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aloneinacity · 11 months

Text

all too well — yu jimin

ALL TOO WELL — you knew the risks of getting involved with someone much older than you. you knew the scrutiny you were going to face entering a relationship with your senior. you just didn't expect it from jimin herself.

TAGS — jimin's kinda toxic, power imbalance, age gap relationship, cursing, jimin is like 26 here and ur 18, angst, gaslighting kinda, suggestive content, breakup

PAIRING — karina (aespa) × fem!reader

NOTES — very heavily based on all too well (10 minute version) by taylor swift and the short film!!! go watch that masterpiece before reading :))

WORD COUNT — 11.7k THIS IS SO LONG HELP IM SORRY

how it all began

you always made up the same story as to how you two met.

when asked, you tell everyone that jimin helped you in preparing for your debut, and it just led to you two falling for each other. technically you weren’t lying.

you just left out the part about the relationship starting off as a trade for the song jimin wrote that made you famous.

on the day you met her, you felt incredibly on edge. you had just turned 18 and everyone knows by that age the window to debut decreases significantly. luckily you were already guaranteed a debut… as a soloist.

you were beyond frustrated with everything. you had shown the producers what seemed like thousands of songs you had written, practically showed them your entire lyric book, but none of it was just good enough. none of the songs you poured your heart into had the right material to be brought to life. if what you wrote with your own two hands wasn’t good enough, then what good were you for?

you found yourself sitting on the bench outside of the SM building. it wasn't out in the public where you were vulnerable to the lens of paparazzi cameras but it wasn't exactly private either.

you were biting back bitter tears, looking up at the sky. your mind filled itself with nothing but doubtful thoughts about your debut. it was all you could think about for a while and you were sick of it, but you couldn’t stop. thoughts about your debut getting canceled or your career failing because you couldn't write a proper song filled your head.

anything can happen, you thought.

the thoughts seemed to scurry away with the arrival of a person sitting down next to you on the bench. you quickly wiped at your eyes and turned your head to look at who it was.

yu jimin, or karina, of aespa.

you had heard a lot about her during your trainee days, but you had never seen her in person before. aespa were legends within the walls of SM, having risen to fame immediately even before debut with their unique concept. every trainee wanted to be them, yet only a handful was to make it out of your trainee group. one of them being you, of course.

her hair was tied up in a messy, but intact ponytail. two strands of hair fell to the sides of her face, shaping it just right. a beauty mark sat just under her parted lips, perfect teeth hiding behind them. she addressed you with kind, gentle eyes.

"hi," she greeted. her voice was small, her lips coming together to send you a small smile.

"h... hi, sunbaenim... wait, i meant karina sunbaenim...?" you question, not knowing how to address the senior idol. she chuckles at the sight of you fumbling over your own words.

"you can just call me jimin," she reassures and you nod. "okay... jimin-sunbaenim."

"what are you doing out here in the cold?" jimin asks.

she knows exactly what it is when all you answer with is a gigantic sigh.

"let me guess... writing problems?"

you nod, refusing to pull your eyes away from the ground. you felt as if feeling this way over something simple such as songwriting was stupid. but you had also become aware of the fact that the senior idol never pulled her gaze away from you.

then, out of the corner of your eye, you see jimin dip her head down a bit to meet your averted eyes, as if she was trying to approach a scared dog. “do you want to see what i’m working on?” jimin asks as soon as you meet her eyes.

it took you by surprise. it makes her laugh when your eyes widen a bit. why would a highly respected senior idol make time for you like this? sure, you were about to debut, but you were still considered a trainee.

it was as if she read your mind. “i can hear the gears turning in your head. i just figure that it would do you some good seeing material other than your own once in a while.”

“i'd love to.” you finally respond and jimin stands up, holding her hand out for you to take. you take it, expecting her to pull away right after but she doesn’t.

with a face that was increasingly getting redder, the two of you held hands the entire way to jimin’s studio. on the way there she talked about the song but you couldn’t listen. the only thing you paid attention to was her small but strong hand engulfing itself in yours. you made note of how she tugged you along; demanding but gentle.

jimin is a gentle person.

“this is more of a solo work that i’m doing, i think it’ll be perfect for you to hear,” she says as you two walk through the doors of the studio. jimin lets go of your hand, but only to make her way over to the computers and put on the song. you take a glimpse around the studio before jimin beckons you over again.

she presses play and it starts off with a slow piano piece. the beat of the song starts to trickle in and jimin's vocals flood the song. you were hooked within the first few seconds of listening, mentally praising the senior idol in songwriting.

somewhere along the way, jimin had moved behind you. your blood ran fiery hot at the feeling of the senior idol placing her hands on your shoulders, gently massaging them a little. you turned your head and made eye contact with her. jimin's eyes pierced into your own as if she was asking permission to touch you.

you turned your eyes back to the computer. you allowed her to keep her touch on you. in fact, you were melting into it.

the song finished and you turned your head back to look at her. "oh wow... that was, amazing."

"but?" jimin urges you to continue and you hesitate, pursing your lips together. her gentle eyes make it comfortable for you to voice your critique.

"i think on this line right here," you point to a line on the lyrics page next to the audio file. "the word "you" should be replaced with the word "us". the whole message of the song is to say that a breakup is no one's fault, right? so it wouldn't make sense to start blaming it on who you're writing about, switching to "what happened to you?" is too much of a contrast for the song,” you explain. jimin nods, peeking at the lyric over your shoulder.

"then how should the bridge be sung? since "us" doesn't rhyme with the other lines in the bridge," jimin questions, but you've already taken a notepad and a pen, jotting down lyrics. "like that,” you hold the paper to the side of your face so jimin can see.

the interaction causes the senior idol to lean in closer, body pressed flush to your back. you thanked your lucky stars she couldn't see how red your face was turning.

"it looks good on paper, but i need to see how it sounds.” jimin's touch leaves you as she types something on the computer. she turns back to you and tucks a hair behind her ear.

"sing it for me."

she looks at you expectantly as you part your lips in surprise. it took you a second, but you concentrated your focus back on the lyrics you wrote down on the paper, singing the revised lyrics to her.

when you finish singing the new bridge, you look up from the paper to see the senior idol grinning ear to ear. your confusion doubles when she hands you her headphones. "get in the booth and sing what you just sang, please. i need this in recording."

you smile, putting on the headphones, and stepping into the recording booth. you propped yourself up on the stool and brought the microphone stand down to your level, sending a thumbs up to jimin who stood on the other side of the glass configuring the settings.

jimin starts the music and it's like she's in a trance watching you sing. she pays close attention to how your eyes gradually flutter shut as you hit every note, the way your shoulders rise every time you're about to hit a higher note. the way you use your hand as a guide to your tone made jimin smile.

by the time the bridge was done and jimin's voice flooded back into your ears, you opened your eyes to see the senior idol smiling at you with such pride in her eyes. she didn't say anything for a while, only moving when you got embarrassed and started laughing under her gaze. “you’re so cute, y/n,” jimin mutters into the speaking microphone and if you weren’t already incredibly red in the face, you sure as hell were now.

you take off the headphones and hand them to her when you exit the recording booth. the smile never leaves her face even when she moves aside to play the new audio file. your own voice fills the speakers and all you can stare at are the lines displayed on the audio file. the audio cuts and that's when you finally look at jimin, the senior idol's smile evolved into a wide grin.

"you sound so perfect," she tells you, moving behind you again. "can i hear it again?" you ask and she nods, leaning forward to play it again. as you listen to the sound of your own voice her hands make their way to your shoulders once more, but this time they travel down to the side of your arms. they stay there and you try your best not to shudder at the feeling but you already know your body has betrayed you.

"it's like this song was made for you," she says. you swallow. when did she get this close?

jimin leans in even closer, practically speaking to the back of your neck. "do you want it?"

the question caught you off guard, spinning around to meet her eyes. you search her face for any signs of it being a joke but she's being 100% sincere. "really?"

