allfor-thegames

[allfor-thegames]

things i believe about neil josten that i will be happy to discuss but also you can pry these from my cold dead hands

swiss french feels the most natural to him. he can lean real hard into quebecois when he wants to though

he speaks castilian spanish

he was homeschooled in baltimore

he likes math because there is only one right answer

he is a slow reader

he will always be closer with wymack than he is with abby

he is somewhat ambidextrous but heavily favors his right hand. he broke his right arm when he young and some things stuck.

his back is covered in just as many scars as his front. he doesn't really acknowledge some of the scarring on his back because he can't easily see it in a mirror

his relationship with his mother was awful. now that she's gone, he views a lot of it with rose colored glasses.

his mother's abuse was worse than he tells in his narration. he was walking on eggshells with her just as much as he was with his father. but is father's abuse was so much worse by comparison, and the context around the abuse from his mother allows him to forgive her for a lot of it.

but at the same time, he knew his mother loved him. he knew she cared about him.

in the sunshine court, he presses his foot against the side of jean's to steady him. this was something he figured out in the nest. he doesn't know that that's how he knows this

he has a history of dissociation. there are years of his childhood that are gone. there are entire cities he doesn't remember. he has scars he doesn't remember getting. later, there are sections of his night in baltimore that he won't remember.

[allfor-thegames]

things i believe about kevin day

he has very few memories of his mother. similar to how jean's life in marseille is a "fractured mess, dreams that dissipated before he woke enough to recall them with any clarity" (TSC, p.11), the same is true for kevin. he was in the nest longer and arrived younger.

the memories he does have of her are blurry and incomplete, flashes here and there. he does not remember her entire face. he remembers freckles and bright skin, the furrow in her brow when she'd watch exy.

his life before her death is also scattered.

he had a pretty strong irish accent, but it disappeared over his first three years in the nest full time. there are a handful of words where it slips out, but it's a rare thing, and it's slight enough that no one really notices.

his relationship with riko is immensely complicated. he is terrified of him. he hates him. he loves him. he misses him. he still looks over his shoulder to tell riko something. he still looks for riko on the court.

by the time we meet kevin in tfc, kevin is aware of how toxic and possessive his relationship with riko was. he still isn't ready to address and unpack the whole thing.

he and riko would work on their aim by trying to hit a ball at the same spot in the same wall over and over again. somewhere in the depths of evermore, there is a ball-sized indent in the wall.

kevin did the same exercise for hours on the outside wall of his hotel in the time between finals and riko's funeral.

he was more afraid of tetsuji than he was of riko. a different kind of fear.

he is terribly, horribly afraid that his mother knew what tetsuji was involved in and capable of. he is terrified that his mother knew what kind of guardian he was to riko, and what she was condemning kevin in the event of her death.

he chooses to tell himself that she didn't know. that she never would have sent him to tetsuji if she did. but that doubt haunts him for a long time.

he doesn't remember her well enough to be entirely confident of her love for him. he spent every summer with tetsuji and riko, and he isn't convinced that she didn't know how badly tetsuki treated riko.

nathaniel haunted kevin the same way he haunted jean.

he almost told wymack he was his father several times, especially in the beginning.

kevin day is not a coward. he is terrified. he is trying to rebuild his entire life after it fell apart entirely. he is a victim. he was wrong for involving jean in his escape plan, but he could not have escaped without jean's involvement. he is not wrong for escaping. he is struggling. he is doing his best, and sometimes, it isn't enough. but he's trying.

kevin day cares about the people around him. he cares so much.

[allfor-thegames]

jean telling andrew, "You had no right to covet him," is an insane line that haunts me. we've known all along that riko must have targeted andrew because he's close to kevin. but here jean really implies that someone did have a right to kevin and that that someone was riko. jean also tells us that that bit of vengeance on andrew, punishing him for "claiming" kevin, was what riko was most happy with. like i knew there were weird kevriko vibes going on since book number 1, but tgr really felt like getting my faced smashed in by weird kevriko vibes.

[allfor-thegames]

nathaniel is far more the product of mary than nathan

[allfor-thegames]

okay sorry im literally never going to be normal about "i wouldn't have given him to you if i'd known you would just throw him away so carelessly". jean is saying this to ANDREW after andrew interrogates him over grayson and the possibility of him having touched neil. andrew who came back from easthaven to see that neil the Real Boy josten went to the nest for him. neil josten who doesnt remember the nest at all. who might not even know if he was raped or assaulted.

he asks jean because jean was there, jean was complicit even if he was hurt by the same monster, and jean will Know. and jean gives him the answer he needs to hear, because andrew almost lost neil only a few months ago and andrew stood on the stand only a few weeks ago and detailed all the horrible things that have been done to him for everyone to hear (everyone knows now bee) and andrew would NOT have been able to handle the fact that he kissed/touched neil the first time only a few weeks after the nest. if grayson had in fact touched him.

so this. despite the understanding jean and andrew have of each other (jean's hand on his neck, andrew's ever present armbands) is andrew needing to know so he can protect neil, even if at this point grayson is dead and gone. AND THEN. for jean to TURN IT BACK ON ANDREW. to imply andrew does not care enough about neil to take care of himself, which would allow him to more effectively protect him, to remind andrew of the fact that JEAN got neil out of the nest. that jean kept him alive in there and returned him to south carolina not whole but not broken.

for jean to say andrew was throwing him away, the way jean got thrown away by his parents, the way elodie got thrown away by their parents. jean who may not have been able to truly protect neil in the nest, jean who has gained neil's devotion and protection despite that, who could not protect him but would Keep him no matter what. like wow okay this is crazy tthat interaction was actually fucking insane like that was so fucking oahvdskskjsdkjg.

