alansdingusdnd

[alansdingusdnd]

they accidentally gave me the unheimlich manoeuvre and i choked to death in a distinctly uncanny way

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The idea of street cred in a fantasy setting makes me want to merge cyberpunk with dnd

i feel that dark sorceresses in disguise have given wizened old crones an unfair and frankly unearned amount of street cred

[alansdingusdnd]

i see your death of the author and raise you: death of the fandom, for when other fans and the content they produce are so unbearably bad that you divorce yourself entirely from the fanbase except for one or two Trusted Mutuals™️

[alansdingusdnd]

fine! I guess I'll just eyeball how the seasons and where tf the sun goes in my 89 degree incline planet that im thinking for my new ttrpg system bc no one wanted to make a fictional planet generator that lets you set the planet incline to figure out how tf the weather works

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Oh yeah imma give my fool's march PCs gun proficiency

⚔️ 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Serpent Rifle
Weapon (musket), rare ___ A coiled, silver serpent is wrapped around the barrel of this musket. When shot, a line of green, twisting smoke billows behind the fired bullet. This weapon uses 2d6 for its damage dice, instead of 1d12; it also deals an extra 1d6 poison damage to any creature it hits. When you deal damage to a creature using this weapon and roll at least two 1s on the dice, the target is poisoned until the end of its next turn. A creature that becomes poisoned in this way takes 2d6 poison damage at the start of its next turn, unless it ceases to be poisoned before then. ___ ✨ Patrons get huge perks! Access this and hundreds of other item cards, art files, and compendium entries when you support The Griffon’s Saddlebag on Patreon for as little as $3 a month!

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req'd by @bourbon-the-huckster

eurghgh. gonna be rotating THIS turn of phrase in my mind for a while

text: Hey can you shove your chug jug in my moisty mire

[alansdingusdnd]

Session 10&11

Argenti went into town to learn more info about the red dragon and Alexander went into town to get some fish. bro got a whole salmon. the dingbats then went to the area they discussed with the lumberjacks and there they set up the area and once it was night time they cooked the salmon. the small red wyrmling was seen to fly in the nautical twilight sky but didn't land where the party anticipated to. instead, the wyrmling went to a camp. that camp had cultists not of the bodian church but of some other organization. the party went to investigate, hiding behind shrubs and humdrum as an owl to perch on a branch nearby.

the leader was a gnoll druid with a staff adorned with baby humanoid skulls and there a wealthy looking maiden was brought over and there was sacrificed in the name of some entity known as Yeenoghu. The wyrmling participated in the rite with the rest of other humanoids, some of them were gnolls too.

Humdrum seeing that there's a chance to distract them flew up as an owl into the sky, turned back into their true self, hopped on kitty and threw a card from their deck of illusions. there the card that they tossed manifested an illusion of a red adult dragon and it was easy for humdrum to use that opportunity to tell to the wyrmling that he should make a mess of the place because humanoids are bad. when the wyrmling asked, "daddy?" humdrum said "yes, and." why wouldn't a bard know how to improvise?

and so the illusion disappeared and the wyrmling went ham on everyone with the druid running away and the party used that as an opportunity to attack the cult. the cultists fought like rabbid beasts by whacking with flails, gnawing on their enemies and casting scorching ray at 6th level. Asifra almost went down with Humdrum knocking on death's door. thankfully, Abel was able to stabilize Humdrum and after Alexander turning the fallen into zombies the dingbats were victorious.

