alyssazander

[alyssazander]

Releasing Ego

I hope you are all doing well, settling into your own routines (or lack thereof) and finding some peace in the ebb and flow of it all.. Remember that we are all riding the waves... sometimes very gracefully, and at other times falling flat on our ass. It's ok to enjoy the thrill of both. 

Release Your Children from the Need for Your Approval (Chapter 3, pg. 25) "Who are we to judge them? They need to know that by simply being on this Earth, they have a right to approval of who they intrinsically are. We don't confer this right on them." 

Chapter 3, pg. 27 "Whether you have an infant or a teen, your children need to feel that just because they exist, they delight you. They need to know they don't have to do anything to earn your undivided attention." 

-What are some ways that you let your children know they are accepted simply for themselves, apart from what they do? (Dr. Shefali gives several suggestions of how you can do this on pg. 27) 

How Does Ego Function (Chapter 4, pg. 40) "We find it difficult to sit with the knowledge there may be a piece of us that is contributed to whatever negativity we are experiencing in our life, preferring to place responsibility for our situation on factors in the world around us." 

Chapter 4, pg.42 "If we free ourselves from our ego and simply observe our children's development as life spontaneously teases it out of them, they become our teachers. In other words, living authentically allows us to cease looking at our children as blank canvases on which we can project our image of who they should be, seeing them instead as fellow travelers on the journey, changing us as much as we are changing them."

"To live authentically instead of in ego is to embrace continuous evolution, realizing we are always in flux, always a work in progress." 

-Have you unconsciously projected any images of who you thought your child should be? Can you release those and embrace your child's is-ness?

-What is something that your child is opening you up to seeing about yourself? What is your child teaching you? 

If the answer doesn't come to you, take some time for yourself in a quiet space (without any guilt! It is important for your children to see that you take time to care and connect with yourself, and that you have boundaries around this. By doing this you are modeling it for them)

-Breathe deeply for 3-5 breathes, grounding yourself

-Once you feel grounded and connected, set your intention...Here are several suggestions of what you might ask:

What is one thing that my child is teaching me? What am I meant to learn from this experience?What am I being called to heal at this time?

For example, when I was in the classroom there would come moments where I was literally in my head saying "What the hell is going on here?!" and in that moment, trust me, a lot of big feels and resisting the situation would come up for me. But I was taught- all it takes is one moment, one breath to come into complete awareness. And from that moment and breath I can now act and come from a place of consciousness, rather than reacting from my own wounds.

Chapter 4, pg. 51 "Wielding power over others through control, criticism, reprimand, guilt-tripping, judgement, or demonstrating our superior "knowledge" is an indicator not of a superior soul, but of an impoverished soul... Growing up stifled in this way, we stop ourselves from exploring, taking risks, and thereby making mistakes. We fear the disapproval of our parents... With this egoic imprint, our tendency is to view power and control as a means of security."

This resonated with me so much, as I have been continuously put to the test through my life experiences as an adult to relinquish my desire and need for control. I had truly felt that control meant security, and security meant I was safe. Through my relationships with others I would make plans and mix them with concrete in hopes that they would provide a foundation for me to build all my hopes and dreams on. However, without fail, this foundation would crack, chip, and sink into a deep abyss which time and again left me feeling weak, alone, fearful, and abandoned. I had to learn that I was the one who created all of this, on the belief that I could control everything- and be safe. Because my inner child was so afraid and felt "out-of-control" she tried to control everything around her. I have had to become my own loving, compassionate, and supportive parent to my wounded inner child. In this process I have learned (and am still learning, and will always be learning, haha) about being with the as is of the moment. Bringing me to my knees with the gift of presence. Being with children has shown me the ultimate gift of what presence feels like, and how nothing else in the world matters outside of the moment I'm in. 

"In the presence of gratitude, fear cannot exist." - Samqurashi

Love,

Alyssa

[alyssazander]

Let’s Meet the Shadow

I hope you are all doing well over there, experiencing joy and likely the opposite of that from time to time as well. Remember, it's perfectly ok and VITAL to experience all the things- they all play a role in the healing that is necessary at this time. So, be gentle with yourself and know that I am hugging you all hard Here are some little conversation starters for you, you and your higher self, you and your partner.. Whatever you are called to.  

Here are some take aways for me in the first couple of chapters, I hope you enjoy!

To Connect with Your Children, First Connect with Yourself  (Chapter 1, pg.6)

"If you want to enter into a state of pure connection with your child, you can achieve this by setting aside any sense of superiority. By not hiding behind an egoic image, you will be able to engage your child as a real person like yourself."

-Where in our relationships with our children are we projecting a superior demeanor? 

-Where can we establish more of a partnership with our children and equalize the playing field in our families? 

-Where can we allow ourselves to step off our pedestals of dominance? 