"yeah. i'll give it to you, on one condition."

"what is it?"

"go on a date with me."

the first date

needless to say, you accepted.

the following day, jimin dragged you out of the trainee dorms by the hand. you remember constantly asking her where you guys were going but she was keeping it a secret, only responding with “you’ll see”. you continued to question throughout the hour-long car ride jimin took you on, confusion growing as you left the city, mountains and trees replacing your surroundings.

“you’re not bringing me out here to murder me or something, right?” you ask jokingly. jimin only casts you a look but doesn’t say anything, placing her eyes back on the road.

“…right?” you repeat. jimin bursts out into laughter as soon as she meets your terrified eyes, laughing hysterically as you hit her on the arm playfully saying how scared you were for a second. “you really thought i’d do something like that? wow y/n, way to treat your senior,” she feigns offense and scoffs. you throw your hands up in defense, the two of you erupting into laughter once again.

the laughter dies down and you settle back into a comfortable silence. jimin casts you a glance and reaches over the console to grab your hand. you glance back at her for a moment before facing the window to intertwine your fingers together. you stayed like that for the remainder of the car ride.

somewhere along the way you had dozed off, eyes snapping open when you heard jimin's side of the door closing. you unbuckle your seatbelt and jimin opens the door for you, extending a hand for you to take. you smile, grabbing onto it and exiting the vehicle. you looked around and saw nothing but tall trees and grass other than the dirt road the car was parked on. jimin's hand never leaves yours as she makes her way forward, tugging you along.

"is this your first date?" she asks. you look at her confused. "this is… our first date, no?" she shakes her head, laughing. "no, i meant like, is this your first ever date?"

"oh. no, it isn't,” jimin gives you a look, urging you to go on. "it's stupid. i liked a girl in high school and we went on a date to the aquarium."

"i'll make sure this one is even better, then," jimin grins and you laugh. "mmm, i don't know about that… she did buy me a stingray plushie and everything," you tease and the senior idol rolls her eyes. "well, they don't sell anything like that out here but i'll try my best."

finally, the two of you reach the spot and you gasp. in front of all the trees, there was a large patch of grass right before the edge of the cliff. on the patch of grass lay a plaid red blanket with a closed picnic basket. jimin smiles and leads you over to the blanket by the hand, sitting down with you.

"jimin-sunbae, when did you have time to do this?" you question as she reaches into the picnic basket to pull the contents out. she casts you a glance. "first of all, we're on a date, i think you can drop the honorifics. second of all, a magician never reveals her tricks,” she smirks and you laugh. you watch as she pulls out all kinds of things: bread, knives, a jar of jam, and… candles?

"what are those for?" you point to the candle. she points her head towards them. "oh those are for when it gets dark."

"we're going to be out here until dark…? in the middle of nowhere…?" jimin looks at your horrified face and throws her head back laughing. "don't worry, it'll be okay. in case it gets windy i have flashlights and lanterns in the car. plus you don't need to be scared, i can protect you."

"for what it's worth, this already beats the aquarium for the crown of most interesting date i've ever been on," you chuckle. jimin smirks. "so i don't have to try so hard to woo you anymore?"

"… i didn't say that," jimin laughs, patting down her hands and setting the basket aside. "today's menu is sandwiches and a surprise food for later,” she winks at you, making you all the more curious. you reach over her to grab the knife but she stops you. "ah. let me."

she grabs pieces of bread and the jar of jam, tongue sticking out as she pours all her concentration into spreading the jam evenly onto the bread. you grin at the adorable sight. you look over and see that she brought her polaroid camera on the date so you grab it and snap a picture of her.

"bon appetit," jimin says, handing you the sandwich. you thank her and take a bite, the senior idol watching you through the corner of her eye as she gets to making her own sandwich.

"why out here? we could have gone to like the local park or something," you ask and jimin averts her eyes. "i um… wanted it to be prettier than that. also because of… you know, idol life. emphasis on the first part though. i want our first date to be surrounded by beautiful nature, not crusty screaming children,” you cover your mouth as you laugh as a countermeasure to spitting your sandwich all over her. “these woods are important to me.”

you tilt your head as a gesture for her to go on. “there’s no particular reason why, i just love nature. i own a cabin around these parts too,” you nod, watching her take a bite of her own sandwich.

“hey, you have something on your… here,” jimin leans forward and extends a hand toward your face. your cheeks start to heat up as you feel the sensation of her thumb swiping across the corner of your mouth, retreating with a piece of jam stuck to it. it was like you were a stove and someone had turned the heat all the way up because instead of wiping it away on a napkin like you thought she was going to do, she brings it to her own mouth and licks away the jam.

you clear your throat. “thank you,” you barely manage to say. jimin only stares at you and if it was possible you got even redder. “you’re so cute, y/n.”

“ugh, stop it, at this point, i’m going to need a bag of ice cubes to contain my body temperature,” you joke and she only gives you that damn smirk. “i make you nervous?”

“well… yeah, i mean when you compliment me and stuff….” you mumble, practically hiding behind your sandwich knowing damn well she heard you crystal clear. she hums. “good to know. i’ll do it more often.”

she grins as your ears turn red and you slap her on the arm lightly. “yah seriously, stop making me blush!”

“oh, before i forget,” jimin starts stuffing the contents of the picnic back into the basket. “the surprise i planned. i’ll be right back,” she closes the basket and stands up. as if she sensed your discomfort, she looked back at you with reassuring eyes. “hey, don’t worry. i’m not going anywhere, i’m just collecting sticks nearby. you can still see me working diligently over there,” she jokes and you chuckle, nodding.

it’s an adorable sight seeing her walk around looking at the floor, occasionally pausing to pick a stick off the ground. once every few sticks she’d hold it up for your approval, sending you the cutest smile when you respond with a thumbs up.

you laugh when she runs over, dropping the pile of sticks she collected a few feet away from the blanket. you watch in awe as she squats, rubbing sticks together and creating a fire. jimin joins you back on the blanket while the fire grows.

“you can probably already guess what the surprise is, but…” she pulls out a bag of marshmallows from the bottom of the picnic basket. “do toasted marshmallows sound good right now?”

“oh my god, yes,” you respond and she smiles, opening the bag and pulling out clean sticks to put the marshmallows on. she hands you one and you both hold it toward the fire.

“ah, y/n, you’re holding it wrong,” jimin engulfs her arms around you and gently grabs ahold of your hands, fixing the position of the marshmallow. she moves to pull away but you take a leap of confidence and grab her sleeve, holding her into place. she hums in delight as she gets comfortable, arms still around you.

you bring the toasted marshmallow to your mouth to take a bite, offering it to jimin who makes you laugh by making an “aaaaaaa” sound as you put it in her mouth. she sighs. “i feel like this would have been better had i brought the chocolate fudge and graham crackers. the picnic basket can only fit so much.”

“it’s alright. this is just perfect,” now it’s your turn to sign in content. jimin rests her head on your shoulder. she’s so close.

“you’re so cute, y/n-ah,” she whispers.

“so you’ve been saying,” you whisper back. you turn your head to meet her gaze and the moment seems right.

the both of you begin to lean in, with you subconsciously turning your body towards her. it doesn’t take long before her lips capture yours. she offers a soft, tender, and loving kiss and you take it, melting into it. you both open your eyes when you pull away. jimin smiles at you while you look away, hiding behind the collar of your jacket.

however, jimin doesn’t give you the chance to do so, bringing up her hand to halt the turn of your head. she pulls you towards her once again and kisses you, this time taking it a step further by swiping her tongue across your lips. you give her entry and it's a while before either of you pull away.

“that was…”

"awesome? perfect? everything you had dreamed of?" jimin lists jokingly. you exhale a laugh. "daring. i've never been kissed like that on a first date before."

