night and probably be tired or even more unconcentrated the day after. I only did it on working days so far, because I thought why should I use it on weekends, thats my free time.

So I after I got that sleeping med I tried it out on a Saturday with the mindset that I wanna get shit done that day. And wtf I was doing productive things for 11h straight. Like cleaning my room finally (kinda deep, also the windows and stuff, Pog xd), helped mom with the house, groceries, tried to sort all my lose paper/sheets into folders, etc..

Was a great feeling to get smth done.

But not every elvanse day is a 11h productive type day, but maybe because I'm not committing often enough that day/evening before.

(I still have some side-effects of it like cold feet, less appetite and my intestine is more active.. but that doesn't matter so much for me.)

So yeah.. I'm experimenting more with it, taking it 0-3 times a week.

I have much more joy on working at my job and it's pretty easy for me to work 8-9h even without any break (sure that's illegal and not healthy, but I'm not planning to do that often, that's just what I noticed).

For days when I really don't want to work my 8h that's a good mood boost.

But I think I also noticed that I can study better, but I'm still not quite sure about it, but at least it's helping me with getting the chores done, which is pretty nice, let me feel better and a clean room is better for concentrating when studying.

Will continue that in the next post..

[adhdthoughts]

I wanna post more, but it's always so strenuous and time consuming to convert my thoughts into text, typing on my phone, etc.

Often I also don't have time at the moment when such thoughts come up. Or like right now, it's 02:40 and I should and wanna sleep.

Maybe I'll make another post tomorrow, when I still think about it.

[adhdthoughts]

I miss my girlfriend so much.. 😭

We are a couple since May and kinda meet every day or at least for the night.

It's going so great, no one is annoyed of the other one, both need same amount of attention, never had an argument and so on.

It's the first time we are apart for more than a few days. She went to visit her parents for Christmas, they live in Austria so it's about 10h by train.

On Friday I will hopefully see her again, it's been 15 days without her then. The feeling of missing a loved person is really fierce. But on the other hand it's pretty nice being missed by someone else.

Just a few days left until I can hold her in my arms again.. even though it doesn't feel like it's even soon.

I also have covid rn.. I really hope im negative until she's back, but I think the chances are good.

[adhdthoughts]

Happy new year ❤️ 🎆

I think this year will be pretty shitty for me.

I need to finish my apprenticeship, which means to study for important exams and also do a software project with documentation. I'm pretty bad at learning for tests and I'm also not that good at programming yet, so idk how good my project will be...

That exam and project shit stresses me out a lil. I'm also afraid that when my apprenticeship is finished, my company might not want me to stay. That would be pretty bad. I don't know what to do then, because with my current skills I could work where I do my apprenticeship, but I'm too bad that another company would want me.

The only good thing rn is my gf. I'm so happy with her. I'm really looking forward to have vacations with her at the see/beach.

[adhdthoughts]

I think I got a girlfriend since about a week. Couldn't be happier. And she stayed with me the past week eventhough I was sick. I don't have many girls interested in me (potentially because I'm a good guy/simp) even though I'm quite pretty I guess.

I didn't know it when I got to know her, but she has adhd aswell, I guess that's why we connect to so damn good. :)

[adhdthoughts]

I'm kinda in stress, because saturday a girl is coming over for the first time that I really have interest in. But tomorrow I have to work and after work going to my other work and potentially coming home at 02:00 in the night. So only this evening is left to clean and I focussed so hard on making the bath look pretty (still not done) and there is still my messy room left (which is almost more important or equally important) and the living room and other rooms in the house.. I'm too perfectionistic on the bath, because my mom said we can't let ppl in there like this (shes not home until Saturday evening). But also my room haven't been really clean in the past months (maybe half a year) because no one important was coming over within that time and I can only really make my room look good when I know some special guests are coming over. Even though I really hate it when my room is not clean..

I think I will need to sleep less just to clean.. and I really don't like to sleep only 6h (if thats enough) which I already did today, because of a school project (and the teacher was sick today, fml).