aimlesslyrambling

[aimlesslyrambling]

“My first concept about people around me was that all of them were coordinated into a whole, whereas I was made of multitude of selves, of fragments.”

(essam marouf art +) walt whitman, song of myself / virginia woolf, the waves / anaïs nin in her diary (volume I) / virginia woolf, orlando / anaïs nin in a letter to henry miller / marty rubin, the boiled frog syndrome

[aimlesslyrambling]

I’ve had Epilepsy for about 11 years now and I’m SO fucking over it. The whole concept just pisses me off. Like, what have I done to deserve this bs. And I can’t drive anymore either which just feels like the end of the world sometimes. Being dependent on others makes me feel hopeless.

BUT, in an effort to be less of a victim, I’ve been trying to focus on something my boyfriend said when talking about his dad who was a quadriplegic... He said, “My dad tried to wiggle his toes every day. Not just everyday for 1 or 2 years but every single day for 25 years.” Until the day he died he never was able to wiggle his toes, but he never stopped trying.

So. What I’ve learned from this and hope that you will to is... be pissed off and scream and cry and wallow in self-pity, when you feel like you need to. But don’t stay there forever. Never ever ever under any circumstances let anyone or any diagnosis make you feel hopeless or like you should just give up. We can’t always control our lives but really, what does it hurt to try?

[aimlesslyrambling]

[aimlesslyrambling]

A lifetime of harbored grudges *almost* disappeared with one little fortune cookie. And over 6 years later, it’s still in my wallet. Thank god for good wisdoms and crab rangoon.