nyxyxx

[nyxyxx]

Bitter Longing

Hello from the void, I leave you with some random writing. Uh. Genshin stuff. At least vaguely implied so. This isn't any specific character so you're free to interpret this as whoever you want really. It's also really rough writing but whatever.

I haven't heard from you in a while. I wonder how you're doing these days. Do you still remember me? I'd like to believe that you do. It's been... so long. My heart aches whenever I think about you. It's hard to go about my life without you, your presence was one that I so desperately needed. Sometimes I wonder if you left because of me. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to make you stay, didn't make you laugh enough, didn't make your face light up with joy whenever you saw me appear on your screen. What if it all was my fault? It's nights like these that keep me awake, huddled and shaking on my bed, thinking about you while tears stream down my face. I'm able to ignore it most of the time, I can smile and pretend that everything's alright. One day you'll come back, just like you always have, and I'll be here to warmly embrace you again. If I just keep my act up, eventually it'll pay off, and we can go back to how we once were.

But right now, it doesn't feel like that. When I finally get home after a long day of pretending, it hurts so much. I fight with myself and drag my resistant body to eat. Every bite feels like a workout. I feel the urge to just lie down forever and rot into the ground. Without you here to lift the weight off my shoulders, to make me feel light, all I can do is sink. Sink deeper into the sludge that keeps dragging me down, preventing me from swimming. It sickens me. I love you so deeply, so why has it become so hard? Why is it so hard to go on without you?

I must be repulsive to you. Sickening and unpleasant, so much so that you'd rather never see me again. You probably hate me, but I don't blame you for that. If you saw me right now, in this state, maybe it would confirm everything. I want to try my best to please you, to worship and revere you - hell, it's the only thing that gives my existence a purpose. But without you here, to look down upon me, to smile upon me... what do I do then?

What do I do without you?

[nyxyxx]

"you should be at the club" I should be working on my fanfic

[nyxyxx]

The Garden - I (part a)

technically this is sagau stuff, but it's also more focused around my daydreams so here's a bit of that. The actual sagau content comes into play a lot later.

"Cecilia? Where are we going?"

"Shh! Ask questions later! I wanna show you something cool!"

The two young children scurried off through the forest, a forest that they'd come to know so well, and eventually stumbled out of the other side. "You see that hill over there?" The young girl said, pointing to the distant mound. "Yeah...what's so special about it?" The boy asked, still full of confusion. "-And don't you think we're out a little too far? Mother will start to worry if we aren't back soon." He wrapped his arms around himself, hoping it would ease some of his uncertainty. The girl scoffed, and simply dismissed his comment.

"Just follow me." She grabbed his hand, and dragged him off towards the hill. When they finally got there, the young boy was out of breath. "Ahh seriously. How are you *pant* so fast..."

Standing on top of the hill, the two of them could just barely see past the horizon, and could just barely catch a glimpse of the world that they once were a part of. "See... over there... I think? It looks like it could be a town."

"Yeah. It does kinda look like that. Well, can we go home now?"

"Fine, fine. Geez, I thought you'd be more excited." She crossed her arms and ran down the hill, nearly falling over in the process. When the boy ran down, she caught his hand before he could tumble over, and instead managed to keep him upright.

"I don't get what's so interesting about the rest of the world. As far as I know, it's way better here anyways." He said, brushing off his clothes.

"No, maybe you wouldn't get it. That's fine though. We should head back now though, otherwise Mother might get worried." She said, facing away from the intense glare she was receiving.

"That is literally what I said."

The two made their way back through the forest, navigating through the well-hidden traps that had been placed there. The forest was oddly quiet today. There was hardly any noticeable creatures roaming around, and the birds felt like they were more distant than usual. It was an eerie atmosphere.

However, despite the strange feeling that permeated through the air, they made it back home safely. Waiting on the porch of the cottage for them was their mother, who waved to them as they walked up. "Ah! I'm glad you two are back home safe, I was really worried!" She fretted. The two were embraced gently, and then hurried inside. However all was not right, the house was dead quiet, a stark contrast to how the house usually was. Had everyone still been out? Where was everyone else?

