aileenmurphy

[aileenmurphy]

Aileen had stared at the send button for approximately an hour before she wrote to James. She wanted something to do with her summer now that school was out, and often times she had considered applying for summer classes at the local university. She'd always been an avid reader, often of romantic contemporary fiction, but she had lately been wanting to dip her toes in into something more challenging, something that she had to digest and analyse a little bit deeper to truly get everything she could from the story. She had already started collecting forms to apply to a literature course when the post announcing the book club appeared on the university's forum.

Truth be told, she wanted to read, not necessarily study, and a book club with the head of the literature department was a dream come true. She could get guidance, learn what to focus on as she read, while still feeling like she was on vacation from a classroom. Only problem was, well, she was not a student, hence the internal debate over asking to attend. Her worries were unfounded, however, as James was more than happy to let her join, sending her all the details within the day, which did wonders for her overthinking tendencies.

"Hi!" she replied as she gathered the book and her small notebook which contained her notes, trying to shove them all quickly into her totebag. She straitened up and then turned to join him by the door of the small conference room. "Yeah, I know it must have been, I promise I am just a book nerd." she lifte her hands up innocently, cringing inside at herself at the thought of him finding her reaching out weird. "I have been thinking for a while I want to tackle harder books but I knew I'd need some input to truly reflect on what I read, and, well, I was lurking through the university summer courses when I saw the ad for the book club. I thought I'd shoot my shot, and here we are!" she finished her small ramble with a chuckle, pushing some hair behind her ear.

"Thank you so much for letting me join, I feel like I got a lot out of it. I almost want to re-read it with everything that was mentioned today in mind to see if I can notice some more things I missed!" she truly had enjoyed herself immensely, it always was such a joy when you were in a group of people who were all passionate about a shared thing. "Is this the first time the university does a book club? I don't remember there being one when I was a student, sadly."

@jamesxbennett

Where: Blue Harbor University Who: @aileenmurphy

Book clubs weren't really a thing for university students. They were reserved for high schoolers or middle schoolers; in other words, kids who hadn't felt the sting of pending adulthood, who still had a sparkle of hope in their eyes and no visible bags underneath them. University students are far too preoccupied for something like that.

And yet that's exactly what James found himself doing. He was advised by the dean to start a literature-related activity, to which he jokingly suggested a book club, to which the dean excitedly agreed to because he had missed the part where James was joking. But James was surprised when a handful of students signed up. Well, a handful of students and one other.

Aileen had contacted him saying she heard about the book club and politely asked to join, which of course he said yes. But she mentioned that she wasn't a student at the university and just wanted to join. Even then, who was James to say no?

The first meeting went better than expected. The thing about clubs was that the people who were there wanted to be there unlike classes, so James found himself in the midst of people who were actually excited to share their thoughts about the book. They agreed on a little novella for their next read, one that would probably take them a week to read, and set their next meeting.

As everyone started leaving, James approached Aileen. "Hey," he said. "Thanks so much for joining us. Honestly, at first I thought it was kinda weird you were asking to join but I'm glad you did. How did you even find out about this?"

[aileenmurphy]

Aileen wouldn't use the word interrogated, but the question regarding responsibility did make her swallow nervously. Did she like it? She'd never actually stopped to think about it. She always had been, and she hadn't felt terribly pressured by it, did that mean she did? "I... I have never actually thought about it." she verbalised her thoughts with a nervous laugh, before trying to difuse her self-imposed uncomfortableness. "I better like it, or going to work tomorrow is going to be very un-fun." she tried to brush it off, but she couldn't really say it fully left her mind. This man and his thought provoking questions. She wasn't used to being looked at so closely.

Glad for the change in atmostphere she joined in on the laugh about her mom, hands rubbing against her arms to rub away at the goosebumps from a sudden gust of air. He had a nice laugh. Huh? "I'll let her know she has found someone else she can instruct. She'll be glad for a change, too many girls, she says." she hoped the blush on her cheeks could be attributed to the joke rather than her wandering thoughts. Just a stranger on a walk, Aileen, get yourself together.