"well, there are firsts for everything,” jimin engulfs you in her touch again, pulling you back against her and wrapping her arms around your body. the warmth of the fire in front of you was unmatching to the warmth of your heart, how the senior idol made you feel inside. she takes off her red scarf and wraps it around your neck, adding to the warmth as you two continue embracing in front of the fire.

you just met her not even 48 hours from now but you felt like you’ve known her for years. it was as if the 8 years between the two of you had disappeared into thin air. it’s not like you have any group members to rely on, but you have jimin.

and that was all you ever needed.

award winning

some time had passed since the date, bringing the two of you even closer. however, the lack of a label was bothering you. you had never been in this kind of situation before. were you guys dating, or were you just friends who happened to go on a date?

but those worries were currently sitting in the back of your mind. your eyes were glued to the tv in the waiting room of the award show, your hands holding onto jimin's tightly. normally, this behavior would raise eyebrows, but you were both women, and by this time, the entire industry knew of you and jimin being "close friends," so no one batted an eye. not that it mattered anyway since the waiting room was empty.

"i'm so nervous. what if i don't win?" you sighed, and jimin winced as your grip on her hand tightened. she patted your hands with her free hand, and you shot her an apologetic look, loosening your grip. her fingers found a few strands of your hair, smoothing them out. "calm down, pretty girl. you're going to win, i'm sure of it. would i give you a song that wasn't award-worthy?" she tilted her head and pouted, making you laugh a little.

"i'd say your chances are pretty good, but if, for some reason, you don't take home an award tonight, then it's okay. there are other shows and other opportunities. it won't be the end of the world," jimin brought your tense hands up to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to your knuckles. she knew it worked in calming you down as your shoulders visibly relaxed, and your breathing slowed.

"and the winner for tonight's best debut song award is… kim y/n!" the color drained from your face as jimin brought you to your feet, screams erupting from her mouth in celebration. you began to smile before feeling the senior idol's hands on your arms, pulling you into a tight, tender hug.

she pulled away and leaned her forehead against yours. "i'm so proud of you, pretty girl," she whispered.

as much as you would have liked to stay in that position, you had to let go, sending her one last big smile, to which she gave you a thumbs up. jimin immediately took a seat, redirecting her attention back to the tv. shortly after, you appeared, your smile just as big as when you left her, bowing and thanking the host, shaking their hand.

"i… wow, hi everyone," jimin chuckled, watching you fumble with the microphone and look at the crowd nervously.

"i never thought i'd be here this early in my career," you started off. jimin listened intently, but she also noticed the details. she saw you in the way your hand came up to fix a loose strand of your hair every thirty seconds or so. she saw you in the way your eyes glistened with hope, youth, and gratitude. she saw you in the way you looked at the award in your hand every few seconds, gripping it tightly as if you couldn't believe it was yours.

she saw you.

"and to thank the most important person who made this dream come alive," you began. jimin's smile started to grow again. "the person closest to me, my rock, my shoulder to cry on. and most importantly, my friend, yu jimin, who wrote this song with me."

the crowd roared in applause at the mention of the senior idol's name, clapping and cheering. you gave one last glistening smile, held up the award, bowed, and exited the stage.

jimin was still in shock by the time you returned. you set down the award on the table and ran into jimin's open arms, burying your face into the crook of her neck and whispering "thank you" over and over again. the senior idol rubbed your back and grinned.

"you really didn't have to include me in your speech," jimin said into your shoulder, causing you to pull back slightly and look at her. "jimin-unnie, i wanted to. i said nothing but the truth there. you really are the one who made this dream come true," you smiled, and tears pricked at the corner of her eyes.

"some of what you said wasn't true, though," jimin started, and your face dropped. "what do you mean?"

"i'm not really just your friend, now am i?" she questioned, and you took a step back, averting your eyes.

"i suppose…"

however, jimin pulled you back closer to her and cupped your face. "i don't want to be your friend. i want you to be mine, and i want to be yours," she told you sincerely.

"as in, like… girlfriends?" you asked, and jimin threw her head back, laughing, momentarily forgetting how young you were.

"yes. girlfriends," she responded with a smile, and your face lit up, nodding. "yes, yes! i… i want to be yours," you answered, and jimin pulled you into a deep, loving kiss.

jimin was already doing you an enormous service, practically having skyrocketed your career on her back. would you be standing this high if not for her?

saying no to jimin was simply something that didn't happen, ever.

the firsts

you had many firsts in your life with her.

there was a time in particular where you had three of your firsts with jimin, all in the same day.

the first was when she brought you to her cabin. she had promised to take you out there some time and the time was now. once again it was an extremely long ride through mountains and forests but it didn't matter. you were here to stay with her for a week. that was enough.

during the car ride jimin was as sweet as ever. constantly checking up on you, telling you to let her know if you got cold, offering you snacks, but most importantly holding your hand throughout the entire ride. she occasionally would bring it up to her lips and press a soft kiss to your knuckles, making your heart swell tremendously.

"...and we're here!" jimin exclaims, getting out of the car. you knew the drill this time, staying put until she opened the car door, holding her hand out to help you out of the car. you take it and stand, watching as your girlfriend runs up the steps to unlock the door, gesturing for you to enter.

"go ahead and explore; i'll unload our stuff from the trunk," jimin said, pressing a loving kiss to your cheek before rushing to the car. you entered the cabin, immediately greeted by the scent of autumn and cinnamon. the cozy decorations made it feel like jimin's haven. everything, from the plaid flannel tablecloth to the warm lighting, screamed jimin's style. the cabin had a traditional forest home vibe with a touch of modernity, exemplified by the flat-screen tv on the living room wall. framed photos adorned the walls, showcasing nature's beauty and wildlife, but none featured any people.

you jumped when you felt hands on your waist, jimin's head moving to rest on your shoulder. "do you like them?" she asks, pointing to the photos in front of you.

"yeah, they're really nice," you answer. "did you take them?"

"i did," she presses a kiss to your neck. "they're photos i took when i was out on hikes."

"they're beautiful." you tell her, and you can feel her smile growing on your neck. she presses another kiss to your neck and gives you one last squeeze on your waist before pulling away.

"wait, do you need any help unloading?" you ask and jimin turns around, shaking her head. "no, i already took everything out," she checks her watch and smiles. "it's still early. do you want to go on a walk?"

you accepted her offer, and you recall her beaming as she approached and gently took your hand in hers. the surrounding scenery was breathtaking, but what mattered most was that she never let go of your hand throughout the entire walk. you cherished the way her eyes sparkled with excitement as she shared stories about the forest's history and the beauty surrounding you. you even captured a polaroid picture of her, where she smiled, looking up at the magnificent nature that surrounded her, exuding pure beauty.

you remember later that night having a romantic, candle-lit dinner with just the two of you. you remember feeling so special because she looked at you like you were the only girl in the world. you remember her reaching across the table and taking your hand in hers, squeezing it and caressing it the whole time.

you also remember the aftermath. your second first.

after doing the dishes together she held you by the waist as she escorted you to the bedroom, talking about some topic you don't remember now while getting ready for bed. at some point jimin had gotten closer to you. your voice stuttered, interrupting what you were saying, something about others in your trainee class. jimin had whispered in your ear for you to keep going and to tell her if you wanted her to stop.

you remember how hot it got in the room. you didn't know if it was because of the overwhelming body heat as your girlfriend pressed herself flush against you, slowly unbuttoning your shirt and pressing soft kisses down your collarbone to your neck. it got harder and harder to finish your sentences but she encouraged you to by stopping her actions whenever you went silent, only continuing when you began talking again.

your heart raced, jumping hurdles with every touch from jimin in certain places. butterflies fluttered in your stomach whenever her skin brushed against yours—an experience both physical and emotional that you had never encountered before. the overwhelming emotions of love and desire coursed through your veins each time jimin leaned into your ear and whispered the words "good girl," driving you closer and closer to the edge.

the conversation you had afterward remains etched in your memory.

you and jimin lay tangled in the sheets, naked, the fan blowing cold wind into the room. you were wrapped up in her tight embrace, her warm breath fanning your cheeks.