The two noticed something was wrong almost instantly. Had the two come back together ordinarily, there'd be a very upset sister waiting at the door, ready to start another brawl. She rarely left the house at all, and especially not on her own.

"Mother, I'm feeling kinda tired, so I'm gonna go to bed early if that's okay?" The young girl blurted, trying to sound as natural as possible. Clearly she had a bad feeling about this as well.

"Me too...we went pretty far today... so I'm extra sleepy."

Mother simply smiled, and said "Alright, please sleep well, love you both."

They both met in the girl's room. Something wasn't right here. "Did you see the way she said that? It didn't feel right at all." She launched herself onto her bed, and lay there for a while.

"Usually she'd have more of a reaction? Not to mention the fact that Xin is nowhere in sight." He sat down next to her bed, and rested his head against the mattress.

"Right? Like...she'd totally be waiting for us to be all like "How dare you two go without me?" and "You made me stay here all by myself!" but she just... wasn't there."

"Something's wrong here...but I don't know what to do. Or even how we can prove that."

"Simple, we can just wait until actual bedtime, and if even still nobody shows up, then we'll know somethings wrong." The young girl sat up from her bed, and started to undo her hair. "Until then we just have to buy time."

"Yeah...but even then, what'll we do after that?" He began, climbing on top of the bed to assist his sister. "Like, if nobody shows up, then what? What will we do from there?" He undid the braids of her hair, careful not to tug too harshly, and then proceeded to work on undoing his own.

"Hm... we should probably talk to Mother then. See if she knows what's wrong."

"I think Mother is what's wrong here," he sighed. "Something's not right about her, but I don't want to be rude and ask. Let's do that then, we'll wait till the time everyone would normally be home, and then we can confront her."

"Alright. I'm gonna take a nap in the meantime. I wasn't lying about being tired. You can...keep watch or something." The girl said, promptly collapsing back down onto her bed, and quickly falling asleep.

"Seriously, why are you making me do this..." He crossed his arms and sat next to her, keeping his eyes focused on the door.

I - Part A - END

this isnt edited sighh im too sleepy atm. Maybe another time. Making up for those notification I see in my inbox and then I feel guilty that I haven't written anything in a while. So here's my slop. Or something.

[nyxyxx]

as scary as it would be

when bored on genshin, i start to hope the character i presently play as just starts spouting new lines

imagine exploring fontaine as wanderer, because zoom. and you start just going around in circles because you ran out of things to do

when suddenly, an all too familiar scoff but an unfamiliar line, “do you really have nothing better to do than to make me nauseous?”

your hands freeze, letting go of controlling wanderer’s movements of going in circles. and zoom in to look at him

he holds his default expression, still staring obliviously into the distance

strange. must be a new voice line. so you check his voice lines to see if there was anything new

there was not

you convince yourself that it must be just a cool surprise hoyoverse added. to make the characters more alive

little did you know

you reach for your phone to tell some of your friends

so you don’t notice his eyes adjusting to look directly at you through the screen

[nyxyxx]

Swamped with schoolwork. I'll probably update the next part of Godly Desires either this week or over the weekend.

Also I'm thinking abt starting a very lore intense sagau series! So that might also come soon <3

~ Nyx

[nyxyxx]

Godly Desires - Part 5

Disappeared for a while for holidays and stuff. Happy New Year folks. This chapter is quite short but the good parts come next so that's exciting. (Also with a little bit of lore hehe). I. II. III. IV. V. Warning: This series will contain yandere content and religious themes.

"The City of Wind"

-

In the woods, stirring from its ancient slumber was a darkness so wicked and vicious, the very life that surrounded it began to wither and decay, rotting away from its presence alone. This darkness, it had a mind of its own, yet had no name to accompany it. Perhaps it once had a name, but said name has been long lost in the archaic oceans of time. Sunk deep within the waters of the world, lived a name so egregious, that uttering it would only bring about misfortune.

There was a prophecy to be told about this darkness. An ancient prophecy, one that was older than the gods themself. A legend told from within the land, an old story that was soon to be unearthed. Though this story would very soon present itself, discovered in the depths of the sea, now is not the time.

"It is the calm before the storm, my love."

