aerikaye

[aerikaye]

2025 mantra

Love yourself a little extra right now. You're creating the life of your dreams and you absolutely deserve it. It's about to get magical for you.

[aerikaye]

is this a life? i don’t know. i make another cup of coffee. stare at a tree from my balcony. write in my journal. take a hot shower. i call my sister and say nothing of value. she listens anyway. i make another coffee. read a book that gives me bad dreams. pick up my pen to write and put it back down. another flip of the calendar i carry in the center of my chest. i am learning to let my heart open up again

[aerikaye]

rositooth

[aerikaye]

fall in love with small, beautiful things– with sunrises on foggy mornings, warm drinks on cold days, hot soup for a sore throat, cat and dog sightings, long hugs, your favorite songs playing over public speakers, days marked as special on the calendar, compliments from strangers, getting a new shirt you look good in, with your own laughter

[aerikaye]

2023 wrapped ₊˚ʚ 🌱 ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

definitely wasn’t an easy year. embracing parenthood while working on my career while pulling myself together while trying to be less ashamed of my failures and more grateful to where they have brought me — because without them, i would have so much less growth in my life.live. live messy and vibrant and warm and wholeheartedly. being slow in life is fine. taking longer to figure life out than others is not a bad thing.thank yourself for showing up, for doing the bare minimum, or for doing nothing at all. thank yourself for just being here. it’s HUGE ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰

[aerikaye]

congratulations 🥂

[aerikaye]

Palestine Masterlist 

Introduction to Palestine: 

Decolonize Palestine:

Palestine 101

Rainbow washing 

Frequently asked questions 

Myths 

IMEU (Institute for Middle East Understanding):

Quick Facts - The Palestinian Nakba 

The Nakba and Palestinian Refugees 

The Gaza Strip

The Palestinian catastrophe (Al-Nakba)

Al-Nakba (documentary)

The Hundred Years’ War on Palestine: A History of Settler Colonialism and Resistance, 1917-2017 (book)

The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine (book)

Nakba Day: What happened in Palestine in 1948? (Article)

The Nakba did not start or end in 1948 (Article)

Donations and charities: 

Al-Shabaka

Electronic Intifada 

Adalah Justice Project 

IMEU Fundraiser 

Medical Aid for Palestinians 

Palestine Children’s Relief Fund 

Addameer

Muslim Aid

Palestine Red Crescent

Gaza Mutual Aid Patreon

Books:

A New Critical Approach to the History of Palestine

The Idea of Israel: A History of Power and Knowledge

Hidden Histories: Palestine and the Eastern Mediterranean

The Balfour Declaration: Empire, the Mandate and Resistance in Palestine

Queer Palestine and the Empire of Critique

From Haven to Conquest: Readings in Zionism and the Palestine Problem until 1948

Captive Revolution - Palestinian Women’s Anti-Colonial Struggle within the Israeli Prison System

Palestine: A Four Thousand Year History

Except for Palestine: The Limits of Progressive Politics

Before Their Diaspora: A Photographic History of The Palestinians 1876-1948

The Battle for Justice in Palestine Paperback

Uncivil Rites: Palestine and the Limits of Academic Freedom

Palestine Rising: How I survived the 1948 Deir Yasin Massacre

The Transformation of Palestine: Essays on the Origin and Development of the Arab-Israeli Conflict

A Land Without a People: Israel, Transfer, and the Palestinians 1949-1996

The Iron Cage: The Story of the Palestinian Struggle for Statehood

A History of Modern Palestine: One Land, Two Peoples

Where Now for Palestine?: The Demise of the Two-State Solution

Terrorist Assemblages - Homonationalism in Queer Times

Militarization and Violence against Women in Conflict Zones in the Middle East

The one-state solution: A breakthrough for peace in the Israeli-Palestinian deadlock

The Persistence of the Palestinian Question: Essays on Zionism and the Palestinians

Fateful Triangle: The United States, Israel and the Palestinians

The False Prophets of Peace: Liberal Zionism and the Struggle for Palestine

Ten myths about Israel

Blaming the Victims: Spurious Scholarship and the Palestinian Question

Image and Reality of the Israel-Palestine Conflict, New and Revised Edition

Israel and its Palestinian Citizens - Ethnic Privileges in the Jewish State

Palestinians in Israel: Segregation, Discrimination and Democracy

Greater than the Sum of Our Parts: Feminism, Inter/Nationalism, and Palestine

Palestine: A Four Thousand Year History

Palestinian Culture:

Mountain against the Sea: Essays on Palestinian Society and Culture

Palestinian Costume

Traditional Palestinian Costume: Origins and Evolution

Tatreez & Tea: Embroidery and Storytelling in the Palestinian Diaspora

Embroidering Identities: A Century of Palestinian Clothing (Oriental Institute Museum Publications)

The Palestinian Table (Authentic Palestinian Recipes)

Falastin: A Cookbook

Palestine on a Plate: Memories from My Mother’s Kitchen

Palestinian Social Customs and Traditions

Palestinian Culture before the Nakba

Tatreez & Tea (Website)

The Traditional Clothing of Palestine

The Palestinian thobe: A creative expression of national identity

Embroidering Identities:A Century of Palestinian Clothing

Palestine Traditional Costumes

Palestine Family 

Palestinian Costume

Encyclopedia of World Dress and Fashion, v5: Volume 5: Central and Southwest Asia

Tent Work in Palestine: A Record of Discovery and Adventure

Documentaries, Films, and Video Essays:

Jenin, Jenin

Born in Gaza

GAZA 

Wedding in Galilee 

Omar

5 Broken Cameras

OBAIDA

Indigeneity, Indigenous Liberation, and Settler Colonialism (not entirely about Palestine, but an important watch for indigenous struggles worldwide - including Palestine)

Edward Said - Reflections on Exile and Other Essays

Palestine Remix: 

AL NAKBA

Gaza Lives On

Gaza we are coming

Lost cities of Palestine 

Stories from the Intifada 

Last Shepherds of the Valley

Voices from Gaza

Muhammad Smiry

Najla Shawa

Nour Naim

Wael Al dahdouh

Motaz Azaiza

Ghassan Abu Sitta

Refaat Alareer

Plestia Alaqad

Bisan Owda

Ebrahem Ateef

Mohammed Zaanoun

Doaa Mohammad

Hind Khoudary

Palestinian Voices, Organizations, and News 

Boycott Divest and Sanction (BDS)

Defense for Children in Palestine

Palestine Legal 

Palestine Action

Palestine Action US

United Nations relief and works for Palestinian refugees in the Middle East (UNRWA)

National Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP)

Times of Gaza

Middle East Eye

Middle East Monitor

Mohammed El-Kurd

Muna El-Kurd 

Electronic Intifada 

Dr. Yara Hawari (suspended on X 10/25/2023)

Mariam Barghouti

Omar Ghraieb

Steven Salaita

Noura Erakat

The Palestinian Museum N.G.

Palestine Museum US

Artists for Palestine UK 

Eye on Palestine (suspended on Instagram 10/25/2023)

[aerikaye]

sky — my birth experience

hello, everyone! i'll be sharing my journey of becoming a mum and welcoming my little bundle of joy, sky, into this world. let's take a trip down memory lane as i recount the beautiful birth experience and the roller coaster of emotions that followed.

the early signs of labor

it all began at 5:30 am last tuesday when i felt what i thought were typical third-trimester contractions. as the contractions continued and intensified every 20 minutes, i had a strong hunch that labor had begun. it was both exciting and nerve-wracking, knowing that the moment we've been waiting for was finally here. i remember trying to time the contractions and feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety as the realization hit me that my baby's arrival was imminent.

the rush to the clinic

by 1 pm, the contractions were getting more intense and closer together. it was time to head to the clinic. i was filled with a whirlwind of emotions - anticipation, nervousness, and overwhelming love for the little life growing inside me. upon arrival, the medical team quickly assessed me, and to my surprise, i was already 8 cm dilated! admitted immediately, my heart swelled with anticipation and a mix of emotions. the reality that i was about to meet my baby for the first time sank in, and i couldn't wait to hold him in my arms.