Time stood still for a second as he thanked her, and she felt the itch to brush the errant curls away from his forehead, but as soon as the moment started it ended, his eyes lowering. She toyed with the ends of her hair, shaking her head slightly. It took her a second to pick up on his joke, stuck up on her head as she was. "Mmm? Ah, well. Let us hope the only artists suffering are those within range of my kids, then." her answer was probably more honest than his joke warranted, but she didn't like the thought that any form of art demanded payment in suffering. That, however, was a too philosophical thought for the just a walk they were on, so Aileen just hoped her awkward smile would cover her and instead tuned in to his small summary of the last ten years of his life.

She knew it would be interesting, a lot more interesting that anything anyone could have gotten up to in Blue Harbor, but he spoke of it so nonchalantly, as if it was nothing. Her eyebrows went up as he mentioned multiple albums, a band, all stuff from movies you dream off, and didn't seem to think was worth excitement. That small, ugly side of her deflated with resignation, for if he didn't find that exciting, she wasn't sure how anything of what she had told him had had any value to him.

She wanted to ask what he meant with the last bit, however. It almost seemed as if he was trying to downplay what, to her, felt like a monumental shift, but as she was drawing breath to speak up, the fishing stall appeared, and she was cut short. "I guess this is your stop." she wasn't certain where the disappointment came from, but she was not paying attention to it. "Well, it was lovely to..." she trailed off as he fished out his phone from his pockets.

The back of her neck felt incredibly warm, and her eyes went comically huge. Oh. "Oh!" her voice must have gone up three octaves, consistent with her usual inability to play cool at any given situation. She wasn't sure how he could have qualified the evening as nice instead of lame for him, but he was asking for her number, so maybe she could trust that instead of her traitorous brain. "Ummm, yeah, yes! Of course." she gingerly offered to take his phone and then added her phone number to his contacts, trying to ignore the loud beating of her heart. She handed it back to him and hoped her smile was at the very least casual, even if the ruddiness in her cheeks betrayed her. "It was nice. Maybe next time we skip the me jumping three feet in the air like a spooked cat though." she hid a laugh behind her hair, mortification growing inside of her. Now he's gonna think you think he's scary, Aileen! She better retreat before her foot-in-mouth sindrome managed to weird him out. "See you around, Lincoln." she offered a final wave and warm smile and walked away, trying to ignore the butterflies in her chest.

@themissing-linc

THE END.

The combination of Aileen's voice and the cool breeze, lifting something sweet-smelling into his face, felt almost therapeutic to Linc. It wasn't often he got to do this-- ask questions, listen, relax. Not to anyone's discredit, Linc had just been pulling long hours at the radio station and otherwise hanging around Dad's bed. But he had an overwhelming sense that he could get used to this, whatever this meant.

Linc took note of that, quirking an eyebrow inquisitively. "Do you like being responsible?" He was sure she made for a pretty damn good teacher, but these were the things that weighed on a person-- unending responsibility and providing a shoulder to cry on. It could get lonely, he knew, but maybe not for Aileen. He laughed, eyes crinkling at the edges, "It sounds like I might need to call your mom about my laundry, too. She got a mailing list?" he teased, then swore, "Your secret's safe with me."

Aileen's response was... different than most. Linc knew, intimately, the position he was putting people in with the reveal that his father was sick. There were a finite amount of things to say-- I'm so sorry to hear that, stay strong, he's a fighter-- all of which only ever fell flat. He watched her face for a long moment, almost awestruck at her emotional intelligence. "Yeah... hey, thank you. I mean that," he managed, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep from doing something stupid.

Linc grinned at the mention of the recorders, mishievous gleam in his eye. "Hey, some very influential musicians got their start on those plastic recorders," he said, laughing. "We all have to suffer for art, right?"