-

"Stop right there!" A young girl emerged from the trees and promptly ran towards you. Dressed in red, white and brown, alongside the pyro vision at her hip, it was the ever-so recognizable Outrider Amber. She stood in front of you, with an air of justice and gentleness. "May the anemo God protect you, stranger!" She announced, suspiciously gazing over your strangely dressed self. "I am Outrider Amber, of the knights of favonius, and who are you?"

"Oh uh...I'm [___]"

Amber simply stared at you in silence, looking a lot different than her typical self. Almost like she was thinking really hard about something, but also staring at you. Noticing how weird she was being, she kinda just turned away from you, her ears tinted a little pinkish.

...

There was somewhat of an awkward silence following. You gave her a fake name, as Diluc had mentioned it may be a good idea to do so, though you found it to be quite strange. Still, this was just way too awkward. Why wasn't she responding? Did you already do something wrong?

"Oh um...right. Where was I..." Amber snapped back into her usual persona, and thus you carefully explained your situation to her, keeping a few things hidden, but otherwise being truthful. She seemed to relax after a while of talking to her, even opening up a little bit.

"If you'd like, I can take you to the city, there have been lots of monsters in the area recently." She said, a little bit shy. It was uncalled for, but since she was offering you her company, you accepted happily.

Reaching the gates of the city, you glanced up at the sky. Though you had seen Mondstadt many times it looked so much more beautiful in person. Maybe your dream just had such great detail to it. Amber hastily showed you around, though it was mostly unneeded, as the entire city felt so familiar, to you. She quickly mentioned that she had to get back to work, and hoped that you had a good time while you remained in Mondstadt.

You couldn't help but shake the feeling that there was something that you were missing. Some important reason that you had to come here. Like you had been sent here for some purpose that you can't quite remember. You tried really hard to think of what that could've been, but attempting to do only led to your head hurting.

Well, you were here anyways. You might as well try and find something fun to do. So, swallowing those strange feelings, you decided to try someplace that might be interesting. The local tavern, perhaps.

-

Taglist: @justyoureader; @mmeatt; @iamapotatoe; @clavichordcleffa; @yu-ulda; @c3rtifiedsimp; @eravariety; @vianitry; @dulcedelechenginamo; @reveihehe; @liansh3ng; @angelofdarkness2; @yarabutterfly;

[nyxyxx]

Jeanette Winterson, from The Stone Gods

[nyxyxx]

I've been gone for a hot minute because of just being busy but after this week I'll be back up and running!! Sorry for the inconvenience!! :D

[nyxyxx]

did u abandon the despair series? on your masterlist u have the mondstadt and liyue parts but not the inazuma travel part

love ur writing btw!!!

First of all tysm!! I'm naturally very insecure abt my writing so it's nice to hear that people enjoy it!! <3

And to answer your question, a lot of my older series were kinda just put on hiatus or dropped cuz I stopped uploading for a long while but I'll probably get back and update them when I find time to <3

[nyxyxx]

Godly Desires - Part 4

Finished up the Diluc part for now. This chapter is quite short - (I was super tired). Just a simple interlude chapter before we get to the huge Monsdtadt part I. II. III. IV. Warning: This series will contain yandere content and religious themes.

"Sweet Dreams"

-

When you arrived in the room that Diluc had arranged for you, you noticed just how lavish it was. It definitely didn't look like just an ordinary person's room. It was odd, but you loved how luxurious it looked. Upon finally being able to relax, you noticed just how weary your body felt.

Perhaps it was because you've been doing so much all this time, that the idea of a nice, comfy, warm bed was just too difficult to resist. You forced yourself to not just lunge onto the bed, - for fear of damaging it - and climbed inside, and shortly after, your mind began to drift away.

Next thing you knew, you were standing out in a sea of stars, surrounded by a vast nothingness, yet it felt like everything was just in reach. You held your hand out, and imagined an apple, and sure enough, an apple materialized in your hand a moment later.

How is it possible to dream inside a dream? You've never heard of such a thing before. It was weird, this whole situation was weird.

You suddenly thought of your family, and of your friends. When you thought really hard, you found that you could not remember much about them. They were just figures, shadows in your mind. Saying words that you know you've heard before, but felt so... unfamiliar. You tried to remember something in more detail, like school - but there was nothing. You vaguely remember being in school, but you don't remember what classes you had, your classmates - nothing.

