all-wasbutfrost

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I always get so distracted when I talk to Davrin idk

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mr thrill of the chase

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DANDELION | overcoming hardship, healing, resilience, hope

I had the pleasure of painting the illustrious Dorian for @daflowerzine 🌼 leftover sales are now closed but you can still get a print of Dorian here!

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three fools does not make a wise man i fear

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“I’ll hold on to you, Hawke. Till the very end”

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zevran. nothing more nothing less.

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okay but why is every company only giving their proceeds to the tr*vor project. i can name so many other better queer organizations to donate to for pride month. priority should always be for local and grassroots orgs imo as they tend to actually do more of the work needed for the queer community. and if you have to do something on a more national level, then maybe focus on things like legal funds right now while this fuckass country descends into the depths of fascism.

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here we go again

so… there were good things and bad things with this finale. i think it was a FANTASTIC chimney episode. kenneth choi was incredible, and i appreciate that him and athena made up. i think that’s kind of where my enjoyment of it ends.

first: hen not wanting to be captain. relegating her to being a mother and not being able to handle both being a captain AND parent pisses me the fuck off. it feels sexist af. especially with there being some set up in this episode for potential eddie or chimney as captain, both of whom are also parents (eddie being a single parent to a disabled child and chimney having the youngest of the kids on the show). so they can balance/handle that because what, they’re men? like what are we doing here? and on another topic with hen: why the fuck was mara being adopted a short clip in a montage without any lead-up? there was no mention that that was on the horizon, and i feel like hen’s been side-lined quite a bit.

next up: eddie. what in the fuck have the writers been doing with you??? there were multiple storylines this season where we could have seen GROWTH and DEVELOPMENT on screen. the kim storyline that caused chris to leave in the first place?? there was never an on-screen discussion. and personally, i’m assuming it got swept under the rug. and as someone who grew up in a family that just moved past arguments like this… it fucks you up. and THEN the whole storyline about choosing joy? and eddie has not made a fuckin choice for himself, including whether he’s staying in LA? it took chimney grabbing his phone and telling him no?? (and also finding out ryan was worried that he was being written off when tim called is infuriating.)

third: athena. so after all that fucking talk about not selling the house, she somehow makes the decision to just sell it??? she doesn’t really get much resolution in that awful montage of an ending, and i’m left feeling like she might be leaving. could be wrong, but something just didn’t feel right. i’m glad we got her and chimney making up, but other than that? idk i’m concerned for how her character is being written.

speaking of that montage: putting multiple important things into a tiny little 3-minute montage felt SO messy. i feel like the show has been putting in SO many timeskips to avoid having to be actually good at writing. and the montage is effectively a way to show a little something while they put in yet ANOTHER timeskip.

lastly: buck. i almost wish he would transfer out, which sounds crazy, but hear me out on this. i don’t feel like he’s had ANY resolution since bobby’s death. he’s tried to internalize his own grief and focus on making sure everyone else is okay with no one being equipped to have these conversations with each other. the buddie argument did not actually meaningfully resolve anything on that front. i almost feel like it might be more effective for buck to get some growth/development by transferring to another house temporarily. maybe have him on loan to another house to be able to meet other people who might know how to better communicate with him and push him. and then the montage of him looking for places and moving out (effectively tearing away any chance of buck, eddie, and chris living together even for a short period)… something in his demeanor still screams that buck is internalizing things to me. i just did not feel any resolution for buck after all this.

the writing overall has been genuinely terrible for the most part this season. there have been some really great moments and lines, but overall super lackluster. and y’know, i’m still extremely angry about bobby. everything to do what his death and funeral was such fucking bullshit, and the writers can’t even meaningfully follow through. i was already planning to quit watching after bobby died, still kept watching hoping he might come back by the end of the season. but i think i’m calling it here. maybe if somehow next season the writing improves (not holding my breath), then i might be roped back in by those who still plan to watch.

also one last thing: i wasn’t expecting buddie canon like so many fans were hyping up for for this episode, and i don’t think queerbaiting is necessarily quite correct as a term for the last week of press. ship-baiting, absolutely. but given we have canonically queer main characters (hen and buck), it feels disingenuous to say it’s queerbaiting. that being said, the damage control press tour using ship-baiting is something else. it’s disappointing on the part of ABC/showrunners, and it’s exhausting. i’m not holding my breath on this show following up on anything they build up to when they can’t even handle basic storylines, so good luck to those who are sticking it out. it won’t be me.

