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"You must go through it without letting it go through you."

-Unknown (all credit due to the author)

January 9th, 2024

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Refraining from Judgement in the Christian Church

There's a topic that I have been thinking of in recent months surrounding the judgment in the church, especially within the Christian faith. What I have concluded so far, is that we often forget about the basic benefits that God laid out for us from the very beginning. The church has neglected the ultimate truth in approaching others who think differently from us, meaning that we have become so immersed in judgment that we have seemingly forgot about what we are called to do in these cases. At the end of the day, I know in my heart that I should strive to live a life like Jesus did.

What bothers me most about all of this, is the quote circulating around social media along the lines of "there's no hate like Christian love." This is not how it should be, and as a church and group of people who should be promoting the love and compassion of Christ, we have instead resorted to relentless judgment that is cast throughout our communities. It is gross, it is toxic, and it has pushed me and plenty of others away from the churches who promote this kind of mindset. As someone who did not grow up in the church, I know from personal experience that this is ultimately what drives others from seeking the purest of love that God has placed upon us. I often see people who act as if their sin is less than others, but in reality, sin is sin. In God's eyes, we have all sinned in one way or another, and to place judgment on others for what their sins are and taking up the mindset that yours is less than theirs is simply not what Jesus sought to teach us. Now, I'm not an expert, and as I said earlier in this piece I am not too far along on my journey in my faith, but I know for a fact that Jesus tells us to love our neighbors, and refrain from judgement. God loves others just as much as he loves you, and the only one who can judge is God himself.

I have struggled to grasp how the simplicity of this message has been forgotten when we approach and talk to others about Jesus, especially in the modern-day Christian church. I recognize that not all are like this, but I've noticed that as the more we talk about social debates surrounding the LGBT+ community and those who practice other spiritual lifestyles, the Christian church has resorted to hate and preconceived judgement rather than love and compassion DESPITE these different point of views. Who are you as a Christian to damn someone to hell? You have no right, God is the only who can make that decision.

When I am asked whether others will go to heaven based on where they are in their life journeys or personal walks of faith, I struggle with providing an answer to this. In my eyes, who am I to judge whether someone is going to heaven? Who am I to look at someone and cast judgement upon them when I truly have no idea who they are and what they have gone through? I have been judged, hated, and cast aside numerous times because I think differently in terms of my faith, and because I do not fit the traditional mold of a Christian woman. Despite all of this, I have taken these remarks and actions of those who claim to be followers of Christ and turned it into compassion and grace for others (even those who wrong me). To me, I am called to love and put my judgment aside, and the church (in my opinion) has neglected this crucial part of the Word of God.

I’ve had countless encounters with Christians and those similar who will automatically place judgment upon someone who they don’t know on a personal level. Even more so, I have witnessed Christians decided that someone is not worth saving or bringing closer to God because they feel that they do not belong in God’s house as one of his children. Even the people who grew up in the church have been shunned and pushed away from those that they have loved and looked up to their entire lives because the church has deemed them as unworthy. The church itself has no power to deem someone as unworthy, but they do have the power to influence others in their congregation to think that they do unfortunately, even if it's against what the Bible teaches us. This is what drove me away from pursuing a relationship with God for countless years and seasons of my life and has made me question whether I am truly worthy of his love more than once. This is backwards, and quite frankly very toxic. I am under the impression that everyone can reap the benefits of God’s love if they turn to him, no matter what their backgrounds are because at the end of it all, we are mere humans in a world full of hate and unknowns whose sin is all the same. God is the light that shines over all of that, and the church is dimming that light for outsiders and followers of Christ alike.

So, I encourage anyone who reads this to take a moment to reflect upon yourself and how you treat others who are different from you. How would Jesus treat them if he were still walking the earth today? What does God think about the judgment you cast upon others? Jesus did not turn sinners away, he welcomed them with open arms with the hopes of revealing to them what God has in store for them. Who are we to judge someone for where they are in their lives? We have no place, and we should not be making room for this in the Christian church because it is not what God calls us to do. We as followers of Jesus have a responsibility to uphold and it is, to me (in simple terms), to live like Jesus.

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2 Timothy 4:17

But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the Lion's mouth.

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"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." - 2 Timothy 4:7

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Proverbs 3:5-8

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones

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"I am loved as much as anyone has ever been loved." - 1 John 4:10

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Rekindling our Faith: 2 Timothy

2 Timothy 1:7-8

"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline. So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel by the power of God."

