akiras-sanctuary

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Abusive parents and abusers in general love to pretend that their every action is only because of something you did. They will throw a whole tantrum at you and then in the end attack you as if you did that, as if you somehow forced them into their abusive behaviour. Abusers will convince you that it’s you who controls their behaviour, and not them, as if their every word and move is “what you wanted” or “what you provoked” and ultimately, a consequence of your actions.

The truth is complete opposite. People cannot be provoked into abusing someone, and people don’t throw tantrums, hatred, guilt and accusations because their actions are controlled by someone else, they do it to gain control of someone else. Literally the part of their control is to convince you that it’s you controlling them, and not the reverse. So that not only you would get extremely self-conscious about your every word towards them, tiptoe around them and try thousand different approaches to get them to be nice, but when they inevitably snap and lash out at you and throw hatred and abuse at you, you will blame yourself, think you haven’t done good enough, and that’s exactly what they want. You end up taking responsibility for both your actions and theirs, while they take responsibility for absolutely nothing, and keep you so helpless, desperate and confused, they can pretty much do with you whatever they want.

Do not ever believe when another human being is telling you that their disgusting behaviour is because of you, and not their free will to act like a disgusting piece of shit. There is no human on this earth who does horrible, controlling, deprecating and cruel things repeatedly because they were “provoked”, they do it because they fucking want to! And afterwards they accuse others of “provocation” as a fucking excuse to do it more! To be disgusting and cruel is literally the goal here, and blaming you is just a cherry on top, so they can get away with it, and repeat it at their leisure.

Abusers choose to abuse and do it out of their free will, every single time. No matter what you do, the other person could have chosen to react as a kind, understanding and decent person and not a fucking spoiled, rage-throwing, guilt-tripping, non-understanding, aggressive huge ass baby, and yet this is what they chose, and in the end they add “oh and this is all your fault actually now sit down and think about what you made me do” like it’s victim’s time to reflect on why abuser is a fucking narcissist. It’s all lies! You do not have to think for a second what made them do it, they themselves decided to do it. They could have done literally anything else and nobody was stopping them. All you need to think about is how to get to a life where nobody, no person on the planet, could do this to you and get away with it. Nobody on the planet is worth enough to step all over you.

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You didn’t deserve to be blamed for the trauma you went through

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how about instead of whining how abuser might have not meant it we spread the word that abuse is abuse and creates long term damage regardless of intention and have them know they’re either gonna stop that shit or be labeled abusers and rightfully punished for it

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abuse victims attracting abusers is a myth, abusers target victims, and it’s 100% abusers fault no matter who they abuse. you are not responsible for “making sure you don’t act in a way that could make someone want to abuse you” or for “making sure you don’t attract abusive people”, it’s on them to not fucking target and take advantage of the first person who has trouble standing up to them and saying no, who is scared of confrontation, who was groomed into pleasing and putting others first, who is still trying to find themselves and put themselves together, who doesn’t know how to demand and ask other than to offer all of their affection and support while asking nothing in return and being happy with whatever they get. these people just need proper family! someone who would protect them and allow them to build boundaries and learn they never need to offer more than they get and that they’re safe and valued and wanted and accepted just the way they are, taking advantage of someone so fragile and scared and wounded and hurting them even more in order to gain power and satisfaction is cruel and vile and abusers should go to hell for it, and whoever thought that victims should take responsibility for “attracting abusers” can also go to hell, blame fucking abusers, shame abusers for taking advantage, let them know they need to pay for what they’ve done and change their ways if they wish to keep existing, leave victims in peace