How Can a Child Awaken an Adult? (Chapter 2, pg.15)

"A certain child enters our life with its individual troubles, difficulties, stubbornness, and temperamental challenges in order to help us become aware of how much we have yet to grow." Dr. Shefali shares the story of Jessica and her mother Anya on page 16: "The only way we could unlock the unconsciousness that Anya's daughter triggered in her was by revisiting her past, in particular her family of origin...How can we guide, protect, and provide for our children in the physical world, yet rigorously relinquish all sense of domination of their spirit, unless we have nurtured a free spirit within ourselves?"

This is our work as the adults in your children's lives. This can be a difficult and painful experience for us to reflect on. Please know that you are held and it is safe to explore and be curious about your past. 

-What are some of your own wounds from your childhood?

-When was the first time you felt that wound or shadow side of yourself? 

-Sit with each one (list below) for a moment and observe what emotions arise when you say them to yourself. Where do you feel it in your body? 

Remember that no emotions are bad, our bodies reaction to these are our invitation and portal into determining our wounds and fears, ultimately opening the door to our healing.... 

Abandonment, Rejection, Shame, Guilt, Jealousy, Envy, Rage, Worthiness, I am not good enough, I am unlovable, My feelings are not valid, I must take care of everyone around me

-Go back to a time in our life when we felt most vulnerable. Who was there? What did you feel? Sit with this for a moment and take in any messages that come through...

-Where can we nurture ourselves more, cultivating more of a free spirit within us?

"Unless we consciously integrate the unintegrated aspects of our childhood, they never leave us but repeatedly reincarnate themselves in our present, then show up all over again in our children." 

I am with you all, you are not alone. I am grateful and truly honored to do this work with you at this time!  

With so much love,

Alyssa

[alyssazander]

The Conscious Parent

My invitation to self-transformation and growth began years go, perhaps after the shock of finishing undergrad and not having a clue what to do next However, in the past few years it has been thrown into overdrive, never ceasing to stop, and always propelling me into deeper awareness and most profoundly, healing of my own childhood traumas. Do I wake up some times and say "Universe, please don't teach me anything new today!”... why yes, I do. And yet, the lessons pour in, and I am humbled by it all. The past several years I have turned towards my family to heal deep generational wounds, and although it has been difficult, emotional, intense, and painful, it has brought my family peace, unconditional love, and has liberated us all from the years of pain we harbor within. We know it doesn't end here and that there will always be work, but we are committed to the vision of healing for all and all to come after us. We are committed to shifting family dynamics that no longer work, and be it messy as hell, we trek through the shit.

Why am I sharing this extremely personal story... you are likely asking yourself at this point, haha. Because I woke up this morning extremely emotional, and I honor the tears because they are a release and an expression of mourning what no longer serves us. Then I began to fill my cup with some reading that I know would speak to my soul, The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. The children I have walked this journey with have given me the ability to go within and heal my own childhood traumas (which we all have to certain extents), and this book is depicting the exact ways that I have been able to do this, while honoring and seeing the light in each child. They are all so unique and beautiful, and the most forgiving and loving humans - I'm sure you've noticed! 

My invitation to you all, if you feel called to embark on this journey of self-healing and going in deep through the sacred relationship between you and your children is reflection through some curated text and questions from The Conscious Parent. This is an invitation for self-reflection really, and continued cultivation of the powerful and profound relationship that is between you and your children. Since many of you are spending more (a lot more, haha) time with your children at this time, it is a beautiful and special opportunity to explore this. Being quarantined with your loved ones will bring up a lot of stuff, and if I can extend an invitation to you all to look at those "triggers" with curiosity and playfulness. My hope is that it will become a healing period for you all as well. 

I will post some questions and practices that you could either respond privately to me, comment for the collective to see, or just have it be a discussion between you and your higher self, you and your partner.. whatever you feel called to. Remember this is for you, so if this is not the time for YOU, there is nothing wrong, nothing to feel guilty of, nothing to be ashamed of. You are whole, you are worthy, and are completely held from any and all judgement so please don't feel pressured at all. I love you all unconditionally.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you all. If you know someone who might also be interested please feel free to forward this to anyone. You are not alone, we are in this together!

With all my love,

Alyssa

[alyssazander]

The Vision

Hello lovely souls,

My name is Alyssa Zander and I am a trained Primary Montessori Guide experiencing my own Spiritual Awakening and Transformation through my relationships with children, both in and out of the classroom. I have had the privilege to walk with hundreds of children on their own journeys of self-discovery and in that they have given me the greatest gift of all, the healing of my own inner child.   

Over the years I have kept my nose in parenting books and my own journal, constantly reflecting on the places of myself where I have more to heal and yet to grow. At this unique time, we are all being called to slow down, nurture and take care of ourselves, and BE with the children. Not only your physical children, but the child that lives within you. 

In this peaceful time of inner reflection and connection to the collective, I have been awakening to a greater mission to support and invite healing in. This started as an email thread between me and several families that I hold near and dear to my heart, however I felt that this could be supportive of so many more. 

My hope and intention is that this is received with love and compassion, and that you can take in and receive what you need at this time. 

With Love,

Alyssa