ahopelessfallenstar-blog

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There are those days when all I feel is complete numbness and separation from my emotions. And then, there are those days when I feel everything. It's as my emotions slam into me at full force and then I fall apart.

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"Why are you crying?" "I just woke up from a dream" "Was it sad?" "No... but it made me sad" "Why?" "It ended"

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Every beautiful thing must end. But if something never ends then it cannot always be beautiful.

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I don't care what the people who bitch about me say. They're the ones who are going to be stuck in a dead end job, in a town that nobody knows, in a life they despise.

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She wasn't meant to be perfect. She was meant to be human and to hurt and feel.

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Please, I beg you to keep your distance. Because when you are near I feel as if my soul is being ripped apart and set alight.

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You have not known hell until you have felt betrayal.

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I see all these amazing people with breathtaking stories and lives. It makes me question if what I say is worthwhile. But I at least know this much I am not afraid to live or to die, but to love and to trust I find more fearful.

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When I cry I’m not crying for the second that I’m in, and it’s not all for me. I’m crying for the pain of my past and the ones that I’ve lost, and also the ones who have lost.

Stop laughing at a pain you know nothing of.

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I want to travel the world and take little pictures of every second of it. In hopes that I can steal away memories frozen in time.

Hidden desires

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You won’t so easily forget this face.

I could hear her stern voice but all I could even think about was how I wanted to laugh hysterically the absurdity of her own hollow words. Did she really have to make the break of her voice that obvious? It was uncomfortable for everyone, the thought of her crying disgusted me. Yes, yes, I know. Be more sensitive, right? Something like, do you know the effect of your own words? The fact is I do, I know how powerful words can be. 

Right now it’s as if time has frozen everyone is moving so slowly, thinking, acting. How can they stand it?! Friends? What’s the point they’re all backstabbing betrayers. Anyway, what’s society’s obsession with being surrounded with crowds all the time. Perhaps it’s their way of numbing their own insecurities. Either way the darkness, haunting nightmares and death, those are things I don’t fear. The isolation? It only bothers me when people pretend to care if I’m okay just because I’m not surrounded by attention whores.

The object of my fears is memory. The idea that memories of me will fade away with time. I won’t simply be forgotten. So, instead I’ll make them remember me, I will force the image of me into their minds and they won’t soon forget it. Whether It’s fear of the events that happened to me, or the image of me myself, I don’t care. They’ll remember this face, you will remember this face.

So, when you tell me to care about and make friends with bitches, who would so easily betray me for petty reasons, do not blame me if you get hurt.  Could you actually give me a good reason, without wasting my time to care?

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