the intense labor and sky's arrival

for the next 3 hours, i experienced labor pains like i had never felt before. it was undoubtedly one of the most challenging and painful experiences of my life. the contractions came in waves, and in between each one, i gathered my strength and resolve, thinking of the beautiful little life that was about to grace this world. with every push, i knew i was getting closer to meeting my precious little one. and finally, at 3:32 pm, the world welcomed sky, and i wept tears of joy as his first cry filled the room. how can a cry sound that magical? in that moment, my heart felt full beyond measure.

the first week and its challenge

the first week of motherhood was both rewarding and challenging. recovering from childbirth was tough, and i'm forever grateful to my partner and mommy for being my pillars of support during this time. my body was healing, and i had to take it slow, which wasn't easy for someone as active as i used to be. but their constant care gave me the strength to focus on taking care of myself and baby sky. each day brought new challenges and learning experiences, but seeing sky's bright eyes and feeling his tiny fingers wrapped around mine made it all worth it.

breastfeeding

as a first-time mom, i embarked on the journey of exclusive breastfeeding. kid you not, it was SO painful. no one really prepared me for how intense it could be. but i knew it was crucial for sky's health and bonding. every latch was a mix of pain and joy, as i felt the responsibility of nourishing my little one with my own body. each feeding session was an emotional roller coaster, but knowing that i was providing him with the best possible nutrition kept me going. every day presented a new set of challenges, from sore nipples to latching issues, but seeing my little one thriving made it all worthwhile.

embracing motherhood

i realized how self-doubt and postpartum depression could creep in at any moment. the responsibility of caring for this tiny human was both awe-inspiring and daunting. at times, i would find myself crying in the middle of the night, questioning if i was doing everything right for sky. was i meeting all his needs? was he happy and comfortable? the weight of these thoughts would occasionally feel overwhelming. but thanks to micoh, my partner, who has been a constant source of strength and support, i know i'm not alone in this journey. he's been there to reassure me, share the parenting responsibilities, and remind me that i'm doing a great job as a mom.

despite the challenges, every day brings a sense of contentment and fulfillment. watching sky grow and thrive fills my heart with immense joy. the sleepless nights and moments of self-doubt pale in comparison to the happiness he brings into my life. i can't help but express my gratitude to the lord for blessing me with this incredible gift of motherhood. every milestone, every giggle, and even every tear have become cherished memories that i'll hold close to my heart forever. welcome, sky, to a world filled with love and warmth.

[aerikaye]

a life with love is a life that's been lived

words may fail me at this moment, but let me share what i wrote on my journal this morning.

thank you lola, for providing me with a home for over a decade. together with mommy, you were my guiding light, my source of strength, and the embodiment of love. thank you for embracing me and providing the nurturing care that shaped the person i am today.

every small thing you did for me were never taken for granted, lola. lumaki akong puno ng pagmamahal dahil sa inyo ni mommy.

it pains me to recall the last time i saw you, teary-eyed as you repeatedly asked kung kailan kami babalik ni mommy sa bahay. it reminded me that time is fleeting and though some may have doubted my intentions for you, i knew deep within my heart that you placed your unwavering trust in me. the love and care i was able to provide in your final years were a profound honor—one that i will forever hold close to my heart.

your kindness and compassion touched the lives of all who knew you, that offering a helping hand knows no boundaries and can make a huge difference. sobrang nagmana si mommy sayo, lola.

as i write my thoughts with the grief of your loss, i find comfort in the small memories we created together. you made me realize that aging is a privilege denied to many and should be cherished instead. lola, i promise to embrace the passing years with gratitude, never fearing each wrinkle, every gray hair, or the slowing pace of my steps just like you did. i will remember that each day is an opportunity to embrace the beauty that comes with growing older, to cherish the memories we create, and to be a source of warmth and kindness for those around us.

[aerikaye]

actually u r so young and have so much to live for and experience and that lil voice in your head saying ur behind in life is a liar !!! there is no ‘behind’ as life is a continuous journey. how can u be behind in something that is so magical?

[aerikaye]

This is your reminder to build up your life quality in any way you can, if it makes you feel a little better, laugh a little bit or makes you feel warm and cozy and wholesome, please do it. It is not indulgent, there is no guilt in doing little nice things for yourself to make your life a little easier, a little better. Feeling contentment is healing.