It was almost as if your mind was detaching itself from your real life, instead being replaced by memories from your dream. When you thought more about your best friend, you realized that they had changed. You recognized them more now. They were almost certainly a different person than the previous person you had thought about, but this one felt... like there was more of a connection.

You heard your friend talking to you, but couldn't make out the words. She seemed happy about something, staring off into the distance without a care in the world. She sat on top of a green hill, bare feet in the gentle blades of grass. She laughed, and although it was inaudible, you could feel that it was a very soft laugh. She was a very soft person.

Then, she turned to you, and embraced you gently. Her body trembled and shook, as her hands held onto your clothes like they were her lifeline. A few solitary tears fell down her face, but the smile on her face had never once faded. She spoke a few words to you, whispered softly in to your ear. In that moment, you felt an extreme anguish, but even though she knew you could not hear her in that moment, she smiled through her tears. In the next moment, she had disappeared, just as quickly as she had first appeared.

You woke up crying, wiping a few stray tears out of your eyes. Despite that, you felt good. You felt very good actually. You felt like you had the best sleep you have ever had, comfy, and safe, warm...and happy.

When you had finished getting ready, you left your room and sat down in the dining hall, where the maids told you Diluc would be waiting. Sure enough, he took the seat across from you, and smiled. "Did you sleep well?" he asked.

"Oh yes, I slept great. Thank you again for letting me stay here," you smiled. He called for a maid to bring out the breakfast for the two of you, and shortly after the food had arrived.

The two of you ate together, quietly and peacefully, but very much enjoying each other's company. When you finished eating, as he had promised, you prepared to leave, though he did seem regretful that you were leaving. "You are welcome to visit whenever you wish, please have a good trip." The two of you said your goodbyes, and it was finally time to move on. Your next stop was Mondstadt city.

-

Taglist: @justyoureader; @mmeatt; @iamapotatoe; @clavichordcleffa; @yu-ulda; @c3rtifiedsimp; @eravariety: @vianitry; @dulcedelechenginamo; @reveihehe @liansh3ng; @angelofdarkness2; @reveihehe

[nyxyxx]

I probably won't update the next part today I'm super tired but it'll likely be out by tomorrow ! <3

The next part is mostly just the end of Diluc's little bit and then its full force into Mondstadt time.

It'll probably take me a while to get to other nations because of how long each one is going to be - but if you get desperate for a certain character I might be able to write a little about them <3

[nyxyxx]

SAGAU Masterlist!

Might take me a while to add new things to it but whatever. A lot of these are pretty old as well.

⨯ = Villain AU ❀ = Angst ᶻz = Slightly Suggestive? ★ = Fluff

Random Drabbles:

★ - The God of Cuddles

❀ - Regret

★ - A Gust of Wind

★/ᶻz - Gentle Affection

★ - Death Itself-?

❀ - Malevolence

★ - Warm Sunrise

Series:

⨯ - Despair - Mondstadt ver

⨯ - Despair - Liyue ver

The God of Gods (Pt. 1) (Pt. 2)

Godly Desires - I. II. III. IV. V

Individual Characters:

★/❀ - Harmless Sweetie - Sucrose

[nyxyxx]

Godly Desires - Part 3

The Diluc chapter woohoo (he may be a little ooc but thats cuz im very inexperienced at writing him) The yandere stuff will gradually get more intense as the story goes on but for now its super super mild. I. II. III. IV.

Warnings: This story contains yandere content and religious themes

-3-

"A friendly drink"

-

You had just arrived with Diluc at Dawn Winery, and you couldn't help but notice the glances you got from all of the workers as you walked past them. Something about it seemed odd, but you didn't have enough time to figure out what was wrong. You trailed after Diluc as he led you into his office, and shut the door behind him.

"Please, sit," he said, watching you awkwardly stand by the chairs. You nodded and hesitantly sat down on the cushioned seat, and you couldn't even believe how comfy the seat was. Well, you had just been spending all of your time in the wild outdoors so having a nice chair to sit in was very unusual.