"was that good?" she whispers, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. you hum in response, reaching up to grab her hand and interlace your fingers together.

"i have nothing to compare it to, but i would say yes." you whisper back and jimin is silent for a beat. "that was your first time?"

"yeah... is that a bad thing?" you ask, turning your body around to face jimin who has a surprised look on her face. she shakes her head, her expression turning from one of shock to one of love. "not at all, i just feel so special knowing i was your first." she smiles warmly.

her embrace was as comforting as her smile, your forehead pressed against her chest.

"i love you," you found yourself saying. you couldn't help but notice jimin's heart racing against her chest, its rapid beats resonating in your ears. worries that your feelings might not be reciprocated began to fade as you felt jimin's lips press against your forehead.

"i love you too."

your third first.

the first crack in the glass

but of course, nothing good lasts forever.

the once perfect snowglobe your relationship sat in had cracked on this day, love representing the water in an actual snowglobe beginning to seep out.

from you or from jimin? to this day, you still don't know.

it was the day jimin had a hangout scheduled with her members and her friends from another group, itzy. you remember not wanting to go under the excuse of wanting to let jimin enjoy her evening with her friends when really you were incredibly intimidated by the idea of being surrounded by idols that were as senior to you than jimin was, if not more. however she convinced you to go anyway, and that is how you wound up here, your eyes glued to your lap as you fiddled with the hem of your skirt nervously.

the loud laughter of the large group didn't make things any better for you. occasionally, jimin would put a hand on your thigh and give you a loving squeeze, but she never actually looked at you. her display of affection seemed more territorial than loving, her arm slung over your shoulder resting on the head of your seat felt like a gesture to show others that you were hers, rather than an act of love.

"so, jimin. why don't you introduce us to your company tonight? she hasn't said a word," one of her groupmates whom you knew as aeri points out. almost as if on cue, you looked up and gave a shy smile at all the pairs of eyes looking at you.

"ah, right. everyone, this is my girlfriend, y/n." she gestures to you and leans in to give you a quick peck on the cheek.

once again, she didn't look at you. her attention was kept on everybody else.

"she's pretty," yeji, who sat on the other side of you, sent you a kind smile. you laugh nervously, cowering under her gaze. "thank you, sunbaenim..." your laugh falters a bit at the feeling of jimin's grip on your shoulder tightening.

the group dispersed into their own conversations, and before you could get a chance to talk to anyone else, yeji had already engaged you in conversation.

"so, y/n, i heard you won a huge award for your debut. that's really impressive, not many rookies can achieve that in such little time." yeji grins and you can't find anything to respond with except for shy laughs and gratitudes. the cat-eyed leader had such charisma and charm radiating off of her, it was hard not to grow timid under her unwavering stare.

it wasn't until yeji went to pour you a drink that tensions started to arise.

mid-way through your conversation yeji had noticed your glass was empty and she had reached over, grabbing it and attempting to refill it with wine before you stopped her.

"ah, i had a coke in that, actually," you told her, and she gave you an odd look. "it's okay, y/n. everyone else is drinking. you don't need to be shy," she countered.

your silence was everything she needed to hear.

"...how old are you?" yeji asks and your heart starts to hammer. there was no point in lying since all it took was a quick google of your name, although you really wanted to as to not damage jimin's relationship with her friends. what would they think knowing jimin is dating someone who's not even old enough to drink?

"i'm 18." you respond and yeji's taken aback, eyes darting between you and jimin. it's like your girlfriend senses your discomfort, with yeji not even being able to hide her shock, turning to look at you for the first time that night. "everything okay?" she asks the distraught yeji, who clears her throat and nods uncomfortably, sending you an apologetic smile before starting conversation with her bandmate jisu who sat across from her.

you sheepishly took a sip of what remained of your soda, attempting to hide your embarrassment from the group. you were aware that revealing the age gap between you and jimin made yeji uncomfortable, but she didn't say anything about it for the rest of the night, at least not within earshot.

at some point you had started to get bored seeing as jimin didn't want to pay you any attention and you certainly weren't going to bother yeji again, so you decided to make a bold decision. you lifted your hand from your lap onto the table and grabbed jimin's hand, intending to hold it in yours.

instead what happened was jimin laughing at a joke minjeong had made from across the table, sending you a mere glance and shrugging your hand off of hers, settling for giving it a half-assed squeeze and a quick pat in lieu of giving in to what you wanted. you frowned and subconsciously sighed, covering it up with a cough as to not ruin the mood. you reached for her hand in comfort but all you felt was shame.

you kept your hands to yourself for the rest of the night.

the topic wasn't brought up again until the two of you were home later that night.

you were washing the dishes while jimin was cleaning up. you were already incredibly pissed off at the fact that jimin just kept putting more and more dishes in the sink and not lending a helping hand at all, on top of what happened at dinner. and to make matters worse, jimin just kept going on and on and on about how great the dinner was and how nice it was to see her friends.

as if she sensed your annoyance, she stopped in the middle of her sentence and looked at you as she was approaching with yet another dirty plate. "what's wrong?" she asked.

"nothing," you replied. jimin didn't fail to take notice the way you had started to scrub the plates rougher than you previously were, furrowing her eyebrows and frowning.

"come on, you're obviously upset about something. what is it?" jimin asked again, her voice carrying a hint of demand. "it's nothing," you repeated.

“did you not like my friends or what?” jimin begins, her voice a bit louder than it was previously. you rolled your eyes, scrubbing the dishes with more strength than before, still refusing to look at her. “it’s not that.”

“then what is it?” jimin says with an exasperated sigh. you roll your eyes again, turning the faucet off and wiping down your hands, facing her. “take a lucky guess, jimin.”

“don’t play games with me, now.” jimin folds her arms across her chest, looking at you expectantly. “gosh, you don’t even know, do you?”

“know what? just tell me, y/n.”

“the whole night you looked at me exactly one time, jimin."

"is that seriously why you're-"

"let me finish," you sigh. jimin throws her hands up, letting them fall to her sides. "you didn't pay me a single second of attention the entire time. it was like you forgot i was even there."

you feel anger start to seep in when you hear jimin laugh mockingly.

"bullshit," she laughs bitterly. "why is this on me when you were the one that didn't make a single damn effort to be known? it's not my responsibility to make sure you get along with everyone at the table, i'm not your fucking mom."

"christ jimin, it's not that fucking easy!" you shout, palms pressed to your temples and smoothing your hair out. "these people, they're all... they're strangers and they're all much older than me! this is exactly the reason why i didn't want to go in the first place."

"even then you could have made an effort to merely introduce yourself to the people around you but no, you're throwing a hissy fit because you wanted me to do it." your girlfriend runs a hand through her hair, pacing around the kitchen.

"you dropped my fucking hand jimin!" you yell and jimin scoffs.

"you're so fucking selfish, y/n." her words are like arrows, flying their way toward your heart and piercing it all the way through. tears pricked at the corner of your eyes and you tried your best to bat them away. it certainly didn't help when jimin continued.

"you're making this all about you when it was MY night. the least you could have done was sit there and be quiet but you just had to come home and throw a tantrum like the fucking child you are." her words are laced with venom as she spat them at you. you felt like you were being punched in the gut.

you opened your mouth to fight back, but the words died in your throat as tears finally started to fall. a sniffle escaped your mouth as you turned around, facing the sink, hiding from your girlfriend. you could already imagine the look on her face, accompanied by the scoff you heard from her behind you, followed by a faint groan of "oh my god."

jimin can't ignore the feeling of her heartstrings being tugged by the sound of your sobs, your figure shaking as you gripped the edge of the counter with your head down. she watches the tears fall from your eyes and onto the rim of the sink, the frequency of teardrops increasing with each silent sob you let out. her expression softens and her annoyance seems to disappear into thin air at the sight of you desperately wiping at your eyes with your sleeve.

in between sniffles and weeps jimin finds herself engulfing you in a tight backhug, her arms wrapped around your waist and head tucked into the crook of your neck, swaying you slightly. "hey, i don't want to fight." she whispers.

you don't respond, simply wiping at your eyes aggressively to which your girlfriend frowns, spinning you around and gently pulling your arms away from your face. you avert your eyes away from hers and try to wriggle out of her grip in an attempt to hide from her but she doesn't allow you to do so, tightening her hold on you. her hand tilts your chin up and forces you to lock eyes with her, relaxing when it's not angered, tense eyes that you meet, but gentle and loving ones.

her other hand brushed your tears away as her thumb swiped over your eyes. she studied your face, cupping it and pulling you down for a forehead kiss.

