aloneisalonenotalive

[aloneisalonenotalive]

Why didn’t you tell me how you feel? You ask.

Well maybe I function better on yearning, I reply.

Maybe yearning is all I need to write this poem, and maybe poetry is all I need to be fed, I continue, hopelessly.

And maybe that’s that.

[aloneisalonenotalive]

we really need to talk about how “got lovesick all over my bed” is one of the most brilliant one-liners taylor has ever written

[aloneisalonenotalive]

Found writing on a bathroom wall:

The greatest thing

You’ll ever learn

Is just to love

And be loved

In return

(Lyrics from Nature Boy)

[aloneisalonenotalive]

I could have stayed home last night

I could have stayed home last night, in comfortable clothes watching a familiar TV show, bored out of my mind. Instead I held a girl’s hand and felt like I was dying. Maybe a part of me was, the part that had never touched someone with purpose before, never felt the gentle roughness of another person’s hand in mine, their thumb softly circling, reminding me of their presence. If so, that part was shrieking with discomfort, burning red hot with uncertainty and anxious analysis. Should it have hurt that much? I can’t tell if it was a stabbing red flag warning me to head back to safety, or the normal pangs of change. Because change hurts, I can tell you from experience. Outgrowing the skin you’ve hidden behind your whole life can’t help but leave scars.

Two winters ago I was so bored I woke before dawn to greet the sun on an island engulfed in January snow. My roommate and I got ready in darkness, took the ferry with the fisherman, and stepped onto the quiet residential island just as the sun started rising behind the Toronto skyline. It was the kind of cold that no skin can survive uncovered, yet it was so crystalline and beautiful that we couldn’t help baring our hands to take pictures. Ice lacing latticework patterns across tree branches, waves pounding snow-blanketed shores. As the sun rose, it brought little warmth but an abundance of much needed light. Our pictures showed us, bundled up against a ferocious climate, and a winter landscape wrought in frigid clarity.

I don’t know what I was looking for on that island, and I know even less what I’m looking for when I go on dates now. There are some beautiful things you can only find through pain — throwing yourself into unfamiliar settings, baring yourself to natural elements beyond your control. That pain isn’t a mistake, it’s a sign of growth. I wish I knew if there’s beauty on the other side of this pain.

[aloneisalonenotalive]

DUA LIPA as MERMAID BARBIE Barbie (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig

[aloneisalonenotalive]

That’s it, I NEED to come back to tumblr. Short-form video just doesn’t cut it friends I need passionate nerdy oddly specific long-form text.

[aloneisalonenotalive]

Infatuated girl

Why sacrifice your mind to heartbreak

You know it isn’t real

Love it’s not, just an undeserving cruel

frenetic crush on an idea

Who’ll never keep you warm

Just in the dark

Imaginative girl

Why do you think they never text you

You’re all alone

It’s okay there’s strength in

Walking down the tree-lined street

fall-gold colors, lost in wonder

Not in search of someone who can never love you back

Passionate girl

No more a question

Good intentions only led you on

This isn’t love

You deserve better

Infatuated girl

[aloneisalonenotalive]

having to ask people if you’re still hanging out is one of the worst things ever . like is our playdate still on? im gonna stab myself