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man i swore i wasn’t going to but here i go again lmao

(spoilers obviously if you’re not up to 8x17) apparently they’re going to keep sucking me back into 911 no matter how mad i am about bobby.

okay, so i saw a lot of concerning discourse over the argument with buck and eddie that i wanted to address first before i go into what i liked/didn’t like about the episode. the lack of media literacy is something else in fandom lately. y’all can’t handle character complexities. (and honestly i question whether you can handle real friendships/relationships appropriately with some of the bad opinions i’ve seen.) the people calling eddie “abusive” and playing like buck is a victim and can do no wrong?? it’s giving ableism and racism. you’re calling the latino man “abusive” for grabbing buck’s shoulder and pointing in his face when buck said something insensitive in the first place? infantilizing the white neurodivergent character in this situation? be so fucking for real. buck and eddie are BOTH dealing with some intense grief (while neither are currently in therapy for an outlet either) for losing someone who was more of a father to them than their own biological fathers. they BOTH said some things that got under each other’s skin, and buck didn’t even flinch when eddie grabbed his shoulder. if that isn’t a sign that buck didn’t feel threatened, idk what to tell you. let’s break down the argument:

buck not finding out from eddie himself that he got a job offer in el paso fd was shitty. i don’t think it came from a bad place on eddie’s part, but i don’t think it was fair of eddie to wait so long either to the point of even hoping someone else would tell buck instead (his convo with hen). i’ve dealt with a lot of that in my own life of people seeing me as ‘too sensitive’ and withholding news/information from me, and it did some damage to my relationships with people because it should have been communicated to me timely and directly from the source. i think it was unfair of eddie to make that choice for buck EVEN IF it was coming from a good place. and for buck to realize that hen and chim wouldn’t tell him either, i’d feel pretty isolated from people i considered family. and poor ravi accidentally being the one to leak it to buck because he probably assumed buck would know.

“can you blame us? look how you’re acting now.” “you make it all about you. the trials and tribulations of evan buckley, a tragedy in 97 acts.” so initially this comes off as a low blow, and it wasn’t until a rewatch that i really sat with these lines. firstly, it comes across as eddie projecting in some sense. even if buck is not intentionally making it about him, eddie seems to be making it about him. his reason for not saying anything? worrying about buck! he makes it about buck himself. but then we find out: “cause you never asked what it was like.” so buck has been so focused on trying to keep it together and trying to externalize it by taking grief scores (hen calls the questions odd earlier, so he’s using a clinical measure to keep some semblance of distance to prevent from having to be vulnerable) for everyone that he’s not even willing to just have a plain old conversation about how the others are doing. eddie wanted to be asked about how he was doing and wanted buck (the one (adult) person he’s closest with) to be the one to do so because he’s comfortable enough to be vulnerable with him, but he also couldn’t ask about it because he’s comfortable enough saw how buck was acting—distanced, aloof, fragile (“you’ve been spiraling since the funeral, and no one knows how to talk to you about it.” and tbh, that’s also no fair. they should’ve both leaned on each other and found a way to communicate properly.)

“sorry i’m sad that bobby’s dead.” definitely peddling back to some 1.0 buck in this line. this is some regression for him (to be expected with a massive loss like this), and it’s unfair because it comes across as him being the only one who’s sad about bobby. it’s selfish, and honestly? it’s a response i would have gone with years ago before i dealt with my own shit. it’s easier to regress into bad behavior and push someone away (because honestly that’s what this line is giving) instead of taking accountability and being vulnerable. eddie’s response is then to grab buck’s shoulder and point at him (which he does in any mood, so it really doesn’t come off as threatening imo). he’s angry, and i would be too if someone said that! ALL of them are dealing with a massive loss.