He didn't know what he expected, but Aileen calling him a rockstar almost made Linc laugh. "Hardly that," he admitted, shrugging as they followed the path towards the market. "I went to school, got a degree in Sound Engineering," Linc shrugged. "Made an album, got the band back together, made another album." He hesitated over his next words, not at all wanting to seem ungrateful for everything he'd experienced. "I sort of... well, I'm not glad for everything happening, but I was starting to wonder if the whole thing was really for me."

Before he could gauge Aileen's response, they were approaching Finest Catch. Linc was disappointed to burst their bubble, but he turned to Aileen and dug his phone out of his pocket, which was still playing music into the earbuds, embarrassingly. "Would you-- could I get your number? Maybe we could do this again?" Linc asked, glancing at his phone to give her an easy out. "It's okay if... I mean, this was nice."

[aileenmurphy]

Aileen pulled slightly back to be able to see the emotion shift through her friend's face. She wondered about the undoubtedly complicated mix of feelings that must have swamped Lia at finding out her mother had seen her perform. That was a question for another time, however, which she would make sure to bring up, knowing how genuinely personal Lia's music was. Aileen took a long deep breath and offered a sad smile.

"Well. I think I can say a gentle good job for getting through the encounter." she rubbed her thumb up and down her arm o punctuate the sentiment. She then offered the spoon to Lia, lifting her eyebrows invitingly. "Thankfully, that is not a choice you need to make right now, nor should you rush into it. Only when you're ready. This ice cream, though, you do have to rush into, or I'm gonna finish it when you're not noticing. " Dahlia had done the talking, which was something Aileen knew was taxing for her. There'd be time for more rational thought at another time, now, it was distraction time. "I might also have an update on the kindergarten love triangle." she offered conspirationally. There was nothing more entertaining than following the cutesy 5 year olds trying to have play pretend dates and breaking up over someone taking the pink crayon. The two of them had been following the saga for the full school year, and she'd finally gotten some updates.

@dahliayoung

Dahlia rested her head on Aileen’s shoulder as the younger girl linked their arms. It was in these quiet moments of friendship that Lia was most grateful for Aileen. She understood her and she was so unapologetically kind that is almost hurt to experience. Even when Dahlia understood that her friend was giving her an out so that she could distract her mind, and maybe eventually figure out how to vocalize what had happened, it still felt like sorcery whenever it worked. As the dam of her thoughts finally broke, Dahlia put down her own carton of ice cream on the coffee table and shifted so that her body was angled towards Aileen instead of the TV. 

“She saw a show I did in Chicago,” Dahlia murmured, her mind fuzzy as she tried to recall the details of the encounter. “She, uh, she heard them call my name and she said she hadn’t been sure, but – she looked me up.” It made sense that her mother wouldn’t recognize her on sight – the last time she’d actually set foot in Blue Harbor, Dahlia had only been five years old. “She feels guilty, I guess.” She looked down at her hands, picking at her fingers unsure what to think about anything. “I think she saw the look and my face and apologized for surprising me,” Dahlia snorted before lifting her gaze to Aileen. “She honestly didn’t say much more than she’s sorry, and that she wants to make it up to me and be in my life now.” 

[aileenmurphy]

Aileen took a sip of her glass and nodded along as Tefi bemoaned her lack of a partner. She could sympathise, trying not to let some resignation slip into her thoughts at her own prospects. She quickly chastised herself, though, she was not going to make this about herself, the whole point of this was to cheer Tefi up. "I'm sure it will happen for you in no time, Tefi. You are literally the soul of the party, I'm sure you will have them up queueing at your door in no time." she encouraged. "Plus, that way it's Seb and CJ the ones that have to deal with your shenanigans for once, and not the other way around." she wiggled her eyebrows conspiratorially, but quickly disolved into giggles, unable to hold any form of cool facade for long.