After debating on how to bring Humdrum back to life and Keres ending up covered in green blood from the axe to the neck injury that Humdrum took, the party sent Kitty to heal Humdrum because they didn't have a way to heal them. While Kitty flew for help, the party learned the following:

the cult that they fought was called The Brood of Y which is a cult that Baelia told Alexander and Argenti to look into

wyrmling lives with his grandmother who lives in Jaggot's Peak

(from Argenti coming back): there is an ancient red dragon named Jaggot that lives in the Black Mountains

the wyrmling causes this destruction to the forest not due to being bored because his grandma has been asleep for 10 years but because of something that the wyrmling calls "The Hunger" and this "Hunger" he cannot really control. it's like being an alcoholic that cannot stop the urge to drink till a drunken stupor

Meanwhile, Kitty took Humdrum to K'vlazaron's lair: The Cave of No Return. K'vlazaron saw the wounded Humdrum and healed them. Humdrum felt sorry that they had to ask for help from K'vlazaron and that it was supposed to be a gift and after K'vlazaron asking as to what happened, Humdrum said that they were dealing with a cult that were worshiping Yeenoghu. K'vlazaron jumped at the name and said that hundreds of years ago Yeenoghu was a demon lord that terrorized Mekhor and that's how Mekhor got gnolls and tabaxis and tabasons (dog people; Argenti is a tabason). "Gnolls themselves aren't an issue, they only become an issue if they worship Yeenoghu."

afterwards, Humdrum returned to the party and seeing that no one needed to longrest they just short rested to the sound of Humdrum's song of rest, got healed up and went off to Jaggot's Peak; where the wyrmling's grandmother lives

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sprite can oil lamp

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Session 8 & 9

After accepting K'vlazaron's quest to help him deal with the bullshit his town been going through, Abel and Humdrum went to meet up with with the rest of the party at the gate. Keres was making flower crowns out of cotton grass and stacking them on top of Jason who Asifra shoved inside his backpack. Then the party went to explore the town. there is a commons place, streets with paved roads and sidewalks with some of the streets having trees that separate the sidewalk and the road, and overall it was a nice and tidy town that is Bogton.

Then they left the walled portion to the suburbs and Abel noticed a hill with a cave going inside. Humdrum, knowing that this is K'vlazaron's lair, told the party that they shouldn't go in there especially since its called The Cave of No Return. Abel noticed that Humdrum was hiding something but didn't give a shit and heeded Humdrum's words. Then the party got to a crossroads. One way is to a lumber yard where there's information about the red dragon that has been harrasing the forest and then the other way is to a super nice rich neighborhood which is where Edgar's Summer House is. The party decided to check out the summer house Edgar lend because the two people who really don't trust Edgar were busy spreading their gospel.

When they arrive and knock on the door, the meet a familiar face. The face of someone they thought they definatly killed by whale and crushing his skull and wearing a maid dress.

Humdrum, who was the whale that crushed him, was uncomfortable and tried to close the door. Abel stopped the door closing and asked the disguised bone devil as to how was he alive after having his skull being exploded and the bone devil said that they'd need to kill him in the nine hells to keep him dead. Then the party asked why he was wearing a maid dress and the bone devil said that is a way his father punishing him. "Though you did the job for me so I don't get why he's punishing me so," and motioned the party inside.

The house was an old house with creaking oak floors. Abel goes to the parlor and there were bookshelves and living chairs and a coffee table. Abel looked around and then looked towards the living room. There is a fireplace, and above that fireplace is a 3000 year old painting of a half aasimar half tiefling woman with most of the color faded and some of the paint peeling off. She looked like this and under the golden frame is a plaque written in necropian alphabet Stella Steqoz

Humdrum saw the painting and thought that it was Edgar's daughter (the player said the reason why is because "Stella looked too young to be Edgar's wife")

Then, the party found a powder room and yeeted and locked Jason in there. The bone devil then properly introduced himself as Toxin with Tartarus being his actual name but he prefers Toxin.

He hands the party a spellbook, one of those indestructible ones that you can't light on fire or wet it, which later on was handed off to Alexander, and there were spells that caught Alexander's eye to be steqoz’s better immolation, gasp of hidul, danse macabre, and clone (steqoz's better immolation and gasp of hidul are homebrew spells shown here). In the spell book there are also scribbles of handwriting, which is Edgar's, in necropian, infernal, abyssal, celestial and a language that the party cannot recognize. in the languages that are legible to the party are notes about how each spell works, other arcane notes, and random vents by Edgar such ass "the serpent must die" and "i hate my son"