"i'm sorry," she mutters into your skin. your crying has stopped for the most part, shudders and sniffles being the only things remaining. jimin continues to mutter short apologies until she senses you returning her embrace, resting your head on her shoulder.

"are we okay?" she asks and you nod.

"yeah. we're okay."

what followed after the argument was what you called "the surge". it was a term used by doctors to describe the strange phenomenon that happens when a terminally ill patient suddenly feels better, more interactive and more responsive before death occurs.

in this case, your relationship had gone through a surge.

things had been good for a while. arguments didn’t happen, and disagreements between you two wouldn’t go farther than playful bickering.

you remember your favorite memory was of you two dancing in the kitchen in the refrigerator light with no music playing, simply the sound of your laughter guiding your movements.

it all started when you had gotten up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. as you were reaching for the cabinet you felt a pair of arms around your waist, pulling you back slightly with a head coming down to rest on your shoulder.

“hi,” jimin whispers and you can hear the grin in her voice. you laugh, holding the edge of the counter to balance the both of you. “hi, why are you up?”

“mm i don’t know, maybe because my giant teddy bear was missing from my bed?” your girlfriend laughs and so do you, turning around to face her. you frown. “i can’t see you in this darkness.”

in response, jimin backed away slightly, reaching over to the fridge and pulling it open. the light illuminated the room, just enough for you to see the outline of your girlfriend's figure. "that's better," she whispered, giving you a peck on your lips.

“hey, let’s dance.” jimin has a crazed smile on her face and you hit her on the shoulder softly. “are you crazy? it’s lik-“

she cuts you off by intertwining your fingers together and taking a powerful step back, pulling you with her, bodies pressed together. she smiles at your shocked look and laughs.

the two of you mimic some sort of waltz-tango combination, laughter filling the room and even more so every time one of you stepped on the other’s feet or bumped into a counter and knocked something over. usually jimin would race over to see what had dropped but in the moment she didn’t care. she was dancing with the person she loved. a sacred moment for you and for her.

“i love you,” she says as she spins you around, wild giggles filling the kitchen when you slip and she catches you. you stare back up at her and you respond, “i love you too.”

in the following months, you finally began to feel like your relationship had returned to the way it used to be: loving, eventful, and exciting. you had gotten used to every day with jimin feeling like an adventure, and despite your youth, you were surprised at how much you still had yet to experience. but it was okay because you were doing it with the person you loved.

however, the surge has its name for a reason.

the breaking point

on the day it all ended, you both embarked on a drive with no specific destination in mind. jimin took the wheel, driving aimlessly while you found yourself captivated by the surrounding scenery. the beauty of the woods never ceased to amaze you, regardless of how many times you had ventured into them before. as summer gracefully transitioned into fall, the vibrant green hues of the trees transformed into a serene palette of orange and red, casting a peaceful ambiance. the forest floor, once adorned with twigs, now embraced the presence of autumn leaves.

“what are you writing?” jimin asks. she’s referring to the notepad you’ve occasionally been jotting things on for the past ten minutes. she noticed when you began but she didn’t want to break your concentration so she didn’t ask.

you offered a gentle smile in response, lifting the notepad for her to see. "lyrics," you replied. "would you like to hear what i've come up with so far? it's only a few lines, but…"

you see your girlfriend nod from the corner of your eye and you start to read.

'oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze we're singing in the car, getting lost upstate autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place'

you glance up to see her looking at you with an adoring grin, her cheeks slightly flushed. "i have a feeling i know who and what those lyrics are about," she teases, and you shyly laugh, gently pushing her away.

jimin casts a quick glance to the road in front of her before reaching over the console and pulling you towards her by a hard tug of your shirt. the kiss is filled with love and passion, the two of you connected by the raw emotion you feel for each other.

she doesn’t attempt to deepen it, instead pulling away to focus on the road before you two got into an accident (even though the car was on neutral). she smiles at you and grabs your hand, interlocking your fingers.

“i love you.” she says and you go to say it back but she cuts you off.

“i love you with everything in me, y/n. you really don’t understand how happy you make me,” she pulls your intertwined hands up to her lips and presses a soft kiss to your knuckles, your hands staying next to her face as she leans her cheek against them.

“i wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”

you stutter, heat rising to your cheeks. was she seriously proposing right now?

jimin laughs at your panic. “not now, obviously. you’re 18 and you’ve still got a career ahead of you. but one day, many years in the future when i’ve gotten an opportunity to love everything that there is to love about you,” she squeezes your hand tighter. “i’ll put a ring on your finger. i swear.”

“jimin i… i don’t know what to say,” tears prick at the corner of your eyes and you laugh shyly.

“do you want that too? to be married one day?” jimin asks and you nod. “of course, i-“

"then leave the talking to me, sweetheart," she grins, and you nod, looking down in embarrassment. it's frightening how strongly you both feel for each other, but neither of you wants to run away from it.

“you know, i-“ you began to talk and jimin listened, but the conversation ended as quickly as it started due to the sound of jimin’s ringtone. she shoots you an apologetic look. “tell me later.” she says as she puts the car in park by the road and grabs her phone, exiting the car.

you wait for a while, growing concerned as time passes. a minute turns into five, and those five minutes turn into ten. worried, you glanced at the rearview mirror.

it grew tenfold when you saw jimin pacing around, running a hand through her hair and shouting into the phone. it was obvious the person on the other end had pissed her off somehow and you frowned at the sight.

she watched as jimin’s body turned the other way, continuing to argue with the other person on the phone. but what she did next really concerned you.

jimin went silent, allowing the person on the other end to speak. you can practically hear her sigh even though she stood a good 10 feet away from the car.

then, she looked at you.

she isn't directly looking at you, as you're out of sight behind the tinted windows, but it's a look that is unmistakably aimed at you. it shouldn't be alarming, as jimin looks at you all the time, but it's the way she looks at you. the way she appears on the verge of tears. the pity, sadness, and regret reflected in her eyes, as if she's watching a tragic scene unfold in a movie theater.

like she had just lost the love of her life.

you didn’t know what to make of it at the time. why did she look at you like that?

your questions certainly weren’t answered when jimin re-entered the car.

"we're going home," she said, her voice quiet and distant, as if her mind was elsewhere. throughout the rest of the car ride, you prodded and poked, desperately seeking answers, but she remained silent. you could sense her growing annoyance with your questions, so you ceased your inquiries. however, deep down, you knew she still belonged to you. right?

you remember the moments leading up to your world falling apart. walking up the cabin steps jimin stomped her feet a little harder than she should have. and for the first time ever she didn’t wait for you to walk through the door first, instead walking right ahead and not even making sure you got inside safely.

muttering unintelligible words, she grabbed her phone and typed furiously, completely ignoring your presence as the door closed behind you. concerned, you approached her, uttering, "jimin, what's going on? i'm worried about you." she remained silent, causing you to reach out to her. however, she swiftly evaded your touch, treating you with disdain as though you were repulsive. "not now, y/n," she curtly responded.

“did i do something? talk to me ji,” your voice comes out in almost a plea. it backfires, your girlfriend responding by throwing her phone down on the table with a thud, making you flinch at the noise.

“they saw us, y/n.”

your blood ran cold.