The shift in the conversation was jarring as Tefi spoke about her previous relationship. Aileen's heart broke for her, her hand letting go of her glass to fidget with the tips of her hair. "That's horrible. And cruel. I can't understand how anyone could do that to you." she spoke, her voice almost too soft to be heard over the loud music. What kind of person would ever do something like that? "I'm sorry you had to go through that." she added, reaching out a hand to grasp the other woman's comfortingly. Tefi's nonchalance was admirable, but Aileen couldn't truly belive she was as unaffected as she showed. She understood people would rather hide behind an uncaring attitude, but she hoped the other woman understood Aileen's concern was genuine.

She scrambled to think of a way to lighten the mood, not due to being uncomfortable but as a way to make up for asking a question that had soured the mood, but Tefi appeared to be perfectly happy to move on and act as if nothing had happened. It did seem slightly off, but Aileen didn't feel they were close enough to keep prodding any further, so she let the matter be. Instead, she was busy trying not to cough around her next sip of cider when the love life conversation suddenly turned to her. "Me?!" she spluttered, eyebrows nearly hitting her hairline. "Oh no, I'm a boring cat lady. Not a lot of excitement to offer, sorry to disappoint. I don't really, um... go on dates too much?" it wasn't that she didn't necessarily want to, it was just... she wasn't sure how to not feel she wasn't setting herself up to disappoint someone down the line. There wasn't much to her anyway, she didn't have a lot to offer, so apart from an odd date here and there that Dahlia had all but forced her to go to, she hadn't put a lot of thought on it lately.

@tefibetancourt

“ugh! i know, right? i need to find a boyfriend or something fast so that i’m not forced to be little miss lonely heart whenever we got out together.” tefi tossed her hair over her shoulder in a vague hope that someone else in the bar would spot her from across the room and become overwhelmed with the desire to fulfill that role of boyfriend. there were some prospects in blue harbor, but so far, no one had committed themselves to the role. maybe she didn’t want a boyfriend out of a genuine need for love, but for someone to make her feel less alone and less pathetic. her ego was starved, damn it! “those two, though. it’s like they’re legally freakin’ married but claim that they’re single, then i come home and find them, like, cuddling together? not my circus, not my monkeys, that’s why my dad always said… but still, y’know, i think they’re probably lying to themselves because they think the other one isn’t as serious about the marriage or something. i’m very perceptive.” she punctuated with a frenzied nod. in her opinion, at least, that was very true, but she was never able to turn that perception back on herself.

tefi tried not to grimace. oops. as hard as she tried not to bring up foster or phoebe in front of aileen, it was too easy for her to slip up and allude to the past she was trying to hide. it was just difficult not to bring it up when her revenge scheme occupied most of her thoughts! even at work (probably the reason why she forgot a customer’s mustard the other day), she had to remind herself that she was at her job and she couldn’t brainstorm pranks while taking lunch orders. tefi paused to scramble up an excuse. “well, have i told you about my ex? we were engaged but he dumped me and threw out all of my stuff and canceled my credit card. so, i mean… i get when you’re together you want to, like, spend pretty much every single second together… until they leave you destitute in the midwest like the asshole they are.” she wanted to pat herself on the back for that save! it helped that it was the truth, but with the reason why she was stuck in blue harbor excised.

she listened as aileen explained about her job. maybe that was part of why she was having a hard time at the diner: she was new to blue harbor, and she hadn’t grown up going to school with half the population. tefi thought that maybe that was okay. her hope was to get back out to l.a. as soon as possible, so maybe it would be okay if the locals didn’t count her among them. “that’s so nice! i can’t imagine anyone being rude to you, anyway.” aileen was so kind. it made her feel a little guilty that she was lying to her, but hey, it was for self-preservation. only seb, cj, and thalia knew about her true mission, and that was probably too many in the grand scheme of things. “what about your love life? anyone that you’ve currently sweet on? please tell me you do, someone around here needs to get laid and my prospects are looking mightly slim.”