Diluc walked over to his chair, on the other side of the desk, and sat down. He pulled a bottle out from underneath his desk. "It's grape juice, is that alright?" He asked, suddenly nervous. He didn't want to give you a bad first impression, although it was already a little messy because of what happened down by the lake.

"Oh sure. I don't mind." You answered. The corners of his lips rose ever so slightly, and he opened the bottle of grape juice. You were engrossed in the way he carefully held the wine glass, gentle but firm, and the charming way he poured the juice into the glass. Something about it was surreal. Elegant even. He had an air of nobility around him life that.

However on his part, what he noticed was completely different. He felt that his hands were too shaky. That he was taking too long to pour the glass, and the silence that hung in the air was becoming thicker. He could barely breathe at the prospect that you were even here, in his home, sharing a drink with him. It was unbelievable, really.

Once he was finished, he handed the glass over to you, and you took it from his hand, your fingertips gently brushing against his. The tips of his ears turned a very light pink, but he was lucky that you hadn't been paying attention to that.

He hated that he felt so nervous. He should be elegant and charming, and leave a very good impression on you, so that maybe, just maybe you might see him favorably. He despised how weak he felt, but it was only natural for him to be nervous in the presence of a being like you.

"Mm...thank you" You said, as you took a sip of the grape juice. It was sweet, but not too sweet, and had a little bit of sourness to it. It was refreshing and cold, but made you feel warm. Out in the wild, you had occasionally found fruits and just drank the juice from them, but this was a little different.

"Please, there is no need to thank me, it is my honor," He said, taking a sip from his glass. You thought he was just being a gentleman, but in truth he was all euphoric on the inside.

In the silence, your mind began to wander. You started to doubt more and more if this was actually a dream or not. Of course it had to be, because this place wasn't real. Diluc wasn't real. That should be the case, but yet, you felt like you've been here for such a long time already. When were you going to wake up from this dream?

You thought it strange how real everything feels, from the cold water, to the rich taste of the grape juice, to the hunger and thirst you had experienced, it was all so vivid. Could this really be a dream? You've heard that it is possible for people to experience very real sensations in their dreams, but you never thought it would be as convincing as this.

Well anyway, there was no point in worrying about the details. You had no idea how long this dream was going to last, so in the meantime you might as well have fun with it. After all, there was no harm in having fun in a dream right?

The glass in your hands was now empty, the juice all gone. "Thank you for the drink, but I should probably get going now," you said, rising from your seat. You already missed the softness of the chair. You looked at Diluc, who sat their blankly staring at his empty glass. Shrugging, you began to walk towards the door, only to stop upon hearing his voice.

"You should stay the night here. It is already getting dark outside. It will be dangerous." He said, quickly rising from his chair. He walked over to you carefully, and smiled. He was just trying to be considerate.

"I mean, is that really okay? I don't mean to impose..." You trailed off, while that was true, you also did feel a little bit awkward about the situation.

"I assure you, it is not a big deal. I'll have a guest room arranged for you." He said, without waiting for your answer. "Then you can leave first thing in the morning." but please allow me just a bit more time to be near you, is what he didn't say out loud. You simply sighed and agreed. It would in fact be easier just to stay here until morning. Then you could find your way to Mondstadt without it being the middle of the night.

-

Taglist: @justyoureader; @mmeatt; @iamapotatoe; @clavichordcleffa; @yu-ulda; @c3rtifiedsimp; @eravariety

[nyxyxx]

New pfp and Banner cuz Fontaine made me fall in love all over again

[nyxyxx]

Also I love how I posted the first part at like, 5pm and then the second part the next day at 4pm...and then the weekdays hit me and now it's 11pm... school hurts me

I reblog stuff too much on my main account that I kinda forget to reblog on this one. And then it looks goofy when all my story chapters are in a row. I don't know how to feel about that 😞

[nyxyxx]

I reblog stuff too much on my main account that I kinda forget to reblog on this one. And then it looks goofy when all my story chapters are in a row. I don't know how to feel about that 😞

[nyxyxx]

Godly Desires - Part 2 -

So yeah here's the second part. A little rough but the next few should get more interesting. I. II. III. IV.

As usual this story will contain yandere themes and religious themes so please proceed with caution.