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“noo my parents didn’t abuse me! they just accidentally made me lose all my faith in myself and caused me to feel like a worthless failure who’s never gonna be good enough to survive, and they might have hit me but it might have been just once or twice so it doesn’t count, right? they just happen to worsen my anxiety and depression constantly but I’m sure they don’t mean it!! I’m sure they have no idea how much I’m suffering and I don’t want to throw such harsh words as "abuser” around because they might find out I said such a thing and get angry, and it generally doesn’t end well for me when they’re angry! I also have bunch of holes in my memories and blurred events I’m not even sure happened in which I get hurt but who knows if I just made those up! Better be safe and assume I’m making things up and overreacting! I know if I confront them and ask them if they knew they hurt me they’re going to tell me I’m just being hysterical and imagining things for attention! They just really think they’re right! I need to keep in mind I’m indebted to them for feeding and sheltering me, god knows that was tough for them! They had a rough life too, they don’t need me accusing them of being abusers as well! Maybe it would be easier on them if I just died-“

These are the thoughts of child abuse victims. If your parents comments make you feel worthless and like a failure, they’re abusive. If your parents worsen your depression and anxiety, they’re abusive. If you’re scared of your parents they’re abusive. If they used violence to control you even once, they’re abusive. If they accuse you of being crazy or making things up when you confront them on hurting you they’re abusive. If they made you feel indebted for simply not letting you die on purpose, they’re abusive. If they forced you to focus on their lives and their perspective of you to the point where you can’t even acknowledge your own pain, injuries, and your own point of view, they’re abusive. If your parents make you feel like it would be better if you had never been born, or if you died, they’re abusive.

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Absolutely! I keep telling people this too. 

‪Work on becoming your own source of love. If you tie your happiness to external factors like people, places and things it can be taken away. When your joy and love come from within, no matter what your going through you will always feel supported and cherished. ‬

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There will be days when you’re going to feel like you’re not making the right choices in life. But there will be nights when you’re still left with a choice to hold yourself together before you sleep: Take care of yourself.

Juansen Dizon, A Good Choice (via juansendizon)

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gentle reminder

with each struggle comes a lesson or something that can motivate you to move forward – i know you may not see that just yet, because you’re still catching your breath or still caught in the fight, but do know that not giving up is worth it and it’s going to get better

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via weheartit

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💞 Like & Reblog ✔️ Follow for more. via IG/love.quotes

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Strength, taking care of others, and facing one’s demons

Little (slightly edited) out of context message to some friends of mine about strength, being there for others and so on, that i felt like sharing since I feel this is one of the few times i finally managed to articulate it well in a way that makes sense: “I don't expect you to sweep my, or other's problems all away to deserve to be treated kindly, like a human, to be loved, or to be supported or whatever, you gotta help yourself first, it's hard to invoke strength in others when you haven't found that strength you're trying to invoke either, have in yourself what you seek to give to others, or you will have near nothing to give. I have strength because i take care of myself, I've learned how to build willpower, I have demons but i know how to fight mine and fair well against them, you're still struggling with your own but expecting yourself to take on everyone else's too, you're facing your own demons, stop pressuring yourself to sweep away all of ours, I don't expect you to sweep my, or other's problems away, especially in your current life position, you're facing your own demons, why I mentioned my strength is relevant to this because, i know how to self motivate myself and keep myself going, you guys don't, or at least have said such, so i don't expect you to go fighting everyone else's demons, it's fine if you want to help a bit, but don't pressure yourself to be the hero of the day, especially all the time, you're fighting your own fight too, cut yourself some slack, and remember to take care of yourself too, one reason i'm strong is because i don't forget my needs and myself, and because of that i'm able to keep going seemingly non-stop. if you're not taking care of yourself, you won't be able to help, or at least not that effectively. A homeless man cannot help other homeless men by giving them a $1000 if he has not a cent to his name. Point is, you don’t need to tackle all our problems to be treated like a human as anyone else, and, to be strong for others you have to be strong for yourself, too.”