@aileenmurphy

[aileenmurphy]

Aileen leaned against The Labyrinth's booth as she peered at the cocktail menu Ruairi was holding. There were some great references, she would give it to them, and more than one cocktail caught her eye, even more so with the almost too warm weather they were having. "Mmmm." she hummed in response, reading through all the names. "Hyacinth, Patroclus, Orpheus... not bad! The puns are... not the best though." she cringed slightly at Sappho Sangria. "Also, the Narcissus one offers a fairly interesting philosophical debate." she'd originally suspected a university student of the classics, but that cheeky last one made her veer towards a psych major immediately.

Snapped off her reverie by his kind offer she smiled, perusing the menu quickly again and struggling to make a choice. "Umm... honestly, I have no idea, whatever you're having! You're the one that knows cocktails out of the two of us anyway, whatever tastes good!" she rushed, not wanting to delay the choice further. "But! You treated me last time, shouldn't I get to treat you this once? I feel it's only fair, your wine choice last time was so good!"

@ruairimacarthy

― SETTING: blue harbor pride ! ― AVAILABILITY: closed starter for aileen murphy ! ( @aileenmurphy )

“You reckon they’ve chosen the absolute queerest myths they could find to base the drinks off of today?” Ruairi asked absentmindedly. He was scanning the menu and wracking his brain to conjure up the gayest stories he could remember from his ongoing obsession with mythology of all sorts; though, if he stuck to Greek mythology that’d take about three seconds to fill up a whole list and he was trying to branch out a bit, really. “It’d be a wasted opportunity if they haven't, right?” He tilted his head to glance down at Aileen, his expression curious and more than a little amused. He’d finally managed to calm down the slightest bit considering the thrumming energy the day seemed to have and he was at least marginally grateful that he could give Aileen a break from his general level of mildly unhinged chaos. “I mean, they all sound grand either way— what d’you think you’ll get, dear? I’d be happy to treat you, by the way. Not that I wouldn’t have without like, directly offerin’ or whatever but I figured I ought to say it.”

[aileenmurphy]

Aileen wouldn't say she wasn't a fan of crowds, but she would definitely say she was a fan of the quieter ones. It was great to see the square busting with laughter and colour, but it made it easier to end in her current predicament, with her friend lost to the crowds when they were separated just for a second. Honestly, Aileen corralled little gremlins for a living, one would think she'd be better at not losing people in a crowd.

Almost as if they'd come out of nowhere, Elspeth was suddenly there grasping her arms, causing Aileen to jump slightly. "Oh god! You almost gave me a heart attack!" she laughed, shaking her head good naturedly. "I have no idea how you always manage to sneak up on me."

She allowed herself to be pulled to the food stalls, happy to trail behind her neighbour. She quietly spared a thought of fondness for their small apartment building and the little community that had flourished. It was nice to be close to people you lived with, mitigated some of the nostalgia of when all her family used to live under the same roof. "Do you have any preference? I think Aspen mentioned there was a proper sushi place she gave her stamp of approval, but I'm honestly up for anything."

@fromharbor

    ↳       pride event.    :      elspeth   &   aileen  !

cardinal hill, over the last year since elspeth made it their home, had evolved into quite the community. aspen spent at least one night a week at their dinner table testing recipes, and dahlia and aileen never hesitated when her post was misdirected or if they needed to borrow an egg or two for some last-minute baking. they had cobbled together their own family of sorts, a union that elspeth had never expected when they packed up all their belongings and moved north. it was that same connection that had them taking aileen by both arms when she spotted a familiar face in the crowds. “i've been looking for you everywhere! come on, i'm starving—you want to come check out the food stalls with me?” @aileenmurphy

[aileenmurphy]

by james_ratchford_photography

[aileenmurphy]

Emily Venz

[aileenmurphy]

I know I'm not hard to love because my best friend makes it seem so easy.

