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someone wanted me to draw them dancing so ofc i spent all night drawing this

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‘RIVALS’ Masterpost

VOLUME 1 / Google Drive

Chapter 1 | IMGUR

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 3.5

VOLUME 2

Chapter 4

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Dazai With Atsushi;

Dazai With Akutagawa;

Based on post by @aikafuwaa

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Why not .)

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💖 30-day self love challenge 💖

✨ day 02; list out at least 5 accomplishments or achievements you’ve made that you are proud of. these can be small or large, recent or further back.

i couldn’t really think of anything at first that i almost gave up and decided to just wing my whole answer into just one accomplishment. but i guess, it isn’t too bad to be fond of little successes only you know.

☘️ i used to be a fanfic writer (and though i want to say i still am but i’m having the major slump in my whole life so i’m not really doing any productive and essential writing nowadays.) this year’s january, i posted some fanfics in my ao3 account – most were pieces i’ve written through december, surprisingly, because admittedly i’m in a slump since first month last year. my works got a decent amount of attention from fellow-fans, with less than three comments, which is somehow enough for me as a beginner (because they were the first few fics i’ve posted in the fandom) but what really stuck out and made me proud of myself is one of the, well, renowned fans in the fandom commented on one of my one-shot fics and told me they love my characterization in it and it was all the fluff they needed. that approval really made a lasting impression on me that until now, i still find myself holding on to it to get me through in writing a new work (if i’d ever get around that).

☘️ last month i also started teaching myself how to color manga screencaps and, though i don’t post it in my fan blog, but the results of my coloring is sorta enough for me to be proud of as a starter. even though i cannot integrate some kind of depth in my coloring because honestly, it’s more like a coloring of a fifth-grader who is still in between knowing how to not color out of the lines but not knowing how to make a life out of the color, but i think i’ll be able to do the latter if i keep on doing this newfound hobby.

☘️ along with my digital coloring hobby, i also got back to my long-lost hobby of editing. i’ve done it when i was in high school but stopped because my mom’s new laptop back then didn’t have the editing software i’m used to. also, i looked for other new hobbies around ninth grade. but i’m back to editing now and i’m happy that i still produce decent results despite being rusty the first few times i try to refresh what i had learned way back. it also encouraged me to explore on the new editing software i am currently using so that’s additional learning and i’m proud. my editing ideas though is kind of outdated, so i think i am going to work on it.

☘️ i’ve started this fanblog last year to lowkey contribute a little to the fandom. every time i share incorrect quotes/texts and i see co-fans enjoying them, it makes me feel happy as a human that i also have a capacity to be funny and make other people smile.

☘️ i’m not always known to be opinionated – or blunt and forward about my opinions. i don’t say anything much about something and that’s actually what i regretted not cultivating throughout the years. i just think it sucks if you don’t have your own say in things because, i don’t know, I believe in the inherent mission of the humanity to make their lives sound and original. and learning how to form your opinions, especially if you aren’t born opinionated and you’re brought up in an environment where opinion doesn’t really matter, is harder than just casually dropping some stuff on what you like and dislike. there are a lot of risks i.e what people will think about you if you like/dislike a certain thing. it doesn’t even help that i’m too much of a self-conscious worrywart. but nowadays, with the help of few friends and a guidance counsellor (because i’ve been seeing one last year, hard times), i’m able to slowly, gradually form opinions and voice them. i’m still struggling but at least around my friends, i’m more outspoken than i was used to. it’s enough of a progress.

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Keep reading

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30-day self love challenge start!!

( if you want to try, here's the post. big thanks to @nonbinarypastels for sharing this wonderful challenge! 💖💕 )

✨ day 01; on a scale from 1-10 (with 1 being “horrible, can’t possibly be any worse” and 10 being “wonderful, can’t possibly be any better”), how would you rate your self-esteem right now? why would you rate it that way?

i wanted to opt on zero (that’s more realistic for me) but that’d be too depressing, so let’s say – 1.