“we’re just trying to do our damn best to get through it!” “yeah, i know.” buck’s response and specifically oliver’s delivery of this line i think also really solidifies buck being a hair away from breaking down. all while being called out for not being fully present or understanding of what eddie’s dealing with. eddie also lost a father figure and was put into the position of being ALONE in texas with his kid having to break the news to christopher. the added nuance of trying to hold it together in front of his kid (instead of regressing into destroying his room like he had when he found out everyone he saved is dead) is something that buck didn’t have to deal with and never even asked about. like if you don’t see what that as wrong of buck, i can bet you don’t bother to check in on people.

buck apologizing was great to see after eddie explained. but then: “you don’t think i did everything i could to save him?” kind of a selfish thing to say when eddie was simply trying to be vulnerable about the one thought that kept running through his mind, that he wasn’t there and that he’ll never know if he could’ve possibly made a difference. eddie wasn’t trying to place blame on buck, but buck took it as a personal attack anyway. so “i don’t know, buck. i wasn’t there.” almost feels like a last cheap shot initially, but it isn’t. i think eddie was frustrated that when he was finally able to open up and wanted to be able to grieve TOGETHER, it had to once again revolve around buck while buck deflects and closes up. they were both hurt, and yet, they felt safe enough with each other to HAVE this much needed argument.

in fact, both of them clearly agonized all night after leaving the fight like that since buck looked like he was going to talk to him to apologize when he found the note the next morning, and eddie was up all night arranging for chris to fly in for buck (and then also picking up tía pepa). buck assumed from the note that eddie up and left because that’s all he’s ever known. people leave no matter how much he tries to cling. in fact, we’ve never seen buck dig his claws in as much as he has with eddie other than maybe maddie. he let abby, alli, taylor, natalia, and tommy go without much of a fight. but eddie, he allowed himself to have a few freakouts about him initially leaving for el paso. so of course he figured eddie had had enough of him after that argument (major rejection sensitivity!). meanwhile, eddie has shown multiple times now that he’s not cutting contact despite distance (all the facetime and consulting with buck about everything) and even decided to bring family to buck because he felt bad about “being a dick” to him.

anyway, they BOTH had some regressions in that argument, they BOTH said some not so nice things, but both of them needed that confrontation. something needed to give.

anyway, onto the episode as a whole: i’m shocked after the last two episodes that the writing was good. and the director? incredible job. the scene at the beginning of the 118 being noisy and laughing and then the cut to buck alone in the silence was genuinely so jarring (in a good way!). eddie going to hen and karen because he’s worried about buck, and karen picking up on eddie calling LA home was wonderful. it highlights the fact that eddie still has attachments there and that part of his concern with taking the el paso job is having to officially tie himself down in texas and not come back home. the amount of karen we’ve been getting! the cool-toned lighting and shaky camera in the kitchen argument really set the atmosphere so nicely. it felt intimate and tense and brought out the grief in both characters. and later the change to warm tones when chris and tía pepa are brought in. pepa calling buck “evancito” and “cariño”? oh, she has always claimed buck as part of the family, and it is so nice to see her and buck interact again.

the things i’m not so sure about: the athena/chim issue. i get why they each feel the way they do, but idk it feels off seeing athena like this? but it could be the grief that’s making her the way she is. it’s also odd not seeing her and buck interact in these last two episodes? you mean to tell me they’re avoiding each other?? also: hen not taking captain so she can still have time with her family and be a mother? idk that comes off as kinda sexist. is being captain more work? sure, but she’s done it before. and yes, her kids are younger than athena’s, but bobby was still plenty present for harry and may when they needed him. i’m hoping that next episode since we don’t see hen trapped that she takes on a leadership role and realizes that she does in fact do well in that role and takes the offer. otherwise, i can only see chimney as an appropriate choice (or more delusionally, bobby coming back 😅).

edit: sorry, might be multiple edits on this, but just another reason that argument is so necessary and poignant for me is eddie confronting buck in the way that he did also shows how much he cares about him. he didn’t just cut buck off or ice him out. he fought because he cares so damn much about buck and their relationship. like for once it feels like someone is digging their claws into buck, clinging to him too in some sense (despite leaving for texas for his son), instead of just walking away. i hope buck is getting the picture that no matter what, eddie is still with him, no matter the distance.

