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amandakay2287-blog · 8 years ago

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So, You Think You Want to Date a College Mom?

WHAT COULD BE MORE APPEALING IN THE 21ST CENTURY THAN A MOTHER WHO IS COURAGEOUSLY CHASING HER DREAMS WHILE MAINTAINING HER RESPONSIBILITIES AS A MOTHER, STUDENT, ACTIVIST, VOLUNTEER, AND SO MUCH MORE?

That girl can cook a three-course meal while reading about the most recent education reform and manage to get her children to bed at a decent hour before she completes a 100-question midterm on how Rome was not built in a day! Her nights are long and her days short as she strategically utilizes every waking second to doing the best job she can at everything. She possesses all the desirable qualities you seek in a woman such as ambition, beauty, creativity, grit, courage, loyalty, dedication, and the list goes on and on. She knows the power of her imagination and has programmed her mind to succeed in her endeavors. You are so consumed with her mysterious Superwoman capabilities that you forget to consider what it takes to be a hero. It is apparent that you are the only thing she is missing in life…or are you? Dating a college mom is not a simple task. It requires emotional strength, endurance, patience, and empathy. Do you have what it takes to date a college mom? Can you handle the quirks, mood swings, jam-packed schedules, and deadlines?

SHE HITS THE FLOOR RUNNING

The day in the life of a college mom begins with hitting the snooze button four times before springing out of bed in a mad dash to the coffee pot. The first power hour of the day is dedicated to tying shoes, signing homework, filling cereal bowls, letting the dog out, brushing tangles, finding clean socks, and turning off all the lights in the house. If she is lucky, she caught an extra hour of sleep the night before and can get herself half-dressed before beating the clock to get the kids to school on time. Her breakfast is cream and sugar with coffee and a fist full of hope. Once the children are off, she drives home thinking about the 142 items on her to-do list. By the time, she is back at home; she has formulated a plan of action to accomplish all the priorities on her list as well as a few weekly duties. Her mind is systematically programmed to juggle multiple tasks at once, and this is something you will envy.

SHE BECOMES A NIGHT OWL

The sleeping cycle of a college mom is unexplainable. Some weeks she will run full force on 4-5 hours a night, and other weeks she will crash and burn before 9 pm. Her body endures real implications resulting from the damages caused by increased stress levels. It is easy to forget that the body needs adequate nutrition and rest to perform at full capacity. The psychological effects of running on pure adrenaline will cause her body to shut down at times. We call this burnout, and it happens to all college moms. Her hopes for a brighter future allow her to excuse the stress she places on her body. She knows that this is a chapter of her life and eventually all the hard work will pay off. The sacrifice is worth the reward. The nighttime hours are spent working on assignments or chores that were not completed during the day. The house is quiet, and the children are not interrupting her every five seconds. As the world sleeps, she is day dreaming. This is her time of peace and solitude. You will likely annoy her by trying to interrupt this sacred time by begging for her attention.

SHE IS SELFISH

Her time is a precious commodity, and she will be selfish with it. She would rather complete her coursework with full focus than spending the weekend in la la land with the man of her dreams. Why? For the college mom to make time for you, she must sacrifice her routine or schedule. This can cause her to become overwhelmed during the following week trying to catch up. There will be moments when she makes time for you and moments when she pushes you far away. Be flexible. You may become a significant part of her life, but you will not be her life. She wants her dreams and anything standing in the way is nothing more than a threat to what she believes is best for her future. Let her escape at times away from the ones she loves and the life she has created for herself. She needs time to process life. She needs time to rest her mind. You can be a significant help if you emphasize the importance of her taking some time off to recover.

LOVE COMES SECOND

Be mindful when she expresses her concerns to you about your relationship with her. This will take some effort because listening to the words she says is not enough to save the relationship. If she feels like you are not supportive of her endeavors, she may choose to end the relationship entirely regardless of how her heart feels. She needs you to think deeply and respond proactively with her to find solutions to unanticipated adversities. Her idea of partnership expands and retracts like an accordion. There will be times where she thinks she needs you and moments when she thinks she is stronger without you. This is natural because all relationships require effort from both parties to thrive. If she is overwhelmed in life, her automatic reaction is to analyze which parts of her life need to be adjusted to lessen her load. She will debate in her mind if she can contribute to the relationship. You will likely become a questionable component more often than you might think. She was accomplishing her dreams before you, and she must decide whether she can continue the same path with you. This will test your patience and compassion. She may become disconnected during periods of the doubt but if she loves you, she will find a way to make it work with you.

TAKE A DEEPER LOOK

From the outside looking in, she has it all together. Her life appears to be balanced and full of adventure. Her pioneer expressions are intoxicating and contagious. You see the best of her, and she sees the vision of what she could be. Your definition of balanced and hers is likely to end up being on two separate ends of the spectrum. In her mind, there are not enough hours in a day that she can sacrifice to do her daily duties to her expectations. She strives for perfection, and anything less leaves her feeling inadequate. The truth is, you can help her by emphasizing her accomplishments, and I do not mean the ones that are apparent to her. College moms are balancing an impeccable load of responsibility to their academics, children, social obligations, domestic duties, careers, and if she has time, herself. The truth is, college moms do not have time for themselves. Not today. Not Tomorrow. Not ever.

WHAT SHE NEEDS FROM YOU

She needs support from others around her, and that does not exclude you. Support can come in many forms from words of encouragement to a big hug when life becomes too much to bear. She is resilient, and she will get back up every time she falls. Never underestimate her power to control her destiny. You want to help not hinder her ability to succeed. She is likely to pull away from you if you ignore her requests for help or support. Take into consideration how many demands you place on her and strive to alleviate stress. As a mother, her responsibility to be mom comes long before being a student. Her housework is going to stay backed up, and her vehicle may rarely stay clean. This is normal! She is focusing her attention on what is most important in life. Help her by picking up the slack. Do not make her ask you to help her. You have a brain, so use it. The more you work with her to accomplish daily tasks, the more time she will make to spend with you. You will kill your relationship if you continually work against her and add more to her plate.

WORDS OF WISDOM

If you can endure the hectic life of the college mom for a few years, you will likely be there to watch her advance in life. She will cherish you, even more, when she moves passed this stage of life. Communication and understanding are key to overcoming the hard times. You both will benefit from going through the struggle together. Good luck!

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