[allfor-thegames]

one of my favorite things about aftg is how kevin haunts the fuck out of the narrative despite being both alive and present.

[allfor-thegames]

wymack raising kevin. pictures on the fridge of him sitting on wymack's shoulders in his gear, proudly showing off a little league trophy, absolutely beaming.

[allfor-thegames]

Jean: What can I do besides submit or die?

Neil: submit or die? What are you? French??

[allfor-thegames]

jeremy goes pro first. he gets plenty of options, but ultimately chooses san diego to stay closer to la while still having some distance from his family. he is traded to san francisco his fourth year, and jean joins him there the following year. he makes court his third year in his pros, and wrestles with his decision to join, but jean pushes him to accept the spot. jeremy has a good and long career and retires in his mid thirties.

kevin could practically take his pick from any team in the league. he chooses a conference that keeps him in the south to be a reasonable distance from palmetto. he makes court before he even starts his rookie season. he has a phenomenal career. he breaks records, he wins the olympics, he is the highest paid athlete in the sport, he's the most recognizable exy player in the world. he retires in his late thirties after one of his best seasons. he stays in the exy sphere though. he becomes the offensive coach for court, for a few years, before getting the head coach position same same year he turns forty. he coaches until he can't anymore, and then he turns to being a commentator for the sport.

jean reluctantly goes pro after graduation. despite finding some love for the sport in his last years at usc, a lot of that love was tied to the people he was playing with - and now he's playing on a team full of strangers. he gets a lot of offers, but doesn't get one from jeremy's team. he stays in la. he knows the city, he knows people in it, he's planted some roots here. he doesn't want to leave yet. thankfully he gets an offer from san francisco the year after jeremy transfers there. he has a hard time with the sport, and his body has a harder and harder time keeping up with it, and after a bad mcl sprain in his seventh season, jean retires before he's thirty.

andrew's reputation precedes him when he graduates, and only two teams offer him a position. he doesn't think either team is a great fit, but he goes to cleveland. if anyone asks if he purposely chose the team that will bring him to aaron's city twice a season, he'll shrug and say that he flipped a coin and he landed here. he has a great first season on the court but he butts heads with his teammates off the court. he's traded to denver his third year. he makes court the same season. his career in denver is long and glorious, rivaled only by kevin's in terms of accomplishments and stats. he is the only goalie to score a goal. he wins two olympic gold medals before retiring in his late thirties, three years before neil.

neil goes to boston. he's a great player - one of the best. there are rumors of him making court his rookie year, and he gets the offer, but has to defer because the fbi won't let him get a passport to play internationally yet. he is constantly in contention for the best exy players and his name is constantly mentioned beside kevin's for best striker. when the denver coach notices how often neil is in town during the off season, he makes a trade for neil the season after taking on andrew. if anyone notices how hotheaded neil josten and combative andrew minyard chill out a bit now that theyre on the same team, no one says anything. neil finally gets to accept his court offer in time to qualify for the olympics and he wins two golds and one silver in his career. he takes on captaincy five years into his career, and takes the position on the national team after kevin retires. neil is a legendary player in the league, and is more often than not compared to kevin. he beats many of kevin's records, and then challenges kevin to beat the new one (which he usually does). neil plays well into his early forties once there are too many old injuries giving him trouble to keep playing. he transitions to coaching at the collegiate level in colorado and andrew finally convinces neil to purchase a house.

[allfor-thegames]

nicky and the twins with deep, prominent and disarming dimples.

the twins with super light eyelashes.

neil with freckles.

kevin with greenish-brown eyes that are spectacular in the sun.

the twins with very thick hair and identical cowlicks.

neil with a scar that splits his eyebrows.

nicky with eyes that look like whiskey in the sun.

kevin with tan skin that looks like his father's

kevin with an absolutely radiant smile

[allfor-thegames]

>>> the perfect court the foxhole court the raven king the king's men the sunshine court the golden raven the broken cage >>> the queen's game

[allfor-thegames]

in an aftg f1 au, neil is the young rookie driver that didn't drive in f3 or f2 but was making youtube videos of him building cars and recklessly but flawlessly driving them through homemade tracks riddled with obstacles and just landed a drivers contract by some miracle, while kevin is the nepotism driver with recognized talent and a racing pedigree. They're on the same team.

[allfor-thegames]

the twins with fetal alcohol syndrome *post*

[allfor-thegames]

*voice of a man who thinks about these things an ordinary amount*

so do you guys think he had pictures from halloween of his costume all covered in fake blood and do you think he deleted them all after thanksgiving

[allfor-thegames]

aaron has loved andrew as long as he's known he's existed. let me repeat. AARON HAS LOVED ANDREW AS LONG AS HE'S KNOWN HE'S EXISTED.

[allfor-thegames]

Lil bugs