“who?” you ask, but you don’t need an answer. you know exactly who she’s talking about.

“the public, dispatch, the fans, fucking- everyone did!” she shouts, running a hand through her hair. she couldn’t even look you in the eyes.

“someone leaked the photos of us at our park date last week. the whole world saw us holding hands,” jimin stresses. “the company called me earlier reminding me that i have a reputation to uphold. jesus fucking christ y/n why did you have to pick the park?”

you were taken aback. you already felt guilty enough knowing it was your idea to go to the park in the first place but for her to use it against you? “jimin how was i supposed to know we would be spotted there?” you try to reason but she snaps.

“of course you play the ignorance card. so fucking childish,” she mumbles. “the park is one of the most public places anyone could go to.” she says in such a condescending tone it made you want to throw up.

“why are you blaming me for this? you agreed to go too,” you defend yourself but she merely rolls her eyes. “only because you insisted.”

the two of you stood in the kitchen, engulfed in silence. you would give anything to understand what jimin was thinking. your heart pounded, and your legs trembled. the news terrified you as much as it did jimin, if not more. to be caught in a dating scandal this early in your career spelled disaster for your reputation. you would be despised by the public, no one would want to work with you, and the thought terrified you to the core.

“how are we going to fix this?” jimin mumbles. you knew it was a question she had asked only to herself but an idea popped into your head. you thought it through and to you, it seemed like the perfect escape plan.

“i love you, do you love me?” you began and jimin groans. “we don’t have time for-“

“do you?” you repeat and jimin sighs. “of course i do, but-“

“then what’s the harm in telling the world?”

your heart is filled with hope. like you were trapped in a never ending tunnel and you were starting to see the light. like this was just another hurdle your relationship had to jump over.

however, everything shattered when jimin burst into laughter. she laughed hysterically, as if she had heard the funniest joke in the world. your expression, filled with happiness and hope, twisted into one of confusion and offense. why was she laughing at you?

"…jimin?" you called out, waiting for her laughter to subside. after a moment, she regained her composure, wiping a tear from her eye.

“what’s so funny?”

“god y/n, that was the stupidest fucking idea i have ever heard.” she says with a bitter smile on her face, looking directly at you. you felt your heart beginning to crack. “but-“

“do you know how damaging that would be to my career?” she says, almost mockingly and you swallow.

“fuck, you’re just a kid. you don’t know anything. you know NOTHING about what it’s like to hold your career in such high regard like i do,” she spat. tears prick at your eyes, why was she speaking to you like you were a child?

"the emotional maturity you lack, willing to throw away your entire career just to be with me," she laughed again, her words laced with contempt.

"if we had been closer in age, maybe it would have been fine," she mumbled, but her words reached your ears clearly. this was what it had all been about. jimin, who only hours ago expressed a desire to spend her life with you, had spent the entirety of your relationship seeing herself as superior. technically, it was true that she had been in the industry longer than you, but it hurt because you had always considered her your equal.

you don’t even realize you’re crying before you see jimin glance back at you and scoff loudly, shaking her head. you wipe your tears in response but a sob unwillingly makes it’s way past your lips.

this time, jimin feels nothing. the scene didn’t even look like one of a couple arguing, it looked like an adult scolding a child in her eyes.

“you know what? this is why.” she gestures towards you, throwing her hand down. “this is why i can’t do this anymore.”

“what do you mean?” you sniffle.

"i mean i can't do this anymore," she repeated, her face void of emotion, or perhaps you simply couldn't read her. either way, it didn't matter.

the snow globe that encapsulated your relationship had shattered, the cracks spreading from the dinner incident until it broke apart completely. love seeped out until nothing remained. the snow globe stood hollow.

“jimin please, we can- we can work this out,” this time you shamelessly plea, lunging forward and grabbing her hands as a last resort but she yanks them away from you like you had the plague. “no we can’t, y/n. i can’t keep dealing with this,” she says, almost sounding disgusted.

from that moment on, not only had the snow globe shattered, but so had your heart. it crumbled into a million tiny pieces, and you found yourself in the midst of the wreckage, desperately attempting to piece it back together. but you couldn't. she had hurt you beyond repair.

you recall the following week—a period spent in bed, unable to bring yourself to leave. you scarcely ate or slept, as jimin plagued your thoughts. every time you closed your eyes, her beautiful smile materialized. whenever you gazed into the mirror, you saw her arms wrapped around your waist. even as you shifted in bed, memories of her pulling you close and kissing your shoulder flooded your mind.

everything reminded you of her. you couldn’t help but think, was it the same for her too?

you remember the day your manager found you. she saw you were missing your schedules and decided to look for you in your dorm, gasping when she saw your state with the small sobs coming from your body and the tissues surrounding the bed.

your manager had taken care of you, even going as far as lying to the higher-ups and simply telling them you were feeling sick. she had practically nursed you back to health and you were eternally grateful for her for doing so but you were embarrassed by it at the same time. you had let yourself be torn apart by a girl so bad that you couldn’t even take care of yourself.

when you were well enough to look back on the situation without wanting to bash your head into a wall, you found that jimin had withheld an important detail from you: the pictures only showed her face in them, no one knew who the girl she was on a date with was. but most importantly, the fact that the fans showed her nothing but support and love.

you saw jimin earlier that day when you both coincidentally found yourselves in the sm practice room. it would be a lie to say you felt nothing in that shared space, but her presence no longer affected you. throughout the session, you focused solely on the choreographer and nothing else.

your final straw was when SM released a statement later that day confirming jimin’s relationship with another girl. they had to find someone that looked just like you, someone that could pass as the person with her in the photos and they did. you were angry. she broke your heart for nothing, just to end up in a fake relationship right after. it almost made you laugh.

you terminated your contract with SM right after.

turning 21

jimin didn’t ruin your career, however.

you were independent for about a month before HYBE had contacted you with an offer, and you accepted. you took your old manager with you and your career only went up from there. however, it would be a lie to say people didn’t speculate about the sudden end of your friendship with the senior idol.

you would scroll and see posts once in a while about “kim y/n and aespa’s karina not being seen together in a while”, and you would laugh. SM would constantly reach out and try to stage a hangout between you and jimin but your manager protected you, rejecting the offer immediately. you had a feeling it was because about two months after jimin’s “relationship” was announced, they broke up, and her company was looking for something to uphold her reputation.

during this time, you had developed your own unique writing style. you refused to build your career solely on the heartbreak you experienced, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you into a damn good songwriter.

for the past three years, you had deliberately avoided anything associated with jimin's name. while you maintained occasional contact with the other aespa members, who were your ex-labelmates and friends, you made a conscious effort to distance yourself from jimin. it wasn't fair to punish her members when they hadn't done anything to you, or perhaps you simply wanted to escape from every reminder of her in your daily life.

“you okay?” a small voice from behind you asks. it was minji, your friend, senior and labelmate all in one. she had helped you find your room the first day you arrived at HYBE and you two had been friends ever since then.

you were staring out the glass windows at the city below. your 21st birthday was tomorrow, and for the occasion you planned to release a new song. it was a 10 minute song, which was rare to see in the industry but it was a good combination of the hundreds of songs you had written about her.

“yeah, i’m okay.” you finally answer minji and she places a comforting hand on your shoulder. “are you thinking about the song? everyone’s going to love it,” minji reassures. it’s like she knew what you were thinking, that’s what you loved about your friend.

“i don’t know. i was thinking of dropping it at midnight and then performing it somewhere tomorrow, i haven’t seen my fans in a while.” you smile at the thought of performing for your fans but in the reflection of the glass behind you, you see minji frown.

“aw that’s no fair, i have a schedule tomorrow so i can’t be front and center to watch my y/nnie perform.” she pouts and you snort. “i’ll have manager-unnie record it for you, then.”

“oh, speaking of tomorrow, the members and i all pitched in and got you a gift.” you turn around to face minji to realize this entire time she’s been holding a present box in her hands.