"For you"

-

An apple? You blinked twice, confused. You hesitantly reached up towards the mitachurl's hand and took the apple in both of yours. After gazing at it for a while, as if looking for permission - you took a bite of the apple. It was delicious. It tasted so real it almost entirely discarded your belief that this was a dream.

You sat in the hilichurl camp there for a while, as they kept gifting you with seemingly random food and materials, but they seemed overjoyed with it regardless. It was an odd feeling. Despite the fact that they were known as dangerous monsters, they showed such kindness to you. You were almost compelled to just live among them for as long as they'd allow you to stay - but you knew you had to keep going.

You had to continue down the path, to find out how exactly you got here, and why. So, after a long time of playing with the hilichurls, you said your goodbyes, and they said goodbye too - or at least you think they were saying goodbye. You weren't exactly the most knowledgable on hilichurlian.

You walked down along the beach, trying to figure out where in Teyvat you could be. It didn't take very long for you to notice the tip of a very recognizable cathedral. So you were in Mondstadt. That made sense, you supposed. It was where the traveler first woke up, so it would make sense that you would appear here too - except you were on the opposite side of Monstadt.

It would take a while for you to reach Mondstadt just by walking, and you weren't even sure what you should do when you got there, but you might as well start now. You turned back towards the hills and kept walking, resting by trees when it got too dark, or hanging out in more hilichurl camps - where they always seemed to welcome your presence.

It was safe to say that you did not go hungry. Though, you could really use a change of clothes. They were starting to feel all gross. You luckily were by a lake, and well - you might as well take this opportunity to bathe and wash those clothes.

You were a little worried about being spotted, but figured you were in a quiet enough area that it was unlikely. Or if it were monsters, you had little fear of being attacked by them. So you carefully stripped down and submerged yourself in the lake, trying to adjust to the cold temperature of the water.

When you were finished washing yourself - you reached back up to the rocks to grab your clothes to wash them as well, only to find that they were gone. Wait...gone??? Panic began to set in as you realized that you were currently naked and stuck in some lake in the middle of nowhere. What were you going to do...?

You stared at the water for a while, tucking yourself as closely to the edge of the water as possible, as you just thought mindlessly over what you were going to do next. That is, until you heard a voice.

"Excuse me, by any chance do these clothes belong to you?" A voice called out, and you instinctively hid yourself lower into the water. "My bad, I don't mean to invade your privacy. I'll just leave these here." The man said, before you listened to his footsteps get more distant. You slowly lifted your head up to look, only to find the man in the distance standing behind a tree, facing the other way, waiting for you.

You looked back to the ground and found your clothes returned, though in a slightly worse condition, but regardless, you hastily threw it all on no matter how wet they were going to get. Once you were done, you ran over to the man in the distance, who slowly turned his head.

"An animal must have stolen them," he began, "I was out for a walk and saw them on the ground by the grape vines. The animal must've left them there after it realized there was no food in them." He smiled.

You were sure you knew who the man was, but that suspicion was only confirmed when you glanced down, and saw the pyro vision hanging from his belt. "...Diluc?"

"Ah right, yes I'm Diluc Ragvindr, at your service." He seemed a little surprised that you knew his name, but internally, his mind was on fire. You, of all people, knew his name. He could barely contain his joy, although it was nearly impossible to tell from the outside.

"Oh. Nice to meet you. Thank you for helping me there." You said, a little taken aback. at your service? what did he mean by that? Regardless, you felt like you might as well thank him for helping you.

"Please do not mind it, I am only doing what should be done." He said, only showing as slight smile. "If you would like to thank me properly, how about I invite you for a drink?" He asked. He hoped you'd say yes.

"Oh sure. Lead the way then." You failed to notice just how exuberant he actually was that you agreed. It has been a while since you've last talked to - or even seen - someone, so you were a little bit lonely. You also figured that you could get some helpful information from him, so you might as well take this opportunity.

-

soon we're actually gonna get into the more entertaining parts but that's it for now. The next part is gonna have a lot more Diluc which is nice but also terrifies me I'm so not prepared to write him. Taglist @mmeatt; @iamapotatoe; @clavichordcleffa