[aileenmurphy]

[aileenmurphy]

[aileenmurphy]

㋡🥀

[aileenmurphy]

[aileenmurphy]

[aileenmurphy]

Aileen looked down as Dahlia thanked her, a small smile on her lips. To her any thanks were unnecessary, Dahlia was someone she cared for, and this cost her nothing. There was no world in which trying to keep her safe and happy would ever feel like a task. Still, appreciating the sentiment she scooched closer to Lia, slipping an arm around the crook of hers and squeezing her forearm. "Come on, let Netflix do it's thing then." she muttered, flicking open the ice cream tub with her free han and stabbing at the hard ice cream with her spoon.

It must have been twenty minutes into the episode when her friend's internal monologue finally vocalised itself, and Aileen peeled her eyes from the TV, pulling apart a bit to see her better. "She said that?" Aileen asked quietly, wanting to maintain the calmer atmosphere that had settled between them. She also didn't want to speak too much, wanting to let Dahlia process at her own pace. "Did she say why she was back in town?"

@dahliayoung

Following Aileen’s lead, Dahlia took a deep breath, and then another, feeling a bit of the tension in her shoulders start to ease. She watched as Aileen made her way to the kitchen, leaving her with danish pastries. Of course. The comforting weight of Chai in her lap and the sounds of Aileen bustling around in the kitchen provided a sense of normalcy that she desperately needed at the moment. The grief still gnawed at her, but her friend’s gentle reminders and presence helped her feel less alone. Lia reached for the container of danishes, trying to disturb Chai as little as possible and helped herself to one.

A small smile crept onto her face as Aileen returned with the ice cream and Mocha in tow. Dahlia reached out to scratch behind Mocha’s ears, and was pleased when the cat allowed it. The simple act of caring for the cats, of sharing the moment with her best friend, helped ease the strain on her heart. “Thanks again, Aileen,” Dahlia said softly, her voice steadier. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” And she absolutely meant it. Aileen had a way of making the world seem less chaotic, of offering exactly what she needed without her having to ask. She’d been that way ever since their first encounter in high school art club.

“Let’s start off where we left off last time,” Dahlia decided. “I think I need a bit of continuity right now.” She took a spoonful of ice cream and let the rich flavor melt on her tongue. The sweetness was a small comfort. As the familiar scenes unfolded on the screen, Dahlia felt a sense of calm start to settle over her. As her mind began to slow, it also started to drift from the show and to her predicament. “I don’t know what she expects from me. She just – appeared out of the blue, and started talking about wanting to make things right? I think I blacked out a bit, if I’m being honest,” she said to Aileen after a while. "It's all a blur."

[aileenmurphy]

Aileen had reached for her glass of wine, confident Phoebe had a much longer tale to tell about Foster so she could give herself some good gulps of her cheap but still nice red. What she did not expect was a nonchalant mention of a very permanent procedure as one would mention that the weather is nice outside. She coughed around her wine, hand quickly coming to her mouth while her glass occupied one tried to put the wine back at the table before her hacking coughs would make her spill it. Only Phoebe, she thought.

"Okay..." her voice was still mostly gone, a couple of last coughs escaping her mouth as Aileen tried to find sme composure. She knew freaking out about this was the wrong response with Phoee, but boy did she want to. Aileen had nothing against Foster (not anymore, anyway), she found him lovely for Phoebe. Still, there was a clear timeline as to when you usually tattoed yourself for a person you cared for and Aileen was fairly confident that timeline had been thrown out the window. "Um... how... how did that happen?" she tried to buy herself some time, not wanting to be in any way judgamental, but still, she couldn't help some concern. "Are you happy with it?" she added as an afterthought, hoping to at the very least not get an over-defensive Phebe thrown at her.

@thephoebeyates

There were many different ways this argument could go. Phoebe could have held onto how Aileen admitted that Dahlia thought Phoebe was ‘out to get her’ — thus proving her point that her friend’s roommate had been talking shit about her, or she could have resigned to the fact that maybe, maybe, it was (mostly) in her head. 