“oh my gosh, you guys didn’t have to…” minji hands you the box and you take the top off.

you hoped minji didn’t notice the way your smile faltered when you picked up a red scarf.

"i know it's not the best gift ever, but it was either that or the beanie hyein picked, and believe me, that thing was ugly," minji said, almost shuddering at the memory. you tried your best to pretend that your heart wasn't pounding by faking a laugh.

"thank you, minji-unnie. i'll treasure it forever," you said, making a show of hugging the scarf to your chest, which elicited a laugh from minji as she playfully shoved you.

you tucked it in the back of your closet as soon as you got home.

despite having just released a song about the first heartbreak of your life, you were the happiest you’ve ever been.

you stood backstage getting the final touch ups from your makeup artist. about 20 minutes after the song and the music video for all too well dropped, a flurry of panicked texts and apologies from all the members of newjeans came your way about the red scarf, especially from minji who apologized nonstop. the whole situation gave you a good laugh for the day.

the chant of “kim y/n” from your fans could be heard all the way from where you stood. by no means was the location a big venue, however your surprise appearance at a local bar had fans waiting both inside and outside of the building.

screams erupted from the crowd when you walked on stage with your guitar, holding your hand high and waving to everyone. the bar was filled up to the brim and you could see the massive crowd looking into the bar windows from the outside. they too chanted your name and screamed in support.

as you brought the microphone closer to your face, the feedback cut through the screams. "hi, everyone," you greeted, causing another wave of cheers. you took a moment to soak in the atmosphere before continuing. "thank you all for coming out today. there's no greater birthday gift than seeing the people i love the most in this world."

you glance down at your guitar and sigh, turning back to the audience. however your blood runs cold when you see a familiar figure standing front and center.

yu jimin.

what is she doing here? how dare she show her face at your birthday celebration? your heart picks up speed at the sight of her. you hadn’t seen her in years, yet she looked the exact same. more matured, of course, but it was no doubt the person you wrote this song about.

although she was dressed in a cap and a mask you knew it was her. it was how she tilted her head up at just the right angle so that you could see those gentle eyes that once used to look at you like you were her world that gave you a clue. you also saw the heart shaped ring she never left the house without on her index finger that she fiddled with, eyes glued to you on the stage.

the two of you made eye contact for a moment. for a second you saw the jimin who was your home, the jimin who never forgot to kiss you goodbye before she left, the jimin who would kiss your shoulder on the nights you found hard to sleep. you saw your jimin.

but you also saw the jimin who showed her true colors to you that one night and you remember. the jimin who ruined the idea of love for you. the jimin who broke you inside and out.

you refused to break eye contact which was risky knowing anyone who followed your gaze would see her but you didn’t care. you began to speak.

“so a little background about all too well, it originally wasn’t… well, a song. after a dark period in my life i wrote and i wrote but all i was making were little snippets and bits of songs. and one day i just sat in the studio and molded the little pieces together until i got a 10 minute song.” you smile sadly and the crowd cheers.

“all too well, everybody.” you introduce and the crowd erupts in cheers once again as you picked up a stool and positioned yourself with your guitar. you strummed the beginning chords which silenced the crowd, and then you began to sing.

you poured all your raw emotion into the song, and throughout, your eyes never left jimin's gaze. you couldn't quite make out her facial expression, given her disguise, but you could sense the impact the song was having on her.

you continued to sing, and jimin continued to look up at you like you two were the only people in the room. a wave of anger rushed through you, how can she break your heart into pieces and then look at you as if you two were fine?

the anger dissipates, you sending it away before it could affect your performance. jimin only watches, swaying with the crowd. you’d pay anything at this moment to know what she was thinking.

you see her freeze as soon as you sang her words back to her.

“you said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine,”

you see her bring her hand up to wipe at her eyes. is she crying?

“and that made me want to die.”

you near the ending of the song, and by this point the whole crowd is silent. it’s you, your guitar and your passionate singing that can be heard. you can’t see jimin anymore as you close your eyes, getting lost in the song.

“just between us, i remember it… all too well.” you finish and you open your eyes, pointing the microphone stand toward the crowd. you swayed as they finished the song for you, singing along to the repeating lyrics at the end. you look back down at jimin and she has the audacity to cry, wiping at her tears aggressively.

she pulls down her mask slightly enough so that you can see her face, and then she mouths “i love you”. she’s got that hope in her eyes you once used to have before jimin crushed it during your relationship. you almost laugh at the fact that she’s trying to win you back, after what she’s done.

you knew better. you know she doesn’t really love you.

you remember it all too well.

FIN.

776 notes · View notes

aloneinacity · 1 year

Text

The bridge — Yunjin x reader (Part 2)

summary: Yunjin promises y/n she will never let him hurt her again.

pairings: Huh Yunjin x fem!reader

tags: hospital, running away, starts to get better :), non!idol au

word count: 2,4k

warnings: mention of abuse (both physical and sexual), panic attack, not as much as part 1

——————————

The steady beeping of a machine was the first thing y/n heard when she woke up, followed by a quiet voice mumbling along with the lyrics of some generic pop song she remembered hearing on the radio a few days ago. The ceiling was hurting her eyes, colored with an uncomfortably bright white, just like everything else in the room. The only significant pop of color was the young girl sitting across from her.

Yunjin still had her school uniform on just like she did, but instead of the white undershirt that everyone was required to have, Yunjin sported a Louis Vuitton shirt. It was her signature look, as she was known to wear expensive brands anytime she could. Y/n remembers seeing her get sent to the principal's office for breaching the uniform dress code almost every day, but nothing ever came of it.

It was strange, seeing the other girl outside of school, that is. She looked different. Y/n didn't know what it was, but something about Yunjin seemed off. She had the same clothes on. The same make-up. The same headphones that their teachers would constantly confiscate from her. Only for her to steal them right back when they weren't paying attention.

Y/n decided that it was her demeanor that was so different. She seemed small, curled up in the uncomfortable hospital chair as if y/n could tower over her, despite being several centimeters shorter. Her legs pressed against her body, knees up towards the chin, head resting on them and occasionally bopping to what y/n presumed was the beat of some song she was listening to.

When Yunjin finally noticed y/n staring at her, their eyes connected, and for a split second, y/n could see something other than the usual arrogant smirk that seemed to be permanently stuck on the older girl's face.

“Oh! You're awake…”

Yunjin's words trailed off, both girls unsure what to do, sitting silently for a few very long moments. The tension in the room was so thick it could be cut with a butter knife.

“Yeah, I just woke up.”

Y/n answered as if it wasn't obvious, mentally berating herself for being so goddamn awkward. Yunjin just nodded, staring out of the window. It stayed this way for some time before Yunjin seemed to remember something as she snapped her head back to y/n.

“Oh, right! You were asleep for only around 30 minutes, so you should be fine. The nurse told me to give them a buzz once you woke up. Something about checking that you don't have a concussion so that you can go home safely. From what she said, it shouldn't take too long, plus they already called your dad, so you don't have to worry about spending the night here.”

Yunjin smiled at her, placing her headphones into her bag and standing up to alert the nurses about y/n waking up. Before she could even take one step, though…

“No!”

Y/n yelled at her, almost jumping off the bed. Her heart was racing so fast she thought she was having a stroke. As soon as Yunjin let the last sentence out of her mouth, y/n felt her breath stop.

They called her father, oh god, they called her father. Her vision was beginning to blur. What the fuck was she going to do? Once her father shows up, it's game over for her. They will see what she did to him, and she will be sent straight to jail. No. Knowing that bastard, he would make up some excuse or just hide it so he could take her home, and.…she didn't want to even think about it. Her chest felt like it was being constricted with a corset, tightening every second she thought about him.

“Hey…hey, y/n, what's going on? You good?”

She could hear Yunjin asking her concern on her face. It was as if she was underwater, her voice muffled and quiet, not reaching her ears properly.