[aerikaye]

twenty five twenty one (2022)

“My diary from those days is filled with just love and friendship. A time when friendship and love were all that mattered in life. A time like that lasts only for a moment.” – Mrs Kim (Heedo)

[aerikaye]

maybe life transitions aren't bad at all

it's been 8 months already since we moved out from my grandma's house.

a lot has changed. like a LOT.

from having the chance to go out every night to buy whatever food i'm craving (convenience stores are just steps away), waking up super early to do my morning walk, buying french vanilla coffee whenever i feel the need to stay awake, having random kwentuhan with lola - these are just few things i'm really missing from the life i had back then at maragondon.

it was then november last year when things got extremely messy and the disrespect thrown towards me, mommy, and my partner was unbearable. as much as we love taking care of lola and the house, we had no choice but to go.

i lived there for a decade and (?) years so staying here emptied my heart for a while. december supposed to be my favorite month - beside the fact that it is my birth month, i get to spend my first christmas with micoh. photo of first time arranging my desk and my bf and mommy preparing bfast <3

here's how my birthday went last year. bf and i went to paskomiket to see talented artists and buy stuff to support them. it was my dream to finally attend an art con! also finally got to see ayala christmas lights! i've always wondered how it looked like when i was a kid :D

now my days are filled with so much love and peace. the smell of fried rice in the early morning, micoh cooking for me at every chance he gets, watching feel-good movies, doing groceries - well some days can feel mundane but honestly i'm grateful of where i am today. i can now finally take mommy on random mall dates and eat a nice lunch or dinner! i almost forgot - i took her to la union! my very first out of town trip. i'm so happy and i can't wait to travel the world with her and micoh. anyways here's a photo of my dog being excited over his lunch!

this life transition shaped me to be who i am today. back then i was a people pleaser with 0 boundaries (idk how to say "no" to people), i realized how bad it was to always adjust myself to other people. simply putting my feelings aside, being agreeable, and not being able to speak for myself drained the hell out of me.

this doesn't mean i'll stop being soft. i'm still soft and a cheerful giver but with healthy boundaries. i only wish nothing but a peaceful and comfortable life for me, micoh, mommy, ice, and my soon to be little one. i can't wait to meet him.

2023 is at its half and there's still so many things to look forward on. i enjoy this slow living environment. i'm grateful for everything i have right now and for what's coming my way in the future. i treasure my friends and supprt system who checks up on me and make time to talk. i am proud of who i am becoming. i feel blessed and at peace with myself.

that's all. talk to u in my next life transition! :)

love,

aeri

[aerikaye]

It's okay if you aren't ready to accept that what you went through wasn't okay. Sometimes we desperately want to accept things so we can work to move on from it, but we just can't. And it's okay. Be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear, and it takes time.

[aerikaye]

Love u

i love you too

[aerikaye]

I hope things get better for you. You deserve to continue to live and see how beautiful things can come out of the worst situations. I hope that you can step back and watch the world from somewhere far away from the midst of the noise and see the trees and the skies and a city from a distant point of view. I hope you find spark of inspiration from a movie or a quote or a song that brings you hope in humanity. I hope you take a break and remember what matters, and forget thoughts that paralyze you like why you don’t measure up to someone, or the thought that things will never get better for you. Because those thoughts may feel very real and based on facts when nothing could be more wrong and senseless, and I hope that your life is an endless pattern of realizing that those thoughts are never true like they feel in the moment. I hope one day you can life in a warm house that you decorated nicely with your favorite plants, books, blankets and colors. I hope you continually find joy in reinventing yourself and learning new things because sometimes happiness is found in the journey and in the simplest achievements. I hope that a hopeful, kind voice rises in you that can take on the bully in your head that can grow strong enough to be the only thing you hear. I hope you reach a part of your life where you can look back and be glad that you stayed alive when it was the hardest thing to do. You don’t need to know the answers, you don’t need to know how to make it better, and sometimes you just need to wait for the storm to pass and just do the best you can while it lasts. It’s ok to ask for help and it’s ok to feel everything to the fullest, just take care not to live there because it’s a space to reflect and grow, not to live forever. You deserve to see what’s on the other side of this, and I hope you stay alive to see it.

[aerikaye]

remember to hug your inner child and tell them they’re safe