lately, it’s hard to appease myself and come up encouraging words to take me out the dark den of self-hatred, self-pity and loathing. it has even come to a point where i cannot do the things i am interested before just because they frustrate me (and they’re also kinda the root of my low self-esteem). before it was easy to tell myself i’m nice, but now i can’t help the nagging voice inside my head that tells me i’m only being nice to ward off people from the fact that i’m selfish. i don’t even want to be compassionate anymore because i feel like it’s the fake version of me. also, it isn’t easy for me to tell myself that i have potentials if only i know how to dredge them out from me through hardwork because i always get blocked by my narrow way of thinking that i don’t have any talents and whatever i do, hardwork is never going to make up for my ordinary nature – and that i’ll never be someone born for something, that i’ll always have to grab on scraps to amount to something because i’m pitiful and horribly ordinary like that. and, i don’t know if this description will help, but i hate my capricorn sun and love my pisces moon more – which is an astrological way of representing the fact that i totally hate all the good qualities – ambitious, serious and realistic – in me and only love my dark side or the side no one knows – emotional, hypersensitive and difficult. it’s like i’m becoming more comfortable on my darkness than on my light. i don’t even want to see any light anymore. walking this journey through darkness make it more peaceful for me, because i don’t have to expect on things that aren’t for me.

but to lighten things up, i'm doing my best to address this overly negative way of thinking about myself. i mean, i won't be trying out this self-blogging if i'm not, right??

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💗30 Days of Self Love 💗

This is a 30 day challenge meant to help people improve their self-esteem and learn to love and appreciate themselves a little bit more! You can start this challenge whenever you want, completing each day in the order listed or in whatever order you prefer. If any day is too uncomfortable to complete you can feel free to skip it and come back to it later or just skip it entirely.

If you choose to do this challenge please tag your posts with #30DaySelfLoveChallenge or #30 Day Self Love Challenge so everyone else who is doing it can view all the responses!

💗 Day 01: On a scale from 1-10 (with 1 being “horrible, can’t possibly be any worse” and 10 being “wonderful, can’t possibly be any better”), how would you rate your self-esteem right now? Why would you rate it that way?

💗 Day 02: List out at least 5 accomplishments or achievements you’ve made that you are proud of. These can be small or large, recent or made further back.

💗 Day 03: List out at least 5 non-physical things you like about yourself. These can be personality traits, talents, things you’ve done for other people, etc.

💗 Day 04: List out at least 5 physical things you like about yourself.

💗 Day 05: People are often kinder to others than they are to themselves, so imagine yourself from the perspective of a loved one. If you were your own best friend, what would your outside impression of yourself be?

💗 Day 06: Think of how old you were when you first started struggling with your self-esteem and write a letter of encouragement to your younger self.

💗 Day 07: List out at least 5 compliments people have given you. These can be compliments from people IRL or online and they can be about anything.

💗 Day 08: List out at least 5 good things that have happened recently. These can be things that have happened to you or to someone else or even just good stories you’ve heard in the news.

💗 Day 09: When your emotions get to be too much, what are some healthy things you can do to ground you and help you calm down? List out as many as you can think of.

💗 Day 10: Imagine you have a loved one who is on a long voyage (to sea, outer space, wherever) and misses you desperately. What would they write in a letter to you? What would they miss about you? Write a love letter to yourself.

💗 Day 11: List out at least 5 quotes that inspire you or make you feel happy.

💗 Day 12: List out at least 5 songs that make you happy when you listen to them.

💗 Day 13: Imagine the perfect day. What does it look like for you? Describe the weather, where you’re at, what you’re doing, who (if anyone) you’re with, and how it all makes you feel.

💗 Day 14: Many people have a problem with comparing themselves negatively to others. Take a moment to truly acknowledge the progress you have made in life without comparing that progress to anyone else. How have you become a better person? What hobbies do you have that you’ve improved at? What other areas of your life (no matter how small) have you gotten better in? List out as many examples as you can think of.

💗 Day 15: Being positive towards others can often help people be positive about themselves, so take some time and send anonymous positive messages to at least 10 people. These can be compliments or just a “hope you have a good day!”, to people you follow or just random people in tags you track. Look at how these people react to your messages and describe how it makes you feel.

💗 Day 16: List out at least 5 fictional characters you admire or connect with and describe what it is you admire about them.

💗 Day 17: What is your favorite positive interest or hobby? Describe how you first got into it and what you like about it.

💗 Day 18: List out at least 5 “I will ___” statements that you can apply to your day-to-day life in order to be more positive (example: I will believe people when they compliment me, I will ignore the voice in my head that tells me to doubt myself, etc.).

💗 Day 19: List out at least 5 coping statements. Coping statements are statements you use in order to feel better about yourself/your current state (example: I’m going to be okay, My feelings are difficult but I can handle them, I will survive this situation, etc).

💗 Day 20: Go outside. Use all your senses to observe your environment and identify things around you that you like, that make you feel calm or happy. Describe what those things are, what you see/hear/feel/smell that makes you feel calm or happy.