Toxin hands another book that uses an indestructible spellbook as a medium with the number 3491 in infernal. When Abel was in the time before the hatching, he noticed Axdell Forge writing in a similar notebook but it had two infernal numerals. The text inside is in infernal. However, when someone who knows infernal reads the contents, it is sections of lorem ipsum, gibberish, and nonsensical poems such as the following:

pee pee poo poo take a dookie I ain't telling you shit you pookie

When Asifra read it, after realizing that he does in fact knows infernal, his party members questioned if Asifra has brain damage. Then, Humdrum took a better look at it and saw that the text was slightly blurred like a low res jpeg and realized that this infernal text is actually an illusion (i as the dm decided that hundreds of years old permanent-until-dispelled illusions blur as they age bc my goofy poem didn't work as a hint as i would've liked to)

• 🙟◈🙝 •

Before Alex and Argenti met back up with the party, they did some canvasing because they wish to create their own cult (thus this half is known as the heretics). they got a total of 200 members which many of them were originally from the Bogton branch of the Bodian Church and they wished more "fire" if that's the best way to put it. They encountered a rat stealing pizza as well.

The two of them then went to a githyanki lady, mage and scholar, named Baelia for additional resources regarding summoning a demon lord and information about the soul injector. Baelia also asked the two of them to investigate a group known as the Brood of Y; a recent cult that have been very violent towards members of the Bodian Church for the past 5 years

then, everyone came together and exchanged information and the party met an unusually hyper tiefling girl (more like lady but y'know) named Hysteria who wore a smiling mask. the dingbats decided that she wasn't that useful because she was going to make everyone have a heart attack at any moment and so they left her be. Argenti did note that, as told by Hysteria, that she can talk to Ourgon by making markings on the ground

The party then went to the lumber yard and noticed a noticible population of gnoll workers and burnt logs. the party then asked around what happened. the supervisor told that "the little guy keeps burning our wood!"

"l-little?" Abel asked

"Yeah! a little guy! It's a small baby red dragon. A wyrmling." It is then that the party have learned that it appeared that the red wyrmling was burning things for the fun of it which is unusual and the fact that it's getting closer and closer to Bogton its very concerning.

The party then devised a plan to have the lumberjacks make a perimeter in the Dusk Woods and help them make something the wyrmling would be interested to burn and then have Humdrum follow the wyrmling as a raven. During the brainstorming part it has been revealed that Maurice the yellow flower crab spider can 1) cast web and 2) can polymorph into a raven as well. The dingbats did not question those facts, especially Asifra. (Humdrum's player suspects that Maurice is a spy but i'm not gonna say that Humdrum was suspicious of Maurice until it has been confirmed that they are suspicious of it)

[alansdingusdnd]

"Rationalism" is up there with "Objectivism" in terms of "definitionally funny things to call your own belief system".

[alansdingusdnd]

For today's session I'm not the DM. Imma have Randolph the Red Nosed Reindeer be the dm

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Y'know, when I first created Steve, his tiefling heritage came from Asmodeus game wise bc that's the default tiefling. Also when a cambion and a humanoid have a kid that's a tiefling

Which makes me question of how many fuckin kids does Asmodeus has to the point that an Asmodeus heritage tiefling is like the standard tiefling. Like at this point I feel like he's like Zeus but all the bad stuff about Zeus

I mean it kinda makes sense bc irl Asmodeus is more of a sexual demon but also works with luck and opportunity and fertility and opportunity in magic go hand in hand but I think that Ed Greenwood saw a popular demon name and was like "yeah I can't just have Satan or Lucifer be the Lord of all devils that's too on the nose. Asmodeus is more niche imo"

Also there's so many demons out there IRL that I kinda wished there were more devils named and inspired by them. Like I can see paimon being a devil duke. I'd love a vasago devil but vasago is REALLY niece despite being demon numero dos listed in the geotia

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my son who i hate

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tummy. oil painting on birch panel, 8x10 inches, 2025

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Purple: I don't have "trauma", that's just the evil wizard curse

Purple: the evil wizard was my father but that's not relevant

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my evil yuri. my evil yuri that fucking sucks