alyxovert

[alyxovert]

fuck no why is my hair WET. i had a bonnet on all night. what THE FUCK is in my head 😣

[alyxovert]

never underestimating the duality of a depressed individual again. my mood swings like a pendulum. am i going to hang myself later today, or wake up and realize how much i love life? who knows! maybe both, simultaneously.

[alyxovert]

hi lovies…………………..

i think this might be it for now, not with shifting, and not with writing, and not with magic or manifestation or whatever term we're burning through this week. just with this version of me and with this version of the space and with this little corner of the internet where i've been both held and hunted.

i’m deactivating this blog sometime tomorrow.

i always thought i'd stay, or at least disappear for a bit and then come back in a blaze of historical revisionism like, hi guys, i had a child in a past life. her name was julie. anyway here's how the plumbing worked. but i truly don't think if i can do that now. or not yet, or not like this.

and maybe that's a betrayal or a plot twist or a necessary limb amputation before the rot hits the bone marrow, maybe all three.

truth is, i don't feel safe. in the actual, literal, legal-definition, report-it-to-the-site way. someone is stalking me and i've been harassed and impersonated and threatened and envied. picked apart like roadkill on a highway no one even wants to drive on anymore.

this place used to feel like my room. not my stage, not my arena. my room, meaning messy, safe, maybe a bit stupid, maybe a bit brilliant. i used to write posts with hope and a very real belief that i was helping people.

and you can say that's the price of being visible, of being correct, or of being incorrect, of being good at what you do. and i guess that's true, but it's also such a boring lie.

i'm like 2 weeks into being 17 in this reality, and i'm already so, so, so, so tired, and i'm crying writing this, and i feel sick that i even have to explain why.

and no, i'm not a perfect person, obviously, i've been defensive and i've been stubborn and i've made people mad and i've posted things i regret and i've left up things too long and i've trusted the wrong people and i've said too much and i've said too little. but never, not once, did i want to hurt anyone, never, not once, did i want to build an empire just to be burnt at the stake for it.

i doubt that i ever deserved to be called ridiculous when i was hurting over being mocked or reading someone saying they scripted that i get cancelled in their dr. and now i know how joan of arc felt💔💔💔💔💔

and still, and still, and still, and still, i wouldn't undo it.

this account, this little blog, this weird, overactive, overcaffeinated brain i cracked open for you all like an egg with a bibliography. it truly changed my life. you changed my life.

every ask, every affirmation, every time someone said "you made me feel like i could shift." every time someone messaged me at 3am to say "i just did it. i'm there. i'm home."

you were the ones who kept me here and you were the reason i stayed longer than i should've.

and you will be the reason i come back, maybe in a month, maybe whenever. maybe when i've built a family in god knows what ancient civilisation.

until then, please, don't give up. and if you do give up, don't punish yourself for it, it's not a sign of failure, simply a pause.

shifting is still guaranteed, always, it is a metaphysical inevitability, it is yours. it belongs to you because you decided it would. you don't need to "deserve" it and you don't need to be good and you don't need to earn it like it's a nobel peace prize for mental stability, it is yours.

that's the whole point of shifting. it's an extension of you.

so script the stupid things, script the cat that meows in french, script the dad who didn't leave, script the version of yourself who remembers every birthday and never flinches when someone says i love you. script safety and script softness and script freedom.

you don't have to perform belief, you just have to live like you're already there.

this is me saying thank you. thank you for reading and for listening and for watching me try and for making me feel like i mattered and like i was helping. like maybe something i said meant something to someone who needed it.

i really hope it did, and i really hope you don't forget me.

be safe. be free, be gone. i love you i love you i love you.

[alyxovert]

gotta give credit to gravity falls for having a cartoon explicitly set during the summer but going

“hey we wanna do a halloween episode” “but it’s summer” “the town has a regional not!halloween called summerween fuck you”

[alyxovert]

obligatory cfa rant 😭

my job has been cutting part-time hours/giving us inconsistent hours since we opened. i fully understand that full-timers will be prioritized, and i'd have no issue with inconsistent hours if we knew the reason why. one of my coworkers assumed she was fired because she hasn't been scheduled for THREE WEEKS. that's a pay period and a half for us.

people in the group chat began complaining and i just said it's crazy how no one (management or leadership) has said anything thus far. and then was quickly told by my coworkers to chill and "ask privately without an attitude. they won't schedule you if you're upset."

fuck bootlicking, this is dick sucking.

leadership has been VERY open about who is doing good and who needs to fix whatever they're doing, naming names. they're very good with keeping us updated on our reviews and scheduled hours, yet they can't assume we'd be upset over the lack of transparency?

and why must i ask for something privately? we ALL deserve an answer, not just the ones with the balls/frustration to ask.

apparently we're scheduled on availability, performance, and attitude. all of which i've been told by SOMEONE that i'm doing good at. thanks for saying something after over a month, leadership team. you guys are making my life miserable.

[alyxovert]

maybe its just because I'm crashing out but it makes me so upset when misandrists try and make me, as a trans man, an exception of their beliefs. like...it feels so invalidating

[alyxovert]

cfa frosted dr peppers are fire. i'm glad i work here i never knew these things existed

[alyxovert]

top places to publicly overshare online:

tumblr blog

youtube comment section of a song

[alyxovert]

Would you accept it?

[alyxovert]

You! You! You! You! You!

[alyxovert]

the rizzlers & the rizzed 😂

all credits to the original artist @hyamotto on X

[alyxovert]

i cannot deal with stupidity. i cannot deal with stupidity nor will i ever try to.

[alyxovert]

Yeah you could say I’m doing numbers on tumblr. And that numbers? One

[alyxovert]

[alyxovert]

can we give ochaco muscle. like just for a second

[alyxovert]

Katsuki’s the type to go ‘grown ass man by the way’ or ‘unemployed by the way’ when anyone does anything slightly immature in his eyes

[alyxovert]

then ochako cries to wicked