💗 Day 21: Everyone makes mistakes. What defines people is not that they have made mistakes but that they have learned from them and made an effort to do better in the future. List out at least 1 mistake you have made (using however much or little detail as you feel comfortable with) and describe how you have learned from it and grown as a person after making it.

💗 Day 22: List out at least 5 good deeds you have done for other people. These can be small things or large ones and can be as simple as something nice you’ve done for/said to someone rather than an actual favor.

💗 Day 23: List out at least 5 things that make you laugh. These can be jokes, movies, youtube videos or anything else.

💗 Day 24: What are you insecure about? Divide these things into two lists: things you can change and things you can’t. Now imagine that someone else has made this list. What advice or words of support would you give them about their insecurities?

💗 Day 25: What bad habits do you have? Make a list of them sorted by the ones you think will be easiest to break to the hardest. Beside of each bad habit write out things you can do in order to improve on them or ideas for more positive things you can do as alternatives to whatever the bad habit is.

💗 Day 26: What good habits do you have? What things do you already do that are positive and healthy and how did you come to start doing them? What advice would you give to people who struggle with those things?

💗 Day 27: Imagine your ideal self, focusing mostly on non-physical traits. How would this person feel about themself? What kind of person are they? What kind of friend are they to the people they care about? How is this ideal self different from you as you are now? List out things you can do in order to be more like them.

💗 Day 28: List out at least 5 short-term goals (things you want to do this week/this month/this year) and at least 5 long-term goals (things you want to do in the next 5+ years).

💗 Day 29: List out at least 5 reasons to stay alive.

💗 Day 30: Now that the challenge is over, rate your self-esteem again. On a scale from 1 to 10 (with 1 being “horrible, can’t possibly be any worse” and 10 being “wonderful, can’t possibly be any better”), where is your self-esteem at now? Why would you rate it that way? List out the things you have learned about yourself from doing this challenge and how you can continue to improve your self-esteem from here on out.

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" Security? Stability? For me, they are illusions we struggle to create for a sense of control in our lives. Nothing in this world is finite when everything are interconnected. What happens to the others may have indirect effects on you. Like when I would go out right now, a truck may run me over because the driver was drunk since last night. A crazy man might pull me to a corner in the broadest daylight. The water I've used to brush my teeth might poison me years later because of the accumulation of the chemicals poured in it at the treatment station. You see, we humans are not treading on an unshakable ground - ironically, this same ground would shake when it wants to. We've been walking along a thin tightrope or a narrow glass road where the wide empty spaces in both sides aren't the only threats but the glass breaking and its slippery path warn us as well. The earth may be made of hard ground but it still floats in the universe, ready to collide with a neighboring planet or asteroid that will be the end of us all. And so case in point, just be free. Nothing can be under your control except your spirit and soul which doesn't really need to be controlled. "

- the illusions of our world

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“And I can’t be running back and forth forever between grief and high delight.”

— J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey (via the-book-diaries)

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He lived out the rest of his days as rustic bumpkin of the commonest sort, and buried himself in the dust of the world.

Dazai Osamu, The Mermaid and The Samurai (from Blue Bamboo: Tales by Dazai Osamu)

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Human beings must suffer through their entire lives amid the love and hate that rule their world. There is no escape. All you can do is endure. Endure and struggle, struggle and endure.

Dazai Osamu, The Mermaid and The Samurai (from Blue Bamboo: Tales by Dazai Osamu)

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Human beings who believe they could find true happiness as a bird or beast are despised by the gods more than any others.

Dazai Osamu, Blue Bamboo (from Blue Bamboo: Tales by Dazai Osamu)

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You suffer because you think the only life you can have is in the place you were born.

Dazai Osamu, Blue Bamboo (from Blue Bamboo: Tales by Dazai Osamu)

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Inscrutable are the ways of heaven. Bestir yourself and leap back into the fray. In our seventy years of life, no one knows what might occur. Every ebb has its flow. The heart of man is as changeable as the storm-tossed waves of Lake Tung-t'ing.

 Dazai Osamu, Blue Bamboo (from Blue Bamboo: Tales by Dazai Osamu)

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Ah, to be one of those crows, who know nothing of wealth and poverty!

 Dazai Osamu, Blue Bamboo (from Blue Bamboo: Tales by Dazai Osamu)

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How I envy those self-satisfied commoners who, seeing nothing and comprehending nothing, are convinced they know it all! There are in this world things of such mystery and awesome beauty that the small-minded cannot even imagine them. There are, yet he who discovers them risks falling into a bottomless hell.

 Dazai Osamu, The Mermaid and The Samurai (from Blue Bamboo: Tales by Dazai Osamu)