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Pink / Quotes

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My thoughts on hope and chance

“How do you have hope?” Well, to have hope, you have to be willing to take risks, and believe in possibility, how i have hope is i look at the positives and negatives in duality, yes the odds in some things may be 90% against you, that there’s a 90% chance you’ll fail, and your loss is almost certain, but pay attention to those two words, ‘chance’, and ‘almost, these subtly imply, that amongst the great odds stacked against you, there’s still a chance of you winning too, yes, although very small and unlikely, out of that 90% chance of failure, there’s a 10% chance of success, both are chances, some more likely than others, but both are possible to hit on the mark, that means out of 10, there’s a 1% chance you will succeed, and i know that seems like grasping at straws, but really, i don’t believe it is, i believe it’s paying attention to both sides, and acknowledging, that yes, odds are against me, but, there’s still a chance, and so long as there is a chance i can succeed, i gotta try, why? because if i do not try, if i give up, will i ever hit that 10%? no, by giving up by assuming the odds against me will win, i give up that chance that maybe, just maybe, i could have hit that 10%, and i will go my whole life looking back in regret thinking “What if i was wrong? what if i could have hit it?” as i’ve heard somewhere, “it’s the things we don’t do that we regret most at the end of life”, if i do not try, i will never know whether i could have done it, and given we have this one life, or at least, from what we know and can assume in the now, we have this one life, once shot at this thing, that being said, really, there’s no reason not to try, to not live out dreams or take chances, for i’d rather die trying, than sit on the side knowing i passed up even a chance at success, even if it’s 1%, although unlikely, it’s still possible. 

If you never take that leap, you will never know if you could have hit that 10%, for you guarantee you won’t see it on the basis of assuming failure before looking at the chances or trying them, you gotta be willing to try the chances, even if they are small, even if the odds are against you, you will never know for sure unless you try. So it boils down to, are you willing to test those odds? or would you rather pass it up and assume failure? your answer will determine a lot of those chances.

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NN ISN’T DEAD! NOT YET!

GUYS NN ISN’T DEAD THE REPEAL PASSED IN THE FCC (what do you expect?) BUT THAT’S NOT THE END-ALL-BE-ALL, THE REPEAL STILL HAS TO BE PASSED THROUGH OTHER COURTS, INCLUDING CONGRESS AND THE SUPREME COURT, THE FIGHT IS NOT OVER, KEEP FIGHTING!

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HEY YOU!

YEAH YOU!

IT’S 12/12/17, THE VOTE TO STOP THE FCC’S REPEAL OF NET NEUTRALITY AND THE FATE OF THE INTERNET IS ON 12/14/17, TWO DAYS, GET OUT THERE AND VOTE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? HELP FIGHT TO KEEP NET NEUTRALITY AND THE INTERNET FREE WITHOUT IT BIG MONOPOLISTIC ORGANIZATIONS/ISPS CAN THROTTLE, SLOW LANE, HAVE PAID PRIORITIZATION, OR ADD PAID SUBSCRIPTIONS TO SERVICES THAT WERE PREVIOUSLY FREE (e.g; youtube, facebook, instagram, twitter, Google plus, Netflix, etc, etc, the list goes on) AND MUCH MUCH MORE, THIS COULD ALSO FUCK UP SMALL BUSINESSES INCLUDING ARTISTS WHO MAKE A LIVING ONLINE, ETC “i’m not in the US so it doesn’t affect me, LUL why should i care, it doesn’t directly affect me” THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG FUCKERS “At this moment, sure, it doesn’t affect you, i have to agree with that, it doesn’t affect you at this moment, if you don’t live in the United States, but it will in the future, trust me, this is something we want to avoid now, so we don’t have to deal with it in the future, right now, this is a strictly US only issue, but it has the potential, the US is one of the biggest and most influential countries in the world, if they get away with this in the US, you best believe they’re gonna try it in other parts of the world, granted, it may not get through in other parts of the world, but in order to avoid the whole ordeal of seeing if this is avoided, we need to avoid the problem that exists right now”

GO VOTE MY DUDES LET’S NOT STOP THIS PROBLEM BEFORE IT CAN MANIFEST FULLY, HERE AND NOW!

IF YOU RUN A BLOG, ADD THIS TO IT! add it exactly above “<body>” (i had to add it, remove it, then add it again then it worked, just exit the editing code menu afterwards and exist and save and it should show up in a second or two.)

<script>var _bftn_options = { theme: ‘glitch’ };</script><script src=“https://widget.battleforthenet.com/widget.js” async></script>

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