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you may have been sad but have you ever been wishing to die when blowing out your birthday candles sad
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me as a detective walking up to look at a dead body: ok first of all, big mood,
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wow guess it’s time to completely isolate myself again because i’m sure all my friends hate me.
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Someone: Wow you’re so easy to talk to! I feel like our personalities fit so well together!
Me: thanks i made this one special just for you
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*eats my wedding vows after reading them so no one will have physical proof of my vulnerability*
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“Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law”
“How come millipedes have so many legs but can’t even move very fast”
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why can’t mosquitos suck out my fat instead
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