aeroknot

[aeroknot]

if you imagine an animatic hard enough it should come true

[aeroknot]

“the ways you have learned to survive may not be the ways you wish to continue to live“

[aeroknot]

lately ive been bedridden with a terrible case of i dont wanna

[aeroknot]

some days, like today, when it’s a few days past the anniversary of the last day i saw my mom alive, and the day after grief group, and when i know my period is only hours out from arrival, and when i browse the internet and am forced to bear witness to the state of social media and AI and global trade and late stage capitalism… some days, like today, i don’t see the point in being an artist anymore.

i know i’ll claw it back, some day. but days like today, i can’t reignite the desire.

[aeroknot]

drawing and posting critical role smut got me my dnd party and i think that’s beautiful

[aeroknot]

art will save you, being unreasonably passionate about something niche will save you, letting past sources of joy show you the way back to yourself will save you, earnestness over composure will save you, the natural world will save you, caring for something bigger than yourself will save you, daring to be seen will save you, kindness not as a whim but a principle will save you, appreciation as a practice will save you, daring to try something new will save you, grounding will save you, love will save you, one good nights sleep will save you

[aeroknot]

lady gaga was right. stop telephoning me.

[aeroknot]

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

[aeroknot]

the classic Finnish mix of extreme dutifulness and “we will make actual conversation after a silent interaction trial period of 6 weeks, thank you” can be really funny sometimes. told my coworker that I’d like to save the coffee grounds the workplace generated and take them home “for my mushrooms and worms” and she was just like “okei” and dutifully saved every single grounds-filled filter for weeks and weeks. about five weeks into this whole thing, after I thank her for the coffee grounds and tell her my worms must love them because they’re breeding very enthusiastically, she finally asks “so your worms… do they have a purpose or are they just… worms”. like sure I’ll save you all these coffee grounds every single time I drink coffee, 3+ times a day, but god forbid I inquire about your specific worm habits before propriety allows it. you could be eating them for breakfast for all I know but that’s your business

[aeroknot]

my friend told me that her daughter uses me as a benchmark for how nice someone else is. i almost broke down crying because i’ve had such a hard time emotionally in this month where my grief feels rawest, and my grief is what makes me afraid to be around people, especially kids— it makes me afraid that i can’t be nice. but yeah… she told me today, unprompted, that if she tells her about someone being nice, her daughter asks, “as nice as meatball?”

and yes, i am meatball, because of an inside joke

Anyway if you see this you have to reblog and tag with a delight from ur day -- even the littlest thing counts

[aeroknot]

being on tumblr for a long time but never reading homestuck like

[aeroknot]

Computer. Iris by the goo goo dolls. Loud enough to kill.

[aeroknot]

Currently doing an Insomniac's Gambit. For those of you who don't know, this is when you mess up your sleep schedule badly enough that you attempt to fix it by skipping an entire night of sleep then going to bed at a reasonable hour the next day. Crucially, it does not work

[aeroknot]

thank you for ur service (not unfollowing me)

[aeroknot]

"born in the wrong era" but there's no particular time period i'd rather be living in, I'm just pissed af at having to live through the global resurgence of fascism

[aeroknot]

my period and an email from the estate attorney checking in for an update on my progress (there is none) arrived the same day, so naturally my emotional dysregulation has been off the charts Bad. i’m so fucking burnt out by this 3 years long sadmin drudgery— i’m exhausted by a constantly rotating mental to do list where every task is made harder by people not doing their jobs or overly bureaucratic red tape separating me from the changeover of executor to regular citizen again— then i’m pissed off at myself constantly for my own emotional responses to not receiving the help i’m asking for, and falling into more hopelessness when confronted with the paralysis caused by my burnout.

[aeroknot]

rb with your most common recurring theme in your nightmares. mine is pregnancy