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little wolf

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Just having some fun playing dress up with my favorite Magister (pre-Veilguard)

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just gonna throw a whole rant under here

so i’m relatively older than most folks on here 😅 i participated in fandom/fanfic in forums and journal sites for most of my childhood. cycled in and out of a bunch of different types of fandoms. had a tumblr back in the heyday that probably got purged at this point lol. i was in high school when supernatural first started airing. all that jazz. ended up quitting supernatural during? after? season 7 because i just couldn’t deal with the writing and mocking of the fandom at that point.

why mention all this? well, early last year, i had come across some silly clips of 911. i decided why not, let me give it a shot and see if it’s any good. the fandom sold it quite well, and the promise of great characters and canon queer characters from the beginning sounded great. on top of that, a showrunner commented on specifically NOT killing main characters. (i hate MCD if it does not exist in a universe where they come back after. i’ve DNF’d media and fics alike for it. i don’t bother playing the end of veilguard anymore because the thing with varric felt cruel.) so of course, i fell for these silly little fictional characters.

i was just about finishing up the first part of season 7 back then when my life got completely turned upside down. long story short: a jackass neighbor (former cop, so you know he faced NO consequences) hit my apartment with his truck in the very corner i was sitting in, faced no consequences, and i was left with 3 days to move all of my shit that survived to a storage unit while essentially being homeless for 4 months. then (as someone who unfortunately lives in the us), the state of the world went to shit. so when this silly little show picked back up, i had to catch back up and suddenly i was seeing spoilers of a MCD. of course, we as a fandom all were in denial because they definitely told us MCD wouldn’t happen. and then came the shots of the fake script. then lab rats happened. i’ll be honest, i decided not to watch it. i saw clips which was enough for me to solidify that i was likely done with the show. with all of the media after, it felt 90% sure to me that the character was dead dead.

then this last episode happened. an extra posted saying “is he really gone?” and i unfortunately felt a little hopeful that maybe they’d walk it back after the backlash. instead, we got one of the WORST episodes i have seen. the only saving grace was the acting. everything else was horrible. firstly: the funeral felt like the b plot for the episode. for a MAIN character who was so beloved by both the other characters and the people who watch the show, it felt like an afterthought. second: the timeskip and developments off screen. i get the show is limited by the time they have, but if you’re going to pull this AWFUL plot line, you have to fucking follow through. it felt like they just wanted to get past it and be done. most of the characters don’t really even get a proper chance to be featured with how they’re handling their grief. (eddie flying in to say all of two lines and everything else was off screen?? huh??? may and harry seem completely unaffected??) last but certainly not least: that fucking b plot made a plot with the woman believing her baby was stolen. (which fyi tim, not fucking realistic to have the EXACT SAME birthmark like that.) you have this parallel storyline for athena to face her grief but make it in a way that MOCKS the fucking fandom for holding onto hope that he isn’t dead. it was fucking cruel and so fucking poorly written. that is literally the same fucking bullshit that made me absolutely fucking done with supernatural. i don’t trust the writers to be able to handle these characters and respect the fandom that did a wonderful job of pulling people (like myself) into the show.

and the promo for next episode looks like business as usual. i’m not fucking having it anymore. i’m quitting this fucking show because the writers don’t deserve the actors they have and the characters they’ve created. fuck tim minear and everyone who signed off on this and the mindgames they fucking played for a MONTH.

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Time had faded the color, but not the memory.

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Wanderlust

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the crows send their regards

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Just sketching stuff and thiiingsss