“No, not dad…he- he will-”

Y/n managed to squeeze out, hyperventilating so quickly that she felt like she was about to pass out. Her father was about to be here at any moment, and she was having a fucking panic attack…great.

She could feel Yunjin rubbing her back, trying to calm her down, which surprisingly worked as she felt the world get clearer. The girl's warm hands let go of her. Usually, y/n would be glad as she hated physical contact, but for some odd reason, she missed the feeling.

“Y/n, I need you to be honest with me, okay? Does your dad…hurt you? Is he the reason why you ended up like- like this?”

Yunjin's voice quivered at the end, looking at the other girl softly. It felt strange, having someone look at her that way. Her whole life, y/n had tried to be as invisible as she could, not liking the feeling of someone staring at her. Maybe it was because of him. He always looked at her after he finished, admiring the damage he had done, just standing in front of her bed, watching.

Not finding the strength to speak, y/n just nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes with a sleeve of her school uniform. She could hear Yunjin curse under her breath. It was in English, a testament to her parent's job and overall status.

Y/n remembered hearing the word on some rap song one of her classmates was obsessed with, playing it over and over during breaks. He always tried to sing along, but his pronunciation sucked, making y/n cringe every time. She wondered what Yujin would sound like. Her limited English skills told her that Yujin seemed quite good, if not fluent. It would definitely be better than Hyunsik, which she knew for sure.

“Okay, I don't really know what I should do in this situation, but I won't let him hurt you again. I have never done something like this. I think we just have to run away before he comes. Do you have any friends or close relatives that could take care of you?”

Yunjin asked her, pacing around the small hospital room, one hand buried in her hair. Y/n was silent. To the older girl's credit, she could understand what that silence meant, trying to change the topic.

“I guess you can stay with me. Is there anything that you want to take with you?”

Y/n suddenly remembered about her bag. It was probably still next to the door, knowing her father's aversion to cleaning anything.

“Yeah, I have a bag with some clothes and money. It's still at my house. I was supposed to run away to Busan today, with it being my 18th birthday and all, so I had everything prepared already. You can see it didn't really work out…”

Y/n tried to joke, forcing a small smile on her face. It was a pathetic attempt at humor, but she felt the situation needed a little light, uncomfortable with the tense atmosphere.

“Okay…We could sneak out to the parking lot, hide and wait until your dad shows up, and then make a break to your home. We can quickly take everything you need and book it to mine!”

Yunjin smiled at y/n, who could only nod as she grabbed her right hand and walked out of the cramped room.

The girls tried to walk as fast as possible without looking suspicious to the staff roaming the hallways. It was exciting. It felt like they were spies on a secret mission in an American movie about saving the capital or something.

Just as they made it to the parking lot, y/n recognized a white sedan pulling up. She quickly tugged Yunjin towards a blue van and signaled for her to be quiet, carefully peeking out from behind it.

She could see her father struggling to get out of his car, a dark blue sweatshirt on. She had been right. He wanted to act as if nothing had happened so he could take her home and deal with her in his own way. For a moment, y/n wished she had killed him in that kitchen, but she quickly snapped out of it.

“Why is he walking so weird?”

Yunjin asked from beside her. Y/n almost got a heart attack, forgetting that the other girl was with her. She squatted next to her, squinting at the awkwardly hunched-over man shuffling toward the revolving doors.

“I…I kind of…stabbed him.”

…

“What?!”

Yunjin yelled out, making y/n slap her hand on her mouth, pulling her back behind the van with panicked eyes.

“Shhhhh!”

The younger whisper yelled, making Yunjin realize just how loud she was. Both of them stayed crouched there for a few moments, afraid to look from behind it in case her father could see them.

After a minute or two, they decided it was safe again and peeked out. To the girl's relief, y/n's father had already gone inside as they couldn't see him anywhere.

“The coast is clear! Follow me, okay?”

The younger girl said and quickly ran towards the gate of the hospital. Luckily for them, y/n had been to the hospital before, when one of her dad's outbursts got a bit out of hand, and he broke her arm. She had to go to the hospital alone since he refused to drive her. At that time, it was hell, as it coincidentally started raining just as she got out of the door, but now it helped them, as she could remember the way home.

Y/n kept looking back at Yunjin, who was a few meters behind her, with a pained expression. She could hear her panting from the front, loudly cursing at herself and everything else. Y/n remembered how she used to skip gym class, yelling at their teacher, declaring it 'bullshit that wasn't useful for anyone'. Well, Yunjin skips pretty much every class unless the threat of immediate expulsion isn't hanging over her head, so it wasn't all that unusual. The shared gym class was the only place y/n could see her up close, as they were in different grades.

It seemed that Yunjin's skipping had finally caught up to her, though, and y/n couldn't help but laugh as she heard her complaining, begging her to slow down a bit. Both of them knew that they couldn't. It was only a matter of time before the nurses realized she was gone. Y/n counted on her father's selfishness, hoping that he wouldn't call the police on them out of fear that they would take her away from him.

“How long until we get to your house? I feel like I'm going to die, y/n!”

Yunjin yelled from behind just as they made it onto her street. It was tiny, so they had to slow down, dodging the trashcans and an occasional bike. Y/n lived right on the edge of the street in a corner building that didn't get all that much sunlight, even when it was noon, so unlocking the door was a lot harder, especially since the lamp in front of the building broke two weeks ago and nobody had bothered to fix it.

“Come on, come on.”

Y/n mumbled to herself as she finally managed to open the heavy door, sprinting up the flight of stairs to get to her apartment.

Just as she predicted, her bag was still at the entrance, some loose money laying around it. She quickly tried to shove everything back inside, zipping it up.

Since she was already home, y/n decided to grab some other stuff she didn't have the chance before as it would be too noticeable and could get her father to suspect her. Well, he wasn't here now, and hopefully won't see her ever again.

Taking her jacket from the hook next to the door, she ran to her room, grabbing her only stuffed toy, a small teddy bear she nicknamed Pup. It was the only thing left of her mom, as her father had thrown everything reminding him of her out a long time ago.

Y/n turned around, facing Yunjin, still standing in the doorway, trying to catch her breath.

“Let's take my bike. That way, we'll be a lot faster. I have it locked to a post outside.”

Yunjin nodded, and both ran back downstairs, skipping the last few steps and choosing to jump instead. Y/n almost fell on her face but quickly regained balance. She yelled the password to the bike chain to Yunjin, who was ahead of her.

Just as Yunjin got the bike, the shine of headlights entered their vision. Y/n could recognize that car anywhere. Her father was back home.

“Fuck! Yunjin, hurry!”

She yelled out desperately, still running toward the other girl, whose hands she could see trembling, fumbling around with the lock. It was a miracle she managed to get it open just as y/n stood next to her.

Y/n ushered Yunjin to sit on it as she hopped onto the back, making a seat out of the flimsy bag holder. Her hands clamped around the older girl's waist.

As they rode away, y/n turned around to see her father getting out of his car, yelling something before Yunjin turned a corner, making him disappear out of her field of vision. She couldn't help but laugh at the situation. Curled up on a bag holder, desperately holding on to Yunjin as she frantically paddled away.

Y/n let out a breath, letting her head fall onto Yunjin's back, and watched as the world passed by.

The sun had set, the only source of light being the harsh lamps along the road, making her squint her eyes.

Contrary to everything that has happened today, it was a beautiful day, well, night, the kind you see in dramas and films. The ones that talk about the meaning of life and make everyone feel a bit strange after watching them.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Yunjin announcing that they were almost there, tapping the clasped hands on her stomach and pointing across the river.

Y/n felt strange. It was as if they'd known each other their whole lives, even though they had only interacted a few times before today.

“Well, this is it.”

The bike stopped, making her let go of Yunjin.

She missed the subtle warmth under her fingertips and almost reached to touch her again, stopping herself before she could. Instead, she follows Yunjin inside.

-to be continued-

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tags: @milfmomorene , @hueneve

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