But then Aileen made her own attempt of the tried and tested method of changing the subject to prevent a more argumentative version of Phoebe; stubborn and refusing to take no for an answer. “Foster’s good! The restaurant keeps busy, which is good. Uh,” She wrinkled her nose, unsure if she should tell Aileen more, deciding to test the waters a little bit. “I did something a bit…out there, and got a tattoo. For him. So…” She let out a mirthless laugh, playing that night back in high definition. “There’s that!”

[aileenmurphy]

Aileen had to stop herself from fidgeting with her own wine glass, or adjust her posture on her seat for the umpteenth time. She was perfectly comfortable in Aspen's space, the warm aroma of food wafting through the air, but she still wasn't truly used to not being the one by the stove. Granted, this was not her first time trying Aspen's food, but the itch to assist, to help in some way other than just sitting around while her friend did all of the work was still something she struggled to get used to.

Still, there was marvel to be fund at Aspen's confident bustling in her kitchen, the moves seeming almost too easy, too effortless. When she turned around to meet her eyes Aileen immediately offered a smile, a feeling akin to pride at seeing someone in their element so thoroughly. She nodded along as Aspen described the dish, trying to convey her enthusiasm at the whole process ahead of them. "That is more than okay!" she replied quickly, catching on to the actual significance of this process, how much Aspen was sharing by doing this. Aileen wanted to offer something to put her further at easy. "I've always loved cooking, well, I guess I'm more of a baker" she let out an embarrassed chuckle, but continued. "But I've never slowed down to taste the pieces to understand the whole. I guess that's harder to do with baking, no one likes raw flour, but...Anyway" she quickly brought herself back on track, realising she was rambling and waving a hand in front of her as if dispelling the thought. "I mean to say I am excited to learn what to be looking for when I try it. It's not often you get to learn how to taste a dish." she smiled, hiding behind a sip of the wine, and humming appreciatively. "Oh, this is really nice as well!"

@fivest4rs

`         ❀         CLOSED  STARTER       [  . . .  ]       written   for   @aileenmurphy     /     aspen’s  apartment  ,  around  mid - afternoon   .   ft.  aileen  murphy .

               sweetness  with  a  hint  of  spice  permeated  the  air  around  them  ,  filling  the  kitchen  with  a  smell  that  made  aspen’s  mouth  water  as  her  hand  carefully  stirred  the  vegetables  marinated  in  honey  inside  the  wok  frying  pan  .  she  added  a  pinch  of  pepper  to  the  mix  and  let  it  rest  ,  before  moving  to  the  pan  cooking  the  tuna  steak  she  had  carefully  defrosted  the  night  before  .  aspen  took  a  mild  sip  of  her  wine  glass  before  speaking  ,  eyes  finding  aileen’s  with  the  characteristic  tenderness  that  characterized  their  bond .     "  okay  ,  so  ,  this  dish  is  called  hot  niçoise  ,  it’s  a  traditional  french  dish  ,  one  of  the  first  i  learned  to  make  ,  actually  but  …  "     aspen  paused  a  moment  ,  excited  to  share  this  with  aileen  ,  this  process  that  was  new  even  for  the  unpredictable  nature  of  her  culinary  experiments   —   she’d  never  had  someone  try  every  step  of  a  dish  before .     "    i  want  you  to  try  it  separately  first  ,  like  ,  the  marinated  vegetables  ,  then  the  tuna  ,  and  then  the  sauce  .  i  want  you  to  know  and  taste  the  flavors  each  by  each  to  see  then  how  they  taste  all  together  in  the  final  result  .  would  that…  be  okay ?  "     the  vulnerability  in  her  tone  was  mild  ,  but  still  there  .  she  wasn’t  used  to  being  so  open  with  anybody  about  her  more  special  interests  ,  but  aileen  was  special  ,  she’d  always  been  ,  since  the  first  time  they  crossed  paths  and  she  had  shown  her  the  kindness  aspen  so  desperately  needed  .