Every Christian I know has struggled in maintaining their relationship with God. As for me, I know I have personally struggled with some of his truth that contradict what is popular in society. Molding my mind to think more Christ-like has been a primary goal of mine since the beginning of October 2022. I have been gifted quite a few notebooks from my relatives in the last year or so that have not gone to efficient use, so I found one that didn't have much writing in it and started jotting down sermon notes, prayers, and other things I found interesting or inspiring. I graduated in December of 2022 and have been struggling to find a job that needs temporary work since I plan on moving in the spring. With this I have been experiencing anxiety and feelings of self-doubt. I have quite a bit of free time, so I figured it's the perfect time to really dive into rekindling my faith.

In the book of 2 Timothy the Apostle Paul is imprisoned, causing him great discouragement. Paul writes to Timothy advising him to revive his God-given talents of leadership and ministry. In this, Paul is inspired by Timothy's faith and reminds him to not only focus on what he has taught him, but to also remember the grace and love Christ provides. In the Youversion study plan I am completing, the author notes in their devotional that discouragement may lead to you towards neglecting the things that are there to help you most. If we feel discouraged on our walk of faith, it is critical to remember that wandering further from Jesus is blocking the blessings he has in store for you. I often have to remind myself that this is indeed not a sprint, it is a walk of faith. Nothing will resolve itself without time and faith in our Lord that His path is right.

Through all of our hardships and seasons of unknowns, we can remember that Jesus died on the Cross so the Holy Spirit can provide us with the ultimate power of living for Christ. Not only this, we are called to faithfully serve Him through his undying love and grace with the goal of bringing yourself and others closer to Jesus.

A final thought that struck me in the author's devotional noted that we should let His grace be the primary motivation that fuels your faith, regardless of your current circumstances. The world moves at a high-speed pace that we often feel that we cannot keep up with. Good news though - with our faith in Jesus we are able to slow down and remind ourselves that God sets the pace for us, not the other way around. There is no comparison to His divine plan for us, and in most cases earthly desires deter us from it. As a reminder to myself in this time where I am unemployed and starting my new life outside of college, God's plan will carry out the way should as long as I remain faithful. So for now, I will continue praying for guidance and hope that I find God's true calling for me.

To close, one of the biggest lessons I took from 2 Timothy 1 and 2 is that we can all take after Timothy and Paul in our daily lives. We have days where we crave inspiration, and we have those where we give that inspiration to others. Jesus works within you and the His children every single minute we spend trying to know Him more. I pray that He calls me to wherever I am needed to serve Him most in this world, and I pray that He blesses those crave his presence.

Paige Martin, February 3rd, 2023

Verse Notes:

2 Timothy 1:3-4

2 Timothy 1:7-8

2 Timothy 2:14

2 Timothy 2:22

2 Timothy 3:1-5

Verse Highlight: 2 Timothy 2:11-13

"Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself."

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Revelation, 1,2,3 +4

“Blessed be the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take it to heart what is written in it, because the time is near.”

Revelation 1:1-3

This reflection is meant for my bible study group, but whoever comes across it is welcome to dive in as well.

What a chaotic time, this year is full of dead ends and what seems like constant road construction, it’s hard to truly know what our path truly entails. What was today isn’t promised tomorrow, and even in a months time everything could be so different. I want to start this off with a prayer for my friends and family as well all endure trials and hardships.

Lord,

As we learned in Philippians, we should rejoice in what we have been given and the gift of today. I want to say thank you for the things you have done for us behind closed doors. Thank you for being our support system, our shoulder to lean on, the one who listens when we need it. Thank you for your guidance, but most of all thank you for your patience. I pray that we continue to move forward and progress in the aspects of our lives that we most struggle with. I pray that tomorrow comes and we live full and purposeful lives. I pray that the worries of today are resolved so we can be the best versions of ourselves tomorrow through you. Lastly, Lord, I pray that the people in this group and the others who might be reading this continue to grow with you and turn to you when they need help. Be there for them and heal them when they feel hopeless. Restore their hearts and minds, help them let you in again.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Revelation is a hefty book, I will say. I spent a couple days reading these first four books and I still don’t entirely understand what’s happening in all honesty. If I were to describe it in one word, I’d have to say daunting. It is HEAVY with content about the end and what is prophesized in the Bible, which is confusing to a new follower like me, but I did take away some ideas that are worth sharing to me.

“Look, he is coming with the clouds, and ‘every eye will see him even those who pierce him’ and all people on earth will mourn because of him.”

Revelation 1:7

I imagine this as a bright light at the end of a dark tunnel. When things seem especially bleak and out of control, Jesus will appear. As someone who has experienced more death and struggles than a 19 year old should, I trusted from the first time I had that “aha” moment with God that he will be there for me when I feel hopeless. He hasn’t failed me, and I wouldn’t be where I am today accomplishing all that I am without his guidance.

Losing my dad was the worst experience of my life, and it probably will forever be that way. From the moment I heard his head hit the ground and him wailing in pain in the early hours of the morning, as much as I wish it wasn’t happening again, I knew it was. I knew I had to grasp onto something quick because this time around I had a feeling in my stomach that he wasn’t going to make it. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and prayed to God. I prayed on my way to the hospital, I prayed in the emergency room. I prayed in the hallway. I prayed over his body as I said my last goodbye. I prayed when I got home. I prayed for those who shared his loss with me. I prayed for recovery. I prayed that my dad made it to heaven. I prayed every time I’d wake up at 2 AM in a cold sweat reliving that night over and over. I prayed about a lot of things. The details are much worse than I want to explain on here, so I’ll save you that. 

The next year and a half I fell into a deep hole and my mental illnesses worsened. I experienced mild PTSD, depression and anxiety that I still fight though today. It’s a constant uphill battle that I feel I will never fully win. In these times though I have to remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that has been my faith. My stubbornness and pride consistently gets in the way of me asking for help, and I’ll admit it. I don’t want to feel like a burden to those close to me so I act like what I’m going through is manageable, when at times it isn’t. My ways of coping just don’t work sometimes, no matter how much music I’m listening to, no matter how many feel-good movies I watch, no matter how many friends I hang out with, sometimes it just gets to be too much. This bible study alone has reconnected me with the word of God and has gotten me comfortable with asking for help. I’m okay with extending my hand out, I know he is there. I know he will never fail me and I know he will never let me down. Whatever he feels is right, I will eventually see it and realize that this is exactly where I need to be at this time. 

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nature’s choir.

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Bible Study, Philippians

As my study group wraps up week two and the book of Philippians, I would like to use this platform as a way to reflect and set goals as we navigate this pandemic and the chaos within it.

This week, we finished up Philippians and reflected on the book as a whole. The biggest take away I learned from reading this passage is the importance of celebrating the blessings I have been given since opening myself up to Jesus and what God has in store for me.

As a forward, I would like to highlight a verse that many of us can relate to as we are all going through a common difficulty. 

“... and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.”

- 1 Corinthians 1:10

In a time where distance is inevitable and the feeling of loneliness is something we all face, where the burden of our problems are feared to be too much to express to those close to us, it is so important to open yourself up to the Lord and his guidance. While our walks in faith differ from each other, we are all on the common ground of building our relationship with Him and keeping His word in the foreground, instead of the background. 

As my dear friend put it, this is the perfect time to reconnect and come back to God instead of pushing him away as more stress is put upon our shoulders. Stand firm and do not be afraid to lean on Him. Jesus is ready for you and quite literally just waiting for you to talk to Him! It’s as simple as that, the complicated scenarios you create in your head are the only thing holding you back from growth.

“Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown stand firm in the Lord and in this way, dear friends!”

Philippians 4:1-3

Stand firm in the promise that He will deliver no matter how bleak your situation may be. Life is knocking you down and you feel tired, but let Him be the hand to lift you back up each and every time. Jesus is patient, He is understanding, He is the outlet you can trust with your troubles as He witnesses them with you. Nothing is hidden and nothing is impossible to get through as long as you let Him in.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Philippians 2:3-4

Through His love and the love of friends who have supported you on your journey, you have the strength to make it through your troubles. Even those harmful thoughts that make you question the validity of God himself, I personally remember that my troubles are just a drop in the ocean of uncertainty, never a matter of whether or not He is loves me. As brothers and sisters of Christ, we all know that even when we feel abandoned Jesus is always working within us, untying the knots that make it difficult for us to see the prize. He sees what we can’t, and He is constantly looking to offer the help we need when things feel impossible.

“Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Matthew 19:26

Don’t be afraid to reach out, you are not a burden to Him. He saw your struggle, now all you have to do is simply reach out.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:7

As a second line of defense, aside from your intuition, God protects those who follow Him (common knowledge for those follow). Fall back, you can’t be strong all the time and vulnerability shows that you carry the strength that not many are confident they might. If we show that we are okay with asking for help, this might go to influence others who struggle with admitting they are also having a hard time, no matter what faith they identify with. Use your relationship with God as Christians to protect them too, for everyone is equal and they deserve to have that support. There is power in His name to transform your life as well as others with all judgment and question aside.

To finish my testimony, I ask that at the end of the day you take time to just thank Him for the blessings in your life. Give thanks for the friends, family, opportunities, and experiences you have been given. Then, pray for more prosperity and growth, stand firm through this season of uncertainty and He will stand with you through everything in between too. If it seems as if He’s not there, I can assure you that is not the case, the puzzle is coming together slowly but surely.

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with job because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry if on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 1:3-6

God, thank you so much for everything you have done for me and the people within my inner circle. Thank you for your grace, patience and helping hand. Thank you for sticking by my side when I distance myself from you. Thank you for your promise, thank you for the sacrifice you made so I could live my life through Christ. I am so lucky. Amen.

Best,

Paige

5.28.2020

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here’s your daily reminder:

your trauma does not define you.

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You’re right where you need to be, and it’s okay to feel uncomfortable about it. Just goes to show that you’re breaking habit, everyone has fear of the unknown.

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Investing in the journey

Just as everyone knows, in most situations you must sacrifice something in order to get something more. Whether this be at a new job where you might have to buy a new uniform, to investing in the stock market. You have to put something in to get something out, in this post I want to specifically talk about the path in which my faith has taken in the last couple years.

Growing up, I wasn’t affiliated with any religion as my family wanted me to have the choice of who I want to worship. My mother is spiritual, and my late father had Catholic/Christian roots. My family on my father’s side was raised Catholic until my grandma decided she no longer wanted to associate with the Catholic church. She attended Christian churches when my dad was young. As for me, I was atheist most of my life, up until my junior year of high school when I found a bible in the guest bedroom dresser. I started to poke around in it, reading the scripture the best I could considering it was translated from old English. I eventually turned to the book of Romans, where I discovered the first verse that resonated with me. 

Romans 5:3-4 (NIV),

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

At the time I was going through the first hard, incredibly painful breakup of my life, one that took months to recover from and temporarily destroyed all hope of finding the right person for me (something I still struggle with even almost four years later). Finding this verse proved over time that in these moments of adversity, the truth is that you are much stronger than you think. The nights you spent crying, obsessively thinking that maybe you hadn’t been making progress this whole time. The happy faces you forced upon yourself so people wouldn’t always ask what’s wrong. The moments you gave advice to someone that you even find difficult to take into consideration. No matter what the situation is, don’t cut yourself short, you’re always going to be gaining something out of a situation. The strength and wisdom to take away from the trials you have faced today is a result of the pain you felt yesterday. So don’t worry about it as much, remember that this is not the end of your journey. Things take time to untangle, and while it may seem impossible to get your ducks in a row, this is where you are meant to be right now.

Romans 8:18 (NIV),

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

Going on, my next coming-to-God moment didn’t come until my Senior year of high school when I got in an accident, which resulted in me totaling my car completely (rest in peace, Goldie). I posted on Facebook as a cry for help, as I didn’t know why things couldn’t just go right for once. A friend, who I really didn’t know at the time, commented “Open your bible”, I followed up with an okay which eventually led to me sending him a message. After talking about his experience with God and how he built his life centered around Christ, I soon took interest, going through quotes on Pinterest grasping onto any verse that brought me hope. With more and more conversation, I started to become fascinated with scripture and the history of the bible itself. As someone who still has trouble even understanding the idea of creation due to my traditionally scientific background, I knew that if I wanted to pursue this I needed to put in the work. Caden, my dear friend who I mentioned above, invited me to his home church to attend the service. I sat in the back nervously as I had only been to church once or twice years prior. I read the pamphlet over and over again while Caden played in the worship band. The music was fairly easy to figure out and follow along to, so that eased my nerves a little bit. For the life of me I can’t remember the sermon as this was almost 3 years ago, but I know that something mentioned in that hour touched my soul, for a craved more. Unfortunately though, life became busy and I drifted away from God again.

Colossians 1:9 (NIV),

“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the spirit gives...”

On April 7th, 2018, my family experienced a monumental loss that shook both the community and our inner circle to the core. My father, only 48 years old, passed away from a pulmonary embolism in the early hours of morning with no warning whatsoever. I broke completely, as a loss to this magnitude was something I had never experienced before. In the days we spent crying, grieving and accepting what seemed like hundreds of casseroles, I felt like I was choking on the condolences and tears of those cycling in and out of my house. As if I was gasping for air with limited lung capacity, slowly fading into the shock of what had happened. Of course, to my family’s luck, 4/5 of us came down sick with a nasty stomach bug that kept my brother and I out of school for a whole week after the event took place. 

Exodus 23:20 (NIV),

“See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.”

As soon as I felt better, Caden came to check in on me, and one of the first things I said as we sat down to talk was “I want to go to church”, which probably seemed surprising to someone who just witnessed their friend go through a traumatic event, one in particular that would usually drive people to think God doesn’t exist. I felt lost, the furthest away from Jesus and my father than ever before. That Sunday we went to LC Church and the sermon, to my delight, confirmed what I had hoped would happen. The pastor talked about life and death, and there wasn’t a moment I didn’t have tears in my eyes. He assured me and anyone else in the audience that our loved ones are safe, that they see you and are always there with you in spirit, that God has welcomed them into heaven. In that moment, I felt my father’s presence, like he was there to tell me he was alright. I fell to my knees and let go, thanking God for showing me the light after all these years. I had never been to this church before, and I only knew about it because a couple people I know are weekly attendees. It was all a matter of timing for me, and in that moment I felt the pieces fall perfectly into place. This was the moment my life changed forever, the one that led me to where I am today in my path to success. My journey is between myself and God, and my accomplishments are worth celebrating because I did it even when the odds were against me. I went to college despite financial worries, joined a sorority where I gained a much needed support system and accomplished more than I ever thought was possible without my dad physically by my side. I am falling more and more in love with the person I am working towards becoming every single day. I can proudly say that I’ve beat a lot of demons that urged me to give up, and I still fight them every day as I work on improving my mental health. Remember that even the smallest feats are worth celebrating, as this contributes to the bigger picture. Go ahead, brag about it! You deserve to be applauded.

I know religion isn’t for everyone and in no way am I trying to preach to the choir, more so just sharing my story. I do know one thing, that Jesus is King and His truth is what I strive to know. If you would have asked me even 5 years ago what I thought about the whole thing I would have shaken my head and opted out of the conversation (politely of course). Now, it’s a supplement to my life, a guide I use daily. Thank you for reading, and I hope all is well.

Best,

Paige

5.21.2020

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To start

I often find myself scribbling down little notes or writing whole pages dedicated to the loads of feelings I experience every day until my computer is filled with random word docs or a surplus of post-it notes on my wall or desk.

Writing is so much more than getting a simple grade for me. It’s always been a way for me to communicate when I can’t seem to put the words together fast enough to talk it out because things just take time. So here I am, starting my what seems to be my 100th tumblr blog to find my way and navigate the things in a healthy way, to reflect in better words. 

Whether I share this with others or keep this anonymously to myself, this isn’t pointless. I’m drawn to this for a reason, and I believe it’s for personal growth. What I’m doing to progressing myself and actively figuring out this world in my own space at my own time. My own personal journey is something I haven’t taken much interest in until I came to college and started my life on my own (with the help of my family back home of course).

I am religious, and I will be posting my thoughts on here as an outlet to talk about my relationship with God and His people. I believe that the earth and the man upstairs are intertwined, always working within us. My connection with the earth is indescribable and by studying Environmental Science I only hope to understand this yearn to explore the earth at a deeper level and share my experiences with others. The power of nature lives in every single being that walks this earth, but the idea of a higher being to be thrown into the mix may not be for everyone. Read what is comfortable for you, as I am only here to reflect. 

I respect everyone for where they are in their journey and what they’re doing for themselves on their path. As a favor, I ask that you also respect me. I’m sure I won’t have a problem with this but it’s important to establish a mutual agreement to be kind and respect one another’s opinions no matter how different we may be.

Best,